Seems Like Old Times (28 page)

Lee closed her eyes, feeling the dull, throbbing behind
her temples, and suddenly she was tired and sad.
And lonely.
As easy as it would have been to lie, she couldn’t do it. "You’re right. I
did meet someone." She laughed bitterly. "Melanie told me you were a
perfect gentleman with her.
That you refused her invitation.
That you were true to me, and I’m lucky to have found you."

A slow smile spread over his face. "She told you
that?"

"Yes, and it made me feel even worse than I did already
because...because when faced with a similar situation, I didn't walk
away."

"No, Lee, you can’t mean..."

"Yes." She averted her eyes, unable to look at
him.

He collapsed in a chair, deflated and looked at her a
moment. Then he lifted his chin.
"How many times?"

"What?" She was shocked by his question.

"How many nights were you with this bastard, damn it!
I have a right to know."

"One night."

He stood and began to pace. "That’s...that’s more or
less understandable. It was probably a stupid mistake on your part, that’s all.
Maybe it was simply a last fling for you, before our marriage. We’ve been true
to each other for eighteen months, after all." He faced her. "I
forgive you. We can make this work."

"What if it wasn’t a mistake? What if it meant a lot to
me?"

"Darling, you don’t know what you’re saying." He
knelt in front of her, grabbing her hands. So many times in the part he’d done
this when she was upset, and it gave her a sense of love and security--that
this proud man would do anything for her. "I think this is all...a delayed
trauma from your mother’s death."

His word confused her.
"A
trauma?"

"I was worried when you never cried after her death.
Now I see I had good reason to worry. I know you still love me, and I love
you."

She rubbed her hands over her eyes, her forehead, trying
to push away the hazy gray lethargy she felt, the strange numbness, almost as
if she were in a vacuum with no idea which way to turn. He was right that she
hadn't cried over her mother's death--she'd shed all her tears over Judith
years earlier. "I'm tired, Bruce."

He got off the floor to sit at her side, his arms around
her. "Let me stay." As she tried to stand, he pulled her close and
kissed her hard, caressing her breast, his tongue jammed into her mouth. She
wrestled herself free. "Please. I said I'm tired."

"Lee, don't do this!" He pulled her close again.

She shoved hard to get him away from her. "I’m
sorry."

He stood. "I’ll give you time to get over it. Going
home--remembering your youth, I can see the appeal in that, even the appeal of
old friends and lovers. The thing is, Lee, you aren’t that young girl anymore.
She’s gone, changed. No matter how many affairs you have, you can’t bring her
back. You’re my companion. We have each other. This is our world, our lives. When
you come to your senses--and you will--I’ll be waiting."

o0o

She dreamed she was flying, and below her
glowed
the lights of Miwok. Lee saw a Porsche, a 911
cabriolet, winding up the street to her mother's house, but instead of her
driving, it was Melanie. Cheryl opened the door to Judith's house when Melanie
reached it.
"How nice to see you!"

 She's not me, Mother. She's Melanie. You don't
even know her!

 But no one could hear her, and Melanie stepped
inside. Sissy was there, throwing a party in the family room, and Judith sat on
the wing tipped chair, a can of Budweiser in her hand.

Melanie walked up to Judith and kissed her cheek.
"How do you feel, Mother, dear?"

"Fine, darling.
How good of my beautiful child to come and see me."

- Mother! She's not me. I'm your daughter. Me!

 "I love having you here. I love you,
child."

-- What about me, Mother? Don’t you love me, too?

Sissy walked by. "Oh, Sissy," Melanie called.
"You did invite Tony, didn't you? I can hardly wait to take him home with
me." Her smile was broad and knowing.

-- No! Leave him alone!

 
"Of course!
He’s
waiting for you by the windows."

 No! Stop, please stop! Not Tony! Don't take Tony
from me...please, don't take Tony...

Lee awoke with tears running down her face, her heart
pounding. She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, knowing sleep
wouldn't come again that night.

Each evening, after the news broadcast, Lee telephoned
Miriam. She loved hearing the happy, gentle lilt in Miriam's voice.

Bruce was losing patience with her. For days he'd brought
her presents and sweet talked her. He liked to say that things would soon be as
blissful as they'd been in the past. Was he right?
she
wondered. Were things ever 'blissful' between them, or simply comfortable and
secure? She wasn't sure.

But then, she wasn't very sure about anything anymore.
Always before things were either black or they were white. Now, though, they
could have been chartreuse for all she knew.

One day, Bruce's exasperation boiled over. "I’ve got better
things to do with my time than to watch you burn up the phone lines with a
small town that’s not even a dot on a Triple-A map!"

"Then don’t let me stop you."

"Considering that you don’t want to let me do
anything else around
here, that
just might be a good
idea."

"I’ve never stopped you from doing anything."

"Oh? That’s not what you say whenever I try to get
close to you."

"I’ve been under a strain."

"You’re always under a strain, or tired, or have your
period, or that ulcer you finally decided to tell me about is acting up, or any
goddamned thing to keep me away. We haven’t made love since you returned. You
aren’t still carrying a torch for some country-bumpkin from
Muckwuck
are you?
Some rube?
Some hayseed
who
would embarrass you around all your friends the minute he opened his mouth.
Tell me, does he raise cows or is it chickens?"

"Horses."

He gawked at her. "Tell me you’re joking."

Her voice was small. "No."

He frowned. "You don’t need me to tell you how wrong
he is for you. You know it. That’s why you’re here and he’s there."

"Please, Bruce, don't do this."

He stood. "I should do what you want--leave and not
come back. You'll find out how lonely it is around here without me. Who exists
in your life except the people you work with, and me? And as much as you get
invited to parties and hot-shot social functions, it's not because of who
you
are, Lee, it's because of
what
you are—a national TV news anchor."

"That's enough, Bruce."

"I'm the only one who cares about the real you. And
where is this new lover of yours? I don’t see him visiting you, or calling, or
even sending flowers. I think he used you. I think he’s going all over that
pig-shit town telling all the other yokels how he got some glamorous New York
news-babe into his bed."

"Do you feel better now, Bruce?" Her tone was as
calm and cold as she could make it.

Exasperated, he turned and stormed out of her apartment,
slamming the door so hard the walls rattled.

o0o

Friday night, four weeks after returning to New York, Lee
sat alone in her apartment. She and Bruce had formed a cold truce. She didn’t
try to explain to him about Tony. She didn’t want to, and knew he wouldn’t
understand. He would take something beautiful and make it ugly--uglier than he
already had.

She'd told him she wanted to move her belongings out of
his place, but he asked her not to, saying that he understood that she was
upset right now, and it wasn't the time to take any rash actions. He wouldn't
push her, if she would simply give them both more time to work things out. His
request seemed reasonable and practical. She agreed, not wanting any more
confrontations.

It was one a.m., but she wasn't in the least bit tired.
She glanced at her cell phone. Burning up the phone lines to Miwok, Bruce had
said.
Perhaps.
She could do more calling, if she
wanted to. She scooted to the opposite side of the sofa, closer to the phone.
But she didn't want to, did she? She was getting over Miwok. It was an
aberration, childhood regression, nothing more.

She felt like one of those crazy old women that sit around
and telephone people all night long. They especially love to latch onto radio
talk shows where they can be heard any evening, usually whining about UFO's or
ESP. She put her elbow on the arm of the sofa and pressed her knuckles to her
mouth. He isn’t asleep yet, she thought. It’s only ten o’clock there. What
could she say if she called him?
Hi, it's Friday night and I'm lonely.
Lonely...Bruce had often said she would be lonely without him, but actually she
wasn't. Not until now. Not until she began thinking about the one person she
missed.

To be alone had always been fine with her. She'd prided
herself on her self-containment, never hungered for another person's company,
and surely, she didn't now. Maybe she should phone him just to prove to herself
that he didn't mean a thing to her? That she didn't need anyone. After high
school, she'd learned that lesson well. She'd walked out on her own mother, in
a sense, and never looked back. Her aloofness was part of her persona--the
core, the heart, the black hole that was Lee Reynolds.

She picked up the phone and punched in his number,
determined to prove to
herself
how unimportant he was.

"Hello," Tony said, and the sound of his voice
told her she'd been wrong. The memory of him came with startling sharpness into
her mind: thick black hair, sultry eyes, sexy, sensitive mouth, strong hands
and arms. And with that memory came also thoughts of the night she tasted his
kisses, felt the warmth of his broad muscled chest, felt his fire.

"This is Lisa." She used her full name without
realizing it.

"Lisa..." His voice was soft as if he scarcely
believed it was her. She could picture him standing, probably a half smile
playing on his lips, maybe his free hand running his fingers through his hair.
"You called. I kept hoping...then I gave up."

 His voice was beautifully smooth, musical, with a
hushed delight in the tone and cadence that made her feelings soar. "I've
thought about calling. A lot," she said. She wanted to tell him she missed
him, but she was finding her emotions so strong it was hard to speak. It was
all she could do not to blubber and feel more foolish than she did now.

"I can't believe you're so far away when I see you on
TV every night."

She felt as if the floor dropped out from under her and her
fingers tightened on the phone. "I can't either...not when you sound so
close...."
Close enough I should be able to touch you.
She
remembered the warmth of his silky skin under her fingers, the heat yet
gentleness of his kisses on her lips. She swallowed hard. "How's
Ben?"

"He watches you, too. He's learning a lot about world
news."

"Glad I'm doing something right, then."

"I've run into Miriam a couple of times. She tells me
she still loves being here. She and Gene are getting pretty serious."

"Yes, I think you’re right." She smiled at the
thought of Tony and Miriam running into each other, talking and probably
laughing together. "I’m glad you've seen Miriam. She never mentioned
it."

"I kind of asked her not to. I wasn't sure you'd even
want to remember knowing me now that you're back in New York."

She shut her eyes, drawing in her breath. When she spoke,
her voice was soft. "I could never forget you."

There was a long pause before he said softly, "Miriam
told me I was wrong."

She fought the sudden tightness in her throat.
"Yes."

"Work's all right, then?" He forced a chipper
tone.

"Yes."

"I guess you're still with your boyfriend, old
what's his name
?"

"It's not important."

"Don't want to say, huh? He must be some big shot, I
guess."

"Not really."

"Like a Kennedy or something."

"He's no one famous, Tony. I see him on occasion,
that’s all."

"Is he still telling you how to succeed in business
without really trying?"

"Yes."

"Ignore him."

She laughed. "I am. That's just the problem."

"That's the best news I've heard all month."
There was a long pause during which neither said anything, as the impact of her
words and his reaction settled over them.

"God, I’ve missed you," he whispered.

That did it. Her stomach twisted and the longing she felt
was almost more than she could bear. "Well, I'd better go....I just wanted
to say hello."

"Hello, Lisa."

Her eyes filled with tears. "Hello, Tony."

"Will you call again sometime?"

"I...I'm not sure."

"You asked me not to phone you, and I'll honor that until
you say otherwise," he said. "But I’ll be here anytime you want to
pick up that phone, okay?"

"I'm glad, Tony."

"Good bye, Lisa."

"Good bye."

o0o

Lee didn't let herself dwell on the reasons why, but she
phoned again the following Friday night. The shyness of their phone
conversation vanished after their simultaneous "hellos." It was as if
they had never parted, as if three thousand miles didn't stand between them.
Tony was ecstatic that his attorney had succeeded in getting Ben’s custody
hearing postponed a month. Now, it was six weeks away. Tony decided he and Ben
should celebrate. It was mid-June, the time school years end in northern
California, and the two of them were going to Yosemite for a few days so Ben
could see its high waterfalls.