Seers (41 page)

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“You look great, honey. Almost breathtaking.”

“Thanks.”

He tilted his head to the side, regarding me closely. “Hmm, except for that.”

My fingertips brushed against the uneven skin of my left cheek. “I know. I did my best, but—”

“Not that,” he broke in. “I meant your aura.”

“What about it?” I asked, feeling defensive.

He shrugged. “It’s fine, if you like brown, and gray . . . but personally I like to see you surrounded by clouds of yellow, and lines of blue. That suits you much better.”

“Grandpa, what do you mean?”

“I’ve seen you around Aaron. I know what your aura does. I also know what happens when I say one word—Patrick.” He watched me, and though I swear I kept my face straight, he slowly started to smile. But it was a kind of sad smile. “That’s more like it. The yellow my granddaughter deserves.”

“It’s not that simple,” I whispered. I looked down at my hands, where the left one was fingering the bandages on the right.

“Life isn’t simple. You have to know that by now. But emotions . . . those are simple.”

I glanced up at him, my eyes stinging. “I think I might be falling in love with him,” I whispered, and though I’d never thought the words aloud before now, I knew they were true.

“He’s not who I would have chosen for you,” Grandpa admitted softly. “Aaron is much safer, but . . . You’re not happy him.

And that’s what matters to me most of all—your happiness. No matter where you can find it.”

The doorbell rang downstairs. It would be Aaron, coming to pick me up. I turned to my bed, picked up the small black purse, and then looked back at my Grandpa. “Just because you know something’s right, doesn’t mean it’s easy.”

“The right thing usually isn’t,” Grandpa assured me.

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Thirty-six

New Mexico, United States

I was in my room, lying on my bed. My eyes kept returning to the cheap clock on my desk, as if magnetized and unable to resist making contact. It was nearing nine o’clock. Kate was surely in Aaron’s arms by now, moving slowly on a dimly lit dance floor to a song about perfect love.

There weren’t words to describe how I felt about this. Throbbing heart? Absolutely. Twisting stomach? Every time I imagined his hand resting at the small of her back. Aching mind? Whenever I remembered her beautiful face, close to his in an intimate kiss.

In a word, I was miserable. Utterly, physically sick with misery.

Watching her go through today had been torture. Seeing her fear, watching her in the arms of a Demon, having to leave her there . . . it had been agony. Fighting to reach her—thinking I’d failed—and then catching sight of her, bleeding and still on the ground. All of that had been gut wrenching. Thinking I’d completely failed her in her first real moment of need had left me feeling empty inside. Running that distance to try and reach her, to see if she was even breathing . . . And as I’d slipped my hand beneath her head, thinking that maybe she was gone—I’d almost died myself.

But all of that—it was nothing compared to what I felt now.

Because even though it had been the longest day of my eternal life, at least I was with her. I was near—even if I wasn’t at her side, touching her hand, feeling her body next mine—I was close, and I

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knew that she wanted me there.

But now, lying alone in an abandoned warehouse, I didn’t have that surety. She was in another man’s arms, and that’s what she wanted. That’s what hurt me the most. To want someone that badly, and to know that there was no way that person could return those feelings.

I knew I was being ridiculous. I was overreacting. Today had been proof to her that the life of a Seer was dangerous. Kate would never want to risk her life and her family again. Who would? As soon as she knew she was safe, she was going to ask me to leave.

She wouldn’t want to be a part of this.

I wouldn’t blame her. I couldn’t.

It might be days, or maybe even weeks, considering we had the Demon Fear Dearg to worry about. But eventually, she would ask me to go. And I would. I would have no other choice. But just because it was inevitable didn’t make it any easier to digest this very acute pain. For the first time in two hundred and thirty years, I knew that I could have fallen in love. It would have been just like falling—so easy, and I admit unexpected—like a stumble in the dark. Guardians were generally alone. It was the simple truth. We had friendships, but we were forever alone at the same time. Not because we couldn’t have relationships—some Guardians did—

but . . . Heaven was for love and happiness. The life of a Guardian was generally sacrifice, and nothing more than that. It was Guardian one-oh-one.

I’d been stupid to think that—even for a moment—I could have anything more than that with Kate.

I’d been lying here since Toni and I got back from returning Kate’s car. I’d parked it in the driveway, thought about going inside to check on her, and then simply joined Toni in the Altima.

We were silent the whole drive back to the warehouse, and I’d been left with my thoughts—thoughts that mocked my highly potent and varied emotions. I kept remembering that moment—

that brief, sweet moment—when Kate had put her hand on my 318 K • • •

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arm, stopping me from getting out of the car. I had a thousand worries coursing through my mind: how to secure Jenna and Josie, how to stop Selena and Romero, how to keep Kate safe despite the odds . . . and then, idiot that I was, I thought she was going to say something completely different. Instead, Aaron’s name filled every available space in the car, and I couldn’t breathe.

Of course it made sense for her to bring him up. He was her boyfriend. She loved him. She was concerned about him. I’d been an utter fool to think that I meant more to her than someone as good as Aaron. For as much as I hated to admit it, he was good.

More than good.

That didn’t mean that I wasn’t stung by the rejection her words carried, though. Regardless of the intimate moments we’d shared, she cared for him more than me. The kiss that had left me reeling was, for her, something else entirely.

I didn’t blame her, though. How could I?

I wasn’t aware that we were back at the warehouse until Toni was parked in the garage, and had switched off the engine. Neither of us moved to get out, but I had no urge to speak. I was pitying myself too deeply to have a conversation right now.

“You’re being an idiot, you know,” Toni said suddenly.

I glanced over at him, unsure of his meaning.

He rolled his eyes at me. “You keep acting like you’ve got a choice. Love her, or don’t. That’s a really dumb way of looking at the situation. It’s love, man. You don’t get a choice.” I didn’t respond.

I reached for the door, and he finished quickly. “You don’t get a choice, but you do get a say in her life. And you know it.” I tugged the handle and pushed the door open.

Toni’s words came faster, and his voice grew louder in an attempt to follow me. “You’re just afraid to come out and say what you want, because you think that by keeping yourself away from her, you’re doing her a favor.” I was out of the car, turning back to push the door closed. My friend shook his head at me, as if I were

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hopeless. “Dude, you’re not doing anyone any favors.” I slammed the door, cutting off his words. I didn’t want to hear them. I didn’t want them to be true. I walked rapidly away, and I was out of the garage before he’d opened his door to follow.

I’d moved straight for my room, and Toni—mercifully—

hadn’t followed there. In fact, I’d only seen him once since we’d made it back. He’d come to tell me that he’d called Terence, and that he’d meet us at the bodies, so they could be disposed of.

My response had been less than verbose. I looked to him, the rest of my body unmoving on the bed, and he understood my silent words. For the first time, he didn’t offer a sarcastic remark. He only nodded his dark head before closing the door again, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I heard him walk around the living area for a couple short minutes, and then he opened the outer door and was gone.

I silently thanked him for knowing what I needed, and then I closed my eyes tightly, trying to remember the last time I’d cried.

And now I was looking at the clock again—nine exactly. Toni had been gone for hours. He probably decided to go to a movie or something—any excuse to stay away from me and my depression.

I couldn’t blame him. I wasn’t the best company right now.

I wondered how I was going to survive; being around Kate at school, pretending that everything was fine. I thought often of the kiss we’d shared, that night at her house. Too often. It wasn’t heal-ing, because I kept digging at the scab. I never should have done it, but strangely, I didn’t regret it. I’d apologized to her, but that had been a lie—the only lie I’d ever uttered to her. I wasn’t sorry for kissing her. And though it was the most exquisite pain to remember it—to know that it would never happen again—I relived every second of that endless moment again and again. Alone on my bed, I imagined my arms around Kate. Her hands on my face, my mouth on her soft lips. It was beautiful, and heart-rending.

And then—drowning in my sorrow—I barely heard the soft knock on the door.

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s

I waited tensely for him to respond, my heart pounding and nerves making my fingers keep touching my hair, pulling on my necklace.

The hall was dark, but I could see the light around the door, and I knew Toni had left the light on in their makeshift living room, just like he said he had. He hadn’t seemed at all surprised by my phone call, and he was actually very helpful. Yes, Patrick was home. And no, Toni wouldn’t be back for a long time. The way he’d said that made me blush a little, but before that could register in my voice I’d said goodbye.

The door was still closed. I didn’t hear any footsteps. Should I knock again? Try the door? Maybe he was in his room, and he couldn’t hear me.

And then all at once I distantly heard a door open, somewhere in the rooms beyond. In the quiet warehouse, the sound of his footsteps seemed extremely loud. I pulled in a last steadying breath, and self-consciously ran a bandaged hand over the satin material around my waist.

The door opened, and if it wasn’t for his body shading my eyes, I would have blinked in the sudden flow of light. I wasn’t smiling—I couldn’t seem to make my face muscles work.

Patrick wasn’t smiling either. He was just staring at me, and for one moment I wavered, wondering if I should have come. And then he whispered my name.

“Kate.”

I was able to smile, though it was small. “Hello, Patrick.” I swallowed, fighting the stupid urge to clear my throat. “Can I come in?”

His blue eyes were riveted on me, and he couldn’t seem to form words. He merely stepped to the side, still holding the door for me. I slipped past him, my long skirt swishing smoothly, my heels tapping against the floor, just slightly louder than my heartbeat.

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I stood in the center of the room, the single lamp in the corner casting long shadows across the room. I turned back to face him, where he still stood next to the door, just barely letting it fall closed, almost like it was an afterthought. His stare had not yet wavered and his forehead was slightly furrowed.

“What are you doing here?” He asked quietly, his gaze taking in the sight of me in a dress.

I hoped he approved, and when I caught sight of his wonder-filled face, I knew that he did. A slight blush crept under my cheeks, but it was pleasant—not embarrassing.

My smile was a little easier this time. “I’m sorry it’s so late.

Toni said you’d be up though.”

“Kate.” His eyebrows were drawn tightly together, but his voice remained quiet and even. “I don’t understand.” I looked away from him, turning around to inspect the room.

“I talked to Aaron tonight. I’ve been meaning to for a while now.

Our relationship hasn’t been the same since my parents died.” He didn’t say anything. My back was to him and I hesitated to turn around. For some reason, not looking at him made this easier. It helped keep my voice from wavering. I sounded sure, confident, and calm. So I talked to the sagging couch, one set of fingers picking at the bandage on the other hand. “I ended things with him tonight. I know it was rotten timing. We should have been enjoying our last date together, sharing one last dance.” His eyes were like magnets on my back, dragging, begging me to look at him. It was a pull I couldn’t refuse, despite my good reasons to keep looking at the ragged couch—anything but him.

I caved, turning to meet his stare; and though there was half a room between us, I’d never felt so close to anyone. He was watching me closely—his face almost guarded, his eyes full of hope—a hope he was struggling desperately to hide. That more than anything made me walk toward him, my eyes tenderly trying to tell him that everything was going to be okay.

I stopped a step away from him, and I noticed he wasn’t 322 K • • •

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breathing. My words came out in a whisper, my eyes firmly on his.

“But I didn’t want a last dance with Aaron. I couldn’t stand one more night of pretending. I didn’t want to spend the night with him. I didn’t want to spend it with anyone. Except for you.” Patrick pulled in a shaky breath. His eyes traveled over my face—looking for any sign that this was a dream, or some other form of a lie. And then he lifted a single hand, his fingers lighting so softly against my face—the side I’d tried to cover with makeup.

He swallowed with difficulty, and I could feel his body trembling through his gentle fingertips. His large hand slowly moved to cup the side of my face, and I closed my eyes in pleasure, leaning into his touch. His thumb stroked the skin under my eye, and then I felt his other hand, softly pushing my hair over my shoulder, tuck-ing the curls delicately behind my ear.