Selby's Shemozzle (13 page)

Selby's Elephant and Mouse Killer Joke

An elephant and a mouse are walking down the street.

The mouse says, ‘I hate being small. I'd love to be big like you.'

And the elephant says, ‘You could be big like me if you wanted to. Here's what you do. First find the nut of the jub-jub tree and bring it to me.'

‘Is that all I have to do?'

‘Yes, but the nearest jub-jub tree is a long way away and the nuts are very heavy.'

‘No problem,' says the mouse, ‘I'll roll it back.'

And the elephant says, ‘You'll have to go through lion country.'

‘I'll do it,' says the mouse.

‘And you'll have to cross a river full of crocodiles.'

‘No problem,' the mouse says.

So off the mouse goes.

Two years later the elephant sees the mouse, all battered and bruised, limping back into town. He's rolling a jub-jub nut in front of him. Half of the nut is missing and the rest is covered in dirt and slime.

The elephant says, ‘What happened?'

And the mouse says, ‘Well, I did what you said. I managed to get through lion country and across the crocodile-filled river and get the nut. But when I was rolling it back through lion country again, the lions caught me and said they were going to eat me.'

‘How did you escape?'

‘I challenged the biggest, bravest lion. I said, “If I show you that I'm stronger than you, will you let me go?” The lion said, “You? Stronger than me? Ho ho ho. Okay, little mouse, it's a deal.” I said, “Let me go and I'll change into my Super Mouse costume.” Well, the lion let me go and I rolled the nut into a hollow log. They
thought I was changing into my Super Mouse costume, but I rolled it out the other end of the log and into the jungle and I escaped.'

‘Very clever,' the elephant said.

‘Yes, but then I was caught by crocodiles while I was crossing the river. Again I told them that I was braver than the bravest crocodile. Again I said I had to change into my Super Mouse costume, and again I went into a hollow log and escaped. Anyway, here I am and here's the nut.'

The elephant looked at the mouse. Then he looked at the jub-jub nut. Then, with a twinkle in his eye the elephant said to the mouse, ‘I'm sorry but after

The author would like to thank Sophie Hamley, Shona Martyn, Lisa Berryman, Allan Stomann, Barbara Pepworth, Tracey Gibson and all the others at HarperCollins Australia for keeping an old dog going (and that goes for Selby too).

Duncan Ball is an Australian author and scriptwriter, best known for his popular books for children. Among his best-loved works are the books about Selby, the talking dog.
Selby's Shemozzle
is the thirteenth collection of short stories about ‘the only talking dog in Australia and, perhaps, the world'. There is also a selection of stories taken from the other books, called
Selby's Selection,
and two collections of jokes,
Selby's Joke Book
and
Selby's Side-Splitting Joke Book.

Among Duncan's other books are the Emily Eyefinger series, about the adventures of a girl who was born with an eye on the end of her
finger, and the comedy novels
Piggott Place
and
Piggotts in Peril,
about the frustrations of twelve-year-old Bert Piggott, forever struggling to get his family of ratbags and dreamers out of the trouble they constantly get themselves into.

Duncan lives in Sydney with his wife, Jill, and their cat, Jasper. As far as they know, Jasper likes the Selby books. But once when they were thinking of getting a dog, they bought a book about dogs. That night the book mysteriously disappeared. In the morning bits of the well-clawed cover were found floating in the loo.

For more information about Duncan
and his books see Selby's site at:
http://www.harpercollins.com.au/selby

B
Y THE
S
AME
A
UTHOR

Emily Eyefinger
Emily Eyefinger, Secret Agent
Emily Eyefinger and the Lost Treasure
Emily Eyefinger and the Black Volcano
Emily Eyefinger's Alien Adventure
Emily Eyefinger and the Devil Bones
Emily Eyefinger and the Balloon Bandits

Piggott Place
Piggotts in Peril

Selby's Secret
Selby Speaks
Selby Screams
Selby Supersnoop
Selby Spacedog
Selby Snowbound
Selby Surfs
Selby Snaps!
Selby's Joke Book
Selby Splits
Selby's Selection
Selby Stardom
Selby's Side-splitting Joke Book

Selby rang me to tell me about some new great adventures — about being covered in chocolate, about changing the taste of Dry-Mouth Dog Biscuits, about making up a killer joke — and then he said, ‘But I haven't told you the best part yet.'

And I said, ‘Your life sounds like a complete shemozzle.'

‘Hey, then let's call the book
Selby's Shemozzle,'
he said. ‘I love that word! “Shemozzle” — what does it mean?'

‘It's a mix-up, a muddle, a mess,' I said. ‘A dog's breakfast.'

‘A dog's breakfast? Like Dry-Mouth Dog Biscuits?'

‘Well, not exactly,' I said. ‘It's just that you always cause confusion. I know you don't try to.'

‘Will kids know what a shemozzle is?' Selby asked.

‘They will when they read the book,' I said. ‘Now what about the “best part yet” that you were going to tell me?'

‘Oh yes,' he said. ‘I'm invisible.'

‘You're
what?'

‘Invisible! I've disappeared. I'm gone. Actually, I'm not gone — I'm still here, only no one can see me.'

‘Is that true?'

‘Of course it's true. Would I lie to you?'

‘How are you going to get visible again?'

‘I'm not. I like being invisible. I think I'll stay this way.'

And that's when Selby told me his greatest adventure yet … or at least, the first part of it.

        

Angus & Robertson
An imprint of HarperCollins
Publishers
, Australia

First published in Australia in 2005
This edition published in 2011
by HarperCollins
Publishers
Australia Pty Limited

ABN 36 009 913 517
A member of the HarperCollins
Publishers
(Australia) Pty Limited Group
www.harpercollins.com.au

Text copyright © Duncan Ball 2005
Illustrations copyright © Allan Stomann 2005

The right of Duncan Ball to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him under the
Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000
.

This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the
Copyright Act 1968
, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

HarperCollins
Publishers

25 Ryde Road, Pymble, Sydney, NSW 2073, Australia

31 View Road, Glenfield, Auckland 0627, New Zealand

A 53, Sector 57, Noida, UP, India

77–85 Fulham Palace Road, London, W6 8JB, United Kingdom

2 Bloor Street East, 20th floor, Toronto, Ontario M4W 1A8, Canada

10 East 53rd Street, New York NY 10022, USA

National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication data:

Ball, Duncan, 1941–.

Selby's Schemozzle / Duncan Ball.

ISBN: 978-0-2072-0040-3 (pbk.)

ISBN: 978-0-7304-9517-8 (ePub)

1. Dogs – Juvenile fiction. I. Stomann, Allan. II. Title.

A823.3

Cover design by Christa Moffitt, Christabella Designs

Cover and internal illustrations by Allan Stomann