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Authors: Duncan Ball

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BOOK: Selby's Stardom
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Selby's Stardom

‘Someone just rang to ask if it's okay for Selby to be in a movie,' Dr Trifle said to Mrs Trifle.

Selby was just coming in from the back yard when he heard the news.

‘Me? In a movie?' he thought. ‘This is sooooooo exciting!'

‘Selby? In a movie?' Mrs Trifle asked. ‘Are they making it here in Bogusville?'

‘No. This one will be shot in Hollywood. Apparently it's one of those multi-multimillion-dollar movies.'

‘I don't know if I can spare the time to take him there,' Mrs Trifle said. ‘I think we'll have to say no.'
‘I can go on my own!' Selby thought. ‘Oh, please, oh please.'

‘I'm very busy too,' Dr Trifle said. ‘But they offered to take him themselves. They said they'd treat him like a star.'

‘That's very nice,' Mrs Trifle said. ‘Why did they choose Selby?'

‘Remember Artie Schotz, the director who directed the movie they made at the school library,
A Binding Friendship?'

‘Oh, yes, the one that Gary Gaggs, Dino diSwarve and Bonnie Blake starred in.'

‘Well, Mr Schotz is going to direct this film too. Apparently he got the idea for the film when he was here in Bogusville. He was also the director who made that TV commercial for Dry-Mouth Dog Biscuits that Selby was in
. He remembered what he called “a certain human look” in Selby's eyes.'

‘He knows talent when he sees it,' Selby thought.

‘What is Selby supposed to do in the film?' Mrs Trifle asked.

‘I don't know. Dog things, I guess. All I know is that the movie is called
The Town That Time Forgot
and it's about a country town just like Bogusville.'

‘I beg your pardon?' Mrs Trifle said. ‘Do these movie people think we Bogusvillians are behind the times or something?'

‘The fellow who rang was the producer, a man named Izzy Fureel,' Dr Trifle said. ‘He said the film was a story of courage and bravery in a small Australian town. This is a film with a heart, he said. I'm not sure what that means.'

‘Neither am I but it sounds lovely,' Mrs Trifle said. ‘I don't understand this film business. I've never really known the difference between what a producer does and what a director does.'

‘I'm afraid I don't either,' Dr Trifle admitted.

‘That's easy,' Selby thought, as he remembered his favourite making-movies book,
Make Movies and Get Rich: 101 Easy Rules. ‘The
producer pays the money and the director makes the movie.'

‘Bonnie Blake and Dino diSwarve are the stars of this film again,' Dr Trifle added.

‘But I thought they hated each other.'

‘That may be true but with the amount they're being paid I'm sure they'll try to get along with each other.'

‘Speaking of money, what will the pay be for Selby?' Mrs Trifle asked.

‘That's the wonderful thing. Mr Fureel said that we don't have to pay one cent.'

‘But shouldn't they be paying us? I mean this is a multi-multi-million-dollar movie.'

‘Apparently all the money is going to the stars, the director, and on making the set.'

‘I see,' Mrs Trifle said. ‘Well, I'm happy to let Selby go.'

‘I'm glad about that because I've already said yes. It will be a nice change for the little fellow,' Dr Trifle said. ‘Oops, we'd better pack Selby's bag straightaway. I think they've come to get him.'

Selby looked out to see a long white limousine pull up and a man in a suit get out and make his way to the front door.

‘Hello, Dr and Mrs Trifle,' the man said, ‘I've come for Selby. I'll be escorting him to Hollywood. And don't worry about a thing, we'll give him the star treatment.'

‘I can't believe this!' Selby thought. ‘I'm going to be acting with the biggest acting megastars in the world! Dino diSwarve and the lovely and gorgeous Bonnie Blake. Oh, I can't wait! I feel like I've died and gone to Heaven. Even better: it's like I've died and I'm on my way to Hollywood. Yesssssssss!'

And so it was that Selby left Bogusville in the huge, long limousine.

‘I feel like a star already,' Selby thought as he sat in the back. ‘This thing has its own TV and telephone and it's even got a computer if I want to check my emails! Of course, if I use any of them he'll know that I'm not an ordinary, non-talking, non-computer-using dog — so I can't.'

The limousine drove Selby to the airport and then he flew first class all the way to Hollywood.

‘This is the life!' Selby thought as people looked around and wondered what a dog was doing in a people-seat. ‘Goodbye Bogusville, and Hollywood here I come!'

When they arrived at the film studio, Selby was led to the back lot where a whole town had been built.

‘Bogusville!' Selby thought. ‘They've made it look exactly like Bogusville. It's almost as big as the real Bogusville! This is fantastic!'

On one side of the set was a movie camera and, behind it, a group of people. In front were two actors.

‘Bonnie Blake and Dino diSwarve!' Selby thought. ‘Here they are again. It's like meeting old friends.'

Bonnie came running over to Selby and picked him up.

‘Oh, Selby, you're here!' she squealed and kissed him on the head. ‘It's so good to see you! You're going to be my dog so let's get to know each other.'

‘Gosh,
her
dog,' Selby thought. (And that's all he thought because he was blushing madly.)

‘Bonnie, darling,' the director called out, ‘could we finish this scene now? Your scene with Selby will be next, okay?'

Selby stood quietly behind the camera watching Bonnie and Dino.

‘This really is magic,' Selby thought. ‘Now I know why
Make Movies and Get Rich: 101 Easy Rules
calls Hollywood “Dreamland”. I just love movies and actors and directors. I love everything about them. They make dreams come true.'

‘Print that one,' the director called out. ‘Now that we have Selby we're going to skip to the scene where you two confront each other. Dino, remember that you want to buy up all the houses in Dumsville and turn it into a theme park. The people of Dumsville are going to go about their business as usual but the whole town will be a theme park. People will pay money to see what life is like in this backwards little country town.'

‘Dumsville?' Selby thought. ‘Backwards little country town? What is this? Oh, well, it's only a movie. It's only make-believe.'

‘And, Bonnie,' the director continued, ‘you've just moved to Dumsville and you love it there even if the people are a bit simple-minded. You want to protect them from Dino and his theme park, got it?'

‘Got it, Artie.'

‘Okay, now call Selby and see if you can get him to sit on the footpath next to you.'

‘I think I can handle that,' Selby thought. ‘But I'm
sooooo
nervous with that big camera pointing at me.'

‘Here, Selby,' Bonnie said. ‘Hey, look at that. He came right over and sat down. This is one smart dog, Artie. And you're right, he does have a sort of human look in his eyes.'

‘That's what I said,' the director said. ‘Okay, let's roll.'

As Selby watched, Dino drove into the main street, got out of his car, took off his sunglasses and smiled. Bonnie Blake walked over to him.

‘What are you doing here?' she demanded.

‘You know very well what I'm doing here,' Dino answered. ‘Now get out of my way, I've got work to do.'

‘Do you really think these people want to be a part of your theme park? Do you think they like you?'

‘Of course they don't like me. But they like my money,' Dino said. ‘What do you care? You're not from this town. These people aren't clever city people like you and me. These
people are uneducated and stupid. Why else would they be living in this awful place?'

‘Now, hang on,' Selby thought, ‘we're not stupid. And Bogusville is a nice place.'

‘Now you listen to me …' Bonnie started.

‘You tell him, Bonnie!' Selby thought.

‘Okay, so they're stupid and ignorant and they smell bad.'

‘Now, hang on a tick, Bon,' Selby thought.

‘And they're sneaky and lazy. They're lots of things,' Bonnie went on.

‘Hold the show, Bonnie,' Selby thought. ‘Every time you open your mouth it's getting worse!'

‘What you don't understand,' Bonnie said, ‘is that a town is more than just a town. A town is people. Real, living, breathing people with their own hopes and dreams. They're not just
things
that you can buy. They're not like tissues that you can pull out of the box, blow your nose on, and then throw away.'

Selby watched as Bonnie ran through every emotion he'd ever seen. At first she sounded like she was just explaining something but suddenly she was pleading and then threatening. Then
there was a long silence as her eyes went from angry little dots to big, wide eyes filled with tears.

‘What an actress,' Selby thought. ‘She's just like a real person — only better. That tissue thing really got me. Oh, she's
sooooooo
wonderful.'

BOOK: Selby's Stardom
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