Selfie (20 page)

I wondered if Noah had told her about my mountain bike mishap. Probably, because the two of them couldn’t sit in the same room without giving each other affectionate and mountainous rations of pure-grade sibling shit. Those kinds of people did not hold back on things like, “Hey, I almost broke Connor Montgomery today!”

“I’ll be fine,” I said, making a conscious effort to relax my jaw. “Okay . . . here we go . . . mark.”

I crouched at the mark and waited for Simon to call action.

Okay—lope, lope, lope, lope under the darkening sky, pause, sniff, scowl, growl, look around, lope . . . lope, lope, lope . . . sniff around the crime scene, growling, smell the handkerchief Brenda had dropped, the branch Carter touched, the tree Levi leaned against, growl . . . smell the fight scene with leftover body parts again— My girls! What has happened to my girls! Wind! Swift! Oh, girls, how could this monster have touched you! I threw my head back and
ran
, not loped, bending over as the CGI effects would change me into a wolf—

And my ankle gave out completely, my momentum and posture throwing my body forward in a spectacular roll as I let out a sound that defied description.

I ended up on my back, vision red with pain, tamping down on whimpers in my throat with everything I had.

“Connor?”

“Noah?” I still had my eyes closed.

“No, sir, it’s Simon.”

Oh hell. I opened my eyes. “Sorry,” I apologized reflexively. “Is, uh, Noah nearby?”

Noah was not a trained actor, dancer, or stuntman—a buffalo would have made less noise through the carefully preserved fauna of the outdoor set. “Connor?” His voice pitched up in irritation. “Man, you should have said something!”

“Did we get the take?” I asked Simon, just as Noah hip-checked him to the side to peer over me.

Simon gave Noah a dirty look before turning back to me. “Uh, yeah—right down to that . . . well, really wonderful sound you made at the end. I mean, I think we’re going to have the mixers see if we can merge that with a wolf howl—it could be iconic.” He nodded manically. “I mean, that sound—that could be the show’s
trademark
!”

I smiled weakly. “That’s . . . uh, good to know.” I was still on my back in the dirt. “Noah, could I have a hand up?”

“Here,” said Simon, “let me—”

Noah ignored him, offering his crossed arms to help me up. We knew this drill—had, in fact, been doing versions of it since my tumble down the mountain—and I popped up easily—and then winced.

He caught my weight on his shoulder, and I relaxed into him.

“Fuck,” I muttered.

Conklin crouched down by my ankle and started peeling away the prosthetics while I tried not to be a bigger baby.

“Don’t forget to set those aside for Junior,” I said. “And . . . you know, don’t worry. It’s—”

“Oh dear Lord—it’s
purple
!” Conklin said, standing up and regarding me in horror. “Connor, what did you
do
?”

“I just . . . uh, took a tumble. It’s been . . . you know . . . getting better. I swear. I’ll be on it again on Monday—”

“You’re going to the doctor’s,” Conklin said, sounding no-bullshit and take-charge.

“I’ve got him on speed dial,” Noah muttered, giving Conklin an unfriendly look. “This time we’re going in.”

I was tired, and tired of hurting, and, oh God, Noah felt so good.

“Yeah,” I mumbled, putting some more weight on Noah’s shoulder. God, he felt like rocks and shoe leather—could probably carry my scrawny ass like I was a five-year-old. “That’s fine. Just . . . here, help me to the trailer. Junior can take off the biggest pieces while you get the car.”

Conklin got on my other side, and I let him sort of help, but the truth was, I could really only put my weight on Noah.

It just felt safer that way.

The set doctor came and looked at the ankle, then gave me a reproving look and told me I’d need X-rays. Conklin hovered the whole time, he and Noah competing for space like electrons in an unstable gas. I finally just grabbed Noah’s hand and told him to “
Sit down
!” so Conklin could walk around excitedly and talk with his hands about the phenomenal sound I’d just made.

“It
was
pretty spectacular,” Noah confided as Conklin conferenced with the doctor. “Can’t blame the guy for wanting to use it.”

“I’m just glad I didn’t scream like a horror-movie queen,” I told him honestly. “That sound bite would compromise my manhood.”

Conklin looked up sharply as the doc left the trailer. “Your manhood’s intact, Connor. Is
that
why you didn’t address this on the set before it went out from under you?”

I blushed, feeling like a kid. God, my dad had been quick to yell and quicker with the belt. “No, sir,” I said quietly. “That wasn’t it at all.”

The guy had that head-swish/eyebrow combination thing—the one that made it so he didn’t have to ask the obvious question. Yeah—he used it now.

I looked at his raised eyebrow when I answered, because I
am
twelve. “I . . . you know. I like it here.” I smiled prettily, hoping the boyish charm would work.

Conklin’s eyebrow could really defy some fuckin’ gravity, I’m just saying. “Why would you think we wouldn’t want you to stay?” He flailed big, capable hands. “I’ve got the writers working right now to make your part bigger—I practically had to
blow
Hunter Easton, but he’s reworked most of the season for you.”

“Kevin must have loved that,” Noah whispered, and I glared at him. Conklin was still going off though, so we let him.

“I mean, I know we haven’t done contracts yet but . . . but you’re
Connor Montgomery
!”

I was tired of watching his eyebrows and his hands and that boundless energy. A month ago I’d been unable to get out of bed. Right now, I tilted my head back and closed my eyes. “Yeah—I’m Connor Montgomery. I’m the guy who had the mental breakdown on YouTube and left
Warlock Tea
because I was an asshole. Don’t think I don’t know that shit’s gonna hurt my rep.”

I opened my eyes to see Conklin staring at me. Suddenly his entire posture softened. “Uhm . . .” He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I know why you left
Warlock Tea
,” he said, shocking me badly.

“Film career,” I said blithely. “I gave interviews.”

“I knew Vinnie, Connor.”

I stared at him, and he stared back, as though willing me to guess all that could mean. Oh God. I looked at Noah for a moment, because Noah had come to mean safety to me in the past weeks. Noah’s head was cocked and one of his eyebrows was doing the same raised thing.

He was the one who asked the obvious question. “Biblically?”

Conklin flushed.

“Oh,” I said, not sure what to do with the rush of
everything
that hit my chest. Vinnie hadn’t always been strong—even after we’d committed, and moved into the apartment together. There had been times when I’d come back from a shoot and he’d needed to use a condom until his health screen came back. Not every time, or even a lot of the time. A handful of times. Few enough times for me to know he really did love me best. Many enough for me to know that wasn’t easy for him to do.

“He told me what you did for him.” Conklin couldn’t make eye contact. “It was . . . it was hard for him. He, uh . . . didn’t like . . .”

“Didn’t like cheating,” I said, because Conklin was wussing out. “It’s okay. I knew it happened sometimes—not you specifically, of course, but . . .” I thought of the small box—the twelve pack—of condoms that Vinnie always kept fresh. I was never sure if it was because he was unsafe when he cheated, or because he just wanted to make double safe with me—but I didn’t care.

“Con, uh . . .”

“
Oh. Well, easy clean up.”

“
You know I love you.”

“
I know, Vinnie. Don’t worry. I’m just glad to be home.”

And I was—Vinnie had been my home.

“Well, just—you know.
I
know you’re not a risk.
I
know why you left
Warlock Tea
.
I
know why you’d have a . . . God, Con. The way he talked about you—I’m surprised you didn’t go stark-raving bonkers in public sooner. But then I guess we both know which one of you was stronger.”

My ankle throbbed, and I scrubbed my face with my hands. Well, at least I knew why Conklin had been so creepy touchy with me—he felt like he knew me. He’d fucked my closet boyfriend.

But even then, I couldn’t be that uncharitable. He’d felt close to Vinnie. And by default close to me.

And he’d just been really fucking human.

“Oh, Con . . . Simon?” Noah was trying to sound humble—and failing. “Uh . . . don’t take this the wrong way but—”

“I’m gone,” he said quietly. I didn’t flinch from his hand on my shoulder. “I’ll have Anna get Jillian the contract by Monday. Please stay. This show’s so good with you.”

“Thanks,” I said automatically. “Yeah. Of course I’ll stay.”

And then he was gone, and I was alone with Noah.

“You knew?” And bless him, he didn’t sound judgmental, not even a little.

“Like I said, not with who. It . . . I was gone a lot. Vinnie wasn’t . . .”

“Strong,” Noah filled in. “I get it. So, why
did
you leave
Warlock Tea
?”

I shook my head, not wanting to do this, not now. “Noah—” I all but begged.

“Got it. Let’s get to the car and get you on some pain meds.”

“No pain meds,” I muttered. “RICE.”

“All weekend,” he said grimly, and then he squatted next to me so I could throw my arm around his shoulder. He straightened, and I pushed, and in a moment I was hopping across the trailer. We got to the steps, and Noah made me hold on to the doorframe so he could walk down and steady me as I hopped some more.

God, by the time I got to the car, I was sweating and pissed.

“You know what?” I bitched as he slid me into the backseat.

“You want me to sell your mountain bike?” he asked before shutting my door and getting into the front seat.

“No,” I snarled, using my adrenaline. “I want to get better so I can ride that thing again. I’m going to ride it, and I’m going to
scream
down that goddamned hill, and I’m going to show it who the fuck is the fucking boss.
That’s
what I’m going to do. And then I’m going to go down a bigger hill. I’m going to go down hills so steep I need a fucking parachute to get on the trail in the first place. I’m
tired
of this shit. I’m
tired
of things hurting. I’m
tired
of wanting to hide my head under a pillow and scream and cry and sleep. I’m fucking
tired
of pain. I’m going to make pain my
bitch
, and I’m going to fly down that fucking mountain with my hair on fire, screaming bloody murder all the—
Ouch
!”

There was a cattle guard in the driveway of the property we’d leased for the outdoor sets. Going over that fucking set of pipes almost made me throw up.

“Sorry about that,” Noah said gently.

“Don’t be sorry,” I bitched. “Not your fault. I’m tired of pain, I just want to live my life without any fucking pain.”

“Yeah, sure,” he soothed. “But first, you’ve got to heal.”

Neither of us were talking about the ankle, and both of us knew it.

“Yeah, fine,” I muttered. “I’ll fucking heal. I don’t have to be gracious about it.”

Noah laughed softly, and I knew what he was going to say before it came out of his mouth. “And we have the video to prove it!”

“Augh!”

I shut up and seethed for the rest of the trip.

By the time we were done with the X-rays and the bandaging and the brace fitting and, yes, the pain medication that I finally relented and agreed to take, I was too exhausted to seethe. I was too exhausted to
talk
. In fact, about the only thing I had the energy to do was to fold my arms in front of me, tuck my head in the corner of the door and the seat, and fall asleep. I woke up at the end of the forty-five minute drive, as Noah was parking the car.

He got out and opened the door for me, handing me the hated and dreaded crutches.

“Ugh.”

“Yeah, well, get used to them. When you’re not standing on the set, that’s your default for the next two weeks.”

I glared. “I can do water aerobics and weight lifting,” I reminded him, and he rolled his eyes.

“Yeah. There’s a pool at the Global—if you want I’ll have Anna get you permission to go swim there in the mornings. Are we done being a diva who has to keep his body perfect now?”

“You seemed so sweet when we first met.” I glared at him. “Who knew?”

“I’m a philosophy major, Connor. Sarcasm is our defense against the workforce disappointment.”

“Ha.” I started to hobble forward, letting him open the garage door for me. He followed me into the house, taking one of the crutches and holding my arm while I used the banister to make it up the stairs.

“Ha what?”

“You have the world’s greatest job at the moment,” I told him facetiously. “You get to watch me completely implode
and
shuttle me to exciting places like hotels and doctors’ offices. You have nothing to complain about.”