#Selfie (Hashtag Series Book 4) (26 page)

Ivy

It was the first time I’d ever been to a bonfire sober.

Now I kind of understood why Rimmel never came to these things when I asked her. I was surrounded by drunk idiots. I used to be just like these people. It also didn’t help that I was totally uptight about everything.

I didn’t want to be here. Just like I hadn’t wanted to go to the scrimmage game. But Romeo and Rimmel asked, and well… I wanted to see B.

Even if it was from afar.

The game had been fun, probably because I got to sit on the sidelines with Rimmel and Romeo. He didn’t play because his arm was still healing, and his therapists and Knights trainer didn’t want him to risk messing up the healing that was going so well. Because he was the quarterback, and because this was his send-off from the Wolves, he of course sat on the field.

But Rimmel and I did, too.

No one seemed to think anything of it. Not the team anyway.

I got some looks from some of the cheerleaders and from the people in the stands, but I ignored it. Rimmel and I laughed and tried to have fun as we watched the game. It was a beautiful spring night, barely a chill in the air at all.

The team played awesome—as usual. Of course, there was one player I watched more than the others. Okay, I watched him the entire time. Braeden had always been a good football player, and tonight was no different.

I did notice he was a little rougher, he acted a little more on edge, and some of the guys on the other team gave him a wide berth.

I knew it was my fault.

Missy wasn’t at the game. She was at rehearsal but meeting us here at the bonfire. I still hadn’t told her. With the picture of Zach and me, I just couldn’t bear it. I was already ashamed enough. I knew I was gonna have to say something soon, but maybe not tonight.

Just being at this bonfire was enough to fray my nerves. A drink would likely mellow me out a little, but I didn’t dare. I wanted a clear head because I never knew when mud would be slung at me.

I wasn’t foolish enough to think Romeo’s protection would keep all the wolves at bay.

Besides, I needed all my wits about me when I talked to Braeden. I had no idea if he would even talk to me or if he’d brush me off and humiliate me in front of everyone. But Romeo was right. I had to try. If anything, I could thank him for fixing the Corolla and then leave.

I was standing near the orange glow of the fire, staring at the way the flames danced, when Rimmel sidled up to me. She dangled a red SOLO cup in front of me, and I shook my head.

“It’s water,” she whispered in my ear.

I took it and looked at the liquid. It was definitely water.

“Mine, too.” She tilted her cup toward me to see. “I figured even if we weren’t drinking, we could look like it.”

“Here comes the team,” Rimmel said, motioning toward a large group of guys practically appearing out of the night.

The huge crowd cheered and roared. The players howled and dispersed around the party.

We were in the large open field on campus, the one where all the bonfires were held in the fall. The faculty knew about this one, though. Because it was for football, it was sanctioned.

Clearly, men made the rules.

Music started pumping through the dark, making my pulse drum to the beat. A couple girls walked by and pointed at me. Then they laughed.

Maybe I should just leave now, find Braeden tomorrow.

“Hey,” a familiar voice said from just behind me, and I spun. Trent was standing there with sweat-dampened hair and a smile on his lips. His dimple was in full view and his eyes reflected the fire behind us.

He was dressed in a pair of jeans, sneakers, and a Wolves jersey. There was a can of beer in his hand.

“Hey,” I echoed. “You played great tonight.”

Really, I had no idea if he had or not. I was too busy staring at Braeden.

“Can we talk a minute?” he asked, his voice dropping a little.

My stomach clenched. I knew exactly what this was. It was the
it’s not you, it’s me
speech, only we both knew what he really meant was
it’s totally you because you slept with Zach and your naked pic was passed around the university
.

“Um, sure,” I answered, trying not to sound horrified.

I glanced at Rimmel and frowned. “I can’t leave her here alone,” I told Trent.

“She’s not alone,” Missy said, approaching the group.

Normally, I would have been thrilled to see her and called out a loud greeting, but not tonight. I hadn’t talked to her much since the Buzz about me went out. I was afraid she was mad because I never told her what happened. “How was rehearsal?” I asked.

“So good!” she said and waved at Trent. “Hey, Trent.”

“Hey, Missy.”

“Go ahead. We’ll stay here,” Rimmel told me. Missy nodded.

I followed Trent away from the fire and the crowd. We stopped just before the trees grew closer together and forest seemed to take over. It was colder over here away from the fire and also much darker.

I clung to the SOLO cup like it was a shield and reverently wished there were alcohol in it. Hell, even Boones Farm would have been welcome at this moment.

“Look,” I began before he could say anything. “I know you wanna call off our date. I get it. I’d probably call it off, too.”

“Actually, I wanted to apologize.” There was a smile playing around his lips.

I drew back, surprised. “For what?”

“For not coming to see you as soon as everything happened. I’m sure it’s been pretty intense for you.”

I laughed. “That’s one way to put it.”

He shifted his beer into one hand and reached for mine with his other, giving it a squeeze. “Fuck ‘em.”

“What?” I smiled.

“You’re just the newest victim of the Boss. Although, I gotta say, he seems to really like letting you have it.”

“I noticed.”

His dimple made an appearance. I saw it even in the dark. “Everyone makes mistakes. You don’t deserve this, and I wanted you to know I don’t judge you for what happened.”

“You mean for sleeping with Zach,” I stated bluntly.

It was sort of rude, but he was being too polite about it. I wanted to see his reaction to the stark truth. Let’s see if he really meant what he said about being non-judgey.

“Sometimes when I get drunk—really drunk—I drunk dial my grandma and tell her she’s hot,” he admitted.

“You do not.” I laughed.

He held up his hand. “I swear. Seems when I get really drunk, I also speak in a Scottish accent. Granny thinks she has a secret admirer from Scotland. Since I started calling, she’s had quite the pep in her step.”

I covered my mouth with my hand and giggled uncontrollably.

“See?” he said. “We all do dumb shit when we’re drunk.” He made a face, then added, “Either that or you and I are just seriously messed up.”

“You’re not messed up,” I said, looking at him.

I loved Romeo and Rimmel, but when they said they supported me, I kind of knew they would. Like it was expected. It’s what family does. But Trent didn’t have to say any of this. He didn’t have to be so kind to me tonight. He could have acted like I had some terrible disease and blown me off completely, yet he didn’t.

And that made me feel better than I had in days.

“Thank you.” My voice was sincere.

“Don’t thank me yet,” he said and took a long swallow of beer.

“Uh-oh.”

“I have to cancel our date.”

I guess I expected that. Trent was awesome, and some girl was going to totally win the jackpot with him, but that girl wasn’t me.

“And it’s not because of Zach,” he hurried to say. “That guy is a class-A douche, and it was an awesome day when I got his ass tossed out of the frat.”

“Then why?” I whispered.

“I think we both know you have your eye on someone else.”

I sucked in a breath.

He chuckled. “At first, I thought maybe I was just imagining it. You two seemed to thrive off insulting each other. Then I saw the way he stared after you in the food court that day. And it’s no secret he went postal when that Buzz came out about you and Zach. But what really convinced me,” he went on, “was the way you watched him tonight. And the way your eyes scan the crowd even now, just waiting for him to show up.”

I was doing that? No way.

Trent nodded.

“Trent,” I said, feeling incredibly guilty.

“Spare me the friendship speech, okay? It’s totally cool. Maybe if I’d gotten there before B, things would be different.”

I didn’t say anything, and he laughed under his breath.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so. It’s always been him, hasn’t it?”

“I think maybe so.”

He nodded. “You’re a cool girl, Ivy, and he’s a lucky guy. If he don’t treat you right, give me a call and I’ll beat his ass for ya.”

I wished for a second things were different and Trent and I might work out. But that wish evaporated with my reoccurring thought of Braeden.

I reached out and hugged him. He hugged me back.

“Can we all still hang out?” I asked when we pulled away.

“For sure. Just not tonight. Tonight, I gotta get my drink on. Granny’s due another call from her secret admirer. It’s been a while. Wouldn’t want her to think he lost interest.”

I laughed as he walked away, saluting me with his half-empty beer.

I stood there for long moments, not quite ready to be swallowed by the crowd, but also doing exactly what Trent called me on.

Looking for Braeden.

I’d yet to see him here tonight, and he was the only reason I’d come.

This whole thing made me realize something. I did want him. I’d wanted him for a long time. I just wouldn’t admit it because he’d been with Missy from almost day one. I wasn’t a bad friend, but I made a bad choice. Not a mistake, because what I felt in B’s arms could never be a mistake. I just wished I’d talked to Missy first, admitted to myself how I felt before everything snowballed out of control.

This whole time I was trying to get back on the right track, be the girl I knew I was… it was a joke.

I couldn’t totally do that with this hanging over my head.

All I could do now was undo what I could of my damage. I would find Braeden, lay it all bare, expose my heart, and pray he didn’t annihilate it. Once I knew where he stood, I would talk to Missy and do the same.

I had no idea what I would gain and who I would lose. It didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was doing what I needed to do for me.

It felt right, and for the first time in days—maybe even weeks—I felt stronger.

I just needed to find Braeden.

I scanned the crowd again; it was dense and seemed to grow every second. I still couldn’t find him, but I knew he was here somewhere.

After a few more minutes I spotted Rimmel and Missy. They were laughing and surrounded by a bunch of Wolves. Braeden was probably nearby, especially if that’s where Rimmel and Romeo were.

I took a step toward my friends, but someone tugged me back.

I glanced over my shoulder, hoping maybe it was B.

“Where do you think you’re going?” slurred a voice I didn’t know.

It wasn’t B.

I had no idea who this was, but he wasn’t alone. He had three friends with him. They materialized out of the trees like ninjas in some karate movie. They reeked of booze and cigarettes.

“Someone is waiting for me,” I said and tugged away.

He tugged me back. “I’m sure they won’t mind waiting a few more minutes.”

“I will,” I growled, doing my best to sound intimidating.

He let go and held up his hands, drink and all. “Whoa, we got a feisty one, boys.”

I spun away and took off.

But he was faster.

He caught me around the waist, and I kicked and cursed and yelled.

“No one’s gonna hear you, slut,” he whispered in my ear. His voice was ominous, and I shuddered. “Party’s way too loud.”