Sentence of Marriage (41 page)

Next morning when Jimmy joined her for breakfast she slipped it into his hand. He kissed the hair softly and tucked it into the pocket of his jacket. He took Amy in his arms and they shared a long, lingering kiss. ‘There, that’ll have to last you for a while,’ he said, smiling tenderly down at her.

‘I love you, Jimmy.’ She clung to him.

‘And I love you.’

Amy’s father and brothers came in then, ending the conversation abruptly.

Susannah came out for breakfast a few minutes later, dressed ready for town. ‘When are we leaving?’ she asked.

‘As soon as I’ve had breakfast and got changed. One of you boys can catch the horses and get them harnessed. Now, Susannah,’ Jack spoke firmly, ‘you remember what we talked about last night? You can only come and see Jimmy off if you’re not going to get upset about it.’

‘You won’t stop me saying goodbye to my own brother, will you?’ Susannah said, her lower lip quivering.

‘I don’t want to stop you. But I don’t want you making a fool of yourself in front of the whole town, either, screaming abuse at me on the wharf. Can you control yourself or not?’

‘You’re being horrible to me.’ Tears were forming in Susannah’s eyes.

‘Are you getting upset, Susannah? You can stay home if you are.’

Susannah’s eyes dried as if by magic, and she folded her hands neatly in her lap.

‘Of course I’m not upset. I’m quite calm. I just want to see James off, and you didn’t seem to want me to.’

‘That’s all right then. Amy, would you like to come for the ride?’

‘No, thank you, Pa. I’ve got a lot to do here.’

‘Why would she want to come?’ Susannah said. ‘What’s it to do with her?’ Amy glanced at Jimmy and they shared a secret smile.

Jack and Susannah drove off with Jimmy, Susannah holding George on her lap. Amy stood on the verandah, lifting Thomas so he could wave until they were out of sight. Then she let the tears fall unchecked down her cheeks.

‘Amy crying,’ Thomas said, touching her tears in wonder.

‘Amy’s being silly.’ She wiped her hand across her cheeks. ‘Uncle Jimmy’s coming back soon. Come on, Tommy, you can help me do some baking.’

*

Jimmy’s departure left a huge gap in Amy’s life, and she tried to fill it by keeping herself busy. She made jam and bottled fruit until the shelves in the kitchen and the larder were packed full, and she tended the vegetable and flower gardens in her spare moments. But she found it lonely preparing breakfast in the empty kitchen, and her early-morning sessions in the dairy dragged interminably now Jimmy was no longer there to share her thoughts with.

Susannah received a letter from her mother a week after Jimmy’s departure. Amy hovered around her as she read, trying not to seem overly inquisitive.

‘Did Jimmy get home safely?’ Amy asked.

‘Yes. Mother says he’s been closeted with Father ever since he arrived, but they won’t tell her what they’re talking about. At least they’re getting on well now.’

‘Oh, good!’ Amy said with deep satisfaction.

‘Why are you suddenly so interested in my family?’

‘Well, it’s just nice when families get on, isn’t it?’

‘I suppose it is. I used to get on well with mine.’ Susannah sighed deeply, and Amy took herself off before her stepmother could decide to get upset.

Every day Amy waited eagerly for news of Jimmy’s return. She marked the days off on her calendar, counting each morning how long he had been away and trying to work out how soon she could expect him back. Every time she heard of the steamer arriving she wondered if Jimmy would be on it.

Lizzie came over one morning when Jimmy had been gone for almost two weeks. When she found Amy weeding the garden she joined her in the task.

‘You seem all right,’ Lizzie said. ‘You’re not pining for Jimmy now he’s gone?’

‘He’ll be back, I’ve told you that.’

‘Next summer, you mean? That’s a long time to wait if you’re as keen on him as you seemed to be.’

‘Maybe sooner than you think. Don’t pry, Lizzie, you’ll find out in good time.’

‘How can he come back so soon? I thought he could only come down for the summer.’

‘I told you not to pry, Lizzie.’

‘Doesn’t he ever have to do any work in Auckland?’ Lizzie persisted. ‘It seems a funny arrangement he’s got with his father.’

‘I warned you, Lizzie.’ Amy threw a large, freshly uprooted dandelion, making her cousin duck.

‘There’s no need to be violent! You’ve got awfully secretive since you met him. Ah, well.’ Lizzie gave an exaggerated sigh, ‘I can’t do anything about it, I suppose.’

‘No, you can’t,’ Amy agreed. ‘You’ll just have to be patient. I thought you’d be busy enough organising Frank without poking your nose into my affairs.’

‘Oh, Frank’s coming along nicely. Last Sunday when he thanked Ma for having him for lunch he asked her if he could come again this week! Just like that. I didn’t even have to prime him to do it.’

‘That’s good. I suppose Aunt Edie said yes?’

‘She said she wanted him to come every Sunday from now on. I didn’t know Ma had that much sense.’ Lizzie shook her head over the mysteriousness of parents. ‘I wish we could get more time to talk, though. Everyone’s there at lunch, there’s no privacy.’

‘Why don’t you go for a walk in the bush?’ Amy asked, then mentally kicked herself for her carelessness.

‘That doesn’t seem quite right,’ Lizzie said, frowning. ‘That’s a bit
too
private. I want to be out of sight, but not too far away from—Amy, have you been doing that?’ she asked. ‘Have you been wandering off into the bush with Jimmy?’

‘Never you mind. I don’t want to talk about it.’

‘You have! I wish I’d known that.’ Lizzie stared at her as if trying to read her thoughts, and Amy made herself stare back boldly. ‘I hope you know what you’re doing,’ Lizzie said at last. ‘Ah, well, he’s gone now, so there’s no need to worry, I suppose.’

‘No,’ Amy said with a confident smile. ‘There’s no need to worry about anything.’
He’s coming back
.

On the morning that marked three weeks since Jimmy had left, Amy stood in front of her mirror, pressing her dress across her abdomen and anxiously studying her reflection to see if there was any bulge. But her profile was as flat as ever. She tried to remember how long before the babies had arrived Susannah had started to swell. Jimmy was sure to be back before she needed to worry about that, anyway. He would probably be back any day now. A week or two, he had said. Surely he had had time to arrange things with his father by now?

‘Do you want to come into town with me?’ Harry asked Amy when he was about to go in to collect the supplies. ‘The
Staffa
’s in this morning,’ he added. ‘There might be some news.’

There’ll be the mail from Auckland
. ‘All right, I’d like to,’ Amy said.

‘I thought you might like a break from Her Ladyship,’ Harry said as they drove along the beach. ‘She’s been scratchier than ever since Jimmy went.’

‘She’s been a bit better with Pa lately—not with me, though. You’re right, it’s good to have a rest from her. I’ll be in a rush catching up later, but it’s worth it. Susannah likes to have a lie-down in the afternoon, anyway, so I’ll have some peace.’

There were a few strangers in town, passengers off the
Staffa
. Amy peered along the street, looking for a tall, dark-haired figure, but there was no one who even vaguely reminded her of Jimmy.

She rushed over to the Post and Telegraph Office to collect the mail while Harry loaded up the buggy. ‘There’s a letter from Auckland for Susannah!’ she called to Harry when she saw him crossing the road to join her.

‘So what?’

‘Oh… nothing.’ Amy was glad Harry did not have an inquisitive nature.

The trip home seemed very long, and Amy almost regretted having gone into town. She sat with the letter on her lap, wondering what would be in it. Would Jimmy have written a note himself to go with it? Or would he just have told his mother to write? Would it say he was going to marry her, or just that he was coming down again? She hugged herself in anticipation.

‘Good, you’re back,’ Susannah said when they got home. ‘I was beginning to think I’d have to make lunch by myself.’

‘I’ll make it,’ Amy said, nearly out of breath from running to the house. ‘You sit down and read your letter.’

‘A letter from Mother? Oh, good.’ Susannah sat at the table and opened the letter.

Harry came in the back door with a sack of flour, and Jack followed close on his heels. ‘Was there any mail today?’ Jack asked.

‘Only for her,’ Harry said, waving vaguely in Susannah’s direction.

‘From Mother.’ Susannah looked up as Jack sat beside her.

Get on and read it, for goodness sake
, Amy thought as she made herself busy at the bench.

Susannah unfolded the letter and started reading. ‘Oh,’ she said almost at once. ‘Oh, I never thought he’d do that.’ She read on intently.

‘Is it bad news?’ Jack asked.

‘It’s come as a shock to Mother. James and Father didn’t discuss it with her till it was all settled.’

‘What? What’s happened?’ Jack asked. Amy crept closer to the table, careful not to make any noise.

‘James is far too young to do something like that—whatever does Father mean by letting him?’ Susannah laid the letter flat on the table and looked over at her husband.

‘Letting him do what? What’s he doing?’ Jack asked.

Amy was almost peering over Susannah’s shoulder now in her eagerness to see the letter.
He’s not too young. His father must have had the sense to see that. When’s he coming? When’s he coming?

‘He’s persuaded Father into giving him some money to start out on his own.’ Susannah glanced down at the letter for a moment. ‘It all happened just last week—Saturday he left.’ She looked back at her husband.

‘James has gone to Australia!’

April – June 1884

Amy looked up at the sea of faces around her and wondered why they were swimming in and out of focus. She felt hot, and her chest was tight. It was hard to breathe properly.

‘Amy?’ Her father gave her shoulder a small shake. ‘Are you all right, girl?’

‘I… I think so, Pa,’ Amy said, struggling to sit up. Her father slipped his arm under her shoulders and helped her into a sitting position. Her head felt full of cotton wool, and her thoughts would not form clearly.

‘Get her a drink of water, Harry,’ said Jack. Harry rushed out the back door with a cup, which he soon brought back filled from the rain barrel.

Amy gulped at the water while Harry held the cup to her lips. The cold water helped clear her head, and for a moment she was relieved at being able to think properly again. Then the memory forced its way in to her awareness.

He’s gone to Australia. He’s left me here alone. I’m going to have a baby
.

She gave a groan, and her father held her more firmly. ‘Are you going to faint again?’ he asked anxiously.

‘N-no. No, I’m all right now, Pa.’ She tried to stand, but her legs were too weak to bear her.

‘You’re not all right at all. You’d better have a lie-down.’ He swept her easily into his arms and carried her to her room. Amy was vaguely aware of Susannah and Harry following a short distance behind. ‘There’s not much of you to lift,’ Jack said as he laid her down on her bed. ‘Susannah, what do you think’s wrong with her?’

‘I don’t know,’ Susannah said, pushing past him to stand beside the bed. ‘She’s very pale, but that’s because she fainted. What’s wrong with you, Amy? Do you have a pain somewhere?’

‘I feel a bit sick,’ Amy said. ‘I’ll be all right, I’d just like to be by myself for a while.’

‘You two leave us alone for a minute,’ Susannah ordered. ‘I’ll have a look at her.’ She watched as Jack and Harry left the room, then she turned back to Amy. ‘Now,’ Susannah said briskly, ‘what brought that on?’ Amy was silent, struggling for words. ‘Is it something to do with your bleeding?’ Susannah asked.

‘What?’

‘Is your bleeding due? I know young girls sometimes feel faint at that time of the month. I’m sure I used to when I was your age. Is that the problem?’

‘It… it is sort of due.’
Overdue
.

‘That’s probably it, then. Do you have a stomach ache?’

‘No. I just feel sick. I really would like to be by myself.’ It was harder with every word to keep her voice steady.

‘Have a rest, then. You’d better take this dress off. Here, I’ll help you.’ Susannah started to lift Amy’s pinafore, and at first Amy lay limp and let her do it. Then she remembered the brooch on her chemise.

‘No,’ she said, pushing at Susannah’s hands. ‘I’ll do it by myself.’

‘I don’t know what you’ve got to be so shy about. Suit yourself, then.’ Susannah stood up. ‘I suppose I’ll have to make lunch by myself now. Will you get up for it?’