Serena's Choice - Coastal Romance Series (25 page)

Chapter
Seventeen—Jeff

Jeff stood to one side of the
front window and watched Serena and Steven walk back from the shore.
Steven had his arm around Serena and it was all Jeff could do to stay
still. He was alone now in Rossetti’s, and he was grateful that no
one could see him watching Serena. When they got to her car, Serena
kissed Steven. Was it a goodbye kiss? He couldn’t tell. It seemed
longer than a goodbye kiss should be. Jeff’s heart began to break a
little.

He went up the stairs to his
lonely room. He would be alone that night and maybe every night from
then on. But this was no surprise, he told himself. Hadn’t he
expected this? Didn’t he know that Serena still had feelings for
Steven?

After a few minutes of allowing
every negative thought he could think of run through his mind, Jeff
decided to call Serena. He had to know what had happened with Steven.
He had to know if he still had a chance with her. Her phone went to
voice mail. “Just calling to make sure you’re all right,” he
said to her voicemail. “Call me.” He hung up the phone.

Jeff had always been honest with
himself. Well, nearly always. When he was at the firm, he was
constantly working on a deadline, preparing for a hearing or
deposition or trial. Or writing the incessant briefs the partners
were always dumping on him. He had been willing to do all of that to
make partner. He let his better sense go somewhere to the back of his
mind. Until one day.

He had been talking to a new
associate about a case they were working on. Jeff blustered on and on
about the other side’s counsel, how he was going to beat them with
a flood of motions that would keep them busy every night for a year.
It was the lawyer’s game and Jeff knew it well. The young lawyer
sat trapped behind his desk, saying all the right things, laughing in
all the right places. Because that’s how the game was played.

“
They aren’t going to believe
what hit them,” Jeff said, laughing loudly.

And then Jeff heard himself.
Really heard himself. He had become one of them, the partners, loving
the sound of his own voice. He had arrived. He excused himself
abruptly from the new associate’s office and went back to his own
office. He sat down and was honest with himself for the first time in
a long time.

Surely this wasn’t going to be
his life. How many more years would he have to play this game until
he made partner? How many more briefs and hearings? How many more
all-nighters sitting at his desk, the light from his office the only
light on in the building? He was letting his life slip through his
fingers. His real life.

Serena had been in Luna Bay for
several months when he had his epiphany that day. He had seen her a
couple of times and had started to have deep feelings for her. But
she was gone, not a part of his daily life anymore, and he had let
work take over. He wanted to see her right then. He wanted to see
what was real.

As if she were reading his mind
all the way down in Luna Bay, Elena texted him in that crisis moment.
She invited him to Rossetti’s Fourth of July party. It was his
opportunity to see Serena, to test the waters with her. That had not
turned out well for him. But it didn’t turn him back from wanting
to carve a new path for himself. He may have lost Serena, but he
didn’t want to lose out on the rest of his life.

And now, here he was, pursuing
that life. It was painful, but he was feeling. Jeff poured himself a
shot of whiskey. Time to be honest with himself again. He had to face
the fact that he was probably losing Serena to Steven. He didn’t
know what that guy had told her about his being married that had
brought Serena around, but it must have been compelling.

Serena had been discontent in her
relationship with Steven for a while. That was obvious in the way she
sat at the bar, lonely. Was that the reason she had let Jeff in, made
love with Jeff? Because she was hurting? And then, when she found out
Steven was married, Serena had clung to Jeff. He had to acknowledge
that Serena was probably on the rebound. And everyone knew, rebound
relationships don’t last.

He heard his text signal. Serena
wrote, “I’m okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” At least she
had cared enough to send him a text. She might even be at Steven’s
right now, sending him a text from the bathroom or something. She
might be over there making love to him. That thought went deep into
his heart where it began to fester. He spent a sleepless night. Sleep
finally came to him in the early hours of the morning and he didn’t
wake up until noon.

Chapter
Eighteen

Nonna was already asleep when
Serena got home, and she was grateful. If Nonna had seen her puffy
eyes she would have known something was wrong, and Serena didn’t
know if she could lie to Nonna about it. She tiptoed up the stairs
and went to bed. Sleep did not come easily as she thought about
Steven. She was heartsick about him, heartsick at the life he had led
with Janet, at what he had to do in the end. Was it enough to be able
to forgive him, to go back to him?

What about Jeff? Where did he fit
in this tragic picture? She loved Jeff, but she might still love
Steven, too. She didn’t know what to think, what to do. Sheer
exhaustion finally brought sleep to her, though it was not restful.
When she woke up the next morning, she didn’t think she could make
it to work.

Nonna was in the kitchen making
breakfast when Serena walked in. She took one look at Serena and
said, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

And Serena did tell her. She told
Nonna the entire story about Steven and his wife. She thought Nonna
would be ashamed for her, but she wasn’t. She listened to her, and
when Serena was finished, Elena took her hand across the table.

“
That’s a sad story, cara,”
she said. “I feel sad for Steven.”

“
Don’t you think he was wrong
to lie to me like that?” she asked Nonna. “Don’t you think he
should have told me the truth at some point?”

“
Yes, I do,” Elena said. “But
I can’t know everything that was going on or what was in his mind.
It sounds like a situation that got away from him. I believe he acted
out of love.”

“
You do?” Serena said. She
couldn’t believe Nonna was being so understanding.

“
Yes, I do. His wife sounds
dangerous, and that’s scary to me. It must have been scary to him,
too. I think he was trying to protect you from her.”

Serena didn’t say anything for
a while. Nonna got up and refilled her coffee cup.

“
What about Jeff?” Serena
asked Nonna. “I love Jeff, too. I really love him.”

“
I don’t know, cara. I think
only you can make the decision about Jeff and Steven. Only you can
decide which man will be there for you through your life, which one
loves you the most. Only you can decide.”

“
I don’t think I can go to
work today,” Serena said. “Is that okay?”

“
Of course, cara. It’s okay.
Jimmy and Olive can handle things. Take it easy today. You’ve got a
lot on your mind.”

“
Thank you, Nonna. And thank
you for listening to me without judgment.”

“
In matters of the heart,”
she said, “there can be no judgment. It’s amore.”

After Nonna left, Serena went
back to bed. She needed sleep more than anything. When she woke up
hours later, it was early evening. She had to let Jeff know
something. It wasn’t fair to leave him hanging.

Jeff answered his phone on the
first ring. “Are you all right?” he asked.

“
I don’t know what I am right
now. But I wanted to let you know what happened with Steven.” She
told Jeff the whole story, from start to finish. He listened. When
she was finished, she said, “I feel sad for Steven. He’s been
tortured this whole time dealing with it.”

Jeff’s tone was measured when
he replied. “I agree. It’s a terrible situation. I can’t blame
the guy for wanting to keep it from you.”

“
But he shouldn’t have done
what he did,” Serena said. “He should have trusted me enough to
tell me.”

“
If he’d done that,” Jeff
said, “then he wouldn’t have had you. You wouldn’t have seen
him anymore.”

“
That’s true,” she said.
“I’m just so confused about it. Wanting him to have told me the
truth but knowing it would have been the end of us. My thoughts go
all over the place about it.”

And then he said what Nonna had
said. “You’re the only one who can make the judgment about it.
You’re the one that you have to live with, in the end.”

When he said that, Serena
realized a part of her had been expecting him to tell her, in no
uncertain terms, what to do about Steven. She had hoped that Jeff
would make his feelings for her more definite. That he was willing to
fight to keep her. But he was leaving it all up to her, when she
didn’t even know her own mind.

“
I’m not coming in tonight,”
she said. “I’ll see you Monday.”

Nonna was home, had been home for
a while, when Serena went downstairs.

“
I brought you something to
eat,” Nonna said. Serena ate the pasta puttanesca, rich with
tomatoes and capers and olives, in the kitchen. It was Adrianna’s
favorite recipe, and Serena felt her eyes water as she thought about
her beautiful, stubborn mother. Adrianna had loved only one man in
her entire life. Serena wished it could be so clear-cut for her.

She poured two glasses of brandy
and handed one to Nonna. Together, with Rosie on the couch between
them, they watched the latest
Jane Eyre
movie. Serena had
probably seen every movie version of
Jane Eyre
, but this one
spoke directly to her that night. Jane had fallen in love with Mr.
Rochester and agreed to marry him. She didn’t know that Mr.
Rochester had a mentally ill wife who lived there, in a wing of the
mansion. Jane and Mr. Rochester made it to the altar before
everything fell apart; before Jane found out about the existing Mrs.
Rochester. Jane was devastated and ran away. But the lure of Mr.
Rochester took her back to him. He was a sad and tragic figure,
blinded from a fire at the mansion that killed his wife.

As they watched the movie, Serena
couldn’t believe the parallels to her story with Steven. And didn’t
she feel sorry for Mr. Rochester, having to live with the knowledge
of a mentally ill wife, wanting only to have love?

After the movie, Serena and Nonna
went to bed. The next day, Serena was filled with an overwhelming
desire to see Steven.

Serena didn’t call ahead of
time. She thought fleetingly about Janet and worried that somehow she
would be at Steven’s, but she dismissed that idea. She walked up
his steps and he opened the door. The growth of his beard was several
days old, and he would have looked sexy if he didn’t look so
tormented. Serena walked into his house.

“
I just want to know if you’re
getting a divorce,” she said right away.

“
Yes. My lawyer called me
yesterday and said she has signed the papers. It’ll be legal in
thirty days. Finally.”

She put her arms around Steven
and he held her. “I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this,”
she said. “Really sorry.”

“
I’m sorry for what I put you
through,” he said. “I know it wasn’t right.”

“
I don’t know what to think
right now,” she said. “I’m not sure about anything. I know I
believed we were in love with each other.”

“
We were,” he said. “I
still am in love with you. But I know you may not be able to get
beyond everything that’s happened.”

“
I’m thinking about it. It’s
taking me a while,” she said honestly.

She kissed Steven and felt
nothing but tenderness for him.

“
I’ve got to go,” she said,
pulling away from him. She was afraid that if she stayed another
minute, she would be in bed with Steven and she wanted to keep a
clear head. At least she wanted to try to keep a clear head. She
looked back at him before she walked down the stairs. He stood there
looking at her and tried to smile. She smiled back.

On Monday, Serena went to work as
usual. Her mind was in such a struggle, she had a hard time
concentrating. There were bills to pay, but she could not keep her
mind focused. When the after-dinner crowd started coming in, she went
out to the bar. Jeff brought her a cocktail, like always. He had a
defeated look in his eyes. Joe was there, playing the old classics,
like always. Everything was like it always was, but Serena felt a sea
change coming in her life.

Jeff stayed away from her that
night. That was good, because Serena didn’t know what to say to
him. She knew she would eventually have to talk to him, but it was
okay to wait on that. Wait a little longer. When most of the people
had left, Jeff walked around to her barstool. He took her hand. “Want
to dance?” he asked.

A sadness came over Serena then.
Her heart ached. She took Jeff’s hand and they danced slowly. When
it was over, Jeff asked if she wanted to go upstairs. She agreed and
they made their way to his bedroom.

“
Do you want to talk to me,
Serena?”

“
Yes, but I don’t know how to
say it,” she said.