Serenity (27 page)

Ren looked up. “You’ve met him right?”

Jolin snorted. “Yeah.”

Jolin stepped into Ren. His chest brushed against hers. “I wish I could have protected you,” he breathed out the words. Then carefully trailed his fingers along her cheek, using his thumb to wipe away a tear that escaped earlier. “I want to be here for you. Now.” He traced the bruise across her jaw. Leaning in, he kissed the mark. Ren tried to step back but Jolin wrapped his arm around her waist and held her tight. “You don’t have to be alone,” he said against her neck. “Let me help. Let me protect you. No one will touch you again without your permission,” he whispered, trailing light kisses across her cheeks. Stopping, he looked into her eyes. “Can I kiss you?”

Ren’s eyes closed. She was so beautiful. Lightly Jolin pressed his lips against Ren’s, waiting, judging her response. When she didn’t flinch or slap him, he moved his lips softly against hers, hoping she would let him know if this was okay. Ren’s lips moved slightly. Enough for Jolin to know she was responding to his touch. But like his mom said, she was vulnerable. She didn’t know the feel of a loving touch.

Before he lost control and pushed her, he pulled away, pressing his lips to her forehead. “Thank you. My mom gave us the day off. Put on some of my sweats and come downstairs.”

Ren let out a shaky breath and nodded in agreement.

Serenity

Tuesday, October 28

6:30 a.m.

Ren found a pair of grey sweats in a drawer, left her camisole on and pulled Jolin’s sweatshirt on over her head. Before she headed downstairs, Ren checked her phone. Nothing from Quill. He was probably sleeping off whatever he decided to do last night. She figured Jolin thought he was a dick for deserting her, but that’s how they worked. If he would have stayed, she would have got stoned with him and that was the last thing she needed right now.

Call me when you can,
she texted, then stuffed her phone back in her bag. She folded the clothes she set out for school and lined her boots up along the end of the bed. She wasn’t planning on staying, but she could pack up later. She had to work tonight anyway. With a deep breath, she headed downstairs to whatever interrogation Jolin had planned.

He was cooking something at the stove when she padded into the room.

His back was to her. She took a moment to appreciate the muscles as they worked against his snug fitted T-shirt while he flipped whatever was in the pan. He put on sweats as well and they sat low on his hips. She couldn’t help but remember running her hands over his ass and feeling him shiver. She craved to get back some of the control she’d lost last night. Taking Jolin in her mouth, touching him, driving him over the edge would give her that fix, but it may also destroy whatever shred of friendship they were building. His words scared her. She couldn’t trust him to be there. They were just words. They had always just been words. When people understood…really understood her reality, they couldn’t handle it.

Ren stepped toward him. Walking softly so he wouldn’t hear her move in behind him, she pressed her body against his back. Startled, he dropped the spatula he was holding. She placed her hands around his body stopping on his pecs then slowly ran her fingertips down his chest. She closed her eyes as the feeling of powerlessness seeped out of her. She continued her downward decent until her hands rested on the top of his thighs. Jolin’s head fell back and his back pressed into her. His breathing was quick. Ren couldn’t help but smile. This is what she needed. To get the upper hand. She’d divulged too much last night and Jolin saw her as weak. Someone needing protection. She didn’t need protection. She could take care of herself. Ren felt his cock grow under his sweats and shifted to cup it in her hands. But before she could take him, Jolin had her by the wrists and had flipped her around so her back was against the counter. He held her tight, bringing his face close to hers.

“I don’t want anything but to spend the day with you. You don’t owe me. And if you did, it wouldn’t be paid off this way. I am not like the others. I don’t want your hands on me.” His voice was low and firm.

Ren lowered her chin so she wouldn’t see the disappointment in Jolin’s eyes. “I wasn’t doing it for you,” she whispered.

Jolin dropped her hands and stepped back. “What?”

Ren cleared her throat. “Never mind.” She ran a hand through her hair, pulling it tight against her scalp. “I don’t know why I keep telling you stuff. Just forget it. I won’t touch you again.”

Jolin looked like he was going to say something then shook his head, changing his mind. “I made you scrambled eggs.” He brushed past her and scooped them out of the pan onto a plate. “Here.” He shoved the plate at her.

“Thanks.” She took it and settled against the counter. Slowly, she ate. Jolin watched her.

“Stop staring at me,” she said.

Jolin didn’t say anything, but continued to stare.

Ren shoveled the eggs in her mouth, placed the dish in the sink then left the kitchen. She didn’t like how he was looking at her and needed some space.

Jolin followed her into the living room and settled on the couch. Turning on the television, he flipped though channels until he found
The Price is Right
, then reached out and pulled her down on the couch in between his legs.

Ren sat stiffly, one leg across the couch while the other hung over the edge. Jolin shifted and pulled her completely on the couch and situated her into the curve of his body.

“Relax,” he said into her hair.

Ren tried to relax and moved so her head rested more comfortably in the crook of his shoulder. He smelled so good, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“Are you smelling me?” He chuckled.

“No.”

“Yes you were.”

Ren tried to pull away, but he held on. “It’s okay if you were.” He buried his nose into her hair. “Because I love the way you smell.”

Ren’s heart fluttered.

They sat silently watching player after player try and guess the prices of dish soap and soup. Every once in a while Jolin would mutter a price or guess an item behind a curtain. It was the most relaxed Ren had ever been.

“When I was little.” Jolin surprised her by saying something other than a comment about the show. “When I was sick. My mom would set me up here on the couch and I’d get to watch
The Price is Right
with her. We’d compete for the final show down.”

“That’s nice.” Ren moved so her butt fit closer to his. Jolin shifted a little, and Ren smiled to herself.

“Stop trying to give me a hard on.”

Ren frowned and tried to get up, but Jolin just tightened his arm around her waist and kept her in place.

“Why do you do it?” Jolin whispered.

“What?”

“Why do you think all you have to offer is a blow job? Why do you let people use you?”

She tried to get up again, but when he tightened his grip again she gave up. “I don’t let people use me. I use them.”

“I don’t see it that way.”

“Too bad.”

“Ren.”

Ren shifted quickly and released herself from his hold, but instead of getting up and moving away, she turned and faced him. Drawing her legs up and wrapping her arms around them. “It’s the only time I feel like I’m in control.”

Jolin laughed. “That’s messed up.”

Ren rubbed her nose then tried to explain. “When I was little, I didn’t have a say in anything. All I could do is take what was given. Until I took control of the men. Until I learned what they wanted. When I have a dick in my mouth…you…Brock…whoever, is at my mercy. You are putty in my hands, so to speak. I can bring you to your knees and there is nothing you can do about it. At least that anyone wants to do about it. Until you. You told me to stop. Twice now.” She smiled. “I know it’s fucked up, but I guess when you feel like you’re speeding through life with no say on your future…you grab what you can get.”

“Yeah, that’s totally messed up.” Jolin ran his hand up and down Ren’s arm. “So in the kitchen, you wanted to take back some sense of control? From me?”

“You know too much. You have an upper hand on me, and I needed to feel like I got it back. Like I had something on you. It’s an addiction. I crave that control.”

“I don’t want to have sex or your mouth on me for any other reason than you are in love with me.” Jolin’s cheeks turned pink at his words.

Ren lowered her chin onto her knees, enjoying the feel of Jolin’s hand as it continued to make small circles on her arm. “You were my first real kiss.”

Jolin made a choking sound.

“Guys have kissed me before but…” Ren looked up at the ceiling. “God, when I kissed you that day and you kissed me back. It scared the hell out of me. Totally threw me off my game.”

A huge grin filled Jolin’s face.

“Don’t be so proud of yourself.”

“Hey. It isn’t every day I get complimented on my skills.”

Ren raised her eyebrow.

Jolin grabbed his chest. “Lord have mercy. When you do that, I have to remind myself I’m a gentleman.”

“Why does everyone say that?” Ren laughed.

“Okay. I’m not going to ask who everyone is and just let that conversation die.”

Ren laughed again.

Jolin took her hand and threaded his fingers through hers. “It was pretty intense.”

“Not tooting your own horn or anything.” Ren fidgeted with the edge of an afghan hanging over the back of the couch. “I didn’t do it to ruin you.”

“Do what?”

“I didn’t take Brock’s money to ruin you. I did it to screw Elizabeth.”

“She’s not a nice person.”

“Then why did you date her?”

“The million dollar question.” Jolin rubbed his thumb over her hand.

Ren waited.

“I got caught up in the hype. I was flying high on football. Was reaching my dream. Colleges were calling, we were picked to make it to state. It seemed like it fit. Elizabeth and me.” He stopped and a thoughtful look crossed his face. “My dad was happy, and I wanted that.”

“It’s fucked up how the school worshiped you, and then dropped you like a hot coal when you got hurt.”

“Yeah, but that’s how it goes I guess.”

“Are you trying to sleep your way back to the top? With Elizabeth?”

“Yeah.” He laughed.

“Is it working?” She wasn’t sure if the feelings she had were disgust for him being with Elizabeth or jealousy that he was giving himself to someone so unworthy of his affection. She shouldn’t feel anything. How was what he was doing different from what she did? Sex for a purpose.

“Not exactly.”

Ren shifted and pulled her hand away. “I know why I was with Ty, but I wonder how you can kiss me like you do, and then fuck around with Elizabeth.”

“I was using her to get my life back.” Jolin sat up. “After the accident I felt like everything was taken away. I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Football was my dream. Everyone was walking away. Even my dad walked out of my life.” Jolin rested his head in his hands. “Even my fucking dad.”

Ren hesitated then ran her hand down his back.

“I didn’t know what I was doing. I was grasping at straws. Trying to hold onto something. Even if it wasn’t what I wanted.” He looked up at Ren. “We aren’t so different. We both used sex to get back some sense of control.”

“I don’t have sex.”

“I think it is defined as sex after that whole Monica Lewiski scandal during Clinton’s administration.”

“
I
don’t think of it as sex,” she repeated.

“So you never have…you know?” Jolin hesitated to ask.

“Does it surprise you that your girlfriend is actually more sexually active than me?” She straightened, challenging him.

“Well yeah. I guess. I mean after everything you told me, I can’t imagine someone didn’t grab you and bang you.”

“I told you, I’m good. No one has the strength to grab me when I’m done.”

Jolin put his head in his hands again. “I don’t think I want to know about that.”

Ren rubbed his back again. “Sure you do. Aren’t you curious?”

Jolin pushed her hand off him. “Don’t do that, Ren. Don’t play games like that. If we’re going to make this work, you can’t be doing that to me.”

Ren shot off the couch. “Make what work?”

Jolin stood, too. “Us. Didn’t you listen to anything I said? I’m here Ren. I’m not walking away.”

“What if I don’t want you here?”

“I don’t care.”

“Well.” She stopped.

Jolin raised his eyebrow this time.

“I don’t need your help,” she whispered.

“No? Because I need you.” Jolin reached out and grabbed her hands. “I need you, Ren.”

“For what?”

“To be my…” He paused. “My girlfriend, I guess.” He smiled. “I want to walk into the school holding your hand. I want to take you to Homecoming. I want to spend every minute I can with you until graduation, and then I want to figure out the rest together.”

Ren opened her mouth but nothing came out.

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

“I owe a debt to Brock, and he expects me to pay.”

“What? Another blow job? That isn’t happening. Besides my mom isn’t letting you leave here. Quill can stay as well if he wants. Your mom is not an issue anymore. You don’t need Brock.”

Ren wouldn’t look at him. “I can’t stay here. My mom will get out and I’ll go home. My life will go on just like it was before I became your lab partner…and so will yours.”

“Just try and tell my mom that. She is hell bent on having a daughter, and you fit the bill. Her only rule is we have to go to school and I can’t sleep in your room again.”

Jolin

Tuesday, October 28

8:00 a.m.

He watched her expression change from stubborn, to surprised, to relieved. Her cheeks turned pink when he mentioned the rule about not sleeping in the same room. He wanted to grab her and press his mouth to hers and kiss her senseless. But he’d made such a big deal about not wanting her for her skills, he thought he’d better restrain himself. However, he wasn’t sure how much longer it was going to last.

“Stay,” he said again.

“I don’t want your mom thinking we’re doing anything. I don’t want her to know what I do,” she whispered.