Seth's Broadway Diary, Volume 1: Part 2

BOOK: Seth's Broadway Diary, Volume 1: Part 2
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Seth’s Broadway

Diary

Volume 1

 

By

Seth Rudetsky

 

PART 2

(This is part 2 of Seth’s Broadway Diary, Volume 1 - meant to be read sequentially following part 1.  Please purchase PART 1 to own the entire first volume of Seth’s Broadway Diary)

 

Copyright © 2014

All rights reserved

First Edition

 

 

For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book,

or for information about special discounts for bulk purchases,

please contact:

[email protected]

 

Dress Circle Publishing

Brisa Trinchero/Roberta Pereira

New York, New York

www.dresscirclepublishing.com

 

 

 

 

"Bravas" for Kristin and Matthew

April 14, 2008

 

Hi! This week began for me at The Zipper Theater where I saw my old stand-up comedy compatriot, Britt Swenson. Britt and I not only did stand-up together in the past, but like me, she's played in many a Broadway pit. The difference is she's a violinist and I play the piano. As a matter of fact, for a while she was my violin teacher, but then she moved to LA. I'm not saying it was my devastating violin playing that made her flee across the country, but you do the math. After she studied and performed with The Groundlings (the L.A. improv group), she moved to Colorado. She brought her one-woman show,
So Many Ladies
, to the Zipper, and the audience ate it up. One of my favorite characters was a substitute teacher that began class with, "I have a wicked hangover, so don't push me." She also angrily tells the class, "Teacher means talker." I was literally laughing more than anyone in the theatre at that sketch. I'm sure it can't be related to the fact that I haven't emotionally moved on from high school where I hated most of my teachers.

 

This week, Kristin Chenoweth did a benefit to help find a cure for ACD, which is a terrible fatal disease that affects babies like SIDS. NiCole Robinson, whom Kristin worked with on
The West Wing
, lost a baby to ACD and asked if Kristin would help. Of course, Kristin said yes right away and gave a solo concert (with the amazing Andrew Lippa at the piano) on Saturday. She hilariously referred to her portrayal of Marian in the film of
The Music Man
as having received "mediocre acclaim" and also said that she hasn't been singing lately, so doing the concert was like crack for her. Thankfully, James' seven-year-old daughter was there, and I've always felt that the sooner she learns about Kristin's crack addiction, the better. When I was interviewing Kristin on my Sirius radio show about the benefit, I brought up
Thoroughly Modern Millie
. Did you know that Kristin was cast as Miss Dorothy in one of the workshops of the show and then bumped up to the role of Millie?! But before it came to Broadway, she got her own TV show, so she had to drop out. Then the keys got dropped so Sutton could belt it all. Then Kristin's TV show got dropped after a few episodes. And before that all happened, I was the music director of the early
Millie
workshop and
I
got dropped.

 

Speaking of dropping, the good news is that Kristin's TV show
Pushing Daisies
was renewed. The bad news is, she had to drop out of doing
Candide
in London. So, if any of you were planning on flying the Concord to go see her, cancel your tickets ASAP. That's right, I'm stuck in the ‘70s and still think people fly the Concord, or shall I say the SST. Does anyone remember it being called that? Quick, look it up on Netscape. That's right, I'm also stuck in the late ‘90s.

 

I also interviewed the hi-larious Matthew Broderick on my
Chatterbox.
Matthew grew up in the Village, and I was immediately jealous. Listen to the difference:

 

PERSON # 1: I grew up on Ninth Street and Fifth Avenue.


PERSON # 2: I grew up on Rosedale Road on Long Island.

 

Who would you rather hang out with? The only thing that paid off for me is that it helped my supposed drag name. There's a theory that your drag name is your childhood pet plus the name of your street, so mine is Shoshana Rosedale. I love it because it indicates the high riffing of Shoshana Bean mixed with the hotness of Gwen Stefani's husband, Gavin Rossdale. That’s about the only positive of where I grew up. I always wanted to be one of those cool kids who grew up in Manhattan. When I got to Oberlin College and anyone asked me where I was from, I would say with Manhattan-like attitude "New York." Which was true… New York State, that is. If someone would follow up the question with, "Where in New York?" I'd go into immediate vocal rest.

 

Matthew still lives in the Village, and I asked him if he ever thinks about moving to the suburbs. He said that it might be lonely out there… and he imagined himself spending his time saying, "Hey… look at that tree. It's coming in nicely... look at that tree." When he was a little kid, he got a library card and wrote his profession as "actor," but it wasn't until he was in high school that he really thought about it. Right after high school, he got the lead in a movie opposite Sally Field! It was called
No Small Affair
, and two weeks into shooting, he showed up and they told him that the director was ill and that he should stay in his trailer ‘til they needed him. Hours went by, and they finally told him to go home and that they'd call the next day. A
week
later his agent called and said, "Are you sitting down? It's over." They canceled the whole movie! He said he was in a full depression having to go back to auditioning after just having a lead in a film. It also makes you sound like a crazy person:

 

"OK, number 53… any recent jobs?"


"I just did a film opposite Sally Field!"


"Wow! When does it come out?"


"Um… never."


"OK. And that's when we'll offer you this job."

 

A year passed and Matthew was finally offered his next job: the Off-Broadway version of
Torch Song Trilogy
. He played the son that Harvey Fierstein adopts in Act Three, and at that point the show lasted five hours! Wow! That's the length of three
Xanadu
s! Or one of Jackie Hoffman's ad libs. Since the show was so long, he didn't have to get to the theatre 'til Act Two began, but of course, he would wait 'til the last minute to arrive. And it was the kind of theatre where he could only get backstage by walking through the audience then across the stage. He was supposed to arrive during intermission, but he said he would often time it "dangerously," and one time the lights were literally going down to begin Act Two and Matthew flew across the stage in the dark as Harvey was getting set onstage to begin the act. Matthew remembers hearing Harvey laugh and ask, in the dark (à la Harvey), "Is that my son?" The producers, though, didn't laugh and said they were going to fine Matthew for getting there so late. But, Matthew said, since they weren't getting paid, it didn't matter!

 

Matthew remembered that there weren't a lot of people coming to the show at first,
but
they all stayed to the end. And then, when the show got great reviews, Harvey cut it down a tad, and people were flocking. Matthew's dressing roommate was every gay man's dream dressing roommate… Estelle Getty! How fun is that?! I would have asked her for non-stop Sicily stories. Oh, wait… she's not really Sophia in real life? Thanks for devastating me. Matthew said that Estelle wasn't friendly at first because she really liked the boy who played the part before Matthew did.

 

ME: How did you know?


HIM: She told me.

 

Ouch on the directness. She would actually haul out the old "
He
did it like this." Maybe Matthew should have threatened her with "the home," à la Bea Arthur — although he'd have to drop his voice an octave, get taller and figure out where camera three is so he can stare at it.

 

Matthew tried out for the Broadway production of
Brighton Beach Memoirs
and the director, Herb Ross, handed him another script at the audition. It was the film
Max Dugan Returns
. Matthew wound up trying out for both at the same time. On his way out of the theatre, the casting agent told him that he got both parts! Can you imagine? Getting a feature film and a Broadway show at the same moment? I asked Matthew if that's ever happened to anybody else and he said simply, "No." He then said he thought it would always be like that. I asked him if it was and again he said simply, "No."

 

I wanted Matthew to tell me about one of his most embarrassing onstage moments. He said it was going to be a gross story and, with his signature dryness, asked the audience to "turn off their ear sets," which was a reference to the ear set that hearing impaired people can get on Broadway, as opposed to my talk show at Don't Tell Mama. I informed him that my
Chatterbox
wasn't a Broadway show, and he then asked, "Then why am I here?" As usual, hilarious. He said that while he was doing
Biloxi Blues
in California, he went out between shows and ate bad Mexican food. He then got to the scene where the sergeant character says he's going to look each one of the soldiers in the eye to find out who's gay. When he looked Matthew in the eye, Matthew said, "I'm gonna throw up" and promptly left the stage. He was woozy offstage, and when he finally realized that he'd better rejoin the cast, he heard them improving onstage with such brilliant lines as "The sergeant sure seems mad" (pause), "Yeah… do you think he'll be mad tomorrow?" (pause), "Could be… because he was mad today." Where were Britt and The Groundlings?

 

Since Matthew can sing, I asked him why he didn't sing in
The Lion King
movie and he said he tried! He went to the recording studio and sang through the songs three times and remembers each time being told very intensely to "Loosen up!" He was repeatedly asked with more and more fervor, "Why are you so uptight? WHY?????" Needless to say, they didn't use his singing voice in the movie.

 

He was offered his first musical,
How to Succeed
, but asked the director, Des McAnuff, to come hear him sing at a voice lesson to make sure he could do it. Des gave him the thumbs up and he was raring to go. But when rehearsals began, Matthew had another gig so he had to miss the first three days. He said that he showed up, and it seemed like the whole cast was ready to start performing that night. He said that musical theatre people are always completely prepared, whereas he said he was like, "So… where's the coffee?" He remembers Megan Mullally, who played opposite him as Rosemary, was the most polished out of the cast. Her performance was brilliant from the first rehearsal they did together… and he was super-impressed by her singing. Actually, what he said was that her singing could "blast your head off," but he meant it in a positive way. I recalled that she got that part after being devastated by losing another big role… the lead in
Busker Alley
! That was the show that wound up never coming to Broadway because Tommy Tune broke his foot while it was still out of town. I love those stories about not getting something and then getting something better instead. I'm sure the fact that I didn't get the role of the pianist in
Master Class
lo those 15 years ago will lead to a better job. I'm patiently waiting. Still.

 

His then-soon-to-be wife, Sarah Jessica Parker, wound up playing the leading lady for the end of the run, and I asked if it was weird playing opposite someone that you were involved with, and he honestly said, "All anyone cares about is 'are you interfering with my laughs?'" Brava on the theatre shallowness! Speaking of which, I got an email from one of my favorite English professors whom I had at Oberlin. He wanted me to know that "Brava" is actually the feminine of "Bravo" and is not supposed to be used on a man. I had to explain that it's essentially a joke, and I've appropriated that word to mean both "Brava"
and
"Bravo." I also have no shame using it as a noun like: "His singing was a total brava." I didn't mind explaining, but I was devastated that my writing is still being evaluated by my college professors! Isn't this like that dream people always have where they're suddenly back in college, and they have a big exam? I thought I was free from that dreaded red ink, but it's still there, lurking. Every word I write is subject to his scrutinizing eye and well-worn copy of Strunk and White's
The Elements of Style
.

 

Matthew talked about being in the original workshop of
Parade
as Leo Frank. After the workshop, he heard the show was going to Toronto but never got any details about when he would begin. Then he got a letter from Hal Prince that had the essence of letting him go, but didn't say it. The key line was
Even if this doesn't work out, I'd love to work with you again
. He thought, "Huh… I think I'm fired." He would show the letter to Sarah and his friends and say, "I think I'm fired? Don't I seem fired to you?" He claims that he finally knew he wasn't doing it once the show opened on Broadway without him.

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