Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey (16 page)

Church Centeredness. I believe that almost anyone who is seriously involved in any church will recognize that churchgoing is not synonymous with personal spirituality. There are some people who get so busy in church worship and projects that they become insensitive to the pressing human needs that surround them, contradicting the very precepts they profess to believe deeply. There are others who attend church less frequently or not at all but whose attitudes and behavior reflect a more genuine centering in the principles of the basic Judeo-Christian ethic.

Having participated throughout my life in organized church and community service groups, I have found that attending church does not necessarily mean living the principles taught in those meetings.

You can be active in a church but inactive in its gospel.

In the church-centered life, image or appearance can become a person's dominant consideration, leading to hypocrisy that undermines personal security and intrinsic worth. Guidance comes from a social conscience, and the church-centered person tends to label others artificially in terms of "active,"

"inactive," "liberal," "orthodox," or "conservative."

Because the church is a formal organization made up of policies, programs, practices, and people, it cannot by itself give a person any deep, permanent security or sense of intrinsic worth. Living the principles taught by the church can do this, but the organization alone cannot.

Nor can the church give a person a constant sense of guidance. Church-centered people often tend to live in compartments, acting and thinking and feeling in certain ways on the Sabbath and in totally different ways on weekdays. Such a lack of wholeness or unity or integrity is a further threat to security, creating the need for increased labeling and self-justifying.

Seeing the church as an end rather than as a means to an end undermines a person's wisdom and sense of balance. Although the church claims to teach people about the source of power, it does not claim to be that power itself. It claims to be one vehicle through which divine power can be channeled into man's nature.

Self-Centeredness. Perhaps the most common center today is the self. The most obvious form is selfishness, which violates the values of most people. But if we look closely at many of the popular approaches to growth and self-fulfillment, we often find self-centering at their core.

There is little security, guidance, wisdom, or power in the limited center of self. Like the Dead Sea in Palestine, it accepts but never gives. It becomes stagnant.

On the other hand, paying attention to the development of self in the greater perspective of improving one's ability to serve, to produce, to contribute in meaningful ways, gives context for dramatic increase in the four life-support factors

These are some of the more common centers from which people approach life. It is often much easier to recognize the center in someone else's life than to see it in your own. You probably know someone who puts making money ahead of everything else. You probably know someone whose energy is devoted to justifying his or her position in an ongoing negative relationship. If you look, you can sometimes see beyond behavior into the center that creates it.

But where do you stand? What is at the center of your own life? Sometimes that isn't easy to see Perhaps the best way to identify your own center is to look closely at your life-support factors. If you can identify with one or more of the descriptions below, you can trace it back to the center from which it flows, a center which may be limiting your personal effectiveness.

If you are Spouse Centered...

SECURITY

Your feelings of security are based on the way your spouse treats you.

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You are highly vulnerable to the moods and feelings of your spouse.

There is deep disappointment resulting in withdrawal or conflict when your spouse disagrees with you or does not meet your expectations.

Anything that may impinge on the relationship is perceived as a threat.

GUIDANCE

Your direction comes from your own needs and wants and from those of your spouse.

Your decision-making criterion is limited to what you think is best for your marriage or your mate, or to the preferences and opinions of your spouse.

Your decision-making criterion is limited to what you think is best for your marriage or your mate, or to the preferences and opinions of your spouse.

WISDOM

Your life perspective surrounds things which may positively or negatively influence your spouse or your relationship.

POWER

Your power to act is limited by weaknesses in your spouse and in yourself.

* * *

SECURITY

Your security is founded on family acceptance and fulfilling family expectations.

Your sense of personal security is as volatile as the family.

Your feelings of self-worth are based on the family reputation.

GUIDANCE

Family scripting is your source of correct attitudes and behaviors.

Your decision-making criterion is what is good for the family, or what family members want.

WISDOM

You interpret all of life in terms of your family, creating a partial understanding and family narcissism.

POWER

Your actions are limited by family models traditions.

* * *

SECURITY

Your personal worth is determined by your net worth.

You are vulnerable to anything that threatens your economic security.

GUIDANCE

Profit is your decision-making criterion.

WISDOM

Money-making is the lens through which life is seen and understood, creating imbalanced judgment.

POWER

You are restricted to what you can accomplish with your money and your limited vision.

* * *

SECURITY

You tend to define yourself by your occupational role.

You are only comfortable when you are working.

GUIDANCE

You make your decisions based on the needs and expectations of your work.

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WISDOM

You tend to be limited to your work role.

POWER

Your actions are limited by work role models, organizational constraints, occupational opportunities, your boss's perceptions, and your possible inability at some point in your life to do that particular work.

* * *

SECURITY

Your security is based on your reputation, your social status, or the tangible things you possess.

You tend to compare what you have to what others have.

GUIDANCE

You make your decisions based on what will protect, increase, or better display your possessions.

WISDOM

You see the world in terms of comparative economic and social relationships.

POWER

You function within the limits of what you can buy or the social prominence you can achieve.

* * *

SECURITY

You feel secure only when you're on a pleasure "high.

Your security is short-lived, anesthetizing, and dependent on your environment.

GUIDANCE

You make your decisions based on what will give you the most pleasure.

WISDOM

You see the world in terms of what's in it for you.

POWER

Your power is almost negligible.

* * *

SECURITY

Your security is a function of the social mirror.

You are highly dependent on the opinion of others.

GUIDANCE

Your decision-making criterion is "What will they think?

You are easily embarrassed.

WISDOM

You see the world through a social lens.

Your actions are as fickle as opinion.

POWER

You are limited by your social comfort zone.

* * *

SECURITY

Your security is volatile, based on the movements of your enemy.

You are always wondering what he is up to.

You seek self-justification and validation from the like-minded.

GUIDANCE

You are counter-dependently guided by your enemy's actions.

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You make your decisions based on what will thwart your enemy.

WISDOM

Your judgment is narrow and distorted.

You are defensive, over-reactive, and often paranoid.

POWER

The little power you do have comes from anger, envy, resentment, and vengeance -- negative energy that shrivels and destroys, leaving energy for littlle else.

* * *

SECURITY

Your security is based on church activity and on the esteem in which you are held by those in authority or influence in the church.

You find identity and security in religious labels and comparisons.

GUIDANCE

You are guided by how others will evaluate your actions in the context of church teachings and expectations.

WISDOM

You see the world in terms of "believers" and "non-believers," "belongers" and "non-belongers.

POWER

Perceived power comes from your church position or role.

* * *

SECURITY

Your security is constantly changing and shifting.

GUIDANCE

Your judgment criteria are: "If it feels good..." "What I want." "What I need." "What's in it for me?

WISDOM

You view the world by how decisions, events, or circumstances will affect you.

POWER

Your ability to act is limited to your own resources, without the benefits of interdependency.

More often than not, a person's center is some combination of these and/or other centers. Most people are very much a function of a variety of influences that play upon their lives. Depending on external or internal conditions, one particular center may be activated until the underlying needs are satisfied. Then another center becomes the compelling force.

As a person fluctuates from one center to another, the resulting relativism is like roller coasting through life. One moment you're high, the next moment you're low, making efforts to compensate for one weakness by borrowing strength from another weakness. There is no consistent sense of direction, no persistent wisdom, no steady power supply or sense of personal, intrinsic worth and identity.

The ideal, of course, is to create one clear center from which you consistently derive a high degree of security, guidance, wisdom, and power, empowering your proactivity and giving congruency and harmony to every part of your life.

By centering our lives on correct principles, we create a solid foundation for development of the four life-support factors

Our security comes from knowing that, unlike other centers based on people or things which are subject to frequent and immediate change, correct principles do not change. We can depend on them
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Principles don't react to anything. They won't divorce us or run away with our best friend. They aren't out to get us. They can't pave our way with shortcuts and quick fixes. They don't depend on the behavior of others, the environment, or the current fad for their validity. Principles don't die.

They aren't here one day and gone the next. They can't be destroyed by fire, earthquake, or theft.

Principles are deep, fundamental truths, classic truths, generic common denominators. They are tightly interwoven threads running with exactness, consistency, beauty, and strength through the fabric of life.

Even in the midst of people or circumstances that seem to ignore the principles, we can be secure in the knowledge that principles are bigger than people or circumstances, and that thousands of years of history have seen them triumph, time and time again. Even more important, we can be secure in the knowledge that we can validate them in our own lives, by our own experience.

Admittedly, we're not omniscient. Our knowledge and understanding of correct principles is limited by our own lack of awareness of our true nature and the world around us and by the flood of trendy philosophies and theories that are not in harmony with correct principles. These ideas will have their season of acceptance, but, like many before them, they won't endure because they're built on false foundations.

We are limited, but we can push back the borders of our limitations. An understanding of the principle of our own growth enables us to search out correct principles with the confidence that the more we learn, the more clearly we can focus the lens through which we see the world. The principles don't change; our understanding of them does.

The wisdom and guidance that accompany Principle-Centered Living come from correct maps, from the way things really are, have been, and will be. Correct maps enable us to clearly see where we want to go and how to get there. We can make our decisions using the correct data that will make their implementation possible and meaningful.

The personal power that comes from Principle-Centered Living is the power of a self-aware, knowledgeable, proactive individual, unrestricted by the attitudes, behaviors, and actions of others or by many of the circumstances and environmental influences that limit other people.