Seventeen Days (16 page)

Whatever, I’ll take sharing a bed with him over sleeping alone. 

On the flight over, when we weren’t talking, I figured out a few things. 

One, I want to date Harrison, long-term, as a boyfriend, even if I’m not in Alabama. 

Two, I have to go to college.
Have to
. No matter what. I’ll research starting at a community college wherever I end up. School needs to be finished so I can start my career. Whatever that may be. 

Three, Aunt Savannah truly loves me. And I’m totally okay with that. I have come to realize I love her too.

And her evil dog. 

Four, my home isn’t in New York anymore. I’ve yet to tell Harrison the flight ticket is pretty much void now, and I’ll be going somewhere else. No clue where, but New York is not an option anymore. Shit, my friends all abandoned me anyway. Celene has never called back after the first time we spoke about my staying with Gabe. Whatever, I totally dodged a bullet there, I’m sure. 

Five, if only I could tell my heart it doesn’t want to stay in Alabama, I’d be able to start taking step four. 

Maybe if I voice all of this to Harrison, he can help me come up with a solution. I’m sure he may know of a few good colleges that I could try to get into it. Maybe a two-year program. I’m accepted at Columbia, but no way in hell I could afford their fees now. Sienna was supposed to pay for my college education. 

“Babe, what’s Julian’s address so I can import it in the GPS?” 

It’s then I realize we’re sitting in the car; I don’t recall getting in. Must’ve been completely lost in my own thoughts. “He lives in an apartment on Rue des Francs-Bourgeois, which from the map I snatched up inside appears to be a trendy neighborhood with plenty of hotels. We shouldn’t have a problem finding one.” 

“From what the GPS says, it’ll take us about forty minutes to get there from here. If he’s home, do you want to stop there tonight, or call him and set up lunch for tomorrow? Maybe we’ll be in luck and your aunt called him while we were on the plane and he’s ready for us to show up on his doorstep.” 

I didn’t think of that. Why didn’t I think of that? She may have called him already. I mean, I know I called and left a message for him, but my message was vague, I didn’t exactly say I was coming to Paris. Shit. Why does that make me more nervous? I’m not sure I want to meet him tonight, but if I wait till tomorrow, it only gives me more time to make me anxious. At this rate, I’ll give myself an anxiety attack. Suddenly I feel like I can’t breathe. Fuck, it’s started already. Where’s a paper bag when you need one? Good thing we haven’t moved from the parking lot yet. I need to get out. There’s not enough air in this car. 

Throwing open my door, I stumble out of the vehicle. Shit, it’s not any better outside. Where has all the air gone? 

Harrison is kneeling down in front of me. I’m on the ground? On my knees? How the hell did I get down here? 

“Babe, breathe. Look into my eyes and concentrate on the sound of my voice.” Glancing up into his stormy depths, I try to take a breath. His soothing voice keeps repeating, “Breathe in … breathe out,” but it’s not working. Feeling like I could hyperventilate at any second, I start to panic even more. If I thought I’ve suffered from a panic attack before, I was mistaken.
This
is a panic attack. 

“Let’s try this, take a deep breath in, inhale.” Doing that while still staring into his eyes, he continues, “Good. Now hold that for two seconds … One … two. … Let it out, exhale. Now, repeat. You’re doing a great job. Deep breath in, hold again. Fantastic, now let it out.” This is working. Without him having to repeat it, I take another deep breath in. The potential of meeting my father has sent me over the edge. 

After about ten more deep breaths, I
finally
feel like I can breathe on my own again. The world has stopped closing in around me. 

“Jesus, you scared me, Red.” Giving me a look of concern—which I hate—he places his hand gently on my cheek. I press my cheek harder into his hand, I love the comforting feeling his touch brings me, I crave it. That’s so much better than his concerned look. Only a minute ago I couldn’t breathe, and now I feel like purring. Fucking purring. Like a damn cat. 

“I … I scared myself. I’ve never had that happen before. I’ve had a panic attack in the past, but it was
nothing
like I just went through. Shit, if
thinking
about meeting Julian does that to me, what is going to happen
when
I meet him? What if I can’t breathe then?” 

Instead of answering me, he places a gentle kiss on the corner of my mouth. Slightly turning my head, I meet his lips. After a couple of seconds—which was about thirty seconds shorter than I would’ve liked—he pulls back and breaks the kiss. 

“Then I’ll help you out of it, exactly like I did this time. I’ll be with you on this journey, every step of the way.”

That may be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. I find myself thinking that a lot lately. Harrison literally says the sweetest things to me. Ever. Which is kind of sad when you think about it, to think I’ve never been told sweet things in my life. 

“Thank you, in case I forget to say it again later, thank you.” Pressing my lips to his in a quick kiss one more time, I get myself up. “We should probably leave now. I’m all good, I promise.” And I am … I think. Mostly, anyway. 

“How about we find a hotel near his place, check in, grab a quick bite to eat, and then head over to his place? Give yourself a bit more time to calm down and breathe. Plus, I don’t know about you, but I’m damn hungry.” 

“Okay, sounds amazing, actually. Let’s go with your plan.” 

Backing out of our spot, he makes his way out of the parking lot. Hopefully my chest will stop constricting and I’ll be able to keep my promise of “being good”. Because, I sort of lied when I told him I was good now.
I’m so not good.

Morgan scared the fuck out of me with her panic attack. If I had never seen one happen for myself, I never would’ve known what was happening to her. I’ve had a passenger get one, they thought they saw a shark and proceeded to freak out. Turned out to be a dolphin, but it didn’t make the guy breathe any easier.

We managed to find a hotel about a block away from Julian’s apartment. I’ve convinced Morgan to go take a hot bubble bath while I ordered us up some room service. Yeah, it would’ve been faster to probably dine in an actual restaurant, but I wanted her to calm her nerves a little more. And I may have wanted to sneak in a quick call to Savannah. 

Unpacking my duffel, I realize I didn’t bring my charger for my phone,
and
I don’t have an adaptor, even if I would’ve remembered it. Guess that a stop to a store is needed. Powering up my cell, I’m relieved to see I have almost a full battery. It’ll be more than enough to make the calls I need to at the moment. However, I’m not looking forward to the international rates. 

As I’m dialing Savannah, my alert goes off letting me know that I have new voicemail. Might as well check it before I make any calls. Maybe I won’t need to make any calls after all. 

There’s four messages total. The first two are from Steve checking on things, he’s worried about all the tours next week if I’m not back. I’ll call him and tell him to call the kid I interviewed earlier this week and see if he can start. Honesty, I hadn’t planned on hiring him full time yet, but it appears like I may need to. 

The third is from Thad. His concerns pretty much mirror Steve’s, but he’s also worried about having to maybe run a tour with Steve while I’m away. I wish those two would get over their petty bullshit and get along. 

The fourth is from Savannah.
Thank God.
Hopefully she did call and get ahold of Julian for us. I think that will settle Morgan a bit to not show up unannounced on his doorstep.  

Quickly, I listen to her message—twice—to make sure I caught everything. She’s arranged for us to meet Julian at a nearby cafe later tonight. At eleven, to be exact. It may sound late, but we didn’t land here till almost eight in the evening. 

Deciding to tell her the news now, I knock gently on the bathroom door. “Hey, Red?” 

Her reply from the other side sounds a bit muffled, “Yeah?” 

“Can you hear me all right?”

“Open the door already and say what you need to say.” Open the door and possibly see her naked?
Fuck me
, I doubt I could handle that. I’ll crack the door open a tiny crack and hope for the best. 

“There was a message from your aunt when I powered up my phone. She’s arranged for us to meet Julian in around an hour. Are you okay with seeing him tonight? I’m sure we could change it, if you need more time and don’t want to meet him tonight.” If she needs more time, I’ll call Julian myself and reschedule. I know she’s nervous to meet him, but she doesn’t know what I know, that he’s the one who posted her bail on her birthday. He
wants
to meet her. It’s her mother that’s never let it happen. Too bad she can no longer control her daughter. 

Before she answers, the door is suddenly flying open. She’s standing there a couple feet in front of me.
In nothing but a towel.
Nothing but a skimpy damn towel is covering her from my view. She might as well be naked. Letting out a frustrated groan, I turn around giving her my back. 

“Turn around. If I didn’t want you seeing what I’m offering, I wouldn’t have opened the door. I’m not naked, it’s a towel, Harrison. I’d show off more skin if I was wearing a bikini on the beach. Maybe I should wear one to work one day.”

Not if I have anything to say about it, she won’t. Gentry and Thad would be all over what’s mine. I can’t have that. 

“I’m not turning around, babe. I won’t be able to concentrate and finish this conversation. Answer me and let me know if you want to go tonight or if I need to call and change things.” 

Feeling her hand on my shoulder, she attempts to turn me around. Too bad I’m stronger than her and my feet are planted firmly. She won’t get me to turn around. 

“Fine. Be that way, I’ll come stand in front of you.” 

“And I’ll turn around the other way again. We can do this all night, or you could answer my question.” 

“It’s only skin, Harrison. From what I’ve heard, people who date see each other naked. And we
are
dating, right? Or are we strictly good friends who will never see each other naked? I’m dying to know the answer. So if you answer my question, I’ll answer yours about Julian.” 

She’s giving me an ultimatum? Why does that turn me on? But I’ll give in, this once.

Turning back around to face her, I gaze directly into her eyes and answer her question, to the best of my ability. “It’s a difficult answer. It’s not exactly a yes or no answer; black or white. Yes, we’re dating, but no we won’t be seeing each other naked. Not before you leave me, anyway.” 

The smile on her lips quickly disappears. Fuck, I didn’t want to put that expression on her face, but she needed to know my intentions. I won’t have sex with her only for her to leave me and never come back. She already has damn near my whole heart and she’s gotten it in record time—she doesn’t need to take it all with her when she leaves. This is the easiest way to keep her from completely breaking me. 

Still not answering my question, she turns around and closes herself back in the bathroom. Great,
now
she’s hiding from me. 

Placing my hand on the door and leaning into it, I whisper so low I barely hear it myself, “It’s for the best. I already love you,” and walk away. Why does it feel like I just broke my own heart?