Sewn with Joy (32 page)

*
Mary Schenck Woolman,
A Sewing Course for Teachers
(Washington, DC: Frederik A. Fernald, 1915), 47.

Twenty-Seven

How we sit with the broken speaks louder than how we sit with the great.

A
MISH PROVERB

I
'm sorry you're having a hard time, Joy, but I've been praying for this.” Elizabeth sat at the sewing machine in Pinecraft Fabric and Quilts. Her hands still held the strips of fabric she'd been sewing. Joy imagined Elizabeth would be tired and overwhelmed since Joy had spent so much time on the set and not in the shop. But the older woman had been sewing pot holders with a smile as if nothing was wrong in the world.

Elizabeth's smile even grew when Joy rushed in and shared what had been going on—especially how she was now second-guessing her decision to stay with the show.

“What have you been praying for, Elizabeth? That Matthew and I would decide not to court? That I would find myself at odds with the community? That I ruin my life?”

“
Ne
, sweet girl. I would never pray for those things. I've been praying that God would do whatever it takes to draw you closer to Him.”

“But if you prayed that, surely you knew what would happen…” Joy bit her lower lip. “I mean, you can't just pray that
and leave it up to God. After all, everyone knows not to pray for patience, or God will give us lots of opportunities to practice it. So if you pray that I'll need to depend on God, then…well, I'm not quite sure what I'm saying.”

Elizabeth pushed back from the sewing machine. She patted the wooden chair next to her, motioning for Joy to sit down. “Are you asking if I knew difficulties would come to you because of my prayer?”

Joy shrugged. “
Ja
, I suppose I am.”

“Joy, I wasn't praying for difficulties in your life, but sometimes that's what it takes for us to get to the end of ourselves and to the end of our strength. It's often how we learn to depend on Him.” Elizabeth offered a soft smile. “I think every opportunity is both a gift and a challenge. The challenge is that you are stepping out into uncomfortable places, and you're discovering who opposes you as well as who believes in you. But the gift is that you're discovering new parts of yourself and new parts of God.”

Joy shifted her weight from side to side. “I suppose that's true, but I wish more people understood. I don't think it's fair that people say I'm just trying to be rebellious and go against the bishop. I didn't set out to make him or Matthew look bad. People have
ne
idea that my motivation was to help pay for my father's therapy.” Joy pressed her lips together. She hadn't meant to share that much. She didn't need praise for what she was doing, but it hurt her that so many people seemed to be judging her.

“I've heard about what you're doing for your father. Jeanette came in and told me. She sounded proud of you even though she wished you didn't have to work.” Elizabeth reached over and patted Joy's hand. “I don't think everyone is as upset as you think they are.”

“Matthew is. We are no longer courting. Well, he told me to think about it, but we both know how it's going to end.”

“
Ja
, I know.” Elizabeth sighed. “And you know what else I know?”

“What's that?”

“Even more snowbirds are returning. The Grabers, over at the trailer park, have been busy getting everything ready.”

Joy's mouth dropped open. “
Ja
, okay, and what does that have to do with this conversation?”

Elizabeth's light blue eyes sparkled with humor. “What I'm trying to say is that seasons come and seasons go. Circumstances change, people change. Just because things are this way for you and Matthew now doesn't mean they'll be this way forever. Who knows what the months ahead will bring?”

Joy nodded, offering a reserved smile. It made sense, but it was hard to believe when she had so much ache stacking up inside her chest.

“You know, Elizabeth, we've been friends for a while, and I wish I could be more like you. That I had more faith. That I trusted God more. I'm trying to do my best, but I feel as if I'm failing everyone.”

“Oh, Joy, don't you understand? You get to know God better only when you cling to Him. And you cling to Him only when there is nowhere else to turn. We are all frail humans, but we act as if we can take on this world with our own wit and our own strength. We try for a while. Sometimes we do all right, but most of the time we make a big mess of things. And then, when we come to our senses, we realize we need God. It's then when we turn to Him—when we get to the end of ourselves. My dear girl, I've made many mistakes. The faith and trust I have now has come from times when I've made those mistakes and clung to God.”

“So do you think I've made a mistake, Elizabeth? Was I wrong to take this job?”

“
Ne
, I don't. I think the mistake you made was thinking that everyone would understand. Sometimes when we feel as if we're following God, we get a lot of protests—especially from those closest to us.”

Joy nodded. “
Ja
, Elizabeth. I understand.” She sighed. “But I really have to run. I need to get to the set. They, uh, need me today. And then tomorrow…” Joy didn't say it, but she was seriously considering telling Rowan at the end of the day that she wouldn't be coming back. Both the love and the pain in Matthew's gaze wouldn't leave her.

“Are you busy tonight?” Elizabeth asked.

“Yesterday they said we'll be wrapping up early today. I'm hoping that's still the case.”

“Would you like to come by my place for dinner? I'm having a dinner party. I'd like you to be my guest.”

“A dinner party?” Joy couldn't help but chuckle. “That sounds like a fancy
Englisch
thing. When we invite people over we simply call it supper.”

“
Ja
, well it is what it is.” There was an intense gaze in Elizabeth's eyes. One Joy didn't expect. “But you'll be there, won't you?”

Joy leaned forward and placed her hand on Elizabeth's. “
Ja
, I will.” She squeezed and then released her hand.
What is really going on?
Elizabeth wouldn't invite Matthew without telling her, would she? She wouldn't try to fix things between them, right? As far as Joy could see, there was no fixing this. Maybe things would never be the way they used to be, even if she quit her job with the show now. With sunken shoulders, Joy turned toward the door.

“And one more thing.” Elizabeth's voice called out, stopping her in her tracks.

Joy glanced over her shoulder. “
Ja
, what is it?”

“I don't want you to quit. Not today.”

Joy touched her hand to her neck and turned slowly, surprised. “What do you mean?”

“I mean you're tired, you're uncertain, and you have a broken heart. It may seem like the logical choice to quit this job. After all, that will solve all your problems, or at least it will seem to. But wait until after tonight. Tonight is important, Joy. There is something I want you to see.”

“I can do that.”

“Promise me.” Emotion filled Elizabeth's voice.

“
Ja
, I promise.”

Joy walked out with a strange sensation tingling up and down her arms. How did Elizabeth know what she'd been thinking? How did the older woman know she'd decided to quit? It didn't make sense.

Then again it didn't make sense that Elizabeth had started praying for that warehouse even before it came up for sale and even before Lovina decided to open a pie shop. And she'd been praying for a community garden even before Hope embraced the idea of starting a garden behind the pie shop. It was strange that Elizabeth would be aware of such things unless…unless Joy took her words to heart.

“
I've learned to cling to God
,” Elizabeth had said.

Joy walked with a quickened pace down to Gardenia Street, yet her mind was on another image. It was of her in their home up in Walnut Creek when she was just a young girl. She was always the first to rise.
Mem
never had to rouse her for chores. Instead, it was the gentle click from the front door latch that woke her—
Dat
going out to the barn to care for the animals.

She'd rise, tuck her blanket around her, and on cold days, sit by the fireplace and wait for
Dat
to return. He would, sometimes with ice crystals on his beard, and then after warming up by the
fire, he'd sit in his favorite chair and pat his lap, inviting her into his arms.

With her body snuggled to his side,
Dat
would open his Bible and begin to read out loud. She guessed he did it more for her benefit than his, and he'd read in English. He'd often read the Lord's Prayer or one of the psalms. Sometimes he read stories of Jesus. She loved listening to those best.

And that's what she thought of when Elizabeth talked about clinging to God. It seemed the same to her as clinging to her father's lap. Because she was close to
Dat
, she heard him read, heard him talk to her
mem
, and heard his whispers when he spoke to her. Because she was close to
Dat
those mornings, she heard things her sisters didn't. They were still his little girls, of course, and they still had special relationships, but she got to know him more and hear him better because she was on his lap.

Something inside Joy made her want that with God too, but something else was fearful of it. What if she grew closer to God and then discovered He was different from what she thought? What if she found out things she didn't want to know? What if she grew close only to be disappointed? After all, she had a hard time picturing Him as she did her father. God seemed more stern than that—more focused on the rules. But maybe there was more to Him than she knew.

What would it take to find out?

Twenty-Eight

To grow old gracefully, you must start when you are young.

A
MISH PROVERB

J
oy walked up to the small house. It was gray with white trim, and it had a fancy door, as if someone had salvaged the door from a much nicer, bigger home and brought it here. The lawn was mowed, but the closer Joy got the more she noticed more weeds. She didn't know why she expected anything different though, since Elizabeth was having a harder time getting around of late. Joy made a mental note to talk to her
dat
about that. Hope and Jonas would be in town soon, and she knew her sister and future brother-in-law would love to tackle the yard. And Jonas's daughter, Emma, would be right there to help.

Joy knocked once, her knuckles rapping softly on the wood. Then she heard Elizabeth's soft voice calling to her, telling her to enter.

Joy had been to Elizabeth's house numerous times to talk with her boss, to drop off deposit slips, and to bring her fabric, but today the place looked different than she'd ever seen it.

A long table had been set up in the middle of the living room. A pressed white tablecloth hung nearly to the floor. Various chairs were positioned around the table—dining room chairs, lawn
chairs, and an office chair. But the simplicity of the chairs was made up for by the grandness of the table. Joy's mouth circled into an
O
as she neared.