Sex and the Confession Box (18 page)

And there it
was his heart on the ground, splattered on the frosty night path, along with his hope. He didn’t need it now no more would it beat. OH I see and he walked the long walk away from  his forever happyness. The young man shouted after him who will I say called? No one, he said no one called that’s obviously who I am to her no one! Tears did not fall they only fall when you feel. He climbed into the car and looked at Father Francis, and shook his head, she’s with someone. Really, he was taken aback, he’d worked out a happy ending in his head like all those romantic movies he watched with his mother, evidently this one was “Wuthering Heights” what happened, a young man was there, was he her guy did she talk to you, Peter gave him a sullen annoyed look, if you’d let me speak IL tell you and get us out of here I never want to see this place again. Yes father yes. The young man was alone, but yes she still lived there, he informed me that apparently she’s in Edinburgh with her fancy man, her fancyman, Peter rolled his eyes.

Maybe
she gave up on you father, and if she even knows about what happened to you, she knows snapped back Peter she knows. She just didn’t love me and that’s that. Your wrong Father Francis said ,excuse me said Peter getting really annoyed, I saw how distraught she was and I could see she was in pain, in pain for you. So don’t you go writing her of yet who’s doing the judging now father. Peter looked at this young wee priest defiantly not wanting him to give up, defying all he was brought up to believe, the church the vows, he believed in love he saw that whatever it may cost. They sat quietly, neither knowing what to say, both in their own thoughts. Peter said well IL know by tomorrow if she does care at all. Hows that then asked Father Francis? The guy will tell her a priest called looking for her, she’d bound to know it was me, so if she still has any feelings or at least some curiosity she’ll call wont she he said in an doubtful voice. I agree father, good point, now all you have to do is wait one more day. Another wait thought Peter more waiting to be happy, he thought his waiting would be over tonight. So tomorrow will come and with it Eileen he hoped and the answer to a question he had to know the answer to do you still love me?

Eileen’ Christmas Journey

The plane landed at
“George Best” airport fifteen minutes behind schedule, I already had my seatbelt of and my bag in my lap awaiting to knock anyone out of the way to be the first of the plane. Doors opened and out I zoomed by literally sliding down the steps of the airplane and running across the tarmac to the airport racing to the outside ,I flew open my arms and looked up at the Belfast skies filled with millions of twinkles of hope. Taxi love said a waiting taxi driver yes please jumping into the warm cab. Where to then,”Ardoyne” “Saint Anthony’s” chapel please alright and out he pulled. Your a right holy one and you don’t look the sort, excuse me? Confused by what the driver said, you going to mass again, again I thought what’s he on about, you don’t remember me, but you’re not one to forget I picked you up before outside the Europa hotel and took you to masses nun are you he said laughing, the total opposite actually  and hoping he didn’t get what I meant. The driver chatted about Christmas and I was glad stopped me taking the steering wheel of him and doing ninety up the road.

Thankfully
there, no thinking any what ifs or maybe I shouldn’t, not after what I’d been through to get here and I didn’t just mean the flight I mean  my whole life they say it all leads to these moment, moments like this that can change your whole destiny but were preordained for you, I don’t know I only knew I was here and I wasn’t at any crossroads I was on that straight path once again ,looking up at the sky please God no more diversions?

She pushed open those big wooden doors she
’d been thrown out of over  five months or more ago. The  smell of the incense hit in and she inhaled .There were a few praying in the Chapel and some lighting canldes. Christmas brought more to Gods house a time of such loneliness and loss at Christmas cradled you more also lots came to pray for help to be able to afford this time of year, not to let their kids down so much pressure and stress, many prayed for that lost family member to come home or to just be ok. Christmas brings us altogether in so many different ways. I stood looking at the Christmas candle s so pretty. Now what will I sit and wait or knock on heaven’s door. Fuck it IL knock, she went out round the back and knocked on the parish house door no answer so she rang the bell, no answer, for fuck sake seriously. She pressed for a while, she saw a light come on the front  porch, and grumbling noises from behind the door as it was being unlocked, my heart sank with the titanic as Father Harkin stood there all red faced and out of breath. Hello Father I said awaiting another outburst, but he just said why all the buzzing, has someone died, she got a huge whiff of booze from his breath, if they had he’d be no good to anybody. No father I need to speak to Father Peter please Father it’s urgent, he squinted his eyes taking a real good look and I could tell by the upturn of his gob that he remembered me, what do you want back here? I told you before I’d get the police on you if I ever saw you again. Yes you did indeed and I told you to go to hell but still here we both are. He was fucked of then, he wasn’t brushing me of no fucking way, is he here.No! Even if he were he would not want anything to do with the likes of you. Well I started to poke the ole shit the likes of me I said as I began to poke him in his chest and backed him deeper into the hallway, the likes of me is a human being a woman with a child who has had it hard and still believes in God but not in the likes of you, you bring shame to God and to the church with your bitter twisted judgements. You don’t know me, you’ll never know me, you judge through yourself through your own hatred’s IL ask again may I speak to Father Petered shoved my arm away like I said he’s not here and he told me to tell you if you should happen to call again, that he wants nothing more to do with you and that he has retaken up with the parish again and that’s where he’s staying. I don’t believe you, I said backing down and of and out, true, after he almost died in Derry he knew God had saved him for a reason a higher purpose ,he raised his voice louder, a higher power saved Father Peter to continue Gods work and to serve God he knows that now. He smiled an evil smirk hissing his words that sank her soul. Be gone from here and let him do the right thing.

Nothing
left to give or say, no energy for anger I turned and ran from his presence, as he shut the door on the life he destroyed and went back to his own betrayals. I wailed the pain of such sorrow as would show up a banshee, I cried and died once more I cried in gods presence. I crept into what used to be a refuge for torn souls, lost being lost lives. I knelt before a statue of our lady and looked up at her and I walked over and kissed her feet and lit two candles, one for my sins I said to her please forgive me my sins, no more I said IL sin no more referring completely I was no longer going to sin against god and myself I was through with betraying my soul and selling it to the highest bidder. No more hooking for me, I promise you I said rubbing her feet set me free from this pain mother Mary. I turned and lit the second candle and I said to this statue this one’s for Father Peter take care of him and let him know that I always will love him.

Is
that candle for me then? I jumped out of my skin, I thought I was completely alone in the chapel so was praying out loud to our lady asking and praying with all my heart, turning round to the voice came tears and shaking and falling to my knees Peter he ran to me before I could knee to the ground Peter,I cried oh Eileen we both embraced holding each other and I cried the tears I’d held in for all these months all the guilt and pain and shame came pouring out onto his big hard chest as he held me saying my name, all I managed to say was I waited I did ,and I know why now, He rubbed the tears of my face oh sweet beautiful Eileen I love you, I love you  I’ve been waiting for you longing for you. It was you who God kept me alive for. You to love and to take care of you, there is no higher calling to me than to get to love thee and have thee, you still want me then, nodding his head to the side where I’d been praying heard the prayer. I buried my head into his chest God yes of course. So what’s this about a fancy man then. What I said taken aback I’ve been to your house I’m just back you are I said, yes, some guy said you were in Edinburgh with your fancy Man? Oh my brother that’s my brother, he’s minding my son. I flew back from Edinburgh as soon as I heard you were shot I hadn’t heard it was a priest never mind you.

All the news was in the Derry papers mostly till they got the guys then bigger paper printed the story.There was a cough behind us and I looked over Father Peters shoulder and there was Father Francis,ah Father Francis,you,ve met Eileen, yes we have met as I threw my arms around him and kissed him on the cheek and said thank you, he smiled shyly, welcome. How did you know I was in here,Fathere Harkin the charming priest that he is in his drunken rage told me you had called and the story of complete lies he’d spewed you, so after slapping him in the face, would have punched him but the ole lad wouldn’t have taken it I ran out to find you and something drew me in here. I smiled you drew me in here, I think there are forces at work here Peter drawing us together. He turned to father Francis, father yes sir said Francis would you do me the honours he said as he held out the beautiful sapphire ring he’d kept with him all this time and marry me and this woman. I burst out laughing he can’t marry, I know it won be official but until that day. Will you marry me Eileen o Hara I bit my bottom lip as more tears came, yes I said nodding my head as he slipped it onto my finger, little big I dont care, Father he said nodding to Francis who walked over laughing love he said its great. He placed his hand on top of both Peters and Eileen’s hand and cupped them together I now pronounce you both to be together for ever more, and we kissed  a beautiful soft kiss holding each other’s hand and our mouths searched each other’s with longing and need and lust, entwined in that kiss was us, peace at last in our embrace. We heard the door off the chapel shut behind us and released we’d embarrassed poor father Francis and he’d left. We burst out laughing, so Mrs O Kane I laughed oh no I’m keeping my name I just got it back after the divorce, fair enough home, yes home.

We
began to walk from the chapel from the vows Peter made, towards the new vows we made to each other ,simple ones to be “Honest Loving and Respectful” and don’t fuck about as we were about to run to this new path. I stopped and looked towards the confessional boxes, with a smile, a dirty smile I whispered into his ear.

Mine
to he said, we went over to what used to be his box and opened the door to where the priest sits whilst listening to all that sin. There was a nice big wooden chair with a red velvet seat Peter stepped in and sat down I stepped in ad sat on Peter we closed the door and in the eyes of god we sinned and sinned and sinned some more. But we asked for forgiveness so it’s alright!!!

THE END

Please remember folk’s when you see a working girl,look for the girl,when you see a homeless person look for the person.When you
a lost soul look for the soul. “There But for The Grace of God”.