Sex Between, The (7 page)

She watched the pink and purple chase each other through Trudel's cheeks. She knew that Trudel dare not refuse, for fear of enraging Kate, and that Trudel dare not accept, for fear of losing Pieter.

"I need someone to live here at the house," Lee went . "I do a lot of my work here, see people here, that sort of thing. And since Pieter's getting married, I thought you'd be the logical choice. I mean, he'll be moving to Ravensway and I didn't think you'd want to stay on at the farm by yourself."

She sat back and folded her hands on the desk and waited.

Maggie said, "It's not such a bad idea, Trudel. Really it isn't. Lee's very easy to live with."

She sounded hopeful, almost anxious, and Lee didn't blame her. Living with Pieter was enough for any one person to have to endure. But she wasn't at all sure Maggie wasn't getting the better part of the deal.

"Trudel has worked for me," Pieter said.

His few words said it all. That he intended to keep Trudel working for him. But that he would give up without a fight if she waved Kate under his nose.

"Kate's put the choice in my hands," Lee lied blithely. "I need someone with experience in the firm. Trudel has that. And I think we can probably find someone else for you without too much trouble." She turned to Trudel. "What do you say?"

No one had ever heard Trudel speak three consecutive words. Now she stared dumbly at Lee, unable to find even two.

"Trudel will do what you want," Pieter said dully.

"I asked Trudel," Lee reminded him gently.

He touched his sister's arm and it looked as though he wanted to shake her. But he said nothing and his hand remained still on the heavy tweed of Trudel's sleeve.

"I will do what Pieter says," Trudel rumbled from behind her chins. "He is my brother."

Lee heard the gurgle of delight Maggie could not contain. And she sighed, settling into herself, content that she had been able to do something, some very little thing, to make Maggie's life bearable. Still, it was almost like nothing, there was so much she wanted to do for Maggie. So very much.

Maggie poured another round of cocoa, then refilled Lee's glass and brought it back to the desk. As she set it down, she touched Lee's hand and looking up, Lee saw that she was smiling.

"I could kiss you," Maggie murmured.

And Lee said, "Yah."

CHAPTER SIX

The Ten Broecks stayed only an hour, but it was long enough to give Lee a headache no amount of aspirin could cure. She stayed at her desk while Maggie showed them out, sitting with her feet propped on a drawer and her arms folded on her chest. And she thought about Trudel. Trudel, who never spoke, who had nothing to say anyhow, who had a shape like a sausage. Trudel, who would be sharing her house.

And she sighed. In a way, it was a kind of justice that she should be stuck with Trudel Ten Broeck for the rest of her life. A twisted, perverted justice such as Kate might have conjured up. It was her punishment for having refused to live at Ravensway and carry on the family tradition. Her punishment, for forcing Kate to find Maggie a husband so that the estate would have tenants. For in her heart she knew that not even Kate would have chosen Pieter for Maggie except under dire circumstances.

She heard the girl coming up the stairs and watched her head emerge above the level of the floor. Maggie looked pretty good, all things considered. Tired around the eyes, a little drained of spirit, but not by any means deflated. She admired the spark of self preservation in the girl that kept her smiling when Lee herself would have been in tears. And yet, it irritated her.

"Well, I'm glad that's over," Maggie said as she came over to the desk. She picked up the ashtray Lee had filled to overflowing and dumped it into the basket. "The two of them together make me nervous."

"You look as though you might live," Lee said, more caustically than she had intended, but annoyed by Maggie's tone. It was not fair that Maggie's mood should be soaring when her own was drooping so low.

"Why not?" Maggie said cheerfully. "Now that you've got Trudel all tucked away..."

"Oh, for chrissake," Lee exploded. "Don't try to tell me you've got stars in your eyes for that bumbling Dutchman. You can't stand him any more than I can and you know it."

"True," Maggie said gently. "But I'm going to be married to him, Lee."

The finality and the futility of it knocked the venom out of Lee. She picked up the empty glass and rolled it slowly between her palms. "I didn't mean to give you a hard time," she said. "You know that."

Maggie took the glass and set it onto the tray with the cups and spoons. "We're going for the license tomorrow morning," she said. "So I'll be a little late for work."

It was the last straw. Lee knew she could not spend the rest of the evening facing Maggie's quiet, simple acquiescence. To marry Pieter was one thing. But to take it sitting down...

She stood up roughly, knocking the chair back against the wall. "There won't be any work tomorrow,'' she said crisply. "I won't be here."

"Oh," Maggie said. But it was not surprise. Lee wanted to grab her and shake her until she stopped smiling, until the facade cracked and the truth started spilling out. Yet she dared not do that to Maggie. A little self-deception was necessary for Maggie right now. When she got around to facing the facts, then it would be time enough to worry.

Lee strode briskly across the living room, down the stairs, and out to the kitchen. She poured a mug of cold, bitter coffee and drank it standing, her nerves too edgy now for relaxation. In a minute, she would slam out the front door, slam into the car, and then speed to somewhere, anywhere that promised oblivion. If she had any sense at all, she would stay there, stay away from Maggie until the girl had been safely married off, safely bedded down with Pieter.

But she had no sense now—only fear—fear for Maggie and fear for herself. Maggie would die, married to Pieter. Of boredom, frustration, misery, and probably disgust. And Lee would die, too, if Maggie married Pieter—just die.

She slammed out the front door, but left the car where it was and flagged a cab at the corner. She'd had too much scotch, too much aggravation for driving. All she wanted was to sit back and close her eyes and stare at the blank wall of her mind.

The cab did not take her far, hardly a dozen blocks, and then she was out again, standing on the sidewalk blinking up at the front of Helga's house and wondering why the hell she had come to Helga.

It was one of the few mysteries in her life for which she had an answer. If anybody could take her mind off Maggie, Helga could do it.

The apartment door swung open in her face and Helga's catlike litheness pounced.

"My roaming Romeo," Helga boomed in her whisky-thick voice. "Where in the hell have you been?"

Lee felt herself grabbed by both arms and pulled into the room. She heard the door slam loudly behind her. And then she was facing the girl, alone with her in the center of the ring, looking for a corner to back into. For Helga was angry—very, very angry. And Helga in a rage was a power to contend with.

"You lousy bastard," Helga steamed. "Two nights in a row. You've got your damned nerve, Lee Van Tassel. I could have been out having myself a time, instead of sitting here like a fool waiting for you."

She was almost, but not quite, too angry to speak. Lee had never seen Helga reduced to a state beyond words. In fact, Helga had more words to say on any subject than anyone else Lee had known. She especially delighted in railing at Lee. Before, the sight of Helga's beautiful face pinched and drawn to a white-hot fury had always stirred something in Lee, had made her capitulate and promise. Now, she just watched—curiously detached—seeing Helga clearly for the first time and not liking what she saw.

She had never liked it much. Helga was tall and Lee liked her women tiny. Helga thought of herself as a sophisticate and Lee liked her women uncomplicated. Helga was cold, her skin, her long blonde hair, her pale blue eyes like something preserved in ice. Lee liked her women warm, tender, uninhibited.

But in bed, Helga dissolved, Helga became a flame, Helga forgot to be smooth and chic. And in bed, Lee liked Helga very much.

She watched her now and waited, knowing that the storm could not last
knowing that in a moment Helga would start to thaw. Then Helga would be good to her, good for her. Helga would hold her and...

"Well, who the hell is she?" Helga screamed. "Do I have to stand here and yell all night?"

"You may stop any time you please," Lee said mildly. "You'll only give yourself a headache." She didn't tell Helga about her own headache. Helga wouldn't have cared.

"I hate you," Helga said coldly. "You treat me like—"

"I probably treat you like you deserve to be treated," Lee interrupted. "Did that ever occur to your thick skull?"

Helga was quiet finally, standing still and breathing deeply as though readying another charge.

Lee did not press her advantage. She walked to the window and for a moment, looked across to the next apartment at a woman combing her hair. Then she lowered the blind.

"You think I'm going to bed with you?" Helga screamed. "Do you think I'm crazy? I'm through with you, Lee. Do you hear that?"

"Uh-huh," Lee murmured. "And if you took a poll of the building, I imagine everyone else did too."

"Oh!" Helga exploded. But it was quieter now.

Lee waited till Helga had cooled off enough to sit down on the couch. Then she said, "Now, about what you were saying. I apologize. I should have called but something came up that..."

"I know what came up," Helga said nastily. "You can't look at a behind without following it home."

Lee smiled without humor. "That's not quite true," she said. "I once saw one in Brooklyn that didn't do a thing for me."

"Oh, shut up," Helga said. She patted the couch. "Come here."

Lee went to the couch, but stood up, towering over Helga, not quite so sure now that it was worth the effort. She knew by heart the little game that Helga played—knew Helga would grind her down first, make her be sorry. But she was not sorry at all. She didn't give a good damn.

Helga's left eyebrow arched high. "Well," she breathed. "Don't tell me the prime bastard of them all has finally fallen."

"That's what I like about you," Lee said, carefully avoiding the accusation. Even Maggie's name didn't belong in the same room with Helga. "You're so gracious, so ladylike, so…

"Can it," Helga spat. "Who is she, Lee? If you don't tell me, I'll find out anyhow."

"What difference does it make to you?" Lee said, knowing Helga had her pegged. "You've got no claim on me."

Helga sighed and shook her head. She looked at Lee levelly for a moment. Then she said, her voice quiet now and subdued, "I once thought I had."

"Oh, come off it," Lee said, turning away in disgust. "You don't care a damn about me."

Again Helga sighed. "You're a fool," she said, still quietly. "But I guess that's beside the point." She reached to touch Lee's hand. "How come you're so hung up over this chick, whoever she is? It's not like you to let a woman give you trouble."

Lee was silent for a moment. It was useless to deny that she was indeed hung up for someone. Even Helga had brains enough to see that. But she didn't want to tell Helga about Maggie. Not even a little bit. Helga couldn't help her and wouldn't if she could. But Helga could hurt her, Helga could twist the knife in her wound.

"Well?" Helga prodded.

Finally Lee said, "It's just no good. She's straight."

She had expected to be laughed at. It was in keeping with Helga. The girl threw back her head and howled and when she had finished, peered at Lee as if she were a specimen on the end of a pin.

"I told you you were a fool," Helga said triumphantly. "Don't you know that no woman is so straight she can't be bent a little?"

"Not this one," Lee said. "She..."

"Oh, come along," Helga said disgustedly. "Look at me. I didn't furnish this apartment by working for a living. Believe me, Lee, I like sex like nobody likes it. I've been sleeping around since I was twelve, you know that." She laughed. "And then one day you followed my behind down the street and right into the house and..." She spread her hands. "I know you think I'm a liar, but I've been faithful to you for three months, and that's something I've never been able to say for anybody else."

Lee heard the subtle shift of subject and knew that Helga had moved from interest in Lee to interest in herself, which, with Helga, was predictable. She wasn't ready to accept Helga's plea of faithfulness. But she did know that she had been a good thing in Helga's life, a very rich plum that had supplied its own share of furnishings. Helga would not let go without a fight.

"But you're different," Lee said, taking Helga's lead and putting Maggie back into her heart where she belonged.

"How am I different?" Helga murmured, secure again, now that they were back on her favorite topic.

Lee sat down beside her on the couch and took Helga's hands between her own. She could look into Helga's eyes and not see Helga at all, but only a pair of arms, a pair of lips... It was a knack she had developed a long time ago to cover up the feeling of lonesomeness, of uselessness.