Sex Made Easy (7 page)

Most women will never get vulvar cancer. However, it's always a good idea to become more familiar with your body, and it is possible that you may notice other important health issues through practicing VSE, so grab your mirror (and your lovely vulva!) and start looking.

W
e already know how I feel about genitals being incredible places of potential for joy, excitement, orgasms, and wonder. But men's genitals, which are foreign to women, can also be confusing, frustrating places of blunder. It's common for women who partner with men to have a very real need for information about men's genitals, including how to touch them, lick them, have sex with them, the differences in circumcised versus uncircumcised penises, and more.

In the many years I've worked as a sex educator at the Kinsey Institute and a sex columnist for various magazines, I've received thousands of questions about men's genitals. Some of the more common questions include

• Is an uncircumcised penis as clean as a circumcised one?

• Can I get pregnant from his pre-cum?

• Is it possible to be allergic to a man's semen?

• What should I do if I get semen in my eyes?

• Can a penis actually break?

By the end of this chapter, you will have answers to these questions and will understand a whole host of things related to men's bodies that can make for better, easier, more pleasurable sex. You might even teach the men in your life a few things.

A
s you can see in the diagram opposite, the bottom of the penis (the base) is where the shaft meets the pubic area. The shaft changes the most in size during arousal. Sometimes, men are called “showers”
if their penis doesn't grow too much when they become erect; these penises are the original WYSIWYG body parts (“what you see is what you get”). Growers, on the other hand, expand significantly in length and circumference when they become sexually excited, aroused, and erect. Because some men are showers and others are growers, there is no way to tell from looking at a man's flaccid (soft) penile state how big or small his penis will be when it's erect. Locker rooms only reveal so much—or, rather, so little.

The glans penis is the science-speak name for the head of the penis. On the underside of the penis is the frenulum, the triangular area of skin that connects just below the glans. The frenulum is a sensitive area for many men. You might try touching, licking, or kissing this area during sex play or oral sex with a partner to see whether your partner enjoys it or finds it adds an extra bit of excitement to his experience.

M
any men have anxieties about the size of their flaccid (soft) or erect (hard) penis. For some men, childhood or teenage teasing can make them feel self-conscious about their penis size well into adulthood. And it's not only guys with smaller penis sizes that may have borne the cruel brunt of teasing; many men with larger penises recall having been teased as teenagers. I've heard from men who feel ashamed and embarrassed to have been called names like “elephant cock” or “moose dick” when growing up, or to have had their genitals compared to sausages. If you grew up with a little brother, raised sons, or taught or babysat boys, then you likely know that boys are often just as sensitive to teasing as girls are; the main difference is that they learn early on that it's not “manly” to show their sensitivity and, consequently, they hide their hurt feelings. Of course, hiding embarrassment only buries it deeper, which means that there are millions, if not billions, of adult men in the world who might feel badly about their penises.

Outright teasing and name-calling aren't the only things that make men feel badly about their bodies. Some men have removed their pants to get ready for sex with someone new, only to notice a disappointed or worried look on their partner's face as she or he spotted their extra-large (or extra-small) penis. It can be difficult for men not to take these shocked looks or high school teasing to heart, so be gentle with the male sex partner(s) in your life. Try to give your partner props when it comes to their penis without making it sound like you're doing it only to be nice. Compliment him on his penis by saying things like “I love how well you fit inside me” or “There's little I love more than feeling your penis/cock/dick in my hands” (everyone has different comfort levels and preferences when it comes to genital names, so use a word that feels comfortable or sexy to you and your partner).

O
ne of the most common questions we've received at the Kinsey Institute since we first opened our doors has to do with penis size. Many men want to know how they measure up. In the early-to
mid-twentieth century, Dr. Alfred Kinsey asked men to measure their penises and send their measurements back to him, which resulted in some of the earliest data collected about the wide range of penis sizes.
¹
Over the years, scientists and men's magazines alike have explored the question, as have people in the privacy of their own bedrooms. So what's average?

A 2006 study published in
Psychology of Men & Masculinity
found that the average erect penis length was 5.3 inches long (13.5 cm) and more than two-thirds of men (68 percent) measured between 4.6 and 6.0 inches (11.7 cm and 15.2 cm, respectively).
²
Only 2.5 percent of men had a penis size that was longer than 6.9 inches (17.5 cm) and only 2.5 percent measured less than 3.7 inches (9.4 cm).

Aside from size, there are also issues of bend and curvature. Many men have a natural bend to their penis. Some men use this to their advantage by using their bend or curve to massage the front wall of a woman's vagina (her “G Spot” area). In most cases, the bend or curve isn't an issue. However, if a bend or curve appears to become more extreme, if it's angled so sharply that it makes intercourse difficult, or if there's discomfort or pain associated with it, a man should check in with his health care provider.

I
nside the penis is where the magic begins. There are three chambers of spongy tissue, two of which are made of spongy erectile tissue (the corpora cavernosa). The third chamber is also spongy, but the urethra—the tube that carries urine and semen out of the body—runs through it. Knowing about these parts is essential to understanding men's erections. Here's how they happen:

When a man becomes sexually excited, either from physical touching of his penis or from thinking exciting thoughts, more blood flows to his genitals. Remember: this happens with women too. The difference is that for men, the arteries inside the three spongy chambers fill up and as they enlarge, they press against narrow veins inside the penis, making it more difficult for blood to leave the penis. This leads to more blood flowing into the penis than out, which is what makes an erection. We'll talk in greater detail about erections—including the various forces that shape erections and what to do when they falter—in a later chapter.

I
n certain parts of the world, including the US, many male infants undergo circumcision (removal of the foreskin) because of their family's religious or cultural beliefs. The World Health Organization estimates that about 30 percent of males have been circumcised, typically as infants, children, or adolescents.
³
When male circumcision is performed during adulthood, it is usually for medical reasons, such as if a man has difficulty or pain retracting his foreskin.

Some groups advocate making male circumcision illegal, just as female
genital circumcision (which can involve varying degrees of cutting or removal of the labia, clitoris, and other vulva parts) is illegal in many parts of the world. However, an increasing number of studies have shown that men who have been circumcised have a lower risk of contracting STIs and HIV.
^4
-
5
As a result, some health groups now recommend routine male circumcision in countries with high HIV prevalence. Other scientists are against this policy, given that it is ultimately people's behaviors—what they do—that put them at risk of HIV, not only whether or not they have foreskin.

For example, if a man uses condoms consistently and correctly when he has sex with a partner, he is unlikely to get most STIs or HIV. Another way to prevent STIs and HIV is to only have sex with an uninfected partner in a monogamous relationship. In other words, there is a great deal that can be done to reduce one's risk of STIs and HIV that has nothing to do with whether or not a man has a foreskin. And as some activists point out, it is unlikely that people would ever suggest a policy to promote female genital circumcision even if it were found to be true that the practice resulted in a lower STI or HIV infection rate for women.

What do you think? Should boys and girls be treated the same or differently when it comes to genital circumcision? Should there be the same level of protections for male infants and children worldwide as there is for female infants and children? In what ways do you feel that male circumcision and female circumcision procedures are similar or different?