Sex & Mayhem 04 No Matter What (20 page)

Ghost could
feel himself redden, and was thankful for the sparse lighting. “I―
Oh. I mean, tonight was enlightening. I like your touch, your lips…
I just― I’ve never even had anal sex with a woman, so I’m a bit
nervous.”
A lot.
“And the whole idea of me possibly being,
um… on the receiving end of things...” He didn’t want to slip into
making the chat about this too clinical, as he usually would when
he got nervous. “I haven’t given it much thought, but I guess, I
know you’re a guy, I mean, you’re not... feminine in any way.”
Ghost was pretty sure that was the correct word for what he meant.
He hadn’t exactly had much time for researching gay stuff in the
last week. “So I guess it would only be fair for you to want
it.”

Luca squeezed
Ghost’s hand. “I don’t want it like that. We’ll only try it if you
want
to try it. I don’t want you to just do it for me. It
wouldn’t be right.” He shifted even closer and put his head on
Ghost’s shoulder. “I really like it when we just cuddle and kiss. I
can feel that you want
me
, not just any good-looking
guy.”

“Is there
anything you would really like though? I won’t feel pressured into
anything, so don’t worry.” Ghost gave him a kiss.

Luca smiled
against his lips. “If you liked sex with girls, then you’ll
probably enjoy anal. It’s not that much different, I suppose.” His
fingers entangled with Ghost’s, and he leaned up to whisper against
his ear. “I really want you inside me.”

Ghost felt
those words all the way in his cock. “Oh. And you’re not… against
it? After what happened?”

Luca sighed. “I
suppose I’m a bit scared, but this kind of stuff happened before,
and I dealt with it. I am choosing you. I guess that makes me
feel... in control?” he asked in a slightly raised tone, as if
wondering at what he just said.

Ghost couldn’t
help a smirk. “I’m so fucking flattered you wouldn’t believe
it.”

He would never
abuse that trust.

Ghost:
I know
you’re not telling me everything.

Ghost:
You can
be honest with me.

Zara:
I don’t
want to burden you. He can be so… violent. I don’t want you
thinking about that too much.

Zara:
I don’t
want you to see me as just a victim.

Zara:
Living
this life with him is so hard. He’s cold and brutal. Has no
remorse.

Zara:
He’s a
monster. I wish I could just hide in your arms forever.

Chapter 11

Luca was
relieved. As cripplingly embarrassing as it had been to admit what
happened to him, having Ghost accept him and offer him support
despite it all meant much more than he ever thought it would. There
were still moments, even with Ghost, that had Luca freezing, and he
wanted Ghost to know what they were about. That it wasn’t
him
who made Luca uncomfortable.

Ghost wasn’t
demanding or aggressive, and his gentle touch only made Luca more
eager to please. That cock was flawless. Firm, not too big, with a
slight curve and a dusting of fair hair at the base. Sucking on it
made Luca weirdly peaceful despite the raging arousal pumping
through his body. He hadn’t expected Ghost to be so eager to return
the favor, and it had scared Luca on more levels than he’d be
willing to admit.

The moment
Ghost’s lips around his cock were on the table, he couldn’t pretend
he’d not been at risk from contracting something through Antonio
anymore. He’d been fucked without protection more than once, and
he’d only been allowed to take a shower in the morning, after hours
with the filthy seed inside his body. He needed to face the fact
that he could endanger Ghost, and he wouldn’t be able to look
himself in the eye if his lover got ill because of him.

The other thing
was Ghost himself. The guy never looked at men this way, and while
Luca liked to imagine that love could make people blind to some
extent, touching above the waist and kissing was nothing like
tasting a cock. Deep down, the fear of losing Ghost over his gender
constantly loomed at the back of Luca’s mind, ready to choke the
life out of him. He was ready to just jerk off and service Ghost if
that was what it took to keep him for a longer time. He would be
fine with that. Just having Ghost hold him made the world shine
with bright colors, not having a guy touch his cock was something
he could learn to live with, and so the prospect of Ghost blowing
him out of curiosity, only to get freaked out and lose interest
made Luca fidget with fear.

It was late at
night when they arrived at Tooth and Lucky’s home, and Luca was
surprised to see Lucky on the porch with Nomad and one of his three
cats. The guy was tucked into a hoodie and jacket, but still looked
like a shivering pup. He got up when they pulled into the driveway,
but the disappointment on his face was hard to miss.

“Where’s Tooth?
You know when he’s coming?” Lucky asked when Ghost’s engine died
down. Nomad stuck his snout through the fence and started rushing
around Ghost’s feet as soon as he entered.

Luca slowly got
out of the sidecar and approached the porch with his hands in his
pockets. “He had everything under control when we left. Did
something else happen?”

Lucky went
inside with them, hugging his fat black cat, Manson, closer to his
chest. “He said he might not come back tonight. But he wouldn’t say
what happened.” In the light of the living room, the redness in
Lucky’s eyes was hard to miss. His pristine hair was now tied into
a messy bun, like a token of distress.

Ghost patted
Lucky’s shoulder. “There’s been some trouble, but I’m sure he’ll be
back soon.”

Luca blinked.
Why wouldn’t Tooth tell his boyfriend what happened? He’d be scared
shitless if he didn’t know whether Ghost was in danger.

“The other club
started making trouble, but we―”

Ghost stopped
him, with a frown. “It’s club stuff, but he’ll be fine. He called
to tell us we can come here, so I’m sure he’ll be back soon.”

Luca raised his
gaze at him, at a loss for words. What was that? Since when
couldn’t he speak his mind around Ghost? He pressed his lips
together and pushed past them. “I’ll get us something to
drink.”

Ghost nodded
and sat with Lucky by the kitchen island, where Lucky could have
his gaze glued to the window. “He wasn’t injured,” Ghost mumbled
and picked Nomad up into his lap. The dog began licking him all
over his hands, restless in his excitement.

Luca poured
some milk into a pot and put it on medium heat. He already knew
where Lucky kept the powdered cocoa, and soon he had the mixture
slowly brewing on the stove, with cinnamon and vanilla seeds mixed
in. At least he could do something to ease the poor guy’s pain if
Ghost insisted he couldn’t know anything about what was going on
with his partner. It didn’t feel right. Would this be how he’d be
treated from now on? Ghost wouldn’t tell him anything about his
gang, and Luca would be forever worried whether Ghost had a panic
attack in the middle of a gunfight again?

Lucky was so
ultimately deflated, sitting there with his shoulders hunched. He
looked nothing like the ball of positive energy he usually was.
“Was he arrested?” he whispered.

Ghost shook his
head. “He called us an hour ago, so I don’t think so.”

Luca nodded.
Tooth wouldn’t waste his one phone call on them if he could call
Lucky. Or his lawyer, if he had one.

He poured the
cocoa into three mugs and put them on the tabletop, sliding onto
the last high chair to join the other two men at the kitchen
island. One of the cats yawned and looked at him with its
freakishly huge, round eyes. Its red and white coloring gave the
thing the face of perpetual wonder. Luca petted its head but took
his hand away when the cat whined as if the touch hurt it. Lucky
had told him that Slayer cried all the time, but Luca just couldn’t
get over the moaning.

Ghost wanted to
add his two cents, but Lucky jumped off the seat before they even
heard the roar of a bike outside. “He’s back!” Lucky ran to the
door like a puppy that had been missing its master.

Luca sipped his
warm cocoa but didn’t move from his seat, glancing at Ghost over
the stone tabletop. He was still disturbed by how eerily similar
the secrecy was to what he’d seen at Frederico’s side. He didn’t
want his life to follow that pattern again.

Tooth came into
the house, carrying Lucky in his arms as if the guy weighed
nothing. Ghost didn’t say a thing, just watching them. Those
moments when he just stayed silent for ages were worse than any
argument could be, but Luca didn’t want to talk about it in the
presence of other people.

Tooth shut the
door with his foot and carried Lucky to the living room, where he
sat down on the sofa, letting Lucky curl up in his lap. Unwilling
to intrude on the tender moment, Luca glanced at Slayer before
pulling her into his arms. For once, even the high-pitched whining
didn’t stop him from cradling the soft body to his chest.

Ghost focused
on his cocoa, but the nervous movements of his fingers on the cup
were hard to miss. It was as if with the silence, Luca was learning
to read Ghost’s body language instead. The fact that he could do so
didn’t make it any less frustrating, because it was what he often
had to do to understand Frederico.

“Just say it,”
he muttered in the end.

Ghost looked up
at him as if woken up from a dream. “Say what?”

“What’s on your
mind?” asked Luca, leaning over.

“I’m just
freaking out a bit,” Ghost whispered, glancing to the living room,
but Tooth was still busy talking to Lucky. “It’s partially my fault
what happened. Who could have possibly told them about you?”

Luca frowned.
“How is this your fault?”

“I shouldn’t
have taken you there.”

“Do you want to
keep me in the dark, like him?” Luca swallowed hard, squeezing the
cat in his arms.

Ghost groaned
and went silent under the pretense of drinking. Luca exhaled and
let the cat go when it finally bit him. He covered his face with
his hands, trying hard to calm down.

“I’m sorry,”
Ghost muttered. “I just can’t―”

“Babe, I’ll
join you upstairs soon, okay?” said Tooth, walking Lucky to the
staircase. In a much better mood, Lucky gave him a slow kiss before
waving at Ghost and Luca, and obediently walking up the stairs.

Tooth’s eyes
were sharp when he looked toward the kitchen island, walking over
in heavy, menacing steps that reminded Luca of a grizzly bear.

“What was that
about?” hissed Tooth, resting his meaty hands on the tabletop.

“Um… what do
you mean? In the club? I got overwhelmed. I don’t know,” Ghost said
with a long sigh.

“Overwhelmed?”
Tooths arms flexed underneath his skin in a way that made Luca want
to pull Ghost away from him, even though never before had Tooth
acted in any way that would set off Luca’s alarms. “You could have
gotten killed. You could have gotten someone else killed, you
fucking idiot!”

Ghost looked up
at him with more of a stern expression. “You said the gun was just
for show.”

Even Luca had
to blink at that. Tooth shook his head with his gaze fixed on
Ghost’s face. “Grow up. We’re not a bunch of Sunday bikers. And
when someone points a fucking gun at you, you return the favor.
When someone says shit about your brothers, you pull out your
fucking gun.”

Ghost tightened
his grip on the cup. “Lesson learned.”

“You don’t want
to be a liability to the club, do you?” asked Tooth, leaning
forward to look into Ghost’s eyes. Just seeing that made Luca’s
stomach cramp. Ghost wasn’t the type of man to participate in
anything that involved guns, so why had he even joined? Now they
were forced to stay here, with the club.

Ghost shook his
head. “No. I’ll sort myself out.”

Tooth’s
nostrils flared and he gave a slow nod. “You better. Tonight, you
had a civilian save your ass,” he said, slamming his fist on the
table in front of Luca, who stared at the huge palm, suddenly
reminded of the power in Antonio’s arms when he held him down.
Tooth’s had the same meatiness to them, and it had Luca sliding off
the chair. He grabbed a glass, filled it with water and downed it
all at once.

“What happened
with the police?” Ghost asked. “And the wounded man?”

Tooth exhaled,
sounding less intimidating for once, but Luca still kept his eyes
on the floor. He got more water into the glass and put it against
his forehead.

“The Rabid Hogs
decided to be smart about it, and so that fucker took the blame for
shooting first. It was just a drunk row.”

“Did you manage
to find out what the… gay thing was about? Is my dad fine?” Ghost
rubbed his forehead.

“Don’s fucking
ballistic, so you better not bring Luca around when he’s
there.”

Luca turned
around, spilling some of the water over the front of his shirt. Oh
God, he was straining the relationship between Ghost and his dad
now?

“Was it Milk
yapping his mouth that set them off?” Ghost asked, giving Luca a
level glance.

Tooth gritted
his teeth. “That was everyone’s first thought, but he says he kept
his mouth shut, and I believe him. He’d gain nothing from being
associated with a ‘faggy’ club.”

Ghost sucked in
his lips, staying silent for a long moment. “I think I might be
bisexual,” he muttered in the end.

Luca put the
glass down so hard both Tooth and Ghost looked his way. He knew he
shouldn’t be, but the news shocked him so much he needed to hold
onto the tabletop. Was this just because Ghost was so attracted to
him? Was he just confused and would change his mind later? Luca’s
heart was beating so fast he could hardly breathe.