Shades of Gray (25 page)

CHAPTER 38

FOR
the first time since she’d come to work for KGI, P.J. openly defied her team leader.
Technically what she’d done before hadn’t been defiance, since Steele hadn’t specifically
told her
not
to do the things she’d done. He couldn’t very well have told her since she didn’t
let him in on her plans.

And technically she’d resigned from the team so anything she’d done in that six months
had been done solo, not as a member of the KGI organization. Never mind that Steele
had told her where to stick her resignation.

But when Steele announced his plan to dump his team back home in Tennessee and go
alone to meet with Sam, Garrett and Donovan to turn over the intel collected from
Brumley, P.J. had drawn a hard and fast line in the sand.

She refused to allow Steele to take the rap for her actions and her decisions. Cole
had stood firmly beside her on that count, stating that he and P.J. would both give
an accounting to the Kellys. No way in hell they were throwing Steele under the bus.

Steele hadn’t been happy about the matter, but there wasn’t a lot he could do when
faced with two determined people who would go to Sam, Garrett and Donovan with or
without him.

Since Steele had all but hijacked a Kelly jet—without permission—P.J. figured he had
enough to answer for without taking the blame for her crimes.

After the adrenaline had worn off and Cole was sure of P.J.’s safety, his injury hit
him a lot harder than it had initially. He’d lost a lot of blood and had begun to
weaken during the flight home.

Without Donovan, they had limited medical aid they could give him, but Steele changed
the dressing often and made sure he had pain medication to keep him calm and still.

P.J. hovered next to Cole, never leaving him. She held his hand, bullied him mercilessly
and vowed to kick his ass if he even thought about doing something stupid like dying.

Steele tried to get her to rest—she was in little better shape than Cole—but she remained
steadfast in her refusal to leave Cole’s side.

She was literally drooping, pain gnawing at her body, when she felt a prick and turned,
stunned, to see that Steele had injected her in the arm.

“What the hell was that?” she demanded.

“Something for pain and something that’ll help you rest. You’re about to fall over
and anyone with eyes can see you’re in agony. Give it up, P.J. You aren’t helping
Cole by hanging over him looking like something the cat dragged in. He’s worried sick
about you, so he won’t calm down and rest.”

The medication was already making her swimmy. Her limbs grew heavy and her eyes were
increasingly harder to keep open.

“Damn it, Steele,” she slurred out.

“Curse at me later,” he bit out and then promptly caught her as she fell over.

Cole picked his head up, his lips drawn into a grim line of satisfaction. “Thanks,
Steele. I was worried she was going to fall over any second. She needs the rest. She
got the hell beat out of her back there.”

“You didn’t fare so well yourself,” Steele said dryly.

Steele laid her down, brushed the hair from her face and then carefully arranged a
blanket over her. Then he returned to Cole.

“How bad is it?” he asked tersely.

“Hurts like a son of a bitch, but I’ll live,” Cole said. “Nothing I haven’t lived
with before.”

Steele sat down in one of the armchairs across from the couch where P.J. and Cole
were both sprawled.

“You both could have gotten yourselves killed.”

Cole nodded. “Yeah, we could have. But P.J. didn’t let that happen. She’s a mean son
of a bitch when she gets pissed.”

A half smile cracked Steele’s lips. “Yeah, I hear you.”

Cole sobered and then stared over at his team leader. “How’s this going to play out
for me and P.J. being on the same team?”

Steele was silent for a moment.

“I won’t sacrifice my relationship with her for a job,” Cole said.

Steele snorted. “It’s a good damn thing, because I have no intention of letting either
one of you go. It’s annoying the shit out of me that I’m going to be out of action
for the next while because two of my team members are going to be laid up and then
you’re probably going to want time off for a goddamn honeymoon.”

Cole grinned. A honeymoon sounded pretty damn good. He glanced to where P.J. was passed
out on the couch. They both had some healing to do, but the future was looking pretty
damn bright.

Then he looked back to Steele and sobered. “How is this going to go down with Sam?
I know we fucked up. I’ll take full responsibility.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Steele said rudely. “I’ll take care of Sam.”

Cole grinned and relaxed. Steele was a complete hardass but Cole wouldn’t work for
anyone else in the world. The day Steele no longer led a KGI team was the day Cole
hung up his gun and became an average Joe with a nine-to-five job.

“Get some rest,” Steele said. “We don’t land for several more hours and you’re going
straight to the base hospital.”

Cole groaned. “I swear, they need to just reserve a room with my name on it as many
damn times as I’ve been in there.”

“Between you and P.J., they’re going to need to name an entire wing for you,” Steele
said dryly.

CHAPTER 39

P.J.
was technically released from the hospital before Cole, but she’d insisted on staying
by his bedside until the army doctor thought he was well enough to be discharged.

Steele arrived on the day Cole was being released. In terse tones, he told them that
Sam wanted the team at the KGI compound. He wouldn’t say anything more when pressed,
and that worried P.J.

It was the day of reckoning. A day she’d known would come. She just wished Cole and
the rest of her team wasn’t involved.

The ride from Fort Campbell to the KGI compound was tense and silent. Cole’s hand
crept over P.J.’s and he squeezed as if to say it would be all right. But neither
spoke, and she knew that the impending confrontation weighed heavily on Cole’s mind
every bit as much as it did on hers.

Even Dolphin, who typically had something to say for every occasion, was as silent
as the rest of the team.

Steele drove while P.J. and Cole sat in the middle seat with Renshaw and Baker in
the back. Dolphin rode shotgun, and it was the longest P.J. could ever remember no
words being exchanged between the teammates.

Were they angry with her? Resentful? Pissed because she’d dragged them into her own
personal vendetta?

She was torturing herself with all the possibilities.

By the time they pulled into the compound, P.J. was a wreck.

They parked outside the war room and got out, Dolphin and Steele helping P.J. and
Cole. But she was determined to walk into this meeting with no vulnerability. She
didn’t want it said she played on anyone’s sympathies, so she shook off Dolphin’s
supportive arm and strode toward the entrance, ignoring the protests of her leg.

Her face was a mess, bruised and still swollen from her fight with Brumley. The X-rays
had shown no fracture of her jaw, though Cathy had sworn it was broken when P.J. had
been brought in.

Chewing would be tough for a while, but she could deal.

She punched in the security code to gain access into the war room and she walked—or
rather strode stiffly in her attempt not to limp—into the room where the Kelly brothers
were gathered.

She frowned as she glanced around. It was just the Kellys; well, not even all of them.
Nathan and Joe weren’t present.

Hell, not even Ethan was there, which meant that this was going to be a come-to-Jesus
moment between the three men who officially ran KGI and the team that was in the proverbial
dog house.

“P.J.,” Donovan said in greeting. “I’d say you’re looking good, but even I can’t pull
off that kind of lie with a straight face.”

She relaxed at the teasing and grinned crookedly at him. Damn, but it even hurt to
smile.

The rest of her team filed in behind her, and an awkward silence fell over the room.

Cole came up behind her and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close
to him. It was obvious he was sending a message to everyone. He was with her. He had
her back, and whatever affected her, affected him.

Sam cleared his throat and leaned against the edge of the large planning table in
the middle of the room. Donovan and Garrett flanked him, and all of their expressions
were serious.

“We have a serious problem here,” Sam began. “KGI as an organization can’t be associated
with vigilantism. The Austrian government is screaming. The U.S. government is screaming.
Resnick is screaming. And I’m stuck playing dumb about it all. While the respective
governments may swallow my cock-and-bull story, Resnick’s not going to bite. He knows
better.”

“Fuck him,” Cole said rudely.

Donovan coughed and covered his mouth. P.J. could swear he was holding back laughter,
but then his expression reverted back to that pinched tight-ass look his brothers
were wearing.

Sam held up a hand. “Resnick is mollified by the information we were able to provide
him. Of course we wouldn’t explain how we came by it, but he’s about to cream himself
because he has the leverage to bring down a lot of the big players in child trafficking,
which in turn gives him more power, which in turn gives him more protection. He’s
skated a pretty thin line with the shit that went down with Shea and Grace, and he’s
spent plenty of time wondering when he was going to be taken out. This gives him plenty
of insurance, so to speak. Before long, the damn president’s going to fear Resnick.
If he doesn’t already.”

“So get to the point,” Steele said impatiently, speaking for the first time. “Two
of my team members were only discharged from the hospital a couple of hours ago. You
wanted us here, but they need to be in bed.”

Garrett cleared his throat. “After much discussion between the three of us, it’s been
decided that as a disciplinary measure, Cole and P.J. are going to be put on administrative
leave, effective immediately for a period of sixty days, and both will have to undergo
a full medical exam and receive clearance from the physician before they can report
back for duty.”

Cole’s brow furrowed. “Administrative leave? What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means you’re out of action with pay for the next two months,” Donovan said, a
twinkle in his eye.

“Steele, you’ll report to the KGI facilities five days from now with Dolphin, Renshaw
and Baker and you’ll head training of the newest KGI team until we’re satisfied they’re
capable of working on their own,” Sam continued. “They’re good. But good isn’t acceptable.
We want the best.”

P.J. stared between the brothers, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. Two months’ paid
leave? Steele reporting to train new recruits? This all sounded like talking out the
other side of their mouths. We have to sanction you, but oh, here’s your cushy punishment.

It sounded an awful lot like a way for her and Cole to recover with full pay and not
feel pressured to return to the job too soon.

Her eyes stung and she hastily wiped at one with the back of her hand, embarrassed
as hell that she was all choked up with emotion.

Damn but she loved working for these guys.

Even Steele wore a smirk that said he saw right through Sam’s bullshit.

Sam turned his gaze on Cole and P.J.

“I don’t want to see either of you for the next two months. I don’t even want to know
you exist. For the next two months you’re straight civilians and I better not have
to bail your asses out of trouble. Got it?”

P.J. and Cole both nodded at the same time, and Cole squeezed P.J.’s shoulders. She
didn’t dare try to say anything, because she didn’t trust herself not to do something
completely stupid like get all choked up or, God forbid, start hugging people.

“That’s all I have to say,” Sam said. “You’re all dismissed. Steele, I’ll see you
and your guys in five days. P.J. and Cole, I better not see you period.”

Grinning, her team turned to walk out the door. They all knew the entire disciplinary
action was bullshit. As P.J. turned to walk out with Cole, Sam called out to her.

“P.J., a word if you don’t mind.”

She paused and then said to Cole, “Wait for me outside?”

Cole surprised her by kissing her right there in front of God and everybody. But then
he had less of a problem with public displays of affection than P.J. did. She wasn’t
as comfortable letting everyone in the world see into her personal life.

“I’ll be right outside,” he said as he walked behind Steele.

P.J. turned to Sam, feeling nervous now that it was just her and the Kelly brothers.
But Garrett walked past her, evidently not hanging around for whatever Sam wanted
to say to her. Donovan also left Sam’s side, but he stopped in front of P.J. and then
pulled her into a hug.

“I’m very proud of you, P.J.,” he murmured against her ear. “And I’m damn glad you’re
back where you belong.”

Her stomach dropped. She returned his hug fiercely, not even realizing until that
moment just how much she needed to hear that.

He let her go, touched a finger to her bruised face and then followed Garrett out.

It was just her and Sam in the room and she bravely faced him, determined to take
whatever it was he would say. She deserved his censure. Deserved it publicly, though
she was grateful he seemed inclined to do it privately.

“How are you, really, P.J?” Sam asked quietly.

Startled, she could only stare at him. She didn’t even know how to answer his question,
because in truth, she didn’t know how she was. She hadn’t had time to evaluate her
situation or how she felt about anything at all, because her entire focus had been
on Cole and his recovery.

“I think I’m okay,” she said truthfully. And maybe she was. She felt lighter. Not
as weighed down. Not as
angry
.

“I’m glad to hear it. We’ve—I’ve—been worried about you. I don’t want to lose you.
You’re too good. You’re family.”

Her mouth wobbled and she steeled herself, determined to be professional.

He blew out a long breath. “Officially I can’t sanction what you did. But off the
record? I’m glad you kicked the ever-loving shit out of Brumley and his cronies, and
I want you to know that officially or unofficially, I and KGI have your back. One
hundred percent. Always. And don’t ever doubt it.”

Oh goddamn, she was never going to make it through this.

Sam leveled a stare at her that was so full of understanding and concern that her
chest tightened and her throat swelled.

“When we went in and rescued Rachel, I had every intention of going back myself. For
revenge. For information. I had every intention of doing
whatever
it took to get the information I needed and wanted so that I would know my family
was safe.

“I understand how you feel, P.J., and I want you to know that I’m not judging you,
because in your shoes, I would have done the exact same thing if what happened to
you had happened to any member of my family. And you
are
family. In the future you should be willing, and I will demand that you be willing,
to rely more heavily on your family instead of going it alone.

“I’m not pissed because you did what you did. I’m pissed because you thought you had
to do it alone and that you couldn’t come to us for help. I would have used every
resource available to KGI and to me personally to track that bastard down and make
him pay. Never believe for one moment that you’re alone. Are we understood?”

Silent tears slipped down P.J.’s cheeks. It was too much. For too long she’d carried
her burden alone, and now there were multiple people only too willing to share in
that load.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

He walked hesitantly toward her and then wrapped his arms around her in a gentle hug.

“You just looked like you needed one,” he said. “Now get your ass out of here before
Cole gets impatient and worried and comes back in after you. And I want you two to
take it easy for the next two months and come back completely recovered.”

“Thank you,” she said as she pulled away. “For everything, Sam. For understanding.”

He smiled. “Just remember that you have people who care about you. And don’t be afraid
to ask those people for help. You could have saved yourself a whole hell of a lot
of trouble if you’d just stuck around.”

She nodded, not disputing his statement. Even though she didn’t regret the track she’d
taken. She was at peace with her decisions. She was at peace with the choices she’d
made. Now she just wanted to put it all behind her and move ahead with Cole.

She walked out into the sunlight, squinting at the wash of sunshine. Then she breathed
in the sweet scent of honeysuckle she so associated with the lake and the KGI compound.

She didn’t have to look far to see Cole. He was waiting for her just a few feet away,
and his whole face changed when he saw her.

He’d been talking with Dolphin, but as soon as he looked her way, his eyes softened
with so much love that it made her weak. And a little scared.

Knowing someone cared about her that much meant she had the power to hurt them, and
she’d do anything at all never to hurt Cole again.

As if sensing her inner turmoil, he broke away from Dolphin and walked slowly in her
direction.

“Hey, everything okay?” he asked.

She leaned into him even though he hadn’t initiated contact. She just wanted that
closeness and to be near him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head
on his chest, surprising him with her spontaneity.

He was likely thinking she was on the verge of meltdown because she’d just hugged
him in front of everyone and didn’t give a shit who was looking on.

“I’m perfect now that I’m with you,” she said. “And now we have two whole months of
nothing to do.”

Cole smiled. “Oh, I’m sure I can think of something.”