Shadow Born: Book 1 of the Shadow-Borne Chronicles (45 page)

“I thought in my own small way, I was taking back my own destiny.
 
I had decided that I was never going to kill again.
 
I quit feeding.
 
Instead I prayed every night to God to forgive me for my trespasses against his people and against humanity.
 
I knew it was a death sentence and I knew that I wouldn’t last long.
 
I just couldn’t do it any longer.
 
What I hadn’t counted on was Silas.”

Alec knew from personal experience how determined Silas could be when he put his mind to something.
 
Alec wondered what Silas had been like back then?
 
Did he look the same, just different clothes and hairstyle?
 
If Alec survived all this he was going to ask Silas and Marcus both if they had any pictures of themselves throughout the centuries.
 
What had they been like?

“As I lay dying on my final night, I’d made it three nights by then, Silas found me through our bond.
 
I begged with him to let me die and answer for my sins.
 
He argued with me but my mind was made up.
 
Part of the problem was I was Silas’s first progeny.
 
I didn’t know it at the time, but for him it was like watching his firstborn child die.”
 
Jacob shook his head at the memory.

“And then it happened.
 
I died.
 
I felt myself leave my body and suddenly I was standing in this field of stars that went on forever.
 
It was like floating in space but at the time I had nothing to compare it to.”
 
Jacob had completely quit sketching now and was staring fervently at Alec.

“It was beautiful and I was at peace; real peace.
 
The type I hadn’t known ever in my life.”
 
He licked his lips, thinking of how to explain.

“Floating among the stars, I felt better than I ever had.
 
After what could have been a thousand years for all I know, I felt a presence…it’s hard to explain.
 
It was like this warmth and love that was beside me, around me and inside of me all at the same time.”
 
Jacob had wrapped his arms around himself and had a small smile on his lips as he remembered.
 
Alec wasn’t even sure he was aware of what he was actually doing but he was rocking back and forth slightly as he talked.

“And then, it spoke to me.
 
I honestly couldn’t tell if it was inside or outside of me.
 
It might have even been me doing the talking but it was a force that I couldn’t fight…didn’t want to fight.
 
Do you understand?”
 
Jacob’s eyes focused back on Alec.

“I think so,” Alec said lamely.
 
He couldn’t even begin to imagine what something like that would have been like.
 

“I can’t even begin to explain all that the Voice said to me.
 
It was words, emotions and visions all in one burst of power.
 
It was like downloading all the information I had been seeking instantaneously.
 
Suddenly I understood.”

Alec turned his head then to look directly at Jacob.

“I had been wrong the whole time; we all have it wrong.
 
God is not Christian or Pagan or any of those religions, but God is every single one of them.
 
There’s Truth somewhere in each and every one.”
 
Jacob could tell from Alec’s confused look that he didn’t grasp what he was saying.

“Alec, God is everything.
 
God is this huge power that we can’t possibly understand so we define him, or her, in a manner that allows us to interact with that energy.
 
If we are more comfortable with women, we call her Goddess.
 
If we are more comfortable with men in power we call him God.
 
But the power is both male and female without truly being either.
 
No one religion has it right.
 
In their own way, as long as they promote peace, love and growth, they are all right in a generic sort of way.
 
As far as specificity goes, none of them will ever be correct.
 
Even my words are limited by experience and learning and inadequate to explain the complexity of the being we call God.”

“So you are saying that God is the huge power that we can’t even begin to comprehend so we define it as best we can in order to interact with it?” Alec asked confused.

“Yes!” Jacob snapped his fingers as he said the word.
 
“It would be like an ant trying to comprehend a human and their world.
 
It simply doesn’t have the brain complexity to understand all that it sees and experiences.
 
To an ant, a car is simply an obstacle to go around or over.
 
It doesn’t have the understanding to grasp what a car really does.
 
Our brains are the same way when it comes to God.
 
We accept the parts that we can and fill in the blanks with an understanding that allows us to define it in a way that allows us to interact with the power.”

Alec raised one eyebrow skeptically and shook his head slowly.
 

“I think I understand,” Alec said slowly.
 
“The Universal Truth of God is Love, Peace and Growth, the rest is just filler to make us more comfortable with such an alien power so that we can in some small way share in that energy.”

“That’s a good way to look at it,” Jacob said nodding his head.

Alec bit his lip trying to adjust his way of thinking.
 
It was complicated to say the least.

“So what about Heaven and Hell?” Alec asked frowning.

“Neither one of them exist.
 
When we die we go back to be with the One.”

“So what about the Devil, or Satan?
 
Does he exist?”

“No.
 
That is a being created by man to keep other men in line that didn’t think the same way they did.”

Alec was confused now.
   

“So where does evil come from?”
 
If you didn’t have a devil could you still have evil?
 
It was all very confusing.

Jacob chuckled.

“I asked that question myself.
 
Evil is the lack of
God
in action, word or thought.”
 
Jacob gave Alec a moment to digest that.

“Alec, evil is a human acting human.
 
Well, it’s a little more complicated than that.
 
Not all humans, or vampires, are evil per se.
 
But when their actions are self-centered or self-centric they begin down a path that generally leads to something bad.
 
Like I said, it’s hard to explain in words something that transcended time, words and feelings.
 
It was Wholeness that I don’t think any person on this planet can feel in this physical world of being.”

“So, there’s no evil?”

“Not exactly.
 
Actions when done without the presence of the One in your heart can lead to evil.
 
Vampires aren’t evil because they are vampires.
 
Vampires that kill for the sake of killing and murder are committing an evil act.
 
You should never kill unless you absolutely have to.
 
Killing is…final.
 
It takes away the other person’s chance to better themselves and move closer to the One.”

“So killing…is okay?” Alec looked confused.

“Is shooting someone wrong?” Jacob asked.
 
He walked closer to Alec and leaned against a pedestal and crossed his arms across his chest.
 
Alec saw this as an excuse to relax and set the sword down and stretched.

“Shooting someone is wrong,” Alec said sitting on the box he’d had his foot on earlier.

“What if they were trying to hurt someone you loved or hurt a baby?” Jacob cocked his head to the side waiting for Alec’s answer.

“I guess then it’s not wrong, it’s defense.”
 
Alec thought about it.
 
“So you are saying that it’s your intent that defines good or bad?”

Jacob nodded his head.
 

“That’s part of it.”

“Wow, this is a lot to think about.”

“Yes it is,” Jacob said laughing.
 
“Now imagine all of this information, times one hundred, being put in your head instantaneously by this being of infinite love.”

Alec just shook his head.
 
The part of the sheet that had been draped over his shoulder had slipped and was lying on his leg.
 
He looked own and realized he was barely covered where it was most important.

“Being a vampire is not evil and it doesn’t mean you are damned.
 
Being a vampire that kills for killing and causes pain is evil.
 
Same for a human.
 
Intention and action are what matter.
 
Well, that’s an over simplification, but you begin to understand what I was shown.”

“Okay, so not to doubt you, but how do you know you were actually dead?
I’m not saying you’re lying, I just need to know.”

“Alec, don’t feel bad for questioning me.
 
You should always question!
 
But to answer you…” he sighed and thought for a moment.
 

“Have you ever seen a vampire die?”

“Uh, no,” Alec said uncomfortably.

“Well, when we die… how do I put this nicely?
 
We start to decompose almost instantly.
 
It’s a defense mechanism to prevent humans from finding our bodies and discovering we exist.
 
When we die, we start decomposing.
 
It’s a fairly quick process, but it starts the moment we die.
 
I started decomposing as Silas held me.”

“So, you started…” Alec had a look of disgust on his face.
 
He tried to keep Jacob from seeing it but the idea of holding a dead body and watching it rot was too much.

“Yes, Alec.
 
I started to decay.”

“How did you come back from that?”

“Silas had brought fresh blood with him to tempt me with but there hadn’t been enough time.”
 
Jacob looked at Alec and shrugged.

“In his despair he forced my mouth open and poured the blood down my throat.
 
When that didn’t work, he got angry and started compressing my chest over and over trying to get the blood to circulate.”
 

Alec was quiet as he digested all that he’d been told.

“In the Otherworld, or whatever you want to call it, I felt a heavy tug on my spirit.
 
I don’t even know how to explain it.
 
I knew I was being called back to my body.
 
I begged to stay, but I was told my time was not yet done.
 
I was told I had a purpose and that I had to return.”

“What was your purpose?” Alec asked squinting at the man.

Jacob shrugged.
 
“I awoke to find Silas crying over me.
 
He was astounded when I opened my eyes.
 
It was a miracle.”
 
Jacob stood and walked back to the easel.

“I can imagine,” Alec said incredulously.
 
He’d known the story would be fascinating but he hadn’t bargained for all the other information he’d received.

“I thought that my coming back meant that I was to spread the word of the One.”
 
He laughed out loud then.
 
“That was a mistake.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Church has always disliked competition.
 
I was almost burned as a heretic more than once.
 
I grew frustrated with the Church but I’d vowed I’d never kill again to feed or in hatred, so my hands were tied.”

“If you didn’t kill again, how did you feed?”

“Have you heard of bloodletting?”
 

“The idea that there is ‘bad blood’ in the body that needs to be removed so that the patient can recover?”
 
Alec realized that was a better alternative to killing and people would believe it was necessary if a
physician
told them it was necessary.

“Yes.
 
Bloodletting has been practiced for many, many centuries.
 
It wasn’t a new concept.
 
Many vampires had been using it to their own ends for just as long.
 
I decided to put the practice to good use.”
 
Jacob smiled at Alec.
 

“So Silas saved you?
 
Have other vampires tried bringing others back?”
 
Alec was intrigued.

“Others have tried but it’s never been accomplished twice.
 
Usually they are too far-gone and it doesn’t work.
 
No one is sure why it worked for me.
 
Doctor Schubert had some theories but that’s all they were.
 
It’s never been replicated.
 
By the way, you can get dressed.”

Alec nodded his head and gathered the sheet around him as he walked to where his clothes were folded.
 
He sat in the chair and put on his socks and started dressing.

“Were there any long term effects or problems?”
 
Alec dropped the sheet and stood to put on his pants.

“I was changed by the experience.
 
It’s hard to explain how I felt, but one of the main things that happened was that my bond with Silas was broken.
 
He couldn’t sense me or tell what I was feeling any longer.”

Alec thought about that as he zipped his pants.
 
“Was that it?”