Shadow of Hope: Book 4 - Shadow Series (12 page)

She got into her buggy around five that day.  She knew Miles left work at that time, and usually went to Pete’s for dinner. She’d try to catch him there.  She took special care with her appearance and wore a pink ruffled summer outfit that Miles had always favored.  Thinking of the day last summer, at the river, when she’d last wore it, made her heart palpitate.

Miles was sitting at a table with his back to the entrance when she walked into Pete’s.  She wanted to give him warning before she sat down at his table, so she called his name softly.

“Miles,” she said.  “May I join you?”

He looked shocked to see her, and didn’t smile.  “Um, sure.”  He stood and pulled out the chair across from him, rather than the one next to him.  She noticed these details as she tried to measure how he really felt about her. 

When he’d resumed sitting, she said, “I apologize for disrupting your dinner, but I had to find out what’s going on with Gavin McKenzie,” she said.

“Martin couldn’t tell me anything about their meeting, but he did tell me to hold off on reporting his behavior to the school council until he saw McKenzie in a month.  He’s trying some type of new therapy on him, and he’s hopeful he can help him.  That’s all he’d tell me.”

“Can I order something for you to eat?” Miles asked.  “I’ve just put my order in, but I can tell them to hold it until yours is ready.”

“I’d like that; I haven’t eaten yet.  I’ll have whatever you’re having.  We always liked the same dishes,” she said with a blush.

“I’ll be right back.” 

Miles went to the counter, talked to the waiter, and then returned.

“How did his son get home from camp?  I don’t recall seeing him leave,” Violet said.

“I took him home that night, after I left you.  I took both of them back to Salina, made him leave his son with his neighbor, and then I brought him back to see Martin,” he said.

“You didn’t sleep at all?” she asked.

“No, but I’ve gone a day or two without sleeping before, and it doesn’t bother me,” he said.

“Do you think he’s in Salina?  I’m afraid to leave the house, Miles.  I’m terrified of him.”

“I think you should carry a small pistol, then.  I can’t guarantee he won’t come looking for you.  He claims he’s in love with you, and did everything in order to get you to agree to marry him.”

“I don’t think I could stand to even be in the same room with him after that last attack.  Do you realize how close I was to being…being…”

“Ruined?  It was dark.  I only saw you struggling and him with his hand over your mouth.”

“Well, he came a lot closer this time.  I can’t stop trembling, just thinking about it.”

“Our dinner is coming. Shall we talk about something more pleasant, then?” Miles asked.

She smiled.  “Yes, please.”

For Miles, having dinner with Violet again caused him to experience feelings he’d rather not have. How many nights had they sat like this, enjoying a good dinner, and ending the evening with their kisses and hugs? He tried to act like he was just having a meal with an old friend, but inside he was experiencing everything all over again.  He wanted to reach over and kiss her, and hold her tightly as he had that night.

He had to stop thinking this way.  They were friends, nothing more.

Yet the feel of her that night as she trembled in his arms wouldn’t leave his memory.  He wished she hadn’t joined him for dinner, because it was raking up memories that made him yearn for something he knew better than to crave ever again.

He ate, but didn’t remember tasting a thing.  He tried to keep his eyes on his plate and his conversation general: the weather, the new park monument, and church activities.

When they’d finished eating, Miles refused her offer to split the check. He paid for the meals, and then didn’t know what to do next.  This was when they usually got in some kissing time, but that was impossible now. 

How might he suggest that it would be best if he went home and she did the same?

They stood there by the door, without saying a word. Miles wondered if she was thinking about their old routine as well. 

“So, it was nice sharing a meal with you again, Violet.  I hope you'll take my advice and get a gun.  I’m sure one of your brothers-in-law can get you one.  You’ll feel safer with it,” he said.

“I will, and thank you.  It was nice getting out of the house.  I’ve been afraid to leave home,” she said as she turned to leave the restaurant. 

They walked out into the cool, evening air.  “What a lovely night!” he said, as he gazed up at the clear sky, but he was thinking about so many other nights like this when they'd been together—happy, exciting nights. 

He walked to his buggy.

“I don’t like you riding alone in the dark. Shall I follow you?” he offered.

“Oh, yes!” she said without hesitation. “Please!”

She looked so vulnerable, and frightened, it took all his will power not to take her into his arms and hug her.   He hated to see her so scared and unsure of herself.  It was so unlike his Violet. 

There. He’d done it. He’d called her ‘his’ in his thoughts.  Would this night never end?

Ivy and Jonas sat down with Zoe and explained that Uncle Sam would be working at the ranch. Zoe seemed leery.

“You told me not to talk to strangers.  I don’t know him, Mama.  I don’t like him at all.” 

Alfie sat next to Zoe during the discussion, nodding his agreement.

“He came to the house and he apologized, Zoe,” Jonas said.  “He just wanted to get to know you better; he never meant to hurt you.  He also apologized for scaring us.  He seems like a nice man. I think you could at least be friendly to him when you see him, and that’s all we’ll ask of you.  Be polite to him just as you would any of the other men working here. That goes for you, too Alfie.”

“But,” Ivy said, “you still don’t go with anyone you don’t know, even Uncle Sam.”

Zoe and Alfie played tag in the yard later that day.   Jonas watched from the window and saw Samson observing them play as he led a horse around the corral.  He tied the horse and walked toward the children.  Jonas watched with alertness. 

He smiled at the children as he approached them.  He stopped a slight distance from them, leaning on a fence post, and Jonas could see that he said something to them.  Zoe simply nodded, then Samson moved a bit closer to Zoe, and Alfie stepped out in front of her to face Samson, wearing a threatening look on his face, refusing to let him near her.  Jonas smiled.   He left the window, confident that his daughter's loyal protector was on the job.

Violet wanted to take Miles’s advice and get a small gun for protection.  She wasn’t sure if she could use one, but if she were ever in the same situation as she was that night at camp, she thought that she could.

Who should she ask?  Jonas?

No.  She’d have to explain what happened, and he’d go crazy and most likely take his own gun and hunt Gavin down.  

Maybe Quinn, but then Rose would surely get upset and since she was nursing Joshua, she thought better of it. 

That left Caleb.  

Julia greeted her warmly, which surprised Violet—seeing that she was Miles’s sister, and she knew how badly Violet had hurt Miles, despite him acting as if it didn’t bother him at all. 

“Caleb will be pleased to see you. He’s in the craft house.  I’ll show you where it is.”

Violet followed Julia to a large building behind the stable.   Caleb was bent over a fancy table, sanding it.  He stopped to greet her warmly.

“Is this a private chat?  Because I could go back to the house if it is,” Julia said.

“No. Stay, Julia.  It’s personal, but you’re Caleb’s wife, so anything I can say to him I can say to you.”

Julia smiled. 

“Let’s sit down, then,” Caleb said. He walked to where he had a sofa and chair on the far end of the building.  “What’s going on?”  He waited until the ladies were seated before he took a seat himself. 

Violet fidgeted with the lace on her dress, then blurted out, “I need a gun.  Can you get me one and show me how to use it?”

Caleb’s eyes widened.  “What?”

“I need protection.  I’m afraid when I go out alone.”

“Does this have anything to do with the physical attacks from that teacher you work with?” Caleb asked.

“Who told you?” Violet asked.

“Miles told me, but only enough to explain why you weren’t seeing that snake anymore.  He wouldn’t give me any details.”

“It’s true. Gavin has made two physical attacks on me, and both times Miles rescued me.” Violet took out her handkerchief and dabbed at her tearing eyes.

Julia stood and put her arm around her shoulders.  “You still love Miles, don’t you?”

Violet nodded and began to cry in earnest.

“Come into the house, Violet.  Let’s talk over a nice cup of tea.  Things always look better over tea, don’t they?”  She winked at Caleb.

Caleb gave his wife a knowing smile.

“I’ll get you a derringer, Violet.  Stop back to see us on Monday, and I’ll have it for you and give you shooting lessons.”

Violet dried her eyes while Julia poured tea for them both, and then took a seat at the table with her.

“I think Miles still loves you, too, Violet, but he’s afraid.”

“And I don’t blame him,” Violet said.  “When I broke off the betrothal, he acted like he was all right with it, but I heard from others that he was shattered.  Yet…” she started to cry again.  “Yet, all I thought about was myself and my new teaching job—and Gavin McKenzie, who was only a friend at the time.”

“We all make mistakes, Violet,” Julia said.

“But this one is not fixable.”  She dabbed at more tears.  “I admit to being somewhat attracted to Gavin because I thought he reminded me of my father, who I miss more than anything.”

“It’s understandable, Violet.  Why don’t you tell all this to Miles.”

“I can’t.  He treats me like an old friend.  He’s friendly, cordial, and polite, but I can see how he works hard at keeping his distance from me without actually being rude.”

“Violet, I’d like nothing better than to have you for a sister-in-law, and an aunt to my children—if I should be lucky enough to have any.” She laughed.  “Let me help you.”

“How can you help?  I understand Miles’s feelings completely.  He won’t risk taking a chance with me again, and I can’t really blame him.”

“What if you two skipped the courting altogether and just got married?  Then he’d know you wouldn’t ever leave him again,” Julia said.

“I can’t just go up to him and ask him to marry me,” Violet said.

“Why not?  You’re the one who broke off the betrothal, so it would have to be you that makes the first move.  Don’t wait for him to make it, because I know he won’t.  He’s afraid he’ll lose his heart again.”

“I couldn’t—”

“So are you telling me that you still aren’t sure if you love my brother?” Julia asked.

“I
do
love him.  If I had any doubts before the camp, I don’t have any now.  I watched him with the children, and he was wonderful.  I saw him first thing in the morning with sleepy eyes and messy hair and his protectiveness saved me twice.  I love him with all my heart, Julia.  I don’t have a single doubt.  And I know now that there is no replacement for my father, not ever. That was my only attraction to Mr. McKenzie.”

“Then do it, Violet.  It’s the only way.”

“I’ll think about it, Julia. It’s not that I don’t want to—because I do—I just don’t think I’d have the nerve, and what if he rejects me?”

“He won’t, I guarantee it.  If you really mean what you said, I have an idea, I’m going to throw a small party, and…” Julia whispered the rest of her idea.

Julia invited everyone to her house on Saturday night for a formal dinner party.    She told them it was a formal affair, which surprised all those who’d received invitations.   She then proceeded to put her plan into action.

She paid a visit to Miles one evening when she knew he’d be home from work. 

She laid a legal paper on his kitchen table.  “Caleb and I have made our will out in case we both die, and we’d like for you to be our executor.  I just need a quick signature where I've put the X.”

“Me?” Miles asked.  “I thought you’d ask Jonas—he and Caleb are so close.”

“For personal reasons we’ve decided on you,” Julia urged.  She pushed the paper at him.

“I’m on my way to Pete’s for dinner.   Can I read it later and sign?” he asked.

“You don’t need to read it.  It just says you agree to be our executor. Just sign!  Trust me—I’m your sister.”

Miles sighed, and signed where she’d indicated.  “All right.  Can I go eat now?  Would you care to join me?”

“No, thank you, Caleb’s waiting for me.  Can I just ask you one question?”

“Sure, but hurry, please, I’m starving.  I missed lunch today because I had another meeting.”

“Oh, that’s right, you’re in training for being head manager of the bank.  Congratulations!”

“Thanks. It’s more responsibility, but the pay is double what I’ve been making.  Now what was the question?”

“Do you still love Violet?”

Miles grimaced.  “That’s the worst question you could possibly ask me.  Let’s put it this way—I’m over it—well, I’m getting over it.  Falling out of love isn’t easy, but I’ve prayed, and God is helping me to move on with my life.  I’ve gotten to the point where I can now fall asleep without crying or feeling that empty, hollow feeling.  I can actually talk to her now without the urge to shake her and let her know how much she hurt me.  I can actually go for hours without thinking once about her.  I’m healing, Julia.  Slow but surely.”

“What if she still loved you?  What then?” Julia asked.

“You said one question,” Miles reminded her.  “But I’ll answer, anyway; I don’t think Violet knows what she wants.  I can’t trust that she won’t do it a second time, and I can’t go through that kind of hurt ever again.”

“Will you look for someone else to marry, then?” she asked.

“I could never love anyone as deeply as I loved Violet.  The love I had for her is something that I think only comes around once in lifetime.  I’ve tried being with other women and it’s hopeless.  I have no problem with staying single.  I’ve enjoyed working with the kids, I enjoy my job—there are other things in the world besides love,” he said.  “Can I go now?”

“Yes,” Julia said, pocketing the signed marriage license.

Violet arrived at Julia and Caleb’s dressed in the pink dress that Miles had always liked.   Julia fixed Violet’s hair, braiding it, winding it around her head, and then weaving real flowers around it. 

“Something borrowed and something blue—the flowers are blue, and I want you to borrow this handkerchief.  And I’m giving you these earrings, so now you have something new,” Julia said, stepping back to appreciate her handiwork.

“Thank you, Julia.   I’m not sure about this, though.  I still have this feeling your brother will be less than thrilled about this.  He never was fond of surprises.”

“I know.”  She bit her lower lip.  “But it’s done.  I doubt he’ll refuse you the way you look tonight. I think you should stay from sight until the time is right.  Do you mind sitting here in the bedroom for a while?”

“No.  I hope it isn’t for too long—the anticipation and unpredictability is nerve-wracking.  I’m starting to wonder why I ever agreed to this,” Violet said, as she sat in an armchair.