Shadow of Love (34 page)

Marlene cleared her throat and came to her aid as Sophie paused, her voice quivering.

‘
It was insane, darling. I am just so happy you’ve realized it before it got too late. This man, James, I mean… He isn’t right for you.’ She shrugged her elegant, silk-clad shoulders and added pensively, her voice acerbic, ‘I can’t put my finger exactly on what it is that bothers me about him, but he is nothing like Peter, dear. Now this boy adores you, enough to forgive you for your cruel behavior. That’s not something that happens every day, you know.’

Emily watched them both smile at each other with so much love and happiness, she suddenly couldn’t take it. Throwing her caution to the wind, she exploded, her words cutting through the air like a knife.

‘
Is it only that someone has to almost die for you to be considered worthy of your love?’ She demanded, her cheeks heating with anger. ‘Do you really need that much proof they care?’

Turning to Marlene, she continued, forgetting momentarily her mother’s condition, oblivious to anything but the anger that threatened to swallow her whole as she watched these two women who had been her closest family for the last fifteen years.

‘
Too bad you didn’t feel this way about Steve! Maybe he should have just
almost
died to be finally forgiven for something he didn’t even do! Would you have considered listening then, Marlene, or still be as obstinate and blind as usual? Too bad he did die, and we’ll never know.’

She was shaking now, her strength evaporating as she realized, horrified, what she had done. She had crossed the line of no return and thrown at them the whole truth that bothered her ever since the day she allowed Marlene to hush her into silence. Surely, neither of them would forgive her for that.

‘
Sophie, I think you should go see Peter now, before he drives his parents totally insane.’ Marlene was deceptively calm, nothing in her voice betraying that she had heard Emily.

Emily cast a quick glance at her stepmother and was surprised to see the woman look back with a sad little smile, her face serene.

Sophie looked uneasily between the two of them, biting her lip as she considered her options. In the end, some habits wouldn’t die easily, and she left, running away from the confrontation. She hated being involved in any serious fights and, judging by her horrified expression, that was exactly what she expected to happen. She said an awkward, speedy good bye, her relief to leave with a perfectly good excuse apparent in the way she took off, her swift steps soon silenced in the distance.

Emily and Marlene were alone now, both of them silent. Emily felt her heart flutter like a bird trapped in a net, apprehensive and fearful. Some untold instinct told her that Marlene was about to do something that would change their relationship forever. She would finally lift some of the veil that hid the events of the past for all those years. She would stop pretending that nothing had ever happened and give her reasons for acting in the way she did. For once in her life, she would be totally honest and treat Emily as an equal, worth giving an explanation for the past.

She wasn’t ready for that, she thought frantically, suddenly afraid. She wanted to run after Sophie and go with her to the hospital, eager to escape Marlene and what would happen next. Suddenly, what had puzzled her for so many years as she tried to understand and justify Marlene’s actions was right there, in front of her ready to be revealed. Only she wasn’t so sure anymore she was ready to see it.

It was too late, though. Marlene took her arm gently, yet firmly enough to make her realize she wasn’t taking no for an answer as she suggested, her voice still deceptively calm, ‘Let’s go to the office, shall we? This kitchen will soon become awfully crowded, and what I want to talk to you about isn’t meant for others.’

They walked out the kitchen and into the other room. Emily’s throat was painfully dry. She felt as if she had arrived at the end of yet another road, a wall of the unknown and feared blocking her view. What lay behind it was a mystery about to be unraveled.

Marlene didn’t waste any time. The moment the door was securely closed, she gestured for Emily to sit down at the large, oak desk.

Marlene hadn’t changed the office much in the years following her husband’s death, Emily thought now, her eyes going around the dark paneled walls and sturdy bookcases filled to the point of bursting. A few photographs hung on the walls, mostly of the earlier days of the restaurant, various members of the Beggins family posing proudly in front of its old-fashioned façade. Even the sculpture of a hunter with his two dogs was still there gracing the desk, one of the dogs’ tails chipped slightly at the tip. The only feminine change was the large vase filled with flowers and two or three pots with ferns brightening the somber atmosphere of the room.

Emily hadn’t attempted to spend time here unless it was necessary, realizing it was Marlene’s kingdom. True, in the weeks of her absence, as her stepmom fought her bouts of depression, she was forced to work her way through the piles of correspondence and bills pilling high on the massive surface of the old, oak desk. She had managed to make things simpler with a Mac, Marlene’s initial resistance vanishing as she watched all their worksheets beautifully simple on its large screen.

‘
What you said there in the kitchen was true, my dear.’

Emily lifted her eyes, surprised at her stepmom’s voice, watching the older woman walk to the windowsill of the large, bay window. She leaned against the wood and watched Emily with a wistful smile that was surprisingly understanding. ‘Not very nice to hear, mind you, but true, nevertheless.’

Emily wasn’t sure what the right answer was to that. She hadn’t expected their conversation to start that way, her brain frozen as she listened to Marlene’s calm voice, rising and falling.

‘
I mean, you are right to throw it in my face, Emily.’ Marlene smiled again, her golden hair glistening just as bright as her daughter’s in the rays of the pale morning sun. ‘I’m not proud of the way I handled Steve, by any means.’ Her fingers traced the pattern of the grain in the window frame. ‘He didn’t deserve to be punished for the demons haunting me from long before I even met him.’

She walked away from the window, too restless to stay still. Emily watched her pace the large room, one slim leg perfectly in front of the other, her cat-like steps elegant and poised.

‘
You know that I was married before I met your father, right?’ She asked suddenly, her blue eyes focused. The chitchat was over, Emily felt, the next minutes going straight to the heart of the matter.

‘
I remember; your first husband died of prostate cancer,’ she answered, confused by why she would bring that shadowy, deceased man into their conversation. ‘You were a widow when my dad met you.’

‘
That’s what I said, yes.’ Marlene nodded, her golden hair bouncing with the energetic move of her head. ‘It wasn’t exactly true, though.’

Did she lie about her husband? A wild suspicion formed in Emily’s head, the word
polygamy
coming to her confused mind. She couldn’t have done such a thing, could she?

Marlene must have read her mind, because she smiled and explained, her tone indulgent. ‘No darling, I wasn’t married to my first husband then. I might be a lot of things, but having two husbands at the same time is definitely not something I would do, believe me.’

‘
I don’t understand. How can you say you weren’t a widow, then?’ Emily watched her walk closer and sit gracefully in the other chair. Her stepmom watched her carefully, her blue eyes sad again.

‘
It’s simple, my dear, when you think about it. Not married and not widowed. There is only one other option, isn’t there?’

‘
You were divorced? But why would you lie about it, mom? You knew that my dad wouldn’t care either way; he had nothing against divorced people.’

‘
It wasn’t only about him, Emily.’ Marlene sighed, her fingers massaging her pale temples in a tired gesture. ‘Nobody knew it. Least of all, Sophie. She believed that her dad died.’

‘
But why would you do such a thing?’ If she was confused before, she was absolutely bewildered now. ‘Why would you tell her her dad passed away, Marlene? Didn’t she have the right to see her father even though your marriage didn’t work out properly?’

‘
I did it to protect her, my darling.’ Her previous calm gone, Marlene lifted a visibly shaking hand and pushed back her hair. ‘She had been through enough.’

Emily was silent, since there was nothing she could have answered without knowing what Marlene was talking about. Suddenly she had a feeling that the truth was much more complicated and dark than she had thought it to be.

‘
You see, my first husband spent the last years of his life in jail. He died about the same time your father passed away. So, technically, I can say that I lied for the one year of our marriage, no longer.’

‘
Why was he in jail?’ Emily felt her lips oddly stiff as she formed the question. She couldn’t explain why, but she was dead certain, that his crime was irrevocably tied to the events that followed. ‘What did he do, Marlene?’

‘
He was a child molester.’ Marlene was pale now, her lips quivering. ‘I married him very young. We were blissfully happy for the first two years of our marriage. He seemed perfect in every possible way, and I remember thinking how lucky I was when I saw him interacting with kids. He seemed to genuinely like them, making me think what a wonderful father he would make one day.’

She sighed, seemingly unaware of the tears that filled her eyes and spilled over her pale cheeks. ‘It was much later when I realized something wasn’t right. Too late, in so many ways. I have never forgiven myself for my total blindness, Emily.’

She sat straighter, her gaze regaining some of its former strength.

‘
There were so many signs that I missed, darling. I can’t ever forget my stupidity, having it all in front of my nose and missing it so horribly.

‘
I remember leaving him alone with Sophie as I joined a local gym, eager to lose my extra pounds that were sticking around after my pregnancy. She was two or three at the time, barely a toddler. I would come home and find her crying or throwing a tantrum, with my husband explaining that it was normal for this age. He had six siblings with kids and knew more about them than I did, young and inexperienced as I was. So, I believed him, the same way he explained her bruises and panic attacks when I wanted to give her a bath. She would scream bloody hell if we wanted to take off her clothes, each and every time.’

Emily listened silently, her body frozen into a state of total immobility. Marlene couldn’t be making that up, she thought helplessly, almost wishing that she were. That it was just a lie to make her take back her words from the kitchen, manipulative and awful as that might be. Anything would be better than the sad truth about a horrid past that cast its shadow into their lives many years later.

‘
I was actually happy to have a husband who was so glad to take care of our daughter,’ Marlene continued, her face defeated. ‘My girlfriends were certainly jealous, their husbands running off at any opportunity. Mine stuck around, I thought vainly, proud to see him wave good-bye as I left, Sophie in his arms. It was only later that things started to become weird. You see, John, my husband, was a teacher. He taught the fifth and sixth grade, English and science.

‘
Kids liked him, and we enjoyed our life until the day that destroyed everything. One girl complained to her parents about John touching her inappropriately, and they came to find answers, upset and confused. At first, the principal dismissed it, explaining that she must have misunderstood, but they insisted on a medical exam that proved her right. They found traces of my husband’s semen on her body, together with all kinds of bruises and other awful things I can’t even remember.’

She looked up at Emily, her eyes devoid of emotion.

‘
Do you see why I had to be vigilant, always? I failed my daughter once, trusting the very man who should have been her protector from all evil above all other men in this world. After the school scandal, I started thinking and finally took Sophie to the doctor. John had been already detained, and we were alone. She calmed down a bit, but still hated being undressed and touched for too long. It worried me, now that I had read up enough to know the signs of child abuse. It all fit perfectly. I needed to hear that she was all right, straight from our doctor, if I wanted to retain my sanity.’

‘
But she wasn’t, was she?’ Emily whispered, afraid to speak any louder. She longed to close the short distance between herself and her stepmom, to hug her tightly and let her know she understood. But she didn’t dare, not when Marlene was still speaking, visibly relieved to have finally gotten it off her chest.

‘
No, the doctor found her molested. I don’t remember it too well, just the sinking feeling that I had failed her, as I sat there, crying.’ Marlene sighed, her story reaching its climax. ‘Afterwards, all moved very fast. John got convicted on multiple counts, since more kids came forward. I spent a great deal of time trying to explain how it was possible that I had noticed nothing; child services were threatening to take Sophie away since I was unsuitable to care for her. In the end, I persevered, and she was mine, but things were never the same. I started suffering from depression, and she had a hard time readjusting to normal life. ‘