Shadow of Regret (Shadow #3) (10 page)

The minute Quinn walked in, he noticed the change in Rose. Usually she smiled up at him and told him how much she’d missed him. Now that he was back to work they didn’t have the days together, just the evenings, and that suited him just fine. She was tempting enough in the daytime, but at night it was harder for him to not grab her, and…well, he wouldn’t even think about that.

They shared a bed. Usually, he let Rose go to bed first by telling her he wasn’t yet tired, but now that he was back to working, he
was
tired. The past few nights they’d turned in at the same time.

Quinn always gave her the privacy to get into her nightgown if they went to bed at the same time. After he was sure she was in bed, he’d crawl in, kiss her forehead, and face the opposite direction. So far, that was how he'd successfully dealt with the situation.

Yet for the first time he’d come home to a Rose who was sadder than usual. Could it be that this arrangement was wearing her down? Did she finally realize she needed more in her life?

His meeting with Martin had given him much to think about, but he wasn’t yet convinced that he wanted to endanger Rose’s life just for a bit of intimate enjoyment. She meant far too much to him. He’d lost control of himself once, and had gotten into trouble, and he wasn't going to let that happen again. Although Martin had made him see that our prayers couldn't always be answered the way we want them to be, he felt responsible for Martha's situation, nevertheless.

When Rose went into the bedroom to dress for dinner he wondered how long they could go on like this. A month? A year? A lifetime? Either he had to fix things, or annul the marriage so that Rose could have a husband and baby some day. How could he be so selfish as to deny her those things? Doesn’t every young woman want a husband and children? He saw the want in her eyes when she held Ivy’s baby, and he wanted to give her those things, he really did, but he still was afraid.

Why had Jonas asked him to visit his stepmother, Phoebe Armstrong? He’d need input from every person he could in order to make his mind up about how he should progress with his life. No, he wouldn't go back to saloon women and saloons, that was a certainty, but he also wouldn’t subject Rose to a life without a healthy marriage and children. He loved her too much for that. He made up his mind to make a final decision soon—love her or let her go.

He’d told her when he walked in the door that day that he'd planned to treat her to the newest, fanciest restaurant in town, The Bright Star. It was classy and expensive, but he’d been doing well, especially after Jonas’s loan. He’d bought four buggies, he had enough horses, and business was good. Rose deserved better than Pete’s.

Rose came out of the bedroom and he gave her a whistle of appreciation. She looked fantastic. She was wearing a dark blue dress that complemented her light hair and blue eyes. She’d put her hair up on top of her head using combs to hold it in place.  He’d been so used to seeing her in black for so long that even this darkest of blue was a colorful, welcome change. 

He walked over and took her into his arms. “Hmm…Rose, you look good enough to eat.” He took a nibble on her cute little ear. She laughed, which was good to hear. Maybe things were still all right between them. “I love you,” he said.

“I love you, too,” she said, in almost a whisper.

“Let me clean up a bit and we can go.” He kissed her on the lips as he always did when he came home. She usually returned it a bit, but not passionately, because she knew he didn’t want to be tempted, but tonight, for some reason, she went up on her tippy-toes, put her arms around his neck, and kissed him so ardently, he thought he’d lose all will power. When the kiss broke he almost playfully scolded her, but her big blue eyes melted his resolve. He hugged her close to him while he took control of his breathing. “Are you hungry?” he said.

She looked up into his eyes and said, “Starving.”

That makes two of us, he thought.

When someone knocked on the door the next afternoon, Rose knew it would be Dora. Should she open the door, or pretend she’s not in? What type of trouble might she get into by trusting Dora? Even so, Dora may have the answers she needed. She opened the door.

“Hello,” Dora greeted. She breezed into the sitting room carrying a package under her arm. “Are you ready to be a seductress?”

Rose nodded.

Dora unwrapped the parcel and shook out a frilly dress. “C’mon. Try it on.”

Rose slipped her cotton day dress off and pulled the colorful, ruffled dress over her head.

Dora took a step back. “It needs something. Your bosom is just sitting there. Do you have any rags?”

Rose turned to her kitchen and brought back some rags without questioning why. She handed them to Dora who set out to stuff them under Rose's bosom so that it stuck out above her low neckline. She felt herself blush. 

“Oh, I couldn’t,” she said. “Someone might see me.”

“That’s the point, honey.” Dora took a case from her pocket and started applying makeup on Rose's face.

“Dora, are you sure this is what Quinn likes?”

“I lived with him for three weeks; trust me.” She took a brush to Rose’s hair. “Oh, honey, you have lovely hair. I wish I could get mine to shine like that. What do you wash it with?”

“My mother makes soap with aloe in it,” Rose said. “Would you like a bar to take home?”

“I’d love one, thanks. By the way, what
is
your name?”

“Rose.”

“That’s a beautiful name,” Dora said.

Rose had no idea what Dora was doing to her head, but she felt a lot of yanking and pulling. When she finished, she plopped back down on the sofa “You look fantastic, Rose. I bet you another bar of soap that Quinn isn’t in the house five minutes, before he has you in the bedroom,” Dora said.

Rose sat down beside her. “How did you become a saloon woman?”

“Oh, well, there aren’t many jobs out there for women. I didn’t want to work in the house of ill repute because I’m choosy about my men. I can’t just go off with anyone. I pick them out carefully,” she said with a wink.

“Do you have any family?” Rose asked.

“No, no family. My ma died when I was three or four—don’t recall, exactly. My pa took to drinkin' and went off one day and never came back. My older sister did the best she could takin’ care of us kids, but then she got with child, and took off with some older man. The boys all ran off…I had no one, so at sixteen I put on my best dress, walked into the Red Fox Saloon in Salina, told them I was eighteen, and they hired me.”

Rose thought that she'd led a sad life, and she felt badly for Dora. “How’d you come to Abilene?”

“Oh, I fell hard for a man everyone called Mr. E. He came to Abilene, and I followed. I thought he cared for me, too, but he turned out to care for every saloon woman in Abilene,” she said. “He’s in jail, now, but I'd already followed him here.”

“Did you ever wish for a home and family? You know, to have babies and such?” Rose asked.

Dora’s face softened. “Yeah,” she said, “doesn’t every woman? But my way of living doesn’t exactly invite that kind of life
or
that kind of man, for that matter. Men are only looking for pleasure from us saloon girls. Not all the saloon women sleep with men, you know. Some just make sure they have a good time and flirt with them, but occasionally we meet someone we can’t resist, like your Quinn. We all have a strong need to be loved, after all.”

“Yes, we do,” Rose quickly agreed. “But it’s never too late to change.”

“Change?” Dora laughed. “What would I change to? A dress designer?  A lawyer?”

“You could become a child-minder, or clean houses, or become a maid. There are many prosperous families in town who could use the help,” Rose said.

“They wouldn’t want me,” Dora said. “And then where would I get my lovin’ from?”

“You might start going to church, meet a fine, decent man, and start a family,” Rose said.

“You make it sound so simple,” Dora said with a laugh.

“Do you ever think about God?” Rose asked.

“Nah. We were too poor to go to church growin' up. I went once and didn’t have anything to put in the collection basket, and I got dirty looks from the people, so I never went back.”

“Well, Dora. If you ever want to change your occupation or your life, let me know, and I’ll help you,” Rose said sincerely.

Dora stood. “I’ll remember that, Rose. “I’ll come back in a few days to see how you've made out.” She walked to the door, winked, and left the apartment.

Quinn had a good day. He was smiling as he washed up to go home. He looked forward to going home to Rose each day. He turned when he heard someone come into the shop. He poked his head out of the office and noticed a woman standing nervously by the main door.

“Hello!” Quinn called. He thought she might be in need of a buggy, so he dried his hands and came out. “How can I help you?”

“Quinn?” she said. “Don’t you remember me?”

Quinn hadn’t looked at her closely, and now he certainly recognized her. She looked a bit older than the last time he’d seen her, but he smiled in recognition. “Mrs. Armstrong! How are you?” he said, still drying his hands. He’d almost called her Phoebe, as Jonas did, but he’d always been taught to call the parents of his friends respectfully.

“I’m good. As you know, I just became a step-grandmother again. Now I have two little angels, Zoe and Joanna, and I couldn’t be happier.”

“I’m glad. You didn’t come to rent a rig, did you?” he asked.

“No.” she said. “Is there some place where we can talk?”

“Sure, come into my office, but don’t mind the mess,” he said.  He quickly cleared off a chair, covered with papers, and held a hand out to show her she should sit. Once she was seated, he sat behind his desk.

“So, you’ve married little Rose,” Phoebe said.  “She’s a sweet child. Our families are close, as you know. I’d do anything for Ivy, Violet,
or
Rose. That’s why I’m here.”

Quinn nodded with a smile, wondering when she’d get to the point. This must be about why Jonas had told him to visit her. Now he was more curious than ever.

Phoebe Armstrong was a pretty woman for her sixties (that’s about what Quinn figured she was). He remembered Jonas telling him that she was a Civil War widow. He looked at her, and she seemed to be reluctant to come to the point of her visit.

“I guess you must be wondering why I’m here. This isn’t easy for me. When people confide in me, I don’t ever break that trust, but now I feel as if I should, especially if it will help you and Rose out.”

Again, Quinn nodded. He hoped she was finally going to tell him what she'd came for.

“I was close to Martha when she moved in with us, and we became dear friends.”

Quinn jerked to attention when she mentioned Martha.

“Quinn, Martha confided something to me that might make you angry, and I apologize for reminding you of your pain where she is concerned, but I must,” she said. She pursed her lips while she awaited his answer.

“Go on. I can handle it now,” he said.

“It wasn’t your baby Martha was carrying.”

“What?”

“If you recall, Martha was one of the women that Caleb wrote to as a mail order bride. She’d had some family problems and answered another ad too quickly. She went to Kansas City, and the man she was corresponding with met her at the train, drunk. He took her to a hotel and raped her. She could do nothing, but later when she had the chance, she was able to get the attention of the hotel employees, and had him thrown out.

“As soon as she knew she was with child, she hurried to the only other address she had with her, which was Caleb’s. The only reason she had his address was because she’d used his envelope to write down the directions to the man in Kansas City. So that’s where she went. She couldn’t wait for an answer from Caleb because time was critical, but by the time she arrived he was already in love with Julia. Caleb brought her to George and me, and we took her in.

“Martha first had her eye on Caleb, but he didn’t show any signs of an attraction to her. She accepted your offer for the barn dance, and she really did fall for you. She knew she had to seduce you so you’d think the baby was yours and marry her. She was desperate, and didn’t know what else to do.”

“I don’t believe this!” Quinn felt his stomach become queasy.

“I’m sorry, Quinn, but it’s true. She wasn’t a bad person, and it wasn’t her fault. She felt very alone and lost. She confided that she really did end up loving you, and that she’d make it up to you every day of her life,” Phoebe said.

“So that’s why she came on to me so strong. It wasn’t
all
my fault.”

“No, it wasn’t. And you did not cause her death. She’d confided in me that her own mother had died while giving birth to her, and she never knew her mother,” Phoebe said.

“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? Have you any idea how much I’ve suffered, thinking I’d killed her?”

“I didn’t know you were suffering. I felt like it was confidential information, and after she and the baby were gone, I thought, what difference would it make? Then Jonas told me what happened to you, and then I didn’t know how to find you, or approach you with this.”

“Does Jonas know the whole story?” Quinn asked.

“No.  All I told him was that I had confidential information that would help you, and I asked him if I should tell you, and he was insistent that I should.” She sighed. “I’ve been battling with myself over this, and I’m finally glad I’ve told you, so I can stop worrying.”

“I’m glad you told me, too. It was difficult to hear, but it eases my guilt somewhat. It'll help my new marriage, too. Thank you, Mrs. Armstrong.”

Quinn walked the short distance from the livery to his apartment. It was handy having home so close, but in a few days they’d be moving into a better house. His wife deserved a better house, that’s for sure. He thought he might be able to finally resolve his issues and make their marriage a real one. Maybe tonight would be the night!

Quinn hastened his steps, taking them two at a time. He opened the door and was about to call to her when he saw her standing by the sofa—was that
his
Rose?

He closed the door behind him and couldn't help but stare at her.  “Rose?”

She sashayed over to him. “Hey there, handsome,” she said with a wink.

“
What in the world did you do?” he asked.

“I’m being seductive.”  She made the statement, but it finished sounding more like a question.  He knew she wasn’t confident in her newly acclaimed role of seductress.

“Why?”

“Because I want to look and be like the type of woman you desire,” she said.

Quinn shook his head.  He was angry, but tried to sound calm. “And you think I desire you to look more like a common street—? Never mind. Go and wash your face, comb your hair, and get out of that horrible dress.”

As she turned toward the bedroom he noticed tears running down her face, smudging her makeup.

“Wait!” he said. She turned toward him. “Come here,” he said tenderly.

She rushed into his arms and cried like a baby. He held her, and tried to soothe her. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, Rose, but…I love you just the way you are.”

“But Dora said—”

“Dora! What does Dora have to do with this?”

“She said I wasn’t being seductive enough and—”

“Where did you see Dora?”

“She came here looking for you the other day.  She came again today, and brought me this dress,” she said between sobs.

“You didn’t confide in her that we aren’t intimate, did you?”

She hesitated a moment. “Well, not exactly. She sort of guessed it by looking at me, though.”

“She would.” He shook his head again.

“I want you to take all of this off, Rose. I don’t find it seductive at all. What I find seductive is you in your flannel nightgown every night in bed beside me. I have to use every bit of will power I have not to grab you and make frenzied love to you.”

“You do?” she asked with a slight smile. “But Dora said I wasn’t seductive enough, and that she’d help me be exactly what you liked in a woman.”

“She’s wrong, Rose,” he said tenderly.  “I turned to saloon women for one reason, and it wasn’t their seductive looks. It was to drown my sorrows in pure lust to forget my pain, even if it was only for a little while.  It took a lot of alcohol before any of them even looked good to me.”

“It did?”

“Yes, and I am filled with regret whenever I see a saloon woman walking down the street. I feel ill that I once did the things I did. I regret it all. I’m lucky to have been given a second chance with a
real
woman, like you,” he said. “I love you so much, Rose, just the way you are.” He chuckled then. “Well, I didn’t mean the way you are right now, but the way you were before Dora changed you.”

Rose kissed his cheek, turned, and scurried into the bedroom.

Quinn sat on the sofa and buried his head in his hands. He had to consummate the marriage, and the sooner, the better. Poor Rose had thought he didn’t find her attractive
or
seductive.

If she only knew.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. He walked over to answer it.

“Yes sir,” he said to the constable. “What’s up?”

“We got news about your thief and her husband. Someone reported seeing her in town. Can you come with me to help us find her? You’re the only one who knows what she looks like. We’ll have to go into a few saloons, and try to spot her.”

“I’ll be right with you. I just have to let my wife know where I’m going, first,” Quinn said.

“I’ll meet you at my office, then, in…say…ten or fifteen minutes?”

“You got it,” Quinn said, as he closed the door.

He went to the bedroom and knocked on the door. They still held with not undressing in front of each other, so he always knocked before entering the room, and so did she.

“Come in,” Rose called.

Quinn found her in her bathrobe, scrubbing her face over the porcelain bowl. “I have to go out, sweetheart. The constable thinks 'Daisy' and her husband are back in town. I need to help him find them. I want you to lock the door when I leave, all right?”

She nodded.

“No, Rose. Don’t just nod. Tell me you’ll lock the door right after I leave. They know where this apartment is, and I don’t want you to let anyone in.”

“I’ll lock the door right after you leave,” she said.

“Then follow me to the door so I can hear the click of the lock,” he said.

“You don’t trust me?” she said.

“I don’t want to have to worry about you, is all.” He grabbed his gun and holster and put them on.

“You’re taking your gun?  So now I’ll be worrying,” she said with wide eyes.

“I’ll be with the constable.” He kissed her. “Now, lock the door.”

He left the apartment and waited to hear the click of the lock before he made his way down the stairs and to the constable’s office.

The constable, Hugh Madison, and Quinn visited several saloons. Quinn felt a bit embarrassed in each one, as women called out his name, and some of them winked at him.  No matter how many women they saw, they didn’t come across “Daisy.” Whenever he looked at the women only one thought ran through his mind: What did I ever see in them in the first place? There was only one woman he desired, and that was his sweet Rose.

Quinn hurried home with his plan to finally consummate his marriage. He felt confident after talking to Martin and Phoebe. How a scoundrel like him ever captured the heart of a woman like Rose he’d never know, but, he wasn’t about to lose her because he’d waited too long to make her truly his.

Once again, he took the stairs two at a time, and flung open the door. The apartment was dark, the only light coming from a miniature lantern burning in the kitchen. After he locked the door, he picked up the tiny lantern, and walked into the bedroom. Rose was in bed. He removed his clothes, all but his smalls, and slid in beside her. He put his arm around her, and drew her close, but he felt no reaction. He leaned over and saw she was fast asleep.

He kissed her forehead.  Disappointment surged through him, and he sighed. He'd waited this long, he supposed he could wait another day. He blew out the lantern and was soon asleep himself.

Jonas came into the livery the next day wearing a big smile. “You’ve done well, Quinn. The place looks great.”

“Thanks,” Quinn said as he buffed the paint on the newest buggy. “I’ll have your first payment on the loan Friday,” he said. He put the rag down, and slapped Jonas’s back. “I sure appreciate your help.”

“That’s one of the things I stopped by to tell you. The first thing is that today is Rose’s eighteenth birthday, and we put together a small party for her at my father’s house. Will you be sure to get her there, but keep it a surprise?”

“Oh, no! I’d clean forgotten! I would have woken her up this morning and wished her—”

“No!” Jonas interrupted. “Let her think we’ve all forgotten. I’m here to watch the livery while you visit the jewelers. Do you need money?”

“Oh, wait.” Jonas laughed. “Before you answer that, I need to tell you what else brought me here. Ivy and I have thought about it, and talked it over thoroughly, and that money I loaned you? It isn’t a loan. Consider it a wedding gift. We don’t want the money back.”

“Jonas!” Quinn exclaimed. “You already gave us a hundred dollars for our wedding! And you loaned me five hundred for the business. I can’t accept that loan as a gift!”

“Well, you have to, because now you’re family. Caleb and I inherited a good sum of money when our great aunt died. Her husband struck gold. I thank God every day for that windfall. It kick-started my stables, and it’s now a moneymaker as well. It gives us enough money to help others. What good is money if you can’t spend it?  Especially on family.”

Quinn was speechless. “I don’t know what to say, Jonas. Is ‘thank you’ enough?”

“More than enough. You’re my best friend in the world, Quinn, and Rose is Ivy’s sister. We want you both to be happy and have a good life,” Jonas said. “So you’d better get that shopping done!”

“I’ll go right now,” Quinn said. “I’m so glad you reminded me. If I'd forgotten…well, I don’t even want to think about how low I’d have felt. And no, I don’t need any money. I’ll use the money I was going to give you Friday and buy her the biggest diamond I can find, as well as the best birthday gift, ever, when we get home.”

"Are you telling me you're finally going to?” Jonas asked, slapping him on the back.

“We are. I’ve spoken with Reverend Martin and Phoebe, and I feel ready. I would have last night, but things didn’t work out. Tonight will be even better, though,” Quinn said. “I’ll be back in about thirty minutes.”

Quinn didn’t let on when he came home from the livery that he knew it was her birthday. He casually mentioned, before changing his clothes, that they’d be going to Jonas’s for dinner. Rose looked surprised.

“Why are we going to Jonas’s? He’s never invited us for dinner before.”