Shadow Soldier (14 page)

Roux had some changes of her own to make, starting with letting go of the past and taking back her life—or some semblance of it anyway.

“I want to get a job,” she announced as she entered the kitchen.

Deke paused in the middle of reaching into the refrigerator, and though she couldn’t see his face, she could practically feel the tension rolling off him. Abandoning his search, he straightened slowly and closed the door.

“I’m not sure that’s the best idea, kitten.”

Okay, she’d been prepared for this. “Three days ago, you said I could go to the Bastille alone.” She grabbed the chain around her neck and rattled her dog tags. “That’s why I have this registration thingy, right?”

“Going to the Bastille for a couple of hours is different than going to a job every day.”

“Abby has a job. I could work with her.”

Deke was trying to keep his cool, but she could see the storm brewing in his eyes. “Yes, she does, and Peter works right across the street.”

“Exactly. Peter likes me. Kind of.” She’d met him exactly twice, but the second time had gone much better than the first. “Look, I can’t just stay locked up in the house twenty-four-seven. I’m going to lose it.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, stretching the fabric of his gray T-shirt to its limits. “No.”

“Excuse me?” Roux took a deep breath and reminded herself to stay calm. “Deke, I appreciate that you want to protect me, but I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time. I’m not asking to join the guard and go on patrols.”

A deep rumbling growl started in his chest, gradually moving up his throat and finally through his snarling mouth. When his face began to turn an interesting shade of purple, Roux rushed across the kitchen and grabbed his face, cradling it in both hands, while she tried not to laugh.

“Deke, breathe. Not joining the guard. I mean, I would totally kick ass as a—Deke!” She did laugh at him then. “I’m joking.”

“You’re hilarious,” he answered tightly, but he closed his eyes and nuzzled against her palm. “I just need you to be safe.”

“I did manage to survive for over a year on my own.”

“You did, but you don’t have to anymore.”

Recently, they’d spent more and more time together, cooking, talking, watching old movies, or just strolling through the Square. Every day, Roux felt the link between them growing stronger, more urgent, but they hadn’t shared a kiss or done more than hold hands since that night on the sofa.

Sometimes, insecurity crept in, and she couldn’t help but wonder if Deke only wanted her because of the mating bond. At other times, old prejudices had her pushing him away, afraid of what it would mean to give into the things she felt for him. The barriers she’d constructed to keep people out had begun to deteriorate, crumbling at their foundations, and she didn’t know how to survive without them.

Gathering her wrists into one hand, Deke held them lightly while he traced a fingertip across her forehead. “Always so busy in there. What are you thinking now, kitten?”

“Nothing.” She tried to pull away, but he held tighter to her wrists, jerking her in closer.

With exaggerated slowness, he bent his head, leaning in closer until his lips hovered just a breath away from hers. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “You’ll tell me when you’re ready.” Light and easy, he brushed their mouths together in a chaste kiss. “I can wait.”

His head slanted, the tip of his tongue teased the seam of her lips, and Roux forgot how to breathe. Her legs trembled, the muscles in her thighs quivering as she struggled to stay upright. The room tilted and spun, the dizziness forcing her to close her eyes, and she opened for him with a quiet gasp.

A charge in the air around them seeped into her, tingling her skin and raising the hairs on the back of her neck. Each slide and tangle of their tongues tightened her nipples and sent pulses of pleasure throughout her body until she trembled from the onslaught. Kissing Deke was like trying to hold on to a bolt of lightning. Her whole body responded to his touch, to his taste, and desires she’d nearly forgotten awakened with fierce, demanding need.

When she tried to pry her wrists out of his grasp again, he let her, but she didn’t pull away this time. Sliding her hands beneath the hem of his cotton T-shirt, she flattened her palms against the hard bricks of muscle and splayed her fingers. His skin was so warm, softer than she’d expected, and she wanted more of it. Gripping the hem of his shirt, she pushed it up his stomach and over his broad chest, thankful when Deke broke the kiss to jerk the fabric off over his head.

“Your turn,” he panted.

He fisted the collar of her tank top in both hands and ripped it right down the middle. The chilled, conditioned air in the kitchen swept over her exposed skin, and her nipples tightened into hard, tingling buds as scraps of blue cloth fell to the floor. With his hands buried in her hair, Deke attacked her mouth, walking her backwards until her hip collided with the kitchen table.

The white, porcelain saltshaker tipped over and rolled across the tabletop, falling to the floor to shatter at her feet. Water from an overturned plastic cup splashed against her back and seeped into the waistband of her jeans. Deke removed one hand from her hair and coiled his arm around her waist, holding her in an iron grasp, pressing against her hard enough to slide the wooden table across the floor.

“Tell me you don’t want this, and I’ll stop.” Deke claimed her mouth again, delving his tongue between her lips. Then he pulled away, trailing his lips along the curve of her jaw to the hollow behind her ear. “Tell me what you want, Roux.” His arm tightened around her waist, and he rocked his trapped erection against her lower belly. “Tell me, and it’s yours. Tell me.”

She could say no. She could push him away like she always did and lock herself in her room like a fucking coward. Her body wanted everything he had to offer, overruling her brain, but her heart wouldn’t be so easily swayed. At twenty-eight, Roux knew the difference between casual sex and real intimacy. If she broke down her walls, if she risked letting him in, there would be consequences. Good or bad, she couldn’t say, and not knowing scared her more than anything.

“It’s okay,” Deke whispered when she didn’t answer him right away. He still held her against his chest, but his touch had turned more comforting than passionate. “I can wait, kitten. However long you need, whatever demons you’re fighting, I can wait.”

When he started to pull away, Roux grabbed his arms, digging her fingers into his biceps, and swallowed hard. She was tired of trying to resist him, tired of fighting herself and the ache that had been building inside her.

“You,” she forced out around the lump in her throat, her pounding heart making her lightheaded. “I want you.”

With a fierce growl, Deke cupped her ass and lifted her off the floor. Shutting down her brain, Roux simply reacted, grabbing the back of his neck and locking her legs around his waist. Sweet heavens, he was big, a solid wall of packed muscle and golden skin. The smell of soap from his recent shower mingled with his natural, earthy scent, and Roux inhaled deeply, shivering with renewed desire as he carried her from the kitchen.

Their mouths locked together once more, and their tongues dueled all the way down the hall to his bedroom. Sunlight filtered in through the thin curtains, illuminating the room in golden light that gleamed off the hardwood floor. Gently, almost reverently, he lowered her to the nest of tangled gray sheets on the mattress and unbuttoned her jeans to slide them down her legs. Then he nibbled and kissed along the inside of her thigh and over her bare hip.

Naked and vulnerable, Roux tilted her head back on the pillow and arched her spine, needing more of him—his lips, his tongue, his teeth. Wet heat slicked her pussy, and her clit throbbed in time with the rapid beat of her pulse. Her extremities had gone numb, too heavy for her to move them, but at the same time, she felt wound tight, stretched thin, as though the lightest touch would make her shatter.

Deke skimmed his nose over her mound and flicked his tongue against the top of her cleft, but he didn’t linger. Kissing a line of liquid fire from her belly button to her sternum, he cupped the swell of her breasts and kneaded the flesh with his fingers. Roux shuddered, bowing up from the mattress in an attempt to get closer to his mouth. He didn’t disappoint, closing his lips around her pebbled nipple and sucking until she writhed beneath him.

“Mmm,” he purred, “you like that.”

Capturing the hardened bud between his teeth, he tugged hard, grinning wickedly when she gasped and moaned. Once he’d finished teasing and torturing, he turned his attentions to her other breast, squeezing, biting, and licking, until she trembled and panted beneath him, hovering on the brink of release.

“I think…just…” Trailing off, he reached between her thighs, parting her folds with his thumb and pressing it hard against her swollen clitoris. “Right there,” he breathed.

Pure, intense pleasure ripped through her, tightening every muscle in her body. Roux thrashed and moaned, coming apart at the seams as she rode out the waves of orgasm. When the falling sensation faded, she pried her lids open and blinked up at Deke, strangely unsurprised to find his eyes a bright, glowing blue.

Still trying to catch her breath, she didn’t argue when he pushed away, rolling off the mattress to stand at the foot of the bed. He stripped out of his shorts quickly, shoving them down his legs to the floor, and crawled back onto the bed, insinuating himself between her splayed thighs. Forcing her arms to work, she held them up, twining them around his neck as she welcomed him into the cradle of her hips.

Hooking his elbow beneath her knee, he opened her wider, positioning the crown of his cock at her slick entrance. His shoulders tensed, the cords in his neck popped, and she could hear his teeth grinding together as he took his time, entering her in controlled increments. Even now, he needed to protect her, but Roux didn’t want his restraint.

“Don’t hold back.” Arching her neck, she nipped at his earlobe. “You won’t hurt me, Deke.”

His growl vibrated against her chest, and he snapped his hips, stretching her inner walls as he invaded her clenching depths. Crying out his name, Roux bucked beneath him, clawing at his back while lights danced behind her closed eyelids. He pressed their cheeks together, blanketing her as he thrust hard and deep, filling her completely with every stroke.

The muscles in his back bunched and flexed beneath her palms, his skin damp with perspiration. His warm breath fanned over her neck, the sensation sending currents of electricity racing down her spine. When her second orgasm barreled down on her, everything faded away except for the man in her arms. Deke surrounded her, filled her…consumed every part of her.

Moaning and writhing, she called his name, holding tight to his shoulders to anchor herself when she careened over the edge of bliss once again. Deke followed, pistoning his hips in a demanding tempo, chasing his own climax. With a low rumble, he stilled, tense and unyielding, while his cock throbbed within her core, filling her with sticky heat.

With a grunt, he fell to the side, his back to her and his face pressed hard into the mattress. The high from her release vanished, instantly replaced by concern.

“Deke?” Curling against his back, she gasped when he snarled and launched himself off the bed. “Deke, answer me. What’s wrong?”

His blue eyes glowed brightly, his pupils only tiny, vertical slits, and a thin trail of blood trickled down his chin where he’d bitten into his lip with his elongated canines. Pacing from the window to the bed, he flexed and unfurled his fingers, his entire body tight and vibrating.

“Just give me a minute,” he answered, his tone harsh and ragged.

Gathering the sheets around her, Roux sat cross-legged on the mattress, wanting to reach out to him, but knowing she’d only make it worse. He needed to claim her, his nature gnawing at him, urging him to complete the bond. While she’d understood intellectually when he’d explained it to her, nothing could have prepared her to witness it firsthand.

As much as it hurt to know she was the cause of his pain, she wasn’t ready to take that next step, not yet. Maybe never. She’d nearly had a panic attack when she’d signed the six-month lease on her first apartment. Deke wanted forever.

Hoping to lighten the mood—as well as avoid the subject of their mating bond—Roux sat up a little straighter and pasted on a bright smile.

“So, about that job…”

* * * *

“I feel like pizza for lunch today.” Roux slid the last document into its assigned folder in the filing cabinet and pushed the drawer closed.

It had been nearly two weeks since she’d started working with Abby in the registration office, and most days, it bored her to tears. She completed and filed a lot of paperwork—in triplicate—things like merchant permits, companion registrations, and business contracts. Once, she’d been asked to give a new resident her inoculations, but her hands had shook so badly, Abby had sent her out of the room.

Abby looked down at her billowy white blouse and then back to Roux with an arched eyebrow. “You’re kidding, right?”

Deke had offered and Abby had begged to take Roux shopping, but she’d steadfastly refused. She still had the clothes she’d borrowed from the Bastille, and those would be enough until she could purchase her own things. Since physical money no longer held any value, she was paid in credit at the local businesses. Each hour she worked equaled a hundred credits, which she could exchange for food, clothes, or anything else she wanted.

That independence had been one of the biggest reasons she’d fought so hard to get the job in the Square. It had taken her nearly a week to wear Deke down, but he’d finally agreed to let her work with Abby at the registration office. He’d probably only consented out of sheer exhaustion, but Roux still called it a win.

For twenty minutes, she’d stood silently in his kitchen, watching him pace the floor while he ranted—again—about unnecessary risks and irresponsible behavior. After he’d run out of steam, she’d calmly and methodically picked apart every one of his arguments. Finally, she’d won him over with compromise and her trademark stubbornness. She’d work the same hours as Abby, and she wouldn’t leave the office except for lunch. At the end of the day, she’d wait for him to pick her up, and above all, she wouldn’t attempt to be a hero again.