Shadowed (18 page)

Compared to the Pacific, the lake water warmed her to her toes. She knew fall approached
and the time to winterize the jet skis and boat drew near, but for now she enjoyed
the sun on her face and wind whipping her hair as she raced Nick on the jet skis.
Water drops collected on her sunglasses, and she waved to neighbors on the shore
as they zipped past. Nick lifted his hand off the handle. “Is that all you got?”
he mouthed before speeding off in front of her.

No way could she let him win. More than once she'd flown off a jet ski while riding
with her brothers. She leaned in close to the bars and pushed the jet ski to fifty
miles per hour. Her skin pulled taut in the wind whipping past her. Up ahead Nick
stopped and jumped into the water to float, his life jacket collecting around his
face, a Frogman in his natural habitat. She followed suit, the water cresting her
head as she plunged into the deep.

The life jacket ballooned around her as she floated on her back in the water. With
a quick tug her head jerked below the water line, causing her to panic. A wave lapped
over her head as she came up sputtering to Nick's laughter.

“That was not nice, Nick Carmichael.”

His chuckle reverberated on the water. “I can't be sweet all the time.” He unbuckled
his life jacket and slipped it on the seat of his jet ski.

“Nick, we aren't supposed to take those off.”

He looked around the calm lake, absent of boats this time on a Friday morning, and
shrugged. “I never swim with a life jacket. It'll be fine.” He swam back to her,
his eyes the only visible part of his face as he approached.

“Don't start that,” she warned, then squealed as he grabbed her around the waist
and unbuckled her life vest. “Nick . . . ”

His hands stilled. “Do you trust me?”

“With all my heart.”

He studied her for a moment, then slipped the life vest free from her arms, tossing
it on the floating vessels. She wrapped her arms around his neck, their legs treading
water in sync in the gentle, bobbing waves. As he leaned in to kiss her, she pulled
back and shoved his head under water. Laughter spilled from her until he jerked her
below again.

They both came up spluttering and laughing.

“Truce,” she shouted, backing away from him.

He reached for her, and a nervous giggle spilled from her lips. “Nick . . . ”

Keeping his hands to himself, he leaned forward to kiss her. “Deal. I promise.”

She studied the rivulets of water that dripped from his hair down his face and the
way his body maintained buoyancy with
ease, truly a fish in this water. He found
peace in the toughest waves.

“I've been thinking.” Her heart galloped as she licked her lips, tasting lake water.

“That's a pretty dangerous pastime for you, isn't it?”

“Watch it, mister.” She smiled. “Sarcasm is dangerous too.”

His arms repelled the water around him. “All right, all right. What's been going
through that gorgeous head of yours?”

“I've been thinking a lot about Sarah Beth and how much I loved her, how much it
hurt when she died.” She blinked back the prick of tears, wondering when the pain
would lessen. “I've watched you and thought about that night on the beach. And I've
watched Logan and Kim as they weather this crisis, Kim's strength, Logan's leadership.

“I've thought about what love is. That it's less about how I feel and more about
a commitment. A choice. I've watched Kim choose what's best for Logan, stand by his
side, and still parent their children. She honors and respects Logan's sacrifice.
She chooses to love him no matter what shape he is in. Because she trusts him.” Kaylan
closed the distance between them, slipping into the hollow of his arms. He stilled
in the water, his gaze curious.

“Kayles, what are you trying to tell me?” His eyes searched her face as he wrapped
an arm around her waist, supporting them both as they bobbed in the waves.

“I'm saying that I've been scared to love you. Scared to lose you. But when I look
at what God says love is, Nick, you love me as Christ calls people to love others.
More than once you've been ready and willing to lay down your life for me, to do
whatever is necessary to protect me. You've been patient in my fear, constantly pointing
me to Jesus.” Her eyes filled with tears, and she couldn't wait to share her heart,
all of her heart with him.

“Nick Carmichael, I love you with all my heart. I think I have for a while, but it
took me a while to identify or express it. I want to
follow you as you follow Christ.
I'll trust Him to take care of you as you once trusted Him with me after Haiti. But
I will not live in fear any longer.” She laughed, her heart feeling free with the
words. She framed his face with her hands, staring into his gorgeous blue eyes. “I
love you, Nick. And I want a future with you.”

His lips covered hers, and for a few glorious moments she allowed everything she
hadn't allowed herself to feel pour into her kiss. It felt appropriate that all good
things in their relationship happened in and around water. It somehow made each experience
more powerful, more meaningful.

They both pulled away breathless. Nick rested his forehead on hers, keeping them
floating in the gentle waves. “Do you know how long I've waited for you to realize
that?”

“Wait, you knew?” She pulled back to look at him.

“Kayles, you said it. Love is a choice, not a feeling. You've demonstrated love
in your actions, your words, and your respect for me for months now. I think you
were expecting it to feel like something different than it does.”

She nodded. “I think I was expecting these giddy, over-the-top feelings. And there
is a measure of that when I'm with you.”

“I get that. But you and I have experienced the nitty-gritty of life together the
last year. When we first met, I was over-the-moon infatuated with you, like a little
kid with my emotions. But this last year? We've had to weather the absolute worst,
and we've still managed to care for one another and move forward. That's love, Kayles.
And I love you too, Kaylan Lee Richards.”

He kissed her again, and she relished his words, the meaning taking root in a greater
way than it had on the beach. Her heart finally found a home with the man she adored
on the lake where they first met. Their future began today.

He tugged her back to the jet skis, and she climbed on the back, the seat scorching
her legs.

“Kayles, can I talk to your dad while we're here? You know . . . about the future?”

She could read a subtle case of nerves he fought to hide, and her stomach knotted.
The future. This was a big step. She took a deep breath and smiled. “Whatever you
want to do, babe.”

He slipped his life vest on and grinned the smile he reserved only for her, the kind
that made her heart race and rooted her all at the same time. “Race you back.”

Before she could even snap her vest, he took off like a shot. A smile spread across
her face, and she thanked the Lord that life would never be boring with this Navy
SEAL. She revved her engine and followed in his wake, her jet ski dancing back and
forth across the waves he'd created on the way home.

Chapter 21

N
ICK LOVED WATCHING
Kaylan in her element. Her family had her heart, and with her
guard down, she loved with all she had. After their morning on the lake, he had noticed
a subtle shift in her—less independent and more open with him, like all her walls
from Haiti and his abandonment years before had finally crashed to the ground. Her
eyes truly revealed her heart, and with her admission, he saw the joy, pain, and
occasional fear that flared from time to time.

In true Richards' fashion the kitchen island held a healthy spread, compliments of
Marian, who watched the interaction among her four adult children with pleasure.
Scott and David were taking a long lunch break, and Seth had just returned from class.
Scott bantered with his sons, his arm slung around his daughter. Pap and Gran watched
from the kitchen breakfast nook. The old man motioned to Nick, patting the seat next
to him on the bench seats framing the bay windows.

Pap nursed sweet tea, which Nick knew from experience tended to be more sugar and
lemon than tea. Gran had the brew down to a science without a recipe. He'd watched
her make the tea with practiced hands many times during his stay with this family.
Nick
sank into the cushion, accepting a glass of tea from Gran before she went to
join her daughter around the island.

“How are you doing, young man?”

Nick grinned. “I'm doing well, sir.”

Pap nodded to Kaylan. “It looks like you are keeping my granddaughter happy. Thank
you.”

Nick loved the twinkle in Pap's eye. Despite his stroke, he remained as spunky as
ever. “My pleasure. She makes me happy too.”

“Am I hearing wedding bells anytime soon?”

“I guess you will need to talk to her about that.” Nick chuckled, appreciating Pap's
bluntness.

Pap shook his head. “No, sir. You're the one that has to do the asking. So I'm asking
you.”

“I've wanted to ask for a while. As of today, I think she's finally ready.”

“Ah, I see.” Pap turned to look out at the lake and then back at Nick with a cheeky
grin on his face. “That lake has always been a magical place to her. I guess it's
only appropriate she came to terms with her feelings out there, as well.”

“She told you what we talked about?”

“No, son, but knowing my Sugar the way I do, it didn't take me long to figure things
out. Now to business.” Pap dropped a large manila-clasped envelope on the table.
It made a dull thud as it landed, telling Nick Pap had stuffed it full.

“What's this?”

Pap folded his hands on the table and leaned closer to Nick. “I know how important
it is for you to find your family. So I used some of my connections with the powers
that be to find your birth parents. There aren't many hard facts but a lot of trails.
I actually found your dad, but it seems your mom wanted to stay anonymous.”

Nick opened the brackets and removed the bundle. He sorted through some of the sheets
until he found what appeared to be a
military record with a scanned photo paper clipped
to the top. Air Force.

“That's your father. Airman First Class Thomas Murphy. He worked ground crew at a
base in Germany in the 1980s before the fall of the Berlin Wall. He hailed from Kansas
City, Kansas. His family owned some cornfields, but he didn't want to stay in Kansas
his whole life. He enlisted at eighteen and accepted the position in Germany at twenty-two.
I only discovered your relationship because I had some strings pulled. Perks of
being a judge for so long. Friends in strategic places. It was buried in your file.
I don't think your adoptive parents even knew.”

Nick studied the photo, same strong jaw and angled nose, similar dusty blond hair.
His blue eyes seemed determined to prove himself, a young kid set to conquer the
world. The face staring back at him seemed as foreign as it was familiar. His dad.
Biological dad.

“Do you know what happened to him?”

Pap flipped the file to another page and pointed to the bottom. Bullet wound on a
day off in the city at the age of twenty-five. Robbery was expected since he was
out of uniform. He was sent home to Kansas to be buried, a hero who died too young
and unfairly. But death never fought fair.

Nick glanced back up at Pap, who watched him closely, and Nick allowed him a window
to his quiet struggle. “I'm not sure what to think or how to feel about all this.
Maybe I wasn't expecting him to be dead. Maybe I never actually thought I would find
this. I mean, we share the same blood, but he's not my dad, you know?”

Pap nodded. “Blood binds us, but it's not definitive. Family is also a choice, as
you well know from growing up with two people who loved you with everything and didn't
share a drop of your DNA. I think it's okay to have mixed emotions. Pray through
it. Sort through it. And put the search to rest.”

“You said there was nothing on my mom? How could she be a
ghost? And if my dad was
in Germany, how did they meet, and how did I end up here?”

“All good questions. I couldn't find all those answers. I did find this.” Pap reached
across the table to tug another page loose. A birth certificate and a note. Nikolai
Sebastian caught his eye. The same name Janus had written on the envelope mailed
to his house.
The name no one ever used. “You were dropped off at US Mission Berlin, which operated
as a sort of embassy in West Berlin during the Cold War. You were passed off to a
member of the State Department with a note declaring your father was a member of
the United States Air Force. A couple of soldiers volunteered to take you home once
they were released. You wound up in the California system before your parents adopted
you as a baby. This is a note from a member of the State Department responsible for
your relocation.”

He scanned the note.

This baby was left at our doors on May 25
,
1984. The note left with the baby said
only his name
:
Nikolai Sebastian, a squadron number, and the name Murphy, with Air
Force written next to it. CPS was called
,
an investigation commenced
,
and the baby
was placed with a couple within a month.

It was signed
Mary Statton
.

“That's where the trail ends as far as your mother is concerned.”

Nick looked away. His eyes found Kaylan's across the room as laughter and jokes reached
his ears. He had everything he ever wanted. Yet he still hoped for answers. Maybe
some of the men who served with his dad could give him insight into this mystery
woman. If his dad died at twenty-five, then Nick had been conceived at least before
that. His dad's buddies would be late forties, early fifties. He could track them
down.