Shadowed Instincts (8 page)

Melanie fell onto her bed with a sigh. She felt like her
brain was going to explode with all the information she took in that day. She
had spent all morning and most of the afternoon with Willow. Lunch had been
delivered to them, so the only time she left the library was to use the
bathroom.

Melanie looked over at the tall stack of books on her
dresser. There were eight of them, all written by cynanthrope authors, in a
wide variety of subjects: pack politics, were etiquette, and were history,
among others. The one Melanie was most interested in was a book titled
Cynanthrope
Physiology: What To Expect Your First Few Shifts.

Willow had glossed over the subject, assuring her that this
book would explain everything in great detail and answer all her questions. She
wanted to start reading it right away, but her brain was already exhausted from
information overload. She decided to relax instead.

Laying back against her pillows, she thought back on the
more embarrassing parts of her conversation with Willow. Her face heated with a
blush, much like it did in earlier in the library.

“
So, anything we talk about here is just between us,
right?”

“Of course, sugar. What’s on your mind?”

Melanie took a deep breath and blurted out, “How do you
know if you’re ready for sex, or if it’s just the animal instincts surfacing?”

“Oh! Are you sure you wouldn’t rather talk to your mama
about this?”

“No! I mean, uh, no. Never mind. Just forget I asked.”

Willow put her hand on Melanie’s shoulder and squeezed
reassuringly. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ll answer whatever questions you have,
just like I promised.”

“Thanks, Willow,” Melanie said, staring down at her lap.

“Becoming intimate with any man is something that you
really need to put a lot of thought and soul searching into. When it comes to
our kind, though, you have to be extra careful.”

“Why?”

“Our physical reactions are much stronger, particularly
when we’re young and experiencing these emotions for the first time. It’s hard
enough for regular teenagers to understand and control what their bodies are
telling them, but for us, it’s much worse. Each one of our senses is
heightened. Our sense of sight. Smell. Touch. Everything is extreme and can
stir those confusing feelings into a frenzy.”

“So how do I know?”

“If you’re really ready?”

Melanie nodded. “Yeah,” she said quietly.

“Just put some real thought into it, Melanie. Don’t just
act on impulse in the heat of the moment. If, when you’re nowhere near Jeremy,
you can think rationally and honestly want to take that next step, then you’ll
know. Otherwise, you’ll never be sure if you made the decision or if the
changes in your body did.”

She tossed and turned in her bed, trying to take a nap, but
her brain wouldn’t turn off. It seemed like such an easy decision when she was with
Jeremy. She loved him. She wanted him. Simple as that. Now, alone in her room,
she still loved and wanted him, but worried maybe that wasn’t a good enough
reason.

Frustrated with her own thoughts, she sat up with a huff and
grabbed her phone. Pulling up Jeremy’s number, she sent him a text message.

“Hey, don’t know if U R still with dad, but I am going 2
go try out that swimming hole. U wanna come?”

She set her phone down on the bed and got up to find her new
swimsuit. She hadn’t thought to buy a new one on her shopping spree, so her mom
had taken the SUV into town to buy her one the day before. Melanie hadn’t seen
it yet, but her mom had assured her it was really cute.

“Yeah,” she said aloud to herself. “Mom’s definition of cute
isn’t always the same as mine.” She found a shopping bag on the floor of her
closet and looked inside. “What the hell?”

Melanie frowned as she pulled not one, but two pieces from
the bag. She pinched a piece in each hand, looking doubtfully from one to the
other. She had never worn a two piece bathing suit in her life.
This is a
disaster,
she thought.
I am going to look like an idiot in this.

Her phone beeped and she dropped the offending pieces on the
bed to grab it. She groaned as she read it.

“Oh God, yes. I need a break, bad. Thank U so much! I’ll
wrap things up here and meet U there in 20 minutes.”

Melanie plopped down on the bed and glared at the bikini.
There was no way she could cancel on Jeremy now. She took a deep breath, stood
up, and started taking off her clothes. She threw them into a pile on the
floor, but made no move to try on the revealing bathing suit.

“Stop being ridiculous, Melanie,” she chastised herself.
“You can do this. He loves you just the way you are. He is
not
going to
run away screaming, or laughing, when he sees you in this poor excuse for a
swimsuit.”

She put the suit on and walked quickly to her closet door to
look in the full length mirror. When she saw herself, she tilted her head to
the side and breathed, “Huh.”

It wasn’t completely horrendous. The color suited her. It
was a light turquoise that made her eyes look bright. It had a mid-rise
waistline that stopped just under her belly button, covering the gentle swell
of her hips and abdomen. The top had an underwire and some padding, so her
boobs actually looked good. She turned around to see the back and was pleased
to see her butt was fully covered.

She sighed as she looked lower. Her thighs were still
rounded and the suit did nothing but accentuate them. She turned back around
and it was the same in the front. Despite the weight she had lost, her legs
were still very curvy and there was no sign of that elusive thigh gap.

“Well, I guess this is all I got, so I have to wear it,”
she thought.

She grabbed a pair of running shorts and a tank top and threw
them on over the bikini. Slipping on a pair of flip flops, she left the room
and headed for the stairs. At the bottom, she saw her parents walking down the
hall toward her dad’s office and she called out to them.

“Hey guys, I’m going swimming.”

They stopped and turned, walking back toward her. Elaine had
a mischievous glint in her eye as she asked, “How does your new suit fit?”

“I can’t believe you bought me that, Mother!”

Elaine laughed. “I knew you’d never buy one for yourself, so
I took advantage of the fact that you weren’t with me. So, how does it look?
Let me see.”

Melanie caught her hands as Elaine tried to grab the hem of
her tank top and pull it up. “Mom, stop! You can see it later. I have to go.
Jeremy is meeting me at the pond in a few minutes and I want to get there
first. If I can get in the water, maybe he won’t see me in this thing.”

“Oh, stop it, Melanie. I bet you look fabulous in it.” She
turned and looked at Darren, who had been standing silently behind her with a
disgruntled look on his face. “What?” she asked him.

“Elaine, that swimsuit doesn’t show too much, does it?”

She shook her head at him. “It’s perfectly respectable.”

Grabbing his hand and pulling him away, she looked over her
shoulder at Melanie. “Have fun, sweetie. And don’t worry, I’m sure it looks
great.”

“Yeah, great,” Melanie mumbled, heading down the hall to the
back door.

When she got down to the pond, she breathed a sigh of relief
to find it deserted. Taking a quick look around to make sure no one was in the
vicinity, she slipped off her flip flops and shorts. She had the tank top half
way over her head when she heard small waves lapping against the shore by her
feet.

The shirt snagged under her chin and she froze with her arms
over her head. In the middle of the pond she saw a ring of ripples, as if
something had ducked under the water. She disentangled herself from her tank
top and threw it on the pile of clothes at her feet.

“It must have been a fish,” she whispered to herself as she
walked to the edge and dipped her toes in to test the temperature of the water.

She smiled at its warmth and waded in to her knees, then her
thighs. She stretched her arms over her head in preparation to dive forward,
then screamed as a bright blond head popped out of the water in front of her
with a growl. She stumbled backwards and her heel caught on a rock. She
shrieked as her momentum took her backwards. Just before she hit the water,
strong arms circled around her waist and pulled her upright.

“Gotcha.”

She felt the word more than heard it as warm breath hit her
neck. Warm palms covered her bare back, pulling her flush against a
hard-muscled chest. Her arms gripped his biceps in a stranglehold to maintain
her balance. She opened her eyes and reared her head back to look into his face.

“Declan,” she murmured, as a husky chuckle emanated from his
chest.

She looked into his eyes and saw a glimmer of heat in their
aquamarine depths that was at war with the goofy smirk on his face. He stared
back at her without saying a word as they stood in a frozen embrace in the
thigh-deep water. She felt a tingle of heat on her back from his hands, and her
body started to warm at the pleasant touch. His skin felt good against hers,
like velvet. A gentle sigh escaped her lips as her eyes started to drift
closed.

“Melanie?”

She tried to jump away from him at the sound of her name,
but Declan didn’t release her quickly enough. Her feet lost their grip on the
bottom of the pond and she started to teeter sideways. Declan let go of her
waist quickly and grabbed her arms to steady her. Once she had her balance,
they both let go and turned to see Jeremy standing on the shore next to
Melanie’s clothes.

“What’s going on here?” he asked with a frown marring his
forehead.

“Jeremy-”

“It was my fault,” Declan interrupted. “Mel didn’t know I
was here and I thought it would be funny to scare her. She almost fell and I
caught her. That’s all.”

Jeremy pulled his dark eyebrows even lower over his eyes. “Mel,
are you okay?”

“Y-yes,” she stuttered, putting distance between herself and
Declan.

As she walked toward the shore, she saw Jeremy’s nostrils
flare as his eyebrows shot up and his eyes roamed down the length of her body.
She had forgotten all about that damn bathing suit! She wrapped her arms around
her middle self-consciously as she stepped onto the shore beside him.

She heard splashing behind her, but didn’t break eye contact
with Jeremy as Declan exited the water. She heard him mumble something about
leaving and his footsteps faded into the distance. Her hands dropped to her
sides and she shook them with vigor. Her insides were quaking with nervous
energy as she spoke quickly.

“Jeremy, that wasn’t what it loo-”

He cut her off with a slash of his hand. “I know, Mel. I
trust you. It’s
him
I don’t trust. I had a feeling he wanted you before,
but now I know for sure.”

“I don’t think so. I mean…”

She trailed off as his eyes dropped from hers and roamed her
body. She could tell his mind was already going in another direction. She tried
to wrap her arms around her middle again, but Jeremy grabbed her hands and held
them out, twining his fingers through hers.

“Where did this amazing get up come from?” he asked with a
lopsided grin.

“Ugh. My mom bought it for me.”

“Thank you, Elaine,” he said with mock conviction, throwing
his head back and shouting it to the skies.

“Shut up. I know it’s ridiculous.”

The smile dropped from Jeremy’s face and he stared intently
into her eyes. “Melanie,” he said seriously, “you look amazing. You always look
beautiful, but this…this is too much for any man to resist. Ask Declan if you
don’t believe me.” His mouth dropped into a frown.

Melanie released his hands and wrapped her hands around his
neck. “I don’t care what Declan thinks. Only you,” she said, then pulled his
head down for a kiss.

He kissed her back for a brief second before looping his arm
behind her legs and picking her up. He cradled her in his arms and waded out
into the water. When the water reached his waist, he released her legs and let
them slide down into the water.

Jeremy kissed her hungrily, walking her backwards until the
water was deep enough to reach their chests. His hands skimmed her naked torso,
feeling skin that wasn’t normally left bare. Melanie’s skin burned where his
hands touched, and she squirmed in his embrace.

Jeremy broke off their kiss, his breath heaving in and out
in heavy gasps. Melanie groaned in displeasure, forgetting all her doubts from
earlier and tried to wrap her legs around his waist beneath the water. Jeremy
pulled away a few steps and looked at her with one eyebrow arched.

“You know I love you, right?” he asked, his face serious.

“Yeah,” she said, drawing the word out like a question.

As soon as the word left her mouth, he jumped forward and
wrapped his hands around her waist. With a jerk of his arms, he had her up and
out of the water. She flew backwards and landed awkwardly on her back, sinking
below the water quickly before shooting back up to the surface.  She sputtered
and pushed the wet mop of her hair out of her eyes.

Seeing Jeremy trying to suppress his laughter, she growled,
“Oh, now you’re gonna get it,” before sinking under the water and swimming for
his legs.

Melanie woke up the next morning with a smile on her face.
Swimming with Jeremy, a fun laughter-filled dinner with only him and her
parents, and a late night cuddle session in her bed all contributed to her good
mood. She rolled over and smelled Jeremy’s unique scent of pine trees and boy
on her pillow.

She sat straight up and gasped as she realized what day it
was. “It’s my birthday,” she whispered.

Melanie knew her mom was planning a surprise for her. They
hadn’t discussed her birthday since Saturday at dinner, but she had witnessed several
hushed conversations that had ended abruptly whenever she entered the room. She
just didn’t know what her mom had up her sleeve.

All that mattered to her, though, was that she wasn’t going
to shift today like she had originally thought. She still had a few days before
she had to face that hurdle, so she decided to just enjoy the day. First order
of business: get dressed.

She put on her new turquoise blouse and jeans, paired with
flat black sandals and silver hoop earrings. She curled her hair to define her
soft waves and pulled one side back with a black clip. For make-up, she
carefully drew on eyeliner and plum eyeshadow with a swoop of mascara. She
puckered her lips and smoothed on tinted lip balm.

She stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. “You
are beautiful,” she said, reciting her old mantra. She smiled and saw the way
her eyes lit up. “This is what Jeremy sees when he looks at me,” she mouthed
silently.

He loves me and I love him,
she thought.
That’s
all that matters. Anything and everything we do together will be beautiful
because of that love.  I’m ready for everything.
Smiling brighter, she
flicked off the light headed for the stairs.

“Happy birthday, baby,” Elaine called out as soon as she
entered the dining room.

Melanie smiled and nodded her head in thanks as the others
in the room repeated the sentiment. Her mom, dad, Chad and Willow were already
eating and she waved at them as she headed toward the buffet table. Declan
stood there waiting for her.

“Happy birthday, Mel,” he said quietly, giving her a small
smile.

“Thanks.”

She tried not to let her discomfort show. She felt weird
around him after that scene at the pond. She kept her eyes on the buffet as she
loaded up her plate with eggs, bacon, sausage and French toast.

“Hey,” he whispered, leaning in close. “Is everything okay?”

Melanie took a big step back and forced a smile. “Sure. Why
wouldn’t it be?” she squeaked out.

“Mel, I…”

He trailed off as a pair of arms encircled her from behind.
She felt a kiss on her cheek and heard a husky voice say, “Happy birthday,
Mel.”

She turned her head to see Jeremy’s face and he quickly pecked
a kiss on her lips. When she turned back, Declan had walked away, heading for
his seat at the table. Melanie pulled away from Jeremy and faced him with an
arched brow.

“Staking our claim this morning, are we?”

“Who? Me?” One side of his mouth lifted in a smirk,
contradicting his innocent tone.

“Uh huh,” she said.

“So, what’s on the agenda for today, birthday girl?” Darren
asked after she and Jeremy had both taken a seat at the table.

“I don’t know. I figured you guys were cooking something up,
so I didn’t make any plans.”

Her parents smiled at each other knowingly. “Well,” her mom
said, “our plans for you don’t start until this evening, so do whatever you
feel like today. Just be home by six.”

“Okay,” Melanie said, arching a brow at that cryptic answer.

“I have something special planned for us,” Jeremy whispered,
nudging her side with his elbow.

Four sets of eyes shot toward them and Melanie blushed.
Damned
shifter hearing,
she thought.

Luckily her mom didn’t notice the curious stares and
everyone went back to eating like nothing happened. Melanie kicked Jeremy’s leg
under the table and he grimaced, nearly choking on his eggs.

Melanie rolled her eyes and struck up a conversation with
Willow and Chad. She tried not to make eye contact with Declan, but he was
sitting directly across the table from her, so it was difficult. The few times
she did catch his eye, he would quickly look back down at his plate.

When she finished eating, she looked at Jeremy and he
nodded. They both stood and said their goodbyes, promising to be back no later
than six for whatever surprise her parents were planning. Jeremy took her hand
and led her from the room.

“So where are we going?” she asked as he led her out to the
SUV and opened the passenger door for her.

“No questions,” he said, shutting the door after she climbed
in.

They drove out of the compound in silence. Melanie glanced
over at him and noticed his knuckles were white where he gripped the steering
wheel. She looked up at his face. His eyebrows were drawn down and a muscle
ticked in his jaw.

“Hey,” she said softly, placing her hand on his thigh. “You
okay?”

His features relaxed and he reached down to grasp her hand
and twine his fingers through hers. “Yeah, I’m good. Just a little nervous, I
guess.”

“Nervous about what?”

He shook his head without turning to look at her. “No
questions.”

“Ugh, you suck.”

He laughed and squeezed her hand. “You’ll find out soon
enough.”

They drove for about twenty five minutes and a large lake
came into view. Melanie started seeing signs that read “Herrington Lake” and
Jeremy pulled into the marina. She opened her mouth to ask what they were
doing, but snapped it shut when Jeremy arched one eyebrow at her.

He pulled into a parking spot and jumped out, racing around
the car to open her door. Taking her hand, he grabbed a duffel bag out of the
back and led her to the marina office. She stood quietly beside him as he
signed some paperwork and was handed a set of keys. When he was done, he took
her hand and led her to the ladies restroom. He pulled a plastic grocery sack
from his bag and handed it to her.

“Go change,” he said, giving her a little nudge toward the
bathroom door.

Pushing the door open with her hip, she peeked inside the
bag and saw her new swimsuit and a pair of knit shorts. She smiled to herself
as she went into a stall and changed. Rolling up her clothes and shoving them
into the bag, she walked out of the stall and stopped when she saw herself in
the mirror.

Jeremy hadn’t packed a shirt to wear over her bikini, just
the shorts. She slowly pulled the black clip from her hair and removed her hoop
earrings, examining her body as she did. She was slightly thinner than she was
the day before. She turned to the left, then the right, checking out her
profile. She wasn’t sure if her body was still transforming in preparation for
her first shift, or if she was just bloated yesterday, but she could definitely
see a difference.

She pulled her blouse from the bag to put it back on when
there was a loud knock on the door. “Let’s go, Mel! The day’s wasting away!”

Throwing back her shoulders and sucking in her gut, Melanie shoved
it back it into the bag and walked to the door. She pulled it open and walked
through with her head held high, feigning confidence she didn’t really feel.

“Wow,” Jeremy whispered as she stopped next to him.
“Just…wow.”

Melanie smiled in gratitude and let her eyes roam down his
body. He had changed into a pair of royal blue swim trunks. Her pupils dilated
slightly as she took in his naked torso that tapered down to the low slung shorts.

Jeremy cleared his throat and her eyes shot back to his.
With one raised eyebrow, he asked, “Are you done?”

With a nervous laugh, she put her hand on his shoulder and
gave him a slight shove. Changing the subject, she asked, “Are you ever going
to tell me what we’re doing here?”

“Nope,” he said. “Let’s go. I’ll show you instead.”

He took her bag of clothes and shoved them into his duffel
bag. Taking her hand, he led her out of the office and down to a dock. He
stopped in front of a large pontoon boat and looked over at her with a grin on
his face.

“Hop aboard, matey.”

“Really?” she asked, her excitement showing on her face. At
his nod, she opened the small half-door and climbed onto the boat.

There was a large area in the back with long, wide leather
seats shaped like a U. She walked over and sat down as Jeremy put the key in
the ignition and started up the engine. Above his head was a platform with a
long, gently-sloped slide that ended above the water at the front. Melanie
looked behind them as they slowly pulled out of the marina and noticed two
large round tubes tied to a rack on the back.

She left her seat and walked up behind him, wrapping her
arms around his waist and laying her cheek on his muscled back. “So, we’re
spending the day on the water?”

He took one hand off the wheel and laid it over hers, which
were clasped on his stomach. “Yep. Happy birthday, Mel.”

Melanie released her grip and slid around in front of him.
Pressing her body against his, she slipped her hands into his hair and kissed
him on the cheek. Resting her head on his shoulder, she said, “Thank you. I
love it.”

They cruised around the lake for a while, seeing only a few
other boats along the way. It was a Tuesday morning and not even summer yet, so
most people were at work or school, leaving the lake practically deserted.
Jeremy found a secluded spot around a bend and killed the motor.

After dropping the anchor, Jeremy walked over to where he
dropped his duffel bag and unzipped it. Pulling out a black and white checkered
blanket, he spread it on the deck and motioned Melanie to sit down. After she
complied, he pulled out a bottle of sparkling cider and two red plastic
containers.

He sat down in front of her and placed the containers
between them. He waved toward them, telling Melanie to pull off the lids while
he popped the cork on the cider. Melanie gasped as she opened the first one.

“Chocolate covered strawberries?” she asked, the happiness
evident in her voice.

Jeremy smiled. “Yeah. The other one has some ham sandwiches,
in case you’re hungry.”

Melanie carefully took out one of the strawberries and bit
into it. She groaned in pleasure and Jeremy’s nostrils flared at the sound. He
stared at her mouth as she licked the chocolate off her lips.

“These are so good,” she said, closing her eyes.

“I’m glad you like them.”

Jeremy shook his head as if to clear it and poured her a
glass of cider. As he handed it over, their fingers brushed against each other
and he sucked in a quick breath. Melanie didn’t seem to notice, her attention
still riveted on the sweet treat in her other hand.

“Do you want to try out that slide?” Jeremy asked, standing
quickly and turning his back to her as he tried to get himself under control.

“I don’t know,” Melanie murmured, looking into the dark
depths. “Is it still cold?”

It was an unseasonably warm day and beads of sweat were
forming on her nose. A dip in the water sounded wonderful, but it was only
early May. The lake back home would still be freezing this time of year.

“Only one way to find out,” Jeremy said with a grin and
climbed the small metal ladder leading to the upper deck.

Melanie carefully picked her way up the ladder behind him.
She watched him sit on the slide and motion for her to climb onto his lap. She
shook her head vigorously.

“Nuh-uh. No way. You go first and tell me if it’s freezing
or not.”

“Scaredy cat,” he said.

He gave her a wink and pushed off. He flew down the slide
and was airborne for a second before he hit the water with a big splash. He
surfaced with a shout and started treading water. Shaking the wet hair out of
his eyes, he waved up at Melanie.

“Come on in, the water’s great!” he yelled.

“Is it cold?”

“Nah, not really. It’s refreshing. Come on!”

Melanie slipped her shorts off and sat down on the slide.
Jeremy dove under the water, then resurfaced a few feet out. “Let’s go
slowpoke!”

Melanie took a deep breath and shoved off. She felt
exhilarated as she sped down the slide and experienced a brief moment of
weightlessness before hitting the water.

“Eek!” she yelled as she surfaced. “Oh my God, Jeremy! You are
such a liar!”

Her teeth started chattering as she started to doggy paddle
back to the boat. Before she got two feet, she felt Jeremy’s arms come around
her waist and pull her back against his chest. He felt so warm, she turned in
his arms and wrapped her arms and legs around him. As soon as she did, they
slipped under the water, Jeremy unable to keep them both afloat.

Melanie released him and propelled herself back to the
surface. Jeremy popped up beside her and she sputtered out an apology. She
turned and lunged for the side of the boat, now within reach, and felt Jeremy
swim up behind her again.

He reached around her with one hand and grabbed the rope
ladder hanging off the side. With his other hand he turned her around and
pulled her close, wordlessly inviting her to wrap herself around him, knowing
they wouldn’t sink again.

He pressed his forehead against hers and whispered in a
husky voice, “You just have to get used to it. You’ll warm up in a minute.”

The words barely left his mouth before he was kissing her.
The sensations were almost overwhelming in their intensity. The warm sun on her
shoulders. The cold water swirling around her back and Jeremy’s warm body
pressing against her front. His mouth on hers.

Suddenly, Jeremy pushed her up and she was sitting on the
swim platform. She scooted backwards quickly as he climbed the ladder. He
climbed into the boat and pulled her behind him without saying a word.

Walking to the leather seats, Jeremy sat down and pulled her
onto his lap so that she was straddling him. He wrapped his fingers into
Melanie’s wet hair and pulled her head down until their lips met again. Melanie
wrapped her arms around his neck and tangled her fingers into the hair at his
nape.