Shadowmoor (de Lohr Dynasty #6) (37 page)

Liselotte could hear it from her chamber high in the keep. Her window happened to face south, which meant it faced over the kitchen yard and the stables, and she had been listening to Daniel and Caston yell at each other, good-naturedly, all morning. It made her smile to hear Daniel’s voice, the voice of the man she had fallen so deeply in love with. The fears of him breaking her heart were long over. In fact, she couldn’t even remember what there was to fear about Daniel any longer.

He had become such a part of Shadowmoor and their lives that she was sure he would never leave them. He had worked so hard to bring hope back to them all.
To her
. She couldn’t imagine that he would ever want to leave people he’d given such hope to. Perhaps it was a fool’s hope, but it was her hope nonetheless.

On this bright morning, she was just finishing the embroidery on Daniel’s tournament tunic. He’d purchased the gold thread in Siglesdene when he’s purchased the fabric and she had embroidered a lion on the front of the gold de Lohr shield. It wasn’t a very big lion because she’d had to move quickly, but it was exquisitely done. She knew he would be pleased.

Excited to show him the finished product, she left her small chamber and headed down the narrow spiral stairs, down to the entry level of the keep. In the room that used to be her father’s solar, two female servants were cleaning it out and sweeping the floor, preparing it for the fine lady’s room that Daniel had promised her. Liselotte paused in the doorway, watching the work in progress, thinking of her father and hoping that, wherever he was, he was happy to see the changes going on at Shadowmoor. She knew, in her heart, that he must have been thrilled, even with the fact that she was taking over his solar.

It was sunny outside, a brilliant sky the result of a storm that had blown through the night before. The ground was muddy but some of the men were now starting to grade the ground a little, making it easier to walk on and filling in the holes so someone wouldn’t break a leg. Daniel was paying them a pence a day to do it, and they did it happily. The bailey, in general, was starting to look much better than she had ever seen it. It didn’t even look like the same place anymore.

Daniel’s touch had seen to that.

Rounding the side of the keep, she headed to the area where Daniel and Caston were practicing. They were off their horses at this point and Liselotte could see the smithy bending over the right front leg of Caston’s horse, inspecting the iron horseshoe. Gunnar was running around nearby, playing with his goats and puppies, and she grinned at her younger brother who was so very happy these days. He’d even put on some weight with the good food, looking like an entirely different boy with his little rounded belly. The transformation was astonishing.

“My lady!”

Daniel called to her, pulling her attention away from Gunnar. She smiled at the man as she came near.

“Is everything well, my lord?” she asked, gesturing to Caston’s horse. “Is the horse injured?”

Daniel looked at the horse. “Nay,” he said. “He lost a nail. The smithy will fix it.”

Liselotte nodded. “That is good to hear,” she said. Then, she held up the tunic in her hand. “I have finished the lion. I thought you would want to see it.”

Daniel’s face lit up and he reached for it. “Indeed, I do,” he said, then quickly drew his hands back. “I do not want to touch the tunic, for my hands are dirty. Hold it up so that I may see.”

She did. Daniel lavished praise upon her and even Caston complimented her embroidery skills, but his issue with his horse was more pressing so he and the smithy took the horse over to the smithy stall, leaving Daniel and Liselotte still standing on the edge of the practice field. Daniel finally gave up trying to keep his hands off the tunic and took it from Liselotte, holding it up in front of him to see how it would look when he wore it.

“Magnificent, my lady,” he said. “I am very impressed with your sewing skills. You will be handsomely rewarded.”

Liselotte blushed at his praise. “You have already paid me for the tunic,” she said. “It is reward enough that you shall wear it. I… I have never had a knight wear my handiwork, much less wear it in a tournament.”

He grinned, still visually inspecting the details of the lion. “Not only will I wear your tunic, but you shall be my favored lady that day,” he said. “I will carry your favor with me and it shall bring me luck.”

Liselotte was rather surprised to hear that. “Truly?” she said. “What shall I give you? I have never given anyone a favor before.”

He shrugged. “A silk kerchief,” he said. “A glove, a scarf. Some women even make favors especially for their knights, embroidered with their name on it. It does not matter what you give me; I will carry it and I will win.”

She smiled. “You sound confident.”

“I am. With your support, I could be nothing less.”

Her smile faded. “You will always have my support, Daniel,” she said quietly. “You have done so much for us that I could do nothing less. You shall have my support until I die.”

He lifted his eyebrows, still looking at his tunic and unaware that she was watching him very closely, perhaps looking for something of hope for their future in his expression. That was why she had said what she did; she was hoping he would respond to it. But he was oblivious to what she was suggesting.

“I am greatly appreciative,” he said. “And I shall win the purse for you. The money that I win will become yours to help Shadowmoor survive.”

It was the first time he’d told her of his intentions with the prize money and she was understandably surprised. Then, she was deeply grateful. “Are you sure?”

Daniel looked at her, seeing her shock. He’d purposely not told her of his intention to donate the prize money to Shadowmoor because he knew she would have argued with him about it. But now, so close to the event, there wasn’t much she could do. He smiled.

“I am,” he said. “So is Caston. He will donate whatever he wins to Shadowmoor as well, but I do not expect him to win anything because I will triumph in every event, so you can expect all of the donations to come from me.”

He said it rather pompously, humorous, but Liselotte could barely smile for all of the astonishment she was feeling. That both Daniel and Caston would willingly donate their winnings was beyond her comprehension. Once again, Daniel was doing so much for them that she was having trouble expressing her gratitude to him. It seemed as if the man’s generosity had no end.

“Your kindness is limitless, Daniel,” she said sincerely. “And Caston’s, too. But the two of you have done so much for us already.”

He looked up from the tunic, smiling into her grateful face. “I have only just begun,” he said. “Shadowmoor will be restored to her former glory, I promise you. Already, she is emerging from her hell. Can you not see it?”

Liselotte nodded firmly. “Indeed, I do,” she said. “But… but I am still not certain why you have done all of this. I have said from the beginning that we are not your responsibility. That you would be so generous to us is still unbelievable to me. Every day I am astonished anew.”

His smile softened. “I told you why,” he said quietly. “I am doing it for you.”

Liselotte took it as an opening to probe him about his intentions. She had been wanting to ask questions of him for some time now but it had never seemed like the right time. Weeks of gentle flirtation and exquisite thrill had never been the right time because she hadn’t wanted to ruin whatever was developing between them. She wanted to enjoy it. But now, he had opened the door. She was going to take the opportunity.

She needed to know.

“But why?” she asked, her voice soft. “My father offered you my hand in marriage but you refused. Why should you do this for a woman you do not intend to marry?”

Daniel’s smile faded. He knew this moment would come and he had been dreading it. He was suddenly uncertain, feeling cornered, without one of his practiced and polished answers. He knew it was a perfectly legitimate question. He simply didn’t know how to answer her. Or perhaps he did but he was afraid to.

He knew he loved her. There was no question in his mind. But he was terrified to admit it, even to himself. He had been perfectly happy all of these weeks, going along as they were going, with stolen kisses and sweet glances. Aye, he’d been perfectly happy because there had been no serious talk of commitment. But now she was asking him a question that scared him. She was looking for answers. Clearing his throat softly, he lowered his gaze.

“Is it not enough that Shadowmoor is on the road to recovery and we are happy?” he asked. “Is it not enough that you know of my affections for you? I told you that I was not the marrying kind.”

Liselotte’s warm expression vanished. She felt as if he had hit her in the gut with his answer and she took a step back, reeling. Feeling so very hurt and ashamed.

“So you have been toying with me?” she asked. “Is that what all of the kisses and gentle touches have been? Nothing more than you toying with my feelings without any intention of being honorable about them?”

Daniel looked at her and sighed faintly. “That was not what I meant.”

“Then, exactly, what did you mean?”

He could see that she was very quickly growing upset and he hastened to soothe her without wading into that dangerous whirlpool of giving her the answers she sought. He would be sucked right down into saying something he didn’t want to say or was afraid to say.

“I simply meant that you know I am fond of you,” he said. “I told you before that I would speak of my feelings when I was ready to.”

He was being evasive; she could see it. It only served to fuel the hurt she was feeling. She pulled the tunic out of his hands and stepped away from him.

“Then until you are ready to speak of such things, I will reserve the right not to make a fool of myself any further by allowing you to kiss me whenever you please,” she said crisply. “I thought I meant something to you, Daniel, but I can see that I was wrong. Mayhap I am simply another project for you; you seem intent on rebuilding Shadowmoor so mayhap you are intent to rebuild me as well. So you toy with me and buy me pretty clothing and tell me I am beautiful, thinking it will build me up when, in fact, everything you are doing will be torn down the moment you leave me. Is this how you have been your whole life? Shallow and insincere, using women to flatter you and feed your pride before disposing of them? If that is the case, then you can leave Shadowmoor now. You have done a great deal for us and I am truly grateful to you, but I will not let you treat us as if we are simply projects to satisfy your ego.”

Daniel was feeling a great deal of disappointment as she backed away from him, but he was also feeling ashamed. Everything she said made perfect sense, as if she could read him like an open book. He’d wanted to build up Shadowmoor and, in truth, he’d wanted to build her up as well.
A purpose in life.
He’d seen Shadowmoor as a purpose in life. But he saw Liselotte as more than a purpose. Perhaps she was
his
purpose.

Perhaps she had been his purpose all along.

God, why can’t I tell her that?

“Leese, please,” he said, moving after her as she tried to walk away. “Please do not go. I did not mean to hurt or offend you. I… oh, hell, I do not know what to say to all of this. You are not a project. You mean far more to me than that. You mean everything.”

Liselotte came to a halt, turning to look at him. “I mean everything to you but marriage,” she said. “Isn’t that what you mean? If that is the case, Daniel de Lohr, I want you to leave Shadowmoor. I will not be your toy or your mistress or your… your concubine. As much as I adore you, and I adore you very much, I will not let you do that to me. I will not let you show such disrespect to me.”

Daniel was torn, struggling to find the right words, knowing what he wanted to say but unable to bring the words forth. He’d never in his life told a woman he loved her, at least not a woman who meant something to him. But something in what she said had his attention.

“Do you love me, Leese?” he asked softly.

She held his gaze a moment longer, trying to be strong, before turning away. There were tears in her eyes. “I do.”

“Say it. Let me hear it.”

She broke down into soft tears “Nay,” she whispered. “I will not.”

“Tell me.”

“I won’t!”

He sighed heavily. “I did not know you felt that way,” he murmured. “Say it… let me hear it. Nothing in this world will ever mean so much to me.”

Liselotte broke into soft sobs and fled before he could stop her. With a hugely heavy heart, Daniel went to follow but a Netherghyll soldier caught his attention. The man was running for him, running past Liselotte as she ran for the keep. Then he put himself between Daniel and Liselotte, and Daniel had no choice but to stop. Heartbroken, he growled at the soldier.

“What do you want?” he demanded.

The soldier was polite. “My lord, we have sighted an incoming army,” he said. “I have already notified Sir Caston. He says you must come immediately.”

An incoming army
. Concerned, and confused, Daniel struggled to forget about Liselotte as he followed the soldier across the massive ward, heading to the great gates and the wall that had a wooden wall walk built on it, a projection out from the stone that had been seriously repaired over the past few weeks. He mounted the nearest ladder and headed to where the soldiers were gathering, pointing to the west. Daniel leaned over the wall, peering down the moor and seeing a distant gathering, like an army of ants, approaching up the hillside. He heard Caston behind him.

“Mayhap it is Bramley,” he said, somewhat ironically. “Mayhap the man has been telling the truth all along and that is Henry coming to lay siege.”

Daniel gave him a half-grin. “That would just be our luck,” he said. “With that in mind, however, mayhap you should prepare your men. Let us lock up the gates and make sure everyone is prepared. Leave nothing to chance.”

Caston fled, shouting to his men on the wall walk and also to those down below in the bailey. Something was brewing and although they weren’t sure what, exactly, it was, it was better to be safe.