Shadows and Lies (27 page)

I was so scared that I was unable to speak even if I had wanted to, which I didn’t. Douglass cleared her throat, which got Gonzales’ attention. She made a gesture and he backed away, but only a few steps away. He continued to loom over me with his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face.

Douglass pulled a clean tissue from her pocket and handed it to me. I took it gratefully, wiping my tear-filled eyes and blowing my nose. “Carrie,” she said kindly, trying to get my attention, but I didn’t want to meet her eyes. I just kept sniffing and wiping my nose.

“Carrie,” she repeated. “Sean told us about you.”

That did get my attention and I looked up at her suspiciously. “What?”

“Sean told us about you,” she said simply.

“What?” I said again.

“The day that we took Sean away, he told us about you.”

I looked from her to Gonzales, but his expression gave away nothing. “He did?”

Douglass nodded. I frowned. “Then why wasn’t I contacted like he said I would be? I expected you to show up to question me, but no one did.”

“You were being watched,” Gonzales said shortly.

I refused to look at him, the big bully. “Watched?” I asked Douglass.

She nodded. “You’re relationship with him was very convenient, as I said before.”

I shook my head. “And I was being watched because…? Because you thought I could lead you to whoever was trying to kill him?”

Douglass nodded. “Now, tell us who you told. And remember, you’re a horrible liar.”

I frowned. “I just told my mom – my stepmom, I mean. But it was eight weeks after Sean had left, but she is not part of any kind of crime organization! I told her because – well, because that one night with Sean…” I swallowed. “I’m pregnant.” I sighed. “We did use protection, but his condoms were old or something. And I was under a lot of stress, and I was hiding the truth from everyone because I had sworn to Sean that I wouldn’t tell, but I was pregnant!” I implored Douglass, hoping that she could understand my plight. “I just blurted it out to her because I had to tell someone!”

Gonzales opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “But she didn’t believe me! She told me that Sean had just been feeding me a line, and that once he got what he wanted, he had split.”

Douglass looked at me like she didn’t believe me. “I’m not lying!” I cried.

She glanced over at Gonzales, who stepped forward once again.

“Did you use Sean’s name at all?” Gonzales demanded to know.

“Not then,” I said quietly. “But she asked if he was the guy that had come with me to help move my sister’s stuff out when she had thrown their dog against the wall, and he had introduced himself then. She remembered his name, and I said yes, he was the same guy.”

Gonzales cursed loudly and said, “I’ll be right back,” he said gruffly, and left the room.

“Did you tell anyone else about Sean?” Douglass asked me, drawing my attention back to her.

I shook my head. “I realize it was stupid to tell Nancy.”

Douglass nodded. “Yes it was. It was stupid for Sean to tell you he was in the Witness Protection Program.”

“I’m not involved in a crime ring or whatever it was that Sean’s old boss did.”

“Perhaps. Marshall Gonzales will be checking your story, and agents in Las Vegas will be bringing in Nancy for questioning.”

Oh, she was going to love that. It was a good thing I was three states away from her. I shifted uncomfortably. “Do you – would it be possible…?” I sighed and Douglass just waited for me to spit out whatever I was trying to say. “Will I be able to see Sean at all?”

Douglass stood up. “Sean broke quite a few laws telling you what he did. You are under suspicion for working with a mob boss. Or at least being used by one.” She moved towards the door. “In other words, probably not. Your name may or may not be cleared, and even then, your troubles aren’t over.”

I nodded, accepting her words, but feeling like I’d just been punched in the gut too. Sean and I had botched things up good.

Douglass asked me on her way out. “You’ll likely be here for several hours. Is there anything I can get you to pass the time?”

“A glass of water,” I said immediately. “And maybe a crossword puzzle?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” she said automatically.

“Do I get a phone call?” I asked.

“No,” she answered, and then left. I still wasn’t alone though. I looked at that mirror, which I was sure was bullet proof and I wondered who was watching me. As the minutes ticked by, and my adrenaline levels dropped to a normal level, I also wondered if they were as bored with watching me as I was with watching myself.

It took Douglass only a half hour to come back with the water and puzzle book, but that seemed like an eternity. After that I was left alone for a long time. I doggedly tried to work my way through the crossword. It was an old book, printed in 1973, and there were a lot of facts that I didn’t know. Only about half the puzzles were completed, and apparently that book had passed through many interviewees hands. I flipped through it, trying to decipher some of the more interesting crossword entries, which were obviously not the real answers, but slurs against the FBI, law enforcement, and the government in general. The entries were quite crass, but some were rather imaginative, and reading through it helped passed the time.

Dinnertime came and went, and I worried about what my sisters must be thinking. They would have waited at the bus stop, and then perhaps gone back to the Market to look for me. But they wouldn’t have found me. Would they be in a panic? Would they call the police? I had no way to alert anyone to my concerns because I was being completely ignored. Pile onto that the fact that I was starving, I had run out of water a long time ago, and the urge to use a toilet was becoming more than a slight nuisance. Borderline emergency was probably a better term. I knocked on the door, I knocked on the window, I hopped around so anyone watching in a camera would see that I had to go, but no one came, so finally I just sat and concentrated on holding my bowels.

Finally, just as I was about to poop my pants or go blind with holding it in, Douglass entered. “Someone told me you’ve been trying to get our attention.”

“Bathroom,” I gasped. It was all I could say.

Douglass put me on a leash and I waddled as quickly as I could down a hall and into the ladies bathroom, which looked like a prison. “Pee into this, please,” she said, and handed me a cup.

I didn’t think twice about it; I had to go so badly. Douglass stood on the other side of the partially open door holding my leash, but at that point I didn’t care. I was just so grateful to get some relief, and peeing into a cup had become second nature to me, what with my monthly doctor visits. I started caring however when I was done and had to come out and wash my hands.

“Sorry about that,” I said with a blush as I handed her my specimen cup.

Douglass let a small smile loose from her otherwise expressionless face. “One of the nicer aspects of my job.”

“What’s the pee for?”

“Pregnancy and drug test.”

I mouthed the word, “Oh,” but said no more.

I think by that point Douglass knew I wasn’t anyone harmful, because when she walked me back to my room, after letting me fill my water cup up again, she told me, “Not much longer, I think.”

“I’m worried about my sisters,” I said in a rush. “They were waiting for me to catch up with them at a bus stop. They’ve likely called the cops by know.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Douglass said. She returned a few minutes later with a ham sandwich.

I had no idea what time it was, other than late, when Douglass and Gonzales came back in together. I had dozed off with my head on the table, my arms playing pillow. I lifted my head and blinked at the harshness of the overhead light, and flinched when Gonzales slammed a stack of papers down on the table in front of me.

“These are nondisclosure forms,” he informed me in a cold voice. “You’re required to sign them.”

“What happens if I don’t?” I asked boldly.

He crossed his arms over his chest. “You get arrested.”

I looked over at Douglass, who nodded her head. I reached for the stack and she handed me a pen. “What are these exactly?” I asked.

“They basically say that you are required by law to keep the identity of the man whom you knew as Sean Whalen a secret, and that you are in no way to further connect him to the man you saw in the Market,” Gonzales barked. “If you decide to reveal that information to anyone, you will spend the rest of your life in a Federal prison.”

I obeyed. There was nothing more I could do. But I read each document carefully, just in case. I didn’t want to accidentally sign some fake confession or something. When I finished signing the last nondisclosure form, I looked up and asked, “Does this mean that I’m free to go? Will I be able to see Sean?”

“We’ve corroborated your story; we know you have no connections with Sean’s old mob boss,” Douglass said cryptically. “However, you have a problem.”

I stared at her with wide eyes. What now?

“Sean told you his identity, and you told your stepmother, who remembers his name,” Douglass explained. “There are people from Sean’s past in Las Vegas right now trying to figure out where he was sent. If they find out that you and he were closer than just neighbors, they might go sniffing among your relatives for information, and they might learn from your stepmother that you were close to Sean. They could easily track you down, and from there all they’d have to do is hurt you until you tell them what they want to know, which that you know what he looks like, what kind of car he drives and his license plate.” Douglass leaned forward. “We could change all that about Sean, even move him on to another identity, but you would still be a target.” She placed a stack of papers down on the table in front of me. “These forms here enter you into the Witness Protection Program.”

I stared at Douglass dumbly for many seconds. “You’re kidding,” I said eventually.

Both Gonzales and Douglass shook their heads. “No,” Douglass said.

“Do I have a choice?” I asked.

“No,” Gonzales broke in roughly. “Sean’s continued safety is important to pending criminal suits against his former boss and his employees.”

“But you do have a choice,” Douglass interjected smoothly. “You can go in alone,” and then she glanced at Gonzales. “Or you can go in with Sean.”

My heart leaped. They were going to let me see him! They were going to let me be with him!

“But you need to know one little detail before you decide,” Douglass said slowly. “Sean’s old boss doesn’t have the death penalty. “The threat to Sean’s life will never end as long as his boss is breathing. Sean’s in the program for life. If you choose him, you stay in the program for life too. If you choose to go in alone, you would stay in until it has been deemed your usefulness as a target and/or hostage has been eliminated.”

I was silent for a long time, thinking about what I’d just been told. “What about my sisters?” I finally asked. “They’ll think I’ve been kidnapped and murdered. I don’t want them to go through that kind of anxiety and worry over me.”

“We’ll take care of any explanations to your family,” Douglass said. She didn’t offer an explanation as to how.

I let out a breath. “Can I ask you one last question?”

“Sure,” said Douglass.

“Is it normal for you to be offering to let me enter with Sean? Is it normal for us to get a choice since we’re not married or family?”

Douglass looked at Gonzales, who wore a mask of inscrutability. She smirked at him, and I couldn’t figure out why. “No, it’s not normal,” she said when it was clear that Gonzales wasn’t going to answer. “Under normal circumstances, you’d be whisked off to some remote part of the US and you’d never see or hear from Sean again.” She smiled. “But Gonzales here has a soft spot for romance.”

Really? I thought as I looked him over. He’d been nothing but gruff and rude and intimidating the whole time.

“Mostly we’re able to offer this to you because you’re pregnant with Sean’s child,” Douglass said. “You’ll have to get married to Sean though. As you said, you either have to be married or family to go into the Program together.”

I stared at Douglass with my mouth open. Married? I had to get married to Sean? Now?

“The offer is only good for the next few minutes. You don’t have long to think about this,” Douglass continued. “No matter what you decide, you’ll be leaving Washington State within the next ten hours and be on your way to a new life with a new identity. So you need to decide now what you want to do.” She looked at Gonzales critically. “If it was up to me, you’d be going alone.” She shrugged. “Rules are rules. Gonzales has a knack for bending them.”

I wonder now what I would have said in that moment if I were older, wiser, or maybe just more cynical. The fact was that I wasn’t older, wiser or cynical. I was young, inexperienced and pregnant. “I choose Sean,” I said in a shaky voice. “If that’s his choice too. But I want a chance to talk to him first.”

“I can’t offer you that. You either choose him or go alone.”

“Then I’ll choose him,” I said with exasperation. “As long as that’s his choice too.”

“Right then,” Gonzales said immediately, heading for the door. “You get her ready and I’ll go get what they’ll need to leave here together.”

“What do I sign?” I asked Douglass after Gonzales left, gesturing to the papers before me.

“You don’t sign anything yet,” Douglass said. She looked at the two-way mirror and made the ‘come over here’ sign, then turned to me. “Not till you’re married. The ceremony will take place here by a licensed official, of course.” There was a knock on the door and Douglass got up. “You’ve got ten minutes alone. Then we’ll have to get the ball rolling on this operation.”

Douglass opened the door and then there he suddenly was. Sean. I jumped to my feet at the sight of him, my horrid metal chair almost tipping over. I wanted to run to him, but I stood rooted to the floor; my legs wouldn’t work. I opened my mouth to speak, to cry out, to shout, but no sound would come out. Sean took slow steps towards me; he was looking me over just as I was taking him in. He looked good, but different. His eyes were a very light brown now. He had a full head of dark hair that needed a good trim. His beard was a shade lighter than this hair.