Shadows Have Gone (23 page)

“You’ve never seen
Gone With the Wind
?” Mindy asked, aghast. “Oh, girl . . . you’ve missed out. Let me tell you.”

“This was a good idea,” Carly said, leaning closer to Stacy as Mindy went off on a long explanation of how the movie tied in with pop culture.

“I picked it because it’s so long,” Stay murmured to Carly when Mindy and Stan were wrapped up in the film. Mindy had scooted over to the edge of the wide chair to make room for him, and he was snuggled around her back, murmuring into her ear as they watched. Mindy gasped and winced when the contractions came, but both of them were much calmer.

“Tell me the truth. Is she . . .”

“I don’t know.” Stacy bit her lip. “Since we could never really be sure how far along she was . . . I think we’re okay. I
think
so. From what I can feel, both babies seem to be positioned correctly, but I’m prepared to do a cesarean if I have to. Let’s not borrow trouble, though. The important thing is to keep her calm. We don’t want her to stress and get her blood pressure elevated. Help me with that. You’ve gone through birth. You know that women sometimes think things are going wrong when it gets close to the time. Reassure her, please. Try to keep her as calm as possible.”

Carly wished again that Miz Marson were still with them. Her brisk, no-nonsense demeanor had always had a calming effect on almost any situation. She’d always seemed like she was in charge, capable of dealing with anything. Carly wished she could learn to project that. “I will.”

“Thank you.”

They settled into chairs to watch the movie, timing Mindy’s contractions. Mindy answered Veronica’s questions about the movie and tried to explain some of the uncomfortable racial issues it brought up. Veronica’s puzzlement at people treating African-Americans in that fashion made her wonder if this was a new chance for humanity, to erase some of the cruel prejudices of the past and raise the next generation to be free of them.

Scarlett had just made her famous vow that she’d never be hungry again when there was a tap at the clinic door. Carly went to answer it and closed the exam-room door behind her. She found Laura outside with a small basket over her arm. Buttercup went wild, yipping so loudly that Carly shut the door to the waiting room behind her, too.

“Hey, Laura,” Carly said as she unlatched the front door and opened it.

Cold air swirled in as Laura entered. Sam went over for a pat because he knew Laura liked him. She knelt down so their faces were level and gave Sam a scratch on the ruff. He nuzzled his head into her chest, and his back leg kicked in pleasure, making both of the humans laugh. Buttercup tried to climb Laura’s leg and fell over in her enthusiasm. Laura laughed and rubbed the puppy’s plump little belly while Buttercup lapped at her hand.

Laura stood and handed Carly the basket. Inside were little cloth wrapped bundles with handwritten labels tied to them.

“I collected some things that might help,” Laura said. “I know Justin and Pearl have been collecting medications for a while, but I don’t know what we have in stock in case there are, you know . . . problems. I brought these in case. I know herbs can be tricky, and sometimes even dangerous, because it’s so difficult to determine their strength. But if we don’t have any other options, this might be worth it.”

She picked up the packet one by one and showed them to Carly. “This is to try to stop bleeding. This one might help if she doesn’t deliver the placenta. This one is for infection.” She nudged the packets around and cleared her throat. “The ones wrapped up in blue . . . those are for if things go badly. Don’t use them unless there’s absolutely no other option. Do you understand?”

Carly nodded. She didn’t even want to think about it, but at least they had something that might help. These herbs represented a chance, a slender hope if things went wrong. And in some cases, a slim chance was better than none.

A lot of time and care had gone into collecting all of these herbs and writing out the instructions in detail. “Thank you, Laura. I really appreciate this, and I know the others will, too.”

She gave Laura hug. These weren’t just Mindy’s babies. They were the children of the whole community. Dagny was the first, but these babies showed she wasn’t just a fluke. These babies showed there was a future in which all of them were invested.

If they survive
. That horrid voice in the back of her mind sent the jarring thought through her like a spike of ice. Carly remembered how she had worried that her immunity to the Infection might not pass down to her baby. And now that they lived in a community with only minimal sanitation and no vaccinations, there were many health risks the babies would be exposed to.

Carly pushed that aside. Right now she needed to focus on helping these babies into the world. She thanked Laura again and closed the door behind her before carrying the basket with her into the delivery room.

Carly closed the front door behind her with a tired sigh and shrugged out of her coat.
 

“Hey,” Justin said softly. He had tried not to scare her, but the unexpected sound of his voice made her jump.

He was lying on the sofa. Dagny was sound asleep on his chest, her thumb stuck in her mouth.
Goodnight Moon
lay on the floor beside them, open to the page where Dagny had drifted off.

Carly came over and kissed him before tugging off her knitted cap. “Hi. Did Sam bring you my note?”

“He did. I heard him scratching at the door and let him in. You said everything was going well.”

“It did. The babies were born about an hour ago. I wish I had been so calm and stoic when I was giving birth. It was impressive, Justin. She handled the pain like a trouper and kept her cool. I think Stan was more freaked out than Mindy was. He looked like a ghost by the time the second baby came. As deliveries go, it was an easy one.”

“Are the babies okay?”

“As far as we can tell. A little girl and a little boy. Mindy and Stan haven’t chosen names for them yet. Beautiful little things. A bit on the small side, but they both seem strong and healthy.”

“No need for any . . . special intervention, then?”

Carly saw him relax a little. She knew he had been worried about his battery and solar-powered setup for incubators. He hadn’t shown them to Mindy because he hadn’t wanted her worrying they might be needed, but he had brought them to Colby from a town miles away. They set them up in the building they called “Helm’s Deep,” because it was their strongest structure. Since they used it mainly for practicing military maneuvers, it was a place Mindy was unlikely to go while she was heavily pregnant.

But the generator Justin set up to run them kept failing. He and Bryce had worked on it for hours, but sooner or later it would sputter out and the temperature inside the incubators would fall. Carly had seen Justin one night, staring down into the empty plastic container at the thermometer lying on the mattress, looking as though he were close to tears. She knew he was imagining a struggling infant inside and his inability to save it with the technology they had.

“Stacy has suggested Mindy stay in bed with the babies for a while, keeping them warm with her own body heat and well-fed. Just for a while, to see how they do.”

Justin looked down at the baby on his chest. “That may be a good idea.” He continued to gaze at Dagny for a moment while Carly took off her shoes and put them away in the closet. She gave a little sigh when she saw his and Kaden’s boots tossed negligently inside and took a moment to straighten them neatly, left and right, toes pointed inward. She knew neither of the men understood her insistence on neatness, and Justin thought it was a little obsessive, but it gave her a feeling of control over her environment that she needed.

Carly came back and sat down on the floor beside the sofa. “You seem a little sad. Is everything all right?”

“Just thinking. Remembering. Do you remember when we lay in bed together while you were in labor? You dozed a little between the contractions. I watched you sleep, your soft breaths and the flutter of your eyelashes . . . I memorized your face over and over. I tried to imprint the feeling of your body in my arms and how it felt to hold you. I tried to make it last forever, because I was so afraid I would lose you.”

Carly laid her head down on his shoulder. “Oh, Justin, I’m sorry about that. If I could have made it easier for you . . .”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Justin’s voice rumbled below her ear, and she could feel his fingers stroking a lock of her hair. “All my life, I had been afraid to care about anyone because I always lost them. But you stole my heart. I was doomed from the moment I laid eyes on you, and somehow I think I knew it all along.”

He brought his other hand up and stroked her hair back from her temples, tangling his fingers in her caramel waves. “Fucking doomed. No way I could fight it, no matter how hard I tried. And as we were lying there, I tried to steel my heart. Tried to prepare myself for the possibility that—”

Justin stopped for a moment before he continued, and she heard the soft whoosh of a deep breath drawn into his chest. “I was alone my entire life before I met you, Carly, but I never knew what
alone
truly meant until I faced the prospect of being without you.”

She knew what he meant. She had faced that when he lay in their tent, burning with fever from that infected arrow wound, not sure how she would be able to go on without him. She kissed his cheek and laid a careful arm over his chest to embrace him, trying not to disturb the sleeping baby.

Justin was still looking down at Dagny. He gave a soft laugh. “Do you remember when she was born? How she looked? She was all red and wrinkled and squished. I remember thinking she was such an ugly little thing.”

Carly laughed. “Justin!”

“Well, she was.” He grinned. “But I knew the moment I laid eyes on her that I was going to love her with all my heart. Even if she did look like an angry old man.”

“She got prettier,” Carly said. She lightly ran her hand over Dagny’s soft, downy hair. “She has your eyes. I always imagined that, when I pictured the baby you and I might have. Your beautiful black eyes.”

“I could never picture the baby,” Justin murmured. “My fear clouded it every time I tried. I just kept seeing you—seeing me losing you.” His eyes rose to meet hers. “But I’m not so afraid anymore, Carly. I know there are risks. God, I know there are risks, but I can face them with you.”

Carly said nothing. Tears spilled from her eyes even as she smiled, and she reached up to take his hand in her own.

Justin tapped at Bryce’s door after supper. Bryce came to answer his knock, but he hadn’t finished eating apparently. He pulled the door open as he wiped his face with a napkin. “Hi, Justin.”

“Hi, Bryce. I want you to send out a message after all. Just the word
no
at ten minute intervals. Can you do that?”

“Just
no
?”

“That’s it. No. And space it out, like I told you.”

Bryce nodded. “I can do that. Justin, I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I really didn’t think . . . I mean, I hoped my messages would be heard by our friends and family. I was hoping to reunite people. I never thought they would be used to harm us.”

“I know, Bryce. I’m not angry about it. You were trying to do a good thing. And I don’t want you to stop searching for your brother. Keep calling out to him. If anyone else wants to send messages out for their families, go ahead. Just . . . don’t announce where we are to everyone. Establish contact first.”