Shadows of the Emerald City (14 page)

“
It will,” said the old man. “But there are some magic words involved, and they must be said with great precision. And there is the matter of our little arrangement…”

Robin shivered as he thought of the bargain they’d agreed to. Unconsciously, he placed his right hand over his heart.

“
When?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“
What was that?”

“
When do you mean do to do it?” Robin said, this time loud enough to be heard. “When will you take my heart?”

“
Once you’ve been reunited with your daughter,” the Crooked Wizard said. “I’ll allow you a chance to hold her one last time.”

“
Last time? But she’ll be free…”

The Crooked Wizard grinned wickedly.

“
You’re planning on stealing from the Wicked Witch of the East. Even if you succeed, and believe me, that will be a miracle, the chances of you being able to hide with your girl in peace are practically non-existent.” He leaned forward, seeming to enjoy this a little too much for Robin’s comfort.

“
She will search for you,” he continued. “Orpah will never rest until she finds and destroys you.”

Instinctively, Robin knew he was right. “What can I do?”

The Crooked Wizard tugged on his white beard.

“
There is something.” He motioned to a distant corner of the room, where a heavy blanket covered a huge picture frame. Robin walked to the frame and tugged on the blanket. It slipped away, revealing a dusty mirror.

“
What is it?”

The Crooked Wizard came up behind Robin. He smelled worse than the cave, if that was possible. “A portal to the outside world–a place where all the magic has died.”

“
Another world?” Robin had never heard of such a thing.

“
Actually, it’s part of this world,” the Crooked Wizard explained. “The Land of Oz has been hidden from the eyes of the rest of the world. If you take your daughter there, to live as an ordinary, albeit short, human, she will most likely be safe from Orpah. Of course, you can never truly be safe in this world, and people usually have a way of returning to the place where they started. In any case, the choice is yours. Once you return from Orpah’s castle, I will claim your heart and your ability to lovingly raise a child will certainly be compromised.”

The Crooked Wizard smiled again. “Now, let’s bring this army to life.”

The Crooked Wizard stood over the last of the straw men. He pinched something from a vial that hung around his neck and sprinkled the white powder over the scarecrow. Next, the old man shoved his left pinky finger into the air and said “
Weaugh!
” Then, waving his right hand over his heard, he pointed his right thumb upward and said “
Teaugh!
” The air in the cave began to tingle as the wizard pushed both hands over his head, spread out all his fingers and said “
Peaug!
”

Tiny flecks of powder began to glow all over the scarecrow. The straw man sat up, looked around, and then smiled stupidly at the old man.

“
Are you my father?” the scarecrow asked.

“
Of course not,” snapped the wizard. “Don’t ask such foolish questions you brainless sack of hay.” The Crooked Wizard grabbed the scarecrow by the arm and flung him toward the door of the cave, where the rest of his brothers stood waiting. The youngest of their lot stumbled into the company, and several of the straw men toppled to the floor. They were up again in a second, brushing each other off and all the while jabbering.

“
So fine to meet you.”

“
And you also.”

“
Say, does anyone have an idea what we’re doing here?”

“
Shut up,
” the Crooked Wizard ordered. The army fell silent. “This is why I hate using this stupid spell,” he mumbled. “Everything the Powder of Life animates turns out to be a complete moron. Now, I want the lot of you to stand there and keep your traps shut. I don’t want to hear a peep out of you. Am I understood?”

The scarecrows, as one, nodded silently.

“
Now that’s done, it’s time to work on the letter.” The Crooked Wizard sat down at his desk, drew a sheet of paper from a drawer, and began to write. After scratching for a few minutes, he handed the letter to Robin.

The munchkin took the letter and scanned it. It read:

“
What do you think?” the Crooked Wizard asked.

Robin considered for a moment.

“
I think it will provoke war,” he said.

“
Grand.” The Crooked Wizard snatched the paper and refolded it.

“
What happens next?” Robin asked.

The Crooked Wizard moved to Abra’s cage. The crow began flapping its wings and pacing frantically as the old man opened the cage door.

“
What a pretty bird you are,” he hissed. “Will you do me a little favor my pet?”

The bird leapt through the open door of the cage and fluttered to the wizard’s shoulder with two flaps of its wings. The Crooked Wizard removed something that looked like a worm from the fathomless depths of his pockets and dangled the treat before the crow. The bird immediately swallowed the worm, and the old man’s fingers up to his knuckles.

With his thumb and index finger still buried in the crow’s mouth, the Crooked Wizard stared intently into the bird’s eyes.

“
Take this letter to Orpah,” he ordered.

As her master removed his fingers, the crow croaked something that might have been “I will.” She seized the letter with her beak and exploded into flight. Robin watched as she soared from the cave and into the Gillikin country beyond.

“
Now it’s your turn,” the Crooked Wizard said. Robin glanced back at the old man and saw him gliding toward the hog pen at the far side of the cave. The creature’s presence within the small space was likely the source –at least one of the sources– of the horrendous stench. Still, this was the Crooked Wizard’s plan, and without him Robin would likely be still sitting in a waiting room in the Emerald City. He took a few hesitant steps in that direction.

“
Behold the
Pigasus
, the most marvelous, wonderful and otherwise incredible creature in all the Land of Oz.” The Crooked Wizard gestured sardonically into the hog pen, and he noticed something he hadn’t seen before. The creature, gray with dried mud and shit, had wings.

“
What the hell am I going to do with that?” Robin asked. He hadn’t meant to speak out loud, but somehow the words spilled out of him anyway. The Crooked Wizard spun on him in instant.

“
Steinbeck here is going to fly you to Orpah’s castle,” he snapped. “That is, if you treat him with the respect he deserves. Otherwise, you can walk there, but I think the witch will probably be back by the time you arrive. The choice is yours.”

Robin sighed. The idea of riding upon that vile creature was appalling, but what other choice did he have?

“
Fine. That’s fine. Let’s do this.”

“
I’m pleased you see it that way,” said the Crooked Wizard. He unlatched the door of the hog pen and started making kissing noises at Steinbeck. The Pigasus followed the old man out of the pen and through the cluttered mess of the cave. Once they passed through the gate of poison ivy they paused in a small clearing just outside.

“
What now?” Robin asked.

The Crooked Wizard rolled his eyes.

“
Get on the Pigasus and fly away.”

“
I mean, how do I control him. Her? And where do I go?” It took all of Robin’s restraint not to lash out at the old man. Why did he have to be so difficult?”

“
Just get on his back, tell him where you want to go, and hang on.”

“
That’s it?”

“
That’s it.”

Robin threw one leg over the animal’s back and settled on top of the pigasus. He leaned forward, wrapped his arms around its neck, and spoke into its ear.

“
Listen now you rancid beast, take me to the castle of the Wicked Witch of the East.”

Robin was amazed at the rhyme that came out of his mouth. He looked at the Crooked Wizard as the pigasus began flapping its wings.

“
I almost forgot,” the old man said. “So long as you’re on Steinbeck’s back, everything you say will come out in Poesy.”

“
Does Poesy mean I’ll speak in rhyme? Watch out,
Steinbeck
, for that pine.”

They were now several yards above the ground and moving east. The Pigasus swerved violently, dodging a large tree. Soon they were high above the ground, flying headlong toward the most dangerous person in all the Land of Oz.

Munchkinville was quiet on its final morning as a habitable community. The villagers rose early as usual and went about their business. Farmers and merchants tended their fields and shops. Children played. Parents watched proudly as their wee ones took their first step or mastered a new word. Around ten o’clock something strange happened. An army of straw men marched into town along the Yellow Brick Road.

They walked in bumbling, stupid silence, their painted-on eyes focused on the road ahead of them. Each scarecrow held a spear or a short sword or a garden implement at the ready.

“
What in the world,” Sheriff Rozzco wondered. “Looks like they’re fixin’ to have a war.” He was standing outside the jail, which had lately returned to its more traditional use as his corncrib. Rozzco was sure that war was out of his jurisdiction, and frankly, he didn’t like the look of these scarecrows. He quickly returned to his work, ignoring the situation as overtly as possible.

The straw army stopped abruptly when they reached the town square. One of the scarecrows, the Crooked Wizard had called this one
General Vapid
, began barking orders.

“
You and you, hide over there. You three get behind that wagon.
Not you Puck
”

Before long, he had distributed his entire force in small pockets throughout the town. Only Vapid and Puck remained, and they were soon hiding in the alley between The Shady Pig Tavern and The Lamb & Blue Hand dye shop. They were just in time. Not five minutes passed before a palanquin borne by four giants appeared from the east.

Orpah was fuming mad. The look on her face alone was enough to send Mayor Torin scurrying across town to greet her. The rest of the Munchkins, to their credit, were hiding under tables or peering anxiously through their curtains. It was clear that something had happened, though no one in Munchkinville would have suspected what it was.

“
Queen… Madame….” Torin’s face was bright red, and the armpits of his blue suit were soaked with sweat.

“
Shut up
,” snapped the Wicked Witch of the East. She grabbed Mayor Torin’s tie and pulled him close to her. Their foreheads were only an inch apart, and it seemed to everyone watching that she might burn holes in him with her eyes.

“
I got your letter,” Orpah whispered. “Would you care to repeat your sentiments to my face?”

“
I… um, excuse me?”

Orpah gritted her teeth.

“
You called me a cunt,” she hissed. “And now I’m going to teach you a lesson that you’ll never forget.” Standing up straight, the witch motioned to her giants. The brutes started lumbering toward a nearby house.

“
I don’t understand,” Torin pleaded. “I never called you…”

His words ended in a scream of agony as Orpah raked her nails across the Mayor’s face. Blood oozed from four deep scratches on his left cheek.

“
You watch!
” she screamed. “
You watch what you’re foolish letter has done!
”

Orpah grabbed him by the head and forced him to watch as her giants slammed their huge fists again the tiny cottage. It splintered in a thousand pieces, collapsing upon itself and the helpless Munchkins inside. But their work was far from done. The brutes tossed the devastated lumber aside, revealing an attractive young couple that had been in the throes of passion before their lovemaking was forever interrupted.

“
Please don’t hurt us,” said the girl as she tried to cover her half-nakedness. One of the giants grabbed her by the hair and lifted her off the ground. Her lover made a desperate leap for her, but another giant kicked him hard, crushing his sternum and sending him flying into a nearby apple cart. Fruit was scattered everywhere as the boy breathed his last.

The girl screamed as she watched her lover die. But her grief quickly turned to horror. The Wicked Witch of the East pointed at the girl and said “
Kreon!
” A bolt of lighting shot from Orpah’s finger. It arced across the town square and hit the girl directly between her small breasts. A moment later, a blackened, unrecognizable form hit the ground with a thud.