Shapeshifters (27 page)

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RACELI'S DEPARTURE,
the air thinned; breathing again became easy, and I fell to Danica's side.

I was barely aware of the guards around us, who had come to their queen's defense and been held just as helpless as I.

Danica reached up and wiped a single bead of blood from the hollow of her throat, where the tip of Araceli's blade had rested. Her chest rose as she started to push herself up—and then she paused, dropping her head into her hands.

I waited for her to look up again, my mind following a train of thought that must have been the same as hers.

Araceli had called her son “Sebastian”: the sweet young falcon who Danica remembered with a bittersweet smile because he was her last memory of childhood.

Danica had always wondered how she had survived a serpent's attack, with Rei poisoned and her unconscious. Had Sebastian tried to save Andreios from the serpent's poison by force-changing him and earned a crow's form in the process? Or had the shift been more deliberate, a young man's
desperate attempt to keep from going home? Syfka had ordered him to return to Ahnmik on the day Rei was hurt, so no one would have thought to question his absence when the substitution was made.

His recent erratic behavior had now been explained, though I wished it had not. No wonder he had wanted to leave the Royal Flight. If Danica had released him from his vows as captain of her guard, he could have returned to Ahnmik—to protect her, as he always had.

“Danica?” I touched her arm and felt trembling beneath my fingertips. She did not respond, not yet.

Now Nacola hurried into the room and knelt beside her daughter. “Shardae?”

Danica balled one hand into a fist for a moment, shaking … and then relaxed as with a conscious effort. She took another deep breath, and suddenly I felt her force back the grief that had been rising—force it back and lock it tightly away.

As if I was suddenly struck blind, I lost her; she hid her soul from me even more carefully than she had when we had been enemies conversing for the first time.

She lifted her head finally, smoothing her hair back with her hands. For a moment, her face was vacant of expression. Then I saw the blankness drop, and it was replaced by a casual façade that was even more disturbing.

“Well,” she said, without a tremble in her voice.

“Danica—”

She shook her head, cutting me off. “There was nothing we could do.”

This calmness frightened me more than any blade I had ever faced. “I know.” Again, I implored, “Danica, are you all right?”

“Fine,” she answered. “It's … difficult to imagine, that's all. Rei, being someone else for all these years. And now gone.” But still there was no more tone in her voice than if she had been speaking of the weather. “It will be awkward losing him.”

Awkward?
I couldn't even reply to such emotionless words.

Gerard stepped forward, just behind Nacola.

For an instant his concern for his queen was obvious, but then he hid himself as flawlessly as she had and addressed her. “Andreios was a good leader, and very organized. We can make Kel's position as flight leader permanent, and I know at least a half dozen fighters who are eligible for promotion to fill the missing spot.”

Danica nodded while I continued to watch the conversation with ever-growing horror. Surely this controlled calm had helped during times of war, when they had faced so much death every day, but I would never be able to endure it comfortably.

“Danica, we can deal with these things a little later,” Nacola said gently.

Danica nodded mechanically, standing without assistance. I looked away from her to Nacola, hoping for some words of help.

“Watch out for her,” Nacola commanded me, speaking past Danica as if she was not present. “I have not seen her this way since her alistair died when she was fifteen. The only person able to draw her out last time was Andreios … Sebastian, and it took him weeks.”

Andreios—and that was how I would always think of him, regardless of what name Araceli used—was not here this time. Though there had been jealousy between us on more
than one occasion, Rei and I were friends. Losing him could not hurt me as much as it did Danica, but it hurt all the same. I prayed to any gods and goddesses who might hear for the strength to see my mate through this. I prayed for the strength to deal with it myself—for my sake, Danica's sake and our child's sake.

Two slightly ragged-looking guards approached us, one limping. They hesitated, looking first at their queen, at me, at Nacola, and then at Gerard, as if not sure who they should address—if anyone.

“Yes?” Danica asked.

“Milady, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but … Kel is gone.” The guard swallowed tightly before continuing. “She took her falcon form and went after Araceli and Andreios. Two of us tried to go after her, but we're no match against a falcon. She made us turn back.” How she had
made
them was evident in the stiffness of their movements. “But I saw her overtake Araceli's group. She didn't stand a chance. They've taken her with them.”

I was too shocked by this second blow to know how to respond. Beside me, Danica also stood silently.

Nacola stepped forward to take charge. “Gerard, you're the senior member of the Royal Flight. I expect you to make sure this doesn't cripple the Keep's guard.”

“Yes, milady.”

She gave her orders with a natural air of command that I had not seen her assume since Danica became Tuuli Thea. “You two, you've been injured. Patch yourselves up and get some rest,” she said to the limping guards. “Everyone else who knows what's going on, get to the market and the court and spread the word that we have lost two of our people. Hear me, I want them spoken of as
our
people, not Araceli's;
they were loyal and deserve to be remembered so. Zane, get your pair bond to Betsy.”

Danica tried to protest, but Nacola held up a hand to silence her.

“I will believe that you are fine when your doctor tells me it is so,” Nacola stated. “Now go—if not for your sake, then for my granddaughter's.”

 

Betsy commanded Nacola, the Royal Flight and me not to leave Danica alone, and to make sure she ate and slept, two things that she skimped on whenever she was upset. I knew about the sleeping; I had a feeling I would be faced with several more of her bouts of lucid dreaming over the next few days.

Danica's grief at losing Rei was enough to break even the coldest heart, and mine could never have been icy enough.

She spent the first few hours leaning on the balcony, with only her mother for company. I suspected they were sharing stories of the loyal falcon-turned-crow, private stories I had never heard and likely never would.

Hoping my mate was in good hands, I found Gerard in the study reserved for the leader of the Royal Flight, poring through the notes Andreios had left for Kel.

“Andreios was a good leader,” he said as soon as I entered. “His files are well organized. He kept up-to-date lists of potential new members—when they first requested consideration, their history, their schooling and his observations. We can never replace those we lost, but I can start interviewing and testing potentials to fill the positions this afternoon.” He paused, finally looking up from his lists. “Danica is with her mother, I assume?”

“Yes,” I answered. “My presence seemed …”

“Intrusive,” Gerard filled in when I floundered for words.

Intrusive,
yes. I had not grown up with Andreios or ever known the falcon Sebastian before he stepped into the crow's life.

And I could not stand there and share recollections as if he and Kel were dead. I
couldn't.

“I am glad the Royal Flight is in good hands,” I said. “Do you think there is any way for us to get our people back—if not Andreios, at least Kel? Whatever crimes she committed were slight enough they left her here once. Is there any chance …”

I trailed off, because I saw the doubt on Gerard's face.

“I have never been to Ahnmik,” he answered. “I have, however, had the honor of drilling against both Andreios and Kel, and that was enough for me to know that I would never want to fight a falcon seriously—without even taking into account falcon magic. Araceli held you, me, Kel and the rest of the Royal Flight from going to our queen's side, without even looking strained. Confronting them on their territory would be suicide. If they send our people back, it will be because they choose to.”

I began to pace, because this feeling of helplessness was driving me mad. “There has to be
something ….
”

“There isn't always a way,” Gerard pointed out.

“Not always,” I admitted, “but blind determination hasn't failed me so far.” As the thought occurred to me, I added, “There is another falcon in the serpiente market, who was luckier than Rei and Kel. Maybe he will know something. I can also speak to Valene Silvermead, since she is still staying in the dancer's nest. One of them must know something that can help us.”

“I wish I shared your faith.”

“Only Danica needs to. I will see if she is well enough to travel tomorrow morning.”

The conversation lapsed into silence for a few moments, and I struggled to find a lighter topic.

Finally, I inquired, “How is your lady love faring in all this?”

His expression shifted, betraying the smile of one happily besotted despite the circumstances. “I think she is as stunned as everyone else, but she is a very strong, capable woman.”

I couldn't resist the urge to tease a little. “Strong and capable? Flattering descriptions, but hardly warm enough to merit the soft look in your eyes.”

“She isn't a serpent, who wears her passions like jewelry and dances barefoot in the morning,” Gerard answered. “She is an avian lady, serene and composed even when she is upset. Strong, and capable.” More softly, he added, “She guards her heart and soul tightly unless she is around those she most trusts … so every little glimpse she allows me is like the silver moon rising over the sea.”

“A'le-Ahnleh,”
I responded with newfound respect. “My best wishes to you both.”

 

I spent the rest of the day alternately checking in on Danica—who spent the hours either with her mother, or in solitude—and drilling with the Royal Flight. Gerard had sent out missives to a few of the most promising recruits Rei had named, so I was called in to help test their skills.

The loss of its leader was a harsh blow, but the Royal Flight was not easily defeated. Discerning eyes, however,
could see the forced bravado and enthusiasm the more seasoned guards showed their newest members.

As evening fell, Danica drifted to my side. Finally true darkness overtook the Keep, and we were alone for the first time since the falcons had been taken away.

I stood on the balcony outside our room, watching Danica stare out over the forest, and not so much as sigh.
Avian reserve,
her people called it, but it spoke of denial, and the circles under her eyes belied her calm.

Although she let me draw her into my arms, she otherwise barely acknowledged my presence.

“Danica, are you …” I trailed off, because there was no reason to ask such a question. She was not all right, and if I asked, she would simply continue to deny that she wasn't.

“My mother told me today that one of the Royal Flight has begun to court her,” Danica said, and for a moment the statement seemed so inane and out of place that I hardly realized the importance.

Then I made the connection. “Gerard?”

Danica nodded. “I told her there was no reason for him to leave the Royal Flight. He is sworn to protect the royal house anyway, and has always been one of her guards. Swearing his vows as her alistair does not seem like a conflict.”

I could see many reasons for it to be perceived as a conflict, but Danica continued before I could voice them.

“She says she is too old to hope for more children,” Danica added, “but I doubt that is true. Maybe it would be better for her to have more. Life is safer now that we are not at war, but having only one potential heir to the throne is … hazardous. And we will not have another.”

The words, and the offhanded way in which they were spoken, made me cold. Logically, yes, I understood the desire
for multiple children in the royal house. However, any child of Nacola Shardae would be a pure-blooded hawk and, as such, as capable of usurping the throne as safeguarding it.

Danica must have thought of this, but just as she remained silent about her feelings on losing Rei and Kel, she refused to speak of it.

I broached the first painful topic, because I had no idea yet what to do about the second.

“If you feel up to traveling, I think we should go back to serpiente lands tomorrow. I haven't given up hope that we may be able to somehow bring our people home, and I'd like to ask Valene, at least, if she has any suggestions.”

Danica nodded mechanically. “My mother and Gerard have things well under control here, if we travel to the palace.”

Her eyes followed a natural bird as it skimmed over the treetops in the warm night air. It dove, disappearing into the forest, and Danica said, “Araceli took them so easily. You really believe that we could somehow take them back?”

“I am not ready to give them up as lost,” I answered. I pulled her closer, and finally she leaned against me.

“Idiocy,” she sighed, as pain leaked into her voice for the first time. “First I
miss
Andreios, and then I feel foolish for missing someone who was never who I thought he was … and then I feel ghastly for being angry with him, when I think of all the times he protected me over the years, and what he is probably going through now.”

I stroked her back and she continued. “Then I think of Gerard, and my mother, and I think I should be happy for them. I know I should be glad if my mother has a chance at more children after having lost so many … but I hate the
thought that our child might then be denied the title she should have without question.”