Sharing Harper (25 page)

Sharing my deepest darkest secrets with him was the best decision I
had made in my entire life. Almost as if we could read my mind, he moved his lips and begun to speak.

“I am not very good at sharing Harper, especially when it comes to you. I don’t want to share you with your past
, but I want to be the center of your present and the future. I want to love you everyday like I loved you today. I don’t want to share you with anyone Harper Mae. I love you more than love could love itself. Please let me be yours.” Ryder’s aqua eyes pierced into mine sending a rippling wave of weakness piercing through the depths of my soul.

“I don’t want to share myself with anyone but you Ryder. If I could spend the rest of my like sharing every ounce of my being with you, I would be content with life. I need you to share yourself with me though. I can’t do the secrets anymore. From here on out, I need complete and total honesty. Can you do that for me?”

“I will never lie to you ever again Harper. I am so sorry I hurt you, it was never my intention.”

Just as our lips met in a tight embrace, there was a knock on the door.

“I have no idea who that is,” I confessed as I grabbed the white silk robe from off the door. I peeked through the peephole in the door and saw Skye there with a large bottle of champagne in her hands.

“Skye!” I squealed and opened the door.

“Well, clearly, I interrupted something,” she questioned looking around me for signs of the rest of Ryder and my’s romp. Just as she was glancing around, Ryder came out with his jeans hung low on his chest and bare-chested. There was a baseball bat I kept next to my bed, in case of intruders, in his hand.

“Whoa, calm down buddy!
” Skye squeaked scared that Ryder was about to go all crazy on her.

“Oh, hey Skye,” h
e murmured a little embarrassed that he pulled the baseball bat out. I personally thought it was adorable that he was so worried about me.

“Hellooooooo sexy,” s
he whispered in my ear taking in Ryder in all his naked glory with his chiseled six-pack and protruding muscular arms.

I playfully slapped her and she looked over and me as Ryder moved back into the bathroom to get changed.

“So I assume everything went well. I came over here to make sure you were alive,” she asked with concern.

I started telling her the story of Ryder as quickly as I possibly could while he was in the bathroom. When I heard the shower start, I figured he hopped in, so I told her about the marriage, Evelyn and the part where we made up. She sat there in utter silence as I had when Ryder told me the story.

“Ohmigod. So, he’s a divorcee with a child? How old is Evelyn?” she asked, but I hadn’t really asked him so I started to do the math. He must have been around 22 when Kylee was pregnant so when she was born he was 23. Since he was 28 now, that must make her 5 years old.

“I think she’s 5,
” I admitted.

“Do you think you
’re going to meet her?” Skye asked.

“I am not sure if I am
ready to be a step-parent Skye,” I said truthfully hoping that maybe Skye could provide some advice for me.

“I think you shouldn’t jump into this whole thing thinking you
’re going to automatically be a step-parent. Sure, it would be wonderful if you and Ryder get together for a long time, but for now you can be his rock and support. He needs you now Harper and I think you need him too.” She winked just as Ryder came back into the living room, this time fully clothed.

“I am starving,” he grumbled and patted his stomach like he was a caveman, “Skye you want to stay for dinner while me and Harper order a pizza?” he asked genuinely wanting to get to know Skye a little bit better.

“Oh no, I am good. I should go meet my fiancée anyways.” She winked at me and got up to exit.

“He’s a keeper Harper,” she whispered to me before echoing over to Ryder, “Let’s all hang out sometime!”

“This week!” he shouted over the television that he just put on while plopped on my couch looking at home as possible.

When she left, I shut the door behind her and ran over to Ryder and jumped on top of him.

“Oomph,” he muttered with my buoyant force on top of him, but he still showered me with small, light kisses on top of my mouth.

“Mmm. You smell like me,
” I muttered taking in his scent.

“And you smell like me,” h
e mused as he buried his head into my neck.

“I have a question,
” I admitted, curious about something that had been bothering me.

“As
k away. I am now your open book,” he gleaned.

Was he really mine? I couldn’t believe it. He was mine and I his. I was his open book.

“I don’t understand why I haven’t been to your house ever. Why you avoided me coming there.”

“I couldn’t let you see the toys that are displaced all around and I was scared once you saw the bedroom with Evelyn’s things in them and a princess theme you would know about her. I was scared honestly, but tomorrow I promise you I will take you over there. I swear. I live on the beach in Coronado.” I gasped knowing those houses were all well over a million dollars and set away in a private little beach community on an island just off of the center of San Diego.

“So, how about that pizza?” He asked and his stomach reiterated by making a verbally loud noise that echoed his thought.

I laughed at ease with the house situation and nestled into his arm farther.

“Let’s do it,” I murmured into his ear, not wanting to move, but handing him the phone to call the pizza parlor.

That night we spent the evening nestled on the couch while gorging our faces with what seemed like pounds of cheese pizza. We watched a movie and held hands the entire time, stealing kisses between scenes. We curled up, unmoving, on the couch with my back against his chest, our breathes heaved up and down together in a slow rhythmic pace. It was blissful and completely at peace.

When the movie was over, I tried to stay awake but my eyelids had other plans and felt heavy against my eyes. I was half sleeping, half awake, but I felt Ryder lift me gracefully and put me in bed. He tucked the sheets above me and slipped in next to me, curling up against me holding me tight. It was the first time we had slept together in my bed. The first of many I thought as I slipped into the blackness.

My hands weren’t clammy, but as I looked down they were perfectly manicured and newly tanned. My clothes were ragged and I was dressed in a preppy skater style skirt and matching peplum top. In the distance, I saw the gleaming towers of the courthouse and noticed the never-ending steps to the house in front of me. I was at court awaiting my trail out on bond. I took in the sun letting it simmer over me and looked over at a familiar face that was nearing the steps I was about to embark on.

His eyes were still blank and emotionless, but all his other features remained the same since the day I met him. He had beautiful almond set eyes and his plus lips were pursed in a permanent pout. He was dressed in khaki pants and a white button down with a blue tie. He looked over to me and approached me. I was frozen in place waiting for my attorney who was at the top of the steps gesturing me to come into the courthouse. I held up five fingers for her indicating I needed a couple minutes.

As he approached me slowly, it felt like the world around me was frozen in time. I couldn’t move and my legs were unresponsive.

“Hey,” he said when he was finally close enough to talk to me.

“Hey,” was all I could say back, unsure of what to actually say to the man whose fault it was for getting me in this whole situation as it was.

“I never meant to do this to you,” he spoke, looking down at his feet, which were circling the pavement beneath us.

“Yes you did,
” I said standing up to him for the first time with my confidence.

“No!” he bellowed, turning heads around us.

“Tye, you could have easily came clean to the cops and told them it was all your fault, but you said the drugs were mine. Don’t tell me that you didn’t mean to do shit.” I huffed with pent up frustration from years ago finally seeping out of my pores.

“You
’re just a fucking bitch!” He spat in my face, knowing that everything I was saying was true.

“I have your name tattooed on me Harper, right above my heart. Doesn’t that mean anything to you? You will always be a
part of my life and I will find you wherever you go. You can run away from me and be a little bitch about the whole situation but you can’t hide. You are forever in my life.” He mouthed roughly in my face. I was about to interrupt him, but he just continued.

“I own you,” h
e huffed with his nose flaring upwards and his mouth in a downward snarl.

I was so sick of him. I was sick of my parents telling me that I should have known better. They should have been around more to notice their daughter changing, to notice the bruises forming around their daughter’s necks and shoulders. They should have been around more to notice the tiny scars that now find home on my skin because of the pain that Tye forced on me.

And here I was, looking at the man who pushed me down for years. Thrust me into a deep dark hole, where I couldn’t get out in a state of constant numbness. Here lies the man, standing right in front of me, who used my body as a punching bag for his fists to pummel.

And here lie
s the girl who I will leave behind. The one who used to take shit from Tye, from my family, and from the god damn court system; here lies the girl who is weak and vulnerable. The one who sleeps in the vomit of her own disgust, then basks in the shit from everyone else in the whole world. Here lies the girl I will never become again.

“I hop
e you have an amazing life Tye,” I spat out and moved out of his way before he could think about hurting me again. As I looked up the never-ending steps into the courthouse three thoughts crossed my mind.

I will never be
that Harper Mae again. I am changing who I am and who I will become because of Tye. I will never set foot in this town again because of him, but I finally will live. I will be able to take one big breath without someone sucking it out of me. I will be able to walk without fear that a fist is going to make its way onto my nose or eyes. I will be able to become someone for society. Someone who is worth something to someone else whomever that may be.

So, I picked up my feet and guided them one by one up the steps and into the courthouse without a second thought about looking back. I was leaving behind me the people who didn’t care enough to listen or understand and I was okay with that.

Today marks the day I will be free.

***

I blinked my eyes open and noticed the darkness that was still engulfed from around me. I rolled over to a large lump on the side of the bed that was sleeping soundly next to me. He breath was constant at a low hum and I was still under the protection of his generous arm.

My hands weren’t clammy or sweaty, my head wasn’t pounding against the walls of face and my arms were clear of any scratches that I could have given myself. I was free from him at once. I was free from the nightmares and the memories of the past that haunt me. I was broken from the chains of Tye’s commandment and dominance.

When he threatened me, I think he expected a response from me. He expected me to react in an angry and passionate way, but by climbing those steps and leaving him, I surprised him. I showed him that I was finally ready to move on. It wasn’t until I had met Ryder that I remembered that scene in my life. I had actively moved on from Tye and it was me who survived the pain and dominance he forced. It wasn’t Ryder who brought upon the nightmares of my past to cause me pain, but it was to remind me of what a powerful and strong woman I became from that situation.

I finally can admit. I am a survivor of domestic violence.

I rolled into his welcoming and warm embrace and cuddled up under Ryder letting the rest of the night creep up on me. He moaned softly noticing the restlessness of my body and without conscious he began to hum something quietly as his hand came up to stroke my hair.

***

When the morning peeped through my curtains, I was awoken abruptly by Ryder’s large hands shaking me violently.

“Wake up Harper.” He murmured getting impatient.

“What?” I asked, “I am awake, what’s wrong?” I was nervous he was suddenly going to leave or that something happened.

“I have to leave and I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye first.”

“What are you talking about?” I said sitting up quickly. As I rubbed my eyes, hoping the sleepiness would escape from out under me, I was reminded again why I loved Ryder Andrew Kent. His hair was tousled in a bed-head sort of way, but he was looking at me like I was the last woman on this earth he wanted. He had concern laced in his voice and worry almost as if I was going to run away again if I found myself alone in the bed when I woke up.

“I have to go pick up Evelyn.” He shifted in the bed getting up from it and moving towards my side while picking up his pants and shirts. I followed him into the bathroom, curiously.