Shattered (15 page)

“Did you want room service or something?” Connor asked, looking down at Trinity with concern in his eyes. “Or I could order some Chinese delivery. What is it you like—extra duck sauce?”

She sighed, forcing herself to shake her head. The simple gesture seemed to take all her remaining strength. “I’m not hungry.”

Connor gave her a rueful look then climbed onto the bed beside her, lifting her head and laying it in his lap, stroking her hair with gentle hands. As he worked through the tangled curls, she half wondered if she should be objecting to this display of uninvited intimacy, but somehow she couldn’t seem to muster the strength to argue or pull away. Instead, she found herself closing her eyes, surrendering to his touch, allowing him to soothe her frayed nerves with his magic fingers. Connor always knew the right thing to do, the right thing to say to make her feel better.

Caleb on the other hand…

“Should I go after him?” Connor asked, catching her glancing at the door again. It had been about a half hour since Caleb had taken off on them. Without his cell phone or his room key. She kept expecting a knock on the door, but it didn’t come.

“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “I’m done chasing him down, begging him to come back every time he storms off. He’s got to learn—he can’t say things like that and then expect everything to just be okay.” She forced her eyes away from the door. “Just let him do his thing. He’ll be back once he calms down. He always is.”

Connor sighed. “I worry about him,” he said. “He’s going to the Nether way too much. He looks like death warmed over and his mind is beyond fragile. We need to be careful about sharing too much of the plan with him, as long as he’s palming.”

“He keeps saying he’s just doing it to see Fred,” Trinity said. “But I think there’s more to it than that.” She frowned. “Do you think we should stage an intervention or something?” she added. “You know, like they do on TV?”

“Do you think he’d listen to words of wisdom from the guy who just kicked his ass?”

Trinity made a face. “Good point.”

Connor groaned, raking a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, Trin,” he said for what felt like the thousandth time since Caleb had left. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Probably about the horrible things he was saying to you,” she reminded him. “He knows Grandpa’s death wasn’t your fault. He was just trying to hurt you.”

“Are you sure about that?” he said slowly. He paused, the silence stretching out so long between them that she wondered if he actually wanted an answer. Instead, he spoke again. “It wasn’t nice of him to say. But that doesn’t make what he said untrue. Which is probably why it made me so mad.”

“What are you talking about?”

He scrunched up his face. “I promised you I’d protect him. I said I wouldn’t let anything happen to him. And then…” She could hear his hard swallow. “And then I did.”

She looked up, catching the naked pain on his face, and guilt gnawed at her stomach. She’d been so selfish, so lost in her own grief that she’d barely acknowledged the fact that he would be suffering too. He loved her grandpa. The two of them had first bonded while trying to rescue her from the Dracken, and since then the older man had become almost a father figure to him. And, of course, he would blame himself for it all. He was Connor Jacks, after all, legendary Dragon Hunter. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound and save everyone he loved without breaking a sweat.

Except that wasn’t actually true.

“Connor, it wasn’t—”

He waved her off, refusing her attempts to alleviate his guilt and pain. “I promised you I’d keep him safe. I’d keep all of you safe. And I failed. I’ve failed over and over again—no matter what I set out to do.”

“Connor, stop,” she commanded, sitting up from his lap. “It’s not in your job description to keep all of us safe. We’re a team. We all make our own decisions. Grandpa made his.”

A small smile tugged at Connor’s mouth despite his best efforts. “I guess he did,” he said. “And he saved both our lives by doing it. Seriously, that guy was the toughest old bastard I ever met.”

Trin giggled. “He was,” she agreed, the tears splashing down her cheeks. “And he loved you too—he appreciated all that you did for him. I mean, just think—because of you, he was able to live long enough to see a dragon. Do you know how much that meant to him? To see his life’s work literally come to life?” She smiled through her tears. “All of his life people laughed at him. They called him a fool. And because of you, he was able to die knowing they were wrong. That’s something,” she insisted staunchly. “In fact, that’s a lot.”

They fell silent for a moment, each lost in their own memories. Finally Trin dared to speak. “Connor?”

“Yeah?” His voice was quiet, hesitant, as if he were afraid of what she was going to ask. Which wasn’t surprising, she supposed, considering she was a little scared too.

“Do you have a plan?” she blurted out. “Do you have any idea what we should do next?”

She held her breath, waiting for the confident Connor she knew to assure her that he had things all under control. That he knew what they should do. That it all would turn out okay.

“Truthfully?” he asked after a pause.

“Of course.”

She could see his fingers tighten into fists, his knuckles whitening over the bone. He sighed. “I haven’t a damn clue.”

Her heart went out to him, aching at the vulnerability she saw etched across his face. She knew how hard it must be for him to admit something like this out loud. After all, he was the soldier. The one always in control of every situation. And now? He was as broken as the rest of them.

“You know what?” she whispered. “That’s okay. It’s really okay, Connor. You don’t always have to be the superhero in this story. Maybe give someone else a turn for a change.” She gave him a half smile. “Seriously, I bet I could totally rock a lasso of truth if I had half the chance.”

He didn’t smile back, just stared at her, his blue eyes flickering with something she couldn’t quite define but that sent her heart fluttering all the same.

“You want to go find your father, don’t you?” he said at last.

She found herself nodding. “How can I not?” she asked. “I mean, this is the first lead we’ve had since we escaped from the mall. How can we just ignore it? If he’s really out there, waiting for us…with a plan…”

Connor’s fingers wrapped around her hand, squeezing it tightly. “I know how much you want it all to be true,” he said, looking at her with earnest eyes. “And believe me, if someone sent me a message about my dad still being alive? I’d move heaven and earth to find him. But we don’t know the whole story behind this Virgil guy your father’s supposedly working for. And we have no idea what his true intentions might be.”

Trinity pulled her hand away. “It’s not that I don’t see your point,” she said. “But at the same time, at least we’d be doing something. It’d be a risk, sure. But we could be cautious. We could take steps to protect ourselves. At least we’d be going forward instead of running in place.” She squeezed her eyes shut then opened them again. “I’m sick of hiding. I’m sick of running away. I promised to take care of Emmy and I haven’t had any way to keep that promise up until now. If there’s even the slightest possibility of my dad and Virgil being able to help her? Well, how can I just let that go without finding out for sure?”

Connor was silent for a moment. Then, to her relief, he gave a small nod—a simple gesture but it made her heart soar. She knew he didn’t think it was a good idea. But he was willing to take a chance. For her. For Emmy. For all of them.

“But Trin, listen to me. From here on out, we have to be more careful. We can’t take any more risks. No more leaving Emmy alone—even for a second. One of us needs to have an eye on her at all times. Our situation is even more precarious now than it’s ever been. And if she gets out and causes more trouble…hurts any more people…” He trailed off, leaving the unsaid words dangling in the air.

“She won’t,” Trinity promised, excitement welling up inside of her. “I swear she won’t. I’ll keep an eye on her twenty-four/seven. She’ll never leave my sight. She won’t have the chance to even swat a fly.”

Connor gave a small smile at that. Then he shook his head. “I don’t know how you do it,” he said quietly. “I mean, I trained for this. I chose this life. But you—” He pressed his lips together. “You shouldn’t have to be involved in any of this. You should be that carefree girl I saw in the football stands, laughing and eating a hot dog and cheering on her team. You should be worried about school and what you’re going to wear to the dance.” He lay down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. “How did you get yourself mixed up in this mess, with two idiots from the future who have no idea how to help you?”

She looked down on him with aching eyes. He looked so sad, so lost, like a little boy, not a fierce soldier. Her heart swelled. It was so strange to see him like this. And maybe a little scary. But it was also honest.

She gave him a rueful smile. “I’m just lucky I guess.”

He looked up at her. “No,” he said. “We’re the lucky ones.”

They stared at one another. Their faces inches away. Trinity could feel Connor’s hot breath against her skin and knew he wanted to kiss her. The look on his face was undeniable. But he was also holding back. This was her decision to make, not his. He would not touch her unless she made it clear she wanted him to. The power and control that gave her made her head spin.

Until she realized she had no power. Or control.

She lowered her head and their lips met. Clumsily at first, noses knocking into one another, then coming together, Connor’s mouth brushing against hers with impossible, velvety warmth. Her breath hitched as he gently rolled her over, lowering her onto the bed and climbing on top of her as he continued to cover her face and neck with slow, drugging kisses.

She closed her eyes, trying at first to catalog all the sensations his touch sent coursing through her, then gave up and surrendered to them all. His hands, his mouth, his hard planes, melting into her soft curves. She found herself reaching up under his shirt so she could run her fingers up and down his smooth, muscled chest. His buttons started to come undone.

She knew she should feel guilty at what they were doing. This was not the time. This was definitely not the place. But at the same time, she found she couldn’t stop. Because, she realized, she needed this. Needed this one pure moment of selfishness to block out the grief and pain she’d bottled up inside. One moment of not being the girl who would save the world—but just the girl who would love a boy.

It’ll only make things harder…and they’re so hard already.

Ugh. She glanced involuntarily to the door, the spell broken, reality smacking her upside the head as guilt gnawed at her insides. “Connor,” she said weakly, as he trailed kisses down her neck, his mouth nibbling at her collarbone. God, he felt so good. “Connor, you have to stop.”

He did. Of course he did. Connor always would. He would never even think of taking what she wasn’t ready to give. And while half of her wanted desperately for him to ignore her protests, to keep kissing her as if he couldn’t hear a word she said, the other half was grateful for his self-control.

That didn’t mean it was easy for him. He rolled onto his back again, staring up at the ceiling, his face flushed and his breathing heavy. It took all of her willpower not to climb on top of him and resume where they left off. Kiss every inch of him until there was no place left unexplored. But she swallowed hard and somehow resisted the temptation.

Connor groaned. He reached up to button his shirt. “Sorry,” he said. “I don’t know what I was…I shouldn’t have…” He sighed. “I just…”

He trailed off. But that was okay. She knew exactly what he meant.

She leaned over and indulged herself in one last kiss, this time to his forehead.

“I think we both ‘just’ in this case,” she assured him.

He chuckled softly, gazing into her eyes with unabashed adoration. And suddenly everything inside of her wanted it to start all over again. Thankfully, before she was able to give in to temptation, she caught movement at the adjoining room’s door. Mischievous eyes peeking in from the other room.

She felt her face heat.
I
thought
you
were
going
to
watch
TV
, she reminded Emmy.

The dragon’s eyes danced.
This
is
suddenly
far
more
entertaining.

But Connor was already pulling himself up off of the bed. “Go ahead, Emmy,” he told the dragon. “She’s all yours. I’ve got to get some sleep. Or at least take a cold shower.” And with that, he headed to the other room, pulling the connecting door closed behind them. Trinity watched him go, waves of longing crashing over her. Then she shook herself and turned back to the dragon. Emmy had hopped up onto the adjoining bed and was watching her curiously.

“What?” she asked, her face still feeling hot.

You
were
kissing
him. Like Arthur kisses Guinevere on my show.

“Yeah,” Trin said. She stared down at her lap. “I guess I was.”

The dragon’s eyes lit up.
Does
that
mean
you
love
him? That you will marry him and become his queen and live happily ever after?

Trinity groaned. “Did anyone ever tell you that you watch way too much TV?”

The dragon just grinned.

Okay, okay, maybe I like him a little,
she admitted, going into silent talking mode to ensure Connor wouldn’t pick up anything from the next room.
But
it
doesn’t matter. I have no time for happily-ever-afters in my life, thank you very much.

She said it as a joke, but it came out sadder than she’d meant it to. She closed her eyes, thinking of her grandfather in the barn. His shaky hand grabbing her arm. His watery eyes locking onto hers.