Authors: Janet Nissenson
Shattered: (24 page)
After six months together, they had gradually fallen into an informal pattern of when they saw each other. Nick never called her on Tuesdays or Thursdays, and she guessed he spent those particular evenings working out, entertaining clients or hanging out with his friends. Friday and Saturday nights were always spent together, as well as most Wednesdays. And he’d surprised her more than once by calling on a Monday or Sunday and demanding to see her. Since he had a key to her place, there had also been numerous occasions when she’d arrived home from work or the gym to find him inside waiting for her, often with dinner waiting and always in the mood for sex.
She lived for the times they were together, often counting the hours until she knew she’d see him again, and always wishing she could have more. She longed for him to finally open up to her, to tell her about himself, and to admit he had feelings for her. The nights without him were pure torture, as she would find herself imagining – or trying
not
to imagine – what he might be doing or who he might be with. Angela knew him to be a man of his word, and one who valued honesty above all else, so she wasn’t overly worried that he was cheating on her with another woman. However, even though having dinner with a female client, or casually flirting with a woman at the gym, or giving one a onceover at a bar wasn’t precisely cheating, the thought that he could be doing any or all of those things filled her with an almost obsessive jealousy. But of course she had to keep her feelings well hidden, would never dare admit to Nick that she fretted over such things. And it was far more than her unwarranted jealousy that she had to keep to herself.
not
to imagine – what he might be doing or who he might be with. Angela knew him to be a man of his word, and one who valued honesty above all else, so she wasn’t overly worried that he was cheating on her with another woman. However, even though having dinner with a female client, or casually flirting with a woman at the gym, or giving one a onceover at a bar wasn’t precisely cheating, the thought that he could be doing any or all of those things filled her with an almost obsessive jealousy. But of course she had to keep her feelings well hidden, would never dare admit to Nick that she fretted over such things. And it was far more than her unwarranted jealousy that she had to keep to herself.
It was becoming increasingly difficult to hide her relationship with him, especially since he expected her to be available whenever he wanted to see her. She was hesitant to make any sort of plans these days, continually refused to go out for drinks with her co-workers, made sure she ran errands and did chores on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She’d made a variety of excuses to several old college friends about why she couldn’t meet them for dinner or attend their parties. She’d even ignored more than a few of Lauren’s phone calls in recent months, not wanting to deal with her best friend’s increasingly nosy questions about her relationship with Nick. Or, worse, to try and come up with an excuse for why she couldn’t spend time with Lauren when she happened to be in the city.
And then, of course, there were the increasingly frequent occasions where she’d backed out of one family event or another. There was no way she could make the two and a half hour drive each way to Carmel for her brother-in-law’s birthday dinner or her niece’s dance recital or her cousin Lisa’s twenty-fifth wedding anniversary party – not when all of those events occurred on a Saturday, one of the days she always saw Nick.
She hadn’t told her family the truth, of course – that she was head over heels in love with the sexiest, most exciting man in the entire world and needed to keep her weekends free for him; that he was a man she would walk over broken glass for, just to hold his hand; would give away her Olympic gold medal in exchange for one night in bed with him; would choose him over her family almost every single time. Instead, she’d fobbed her mother and sisters off with a variety of excuses – a meeting with an important prospective client, a flat tire or dead car battery, a terrible cold or severe food poisoning. She didn’t care any longer about making her family angry or pleasing them, or whether any of her excuses were believable or not. Not when she was so completely obsessed with Nick, to the point where nothing else was important – where
nobody
else was important.
nobody
else was important.
And obsessed she was. In the span of half a year, he’d become her whole world, the one person she’d willingly do anything for and would gladly do everything he asked of her. She adored him, body and soul, and devoted herself entirely to satisfying his every need. She never even considered disobeying one of his rules, and was fanatical about doing everything exactly as he liked.
The way she obeyed him almost slavishly reminded her of a movie she’d seen once on late night TV about a sexy, compelling vampire and the beautiful woman he’d cast a spell over. Angela realized she was just like that woman – held in Nick’s thrall and totally incapable of resisting him in any way.
In bed he was unquestionably the master, and she was more than eager to let him dominate her. Over the months he’d become extremely inventive and more than a little kinky in their sexual encounters. More often than not he seemed to enjoy tying her up in some way, liked to blindfold her and had even gagged her on occasion. He constantly surprised her with new and varied sexual positions, and of course his strength and stamina in bed continued to astound her. She often felt bruised and battered after a romp in bed with him, but the weight training and intense cardio workouts she did several times a week had helped a lot to make things easier on her physically. She never said no to anything he wanted to do, would have gladly given him carte blanche over her sexually, and found it impossible to hold back her wild, consuming reactions to him. In truth, it was Nick who held himself back at times and not her.
She’d asked him once why they had never tried anal sex, given that it was just about the only type they hadn’t engaged in. He touched her there frequently, after all – kissing and caressing her buttocks, sliding a well-lubricated finger inside her anus while he licked her pussy at the same time, pressing a thumb on the small, puckered hole as he fucked her hard.
Nick had shaken his head firmly. “Uh, uh. I don’t do anal. And you should have your head examined to even be asking me that question.”
She’d looked at him quizzically. “I mean, given some of the other stuff we’ve done, it’s hard for me to believe you think that’s taboo or something.”
“That’s not it at all. Come on, Angel. You’ve seen what a big guy I am – and that’s just pure and simple fact, not ego talking. If I fucked you in the ass, I’d break you in half, rupture at least a couple of internal organs. At the very least it would be excruciatingly painful for you, even with a whole tube of lube. So, no, thanks for the offer but I’ll be keeping my dick out of your ass.”
She’d grown used to his very frank way of speaking by now and hadn’t even blinked an eyelash at his forthright explanation. With Nick, she had learned to shed pretty much every inhibition she might have had, something he’d been insistent on. If he told her not to wear panties or go braless or both, she did so without even thinking about it. When they were together at her apartment she walked around stark naked, not in the least bit shy or modest any longer. Nick had taught her to be proud of her body, to be as comfortable in her skin as he so obviously was in his. From the very beginning of their relationship he’d strode around her place in the nude, without the slightest bit of self-consciousness. And she had loved every second of it, of course, nearly drooling each time she got to feast her eyes on his spectacular male beauty.
Angela gave her head a firm shake, rather appalled to realize how lost in thought she’d become, and was alarmed to see that she had less than three minutes now to review her notes before calling her client. Fortunately, she had something of a photographic memory and this certainly wasn’t the first time she’d studied the information.
An hour later, she was feeling on top of the world after finishing the call. The client – a youngish tech firm employee who was flush with cash – had been enthused about the proposed investment portfolio she’d put together for him, and had given her the green light to go forward.
As she made some additional notes, Angela couldn’t help the smile that teased the corners of her mouth. If Lloyd had already all but guaranteed that the next available office on this floor would be her, she couldn’t wait to see his reaction when he learned about her newest account. And her client had already promised to refer several of his equally affluent co-workers to her. At this rate, she thought somewhat smugly, Lloyd might not wait for an office to become available by natural attrition and decide instead to demote one of the brokers who hadn’t been toeing the line in order to create a spot for Angela.
Life was undeniably good these days. She loved her job, loved her gorgeous, sexy lover, loved being alive. For the first time in her twenty two years she was learning to distance herself from her family, and therefore from all the years of feeling left out, unloved and unwanted.
Of course, life could be even better were Nick to suddenly change his ways and make a real, lasting commitment to her. But she had never been a greedy person and wasn’t about to become one now. She was grateful for what she did have with him, and determined not to screw things up by wanting more.
As if on cue, her cell phone rang, and she knew it had to be Nick. Even though his number continued to be blocked, she always had a certain feeling, could always sense when it was him calling.
“Angel. Got any plans for the weekend?”
Today was only Monday, and she rarely allowed herself to think more than a day or so ahead as far as Nick was concerned. She glanced briefly at her calendar and stiffened in mild alarm when she noticed what day it was on Saturday – Deanna’s birthday. She vaguely recalled getting an email from Marisa sometime last week about a birthday dinner for their sister at a restaurant on the Monterey Wharf, but she hadn’t bothered to reply just yet. Knowing Marisa and her almost OCD organizational skills, Angela guessed there were at least two follow up emails from her, each one sounding increasingly irritated because she hadn’t replied yet.
It would be nearly unthinkable to blow off her sister’s birthday. She’d never dared to do anything like that before, and knew there’d be serious hell to pay as a consequence if she did. But then she remembered how snotty Deanna had been to her during a recent visit, and how Marisa had barely even acknowledged her presence, and Angela’s hackles rose up something fierce. Why should she care what her family thought anyway, when they clearly didn’t give a shit about her? It was well past time that she started thinking about herself, considering her own feelings and wants. And what she wanted, more than anything else, was Nick.
She deliberately flipped the cover to her desk calendar shut as she told him, “No plans whatsoever. What did you have in mind?”
***
Angela took a long drink of her icy cold margarita before setting the glass down and reclining back on the chaise lounge. After an exceptionally cold and rainy San Francisco winter, relaxing out here in the hot Mexican sun felt like heaven. And spending a long weekend with her devilishly handsome lover was beyond her wildest dreams.
Nick had convinced her to take a couple of well-deserved days off, and once she’d told Lloyd the news about her new account – the one that came with the promise of several referrals – he’d actively encouraged her to take a little break. She sensed she could have asked for two full weeks off and he would have agreed without hesitation.
She wasn’t sure if Nick had made previous arrangements for the trip and just arrogantly assumed she’d accept his invitation, or if he’d simply thrown it all together on short notice. Whatever the case, he’d dazzled her with the opulence of it all – the chauffeur driven limo ride to the airport, first class flight to Cabo San Lucas, another limo drive to the hotel. They were staying in a detached casita at the ultra-luxe Gregson Resort, and Angela hadn’t known it was possible to be so pampered. The casita boasted its own private butler who was at their constant beck and call; spacious, airy, beautifully decorated rooms equipped with state of the art electronics and every amenity she could have ever dreamed of; and the private patio where they were sunning themselves now, complete with its own pool and hot tub.
During the flight down on Thursday evening, she had decided against telling him about blowing off Deanna’s birthday this weekend. After that night when she’d opened up to him about her family, Nick had seemed completely disinterested in hearing anymore about them and so she generally kept such things to herself. She’d conjured up a weekend seminar that her bosses at work “absolutely insisted” everyone had to attend, and made her excuses to Marisa via a rather brief email. She’d known it wouldn’t be that simple, of course, and hadn’t been all that surprised when her mother had called her the very same day. Rita had been scathing and irate, telling her she should be ashamed of herself for choosing work over family, and it had taken every ounce of self-control Angela possessed not to yell back at her mother that she’d learned that sort of thing as a very young girl, time and time again as Rita had chosen her social life and independence over the child who’d needed her desperately. But she’d lacked the courage to pick that particular fight, and had merely told her mother that she didn’t have a choice in the matter, that her job required it, and that Deanna wouldn’t even notice her absence.
To assuage her guilty conscience, she’d sent Deanna a gorgeous floral arrangement and a gift card to a restaurant in Carmel, as well as an email apologizing for her absence. But apparently Deanna was good and pissed off because thus far there had been zero acknowledgment of either the gifts or the email.
She forced herself now to stop dwelling on it, reminding herself that neither of her sisters or her mother had even once made an attempt to drive up to Stanford and watch one of her volleyball games. Gino had tried to attend as many games as possible, which usually amounted to one or two each season, since Rita kept their social calendar chock full of events. With another swig of her margarita, Angela firmly resolved to stop thinking about her family and to focus instead on the remaining time she had here with Nick.
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