Shattered: A Psychic Visions Novel (23 page)

S
he studied Trevor’s
face, hearing the flat tone to his voice. “The work you do is hard, but so very important.”

“I can only help so many people,” he said. “And there is such a real need for more like me.”

“So are you really a lawyer as well?” When he nodded, she asked, “Why?”

“Because I finished law school before I realized I was a grayscale walker. Once I saw how many people were here and in need of help, I went back to school to learn more. The school couldn’t teach me any of what I needed to know on this level, but it gave me the piece of paper I required to access the people who needed my help.”

“And the lawyer stuff?”

He laughed. “It paid for my schooling. Plus considering the problem of patient rights and the need to protect patient assets until they returned to this reality, it’s been a very handy combination.”

“I can imagine.” She could. “Stefan, do you have any crazy degrees like he has?”

“None. I never did go to a conventional school,” he said with a wry grin. “My skills in this field are a little more advanced and I’m fairly specialized.”

“It’s none of my business, but last I looked there wasn’t much demand for psychics, so how do you support yourself? Or are you like me, family wealth?”

“Nope. There isn’t any hereditary money. I’m an artist.”

“He’s not
any
artist. His canvases hang in private galleries all across the world. He also paints his psychic visions.”

She shuddered. “I can’t imagine.”

“No one can. That’s why I paint them. Sometimes it’s the only way I can see clearly. And speaking of seeing clearly, are you ready to go back to your body? It looks like your memories are fully aligned again.”

“Back to my body?” she asked cautiously, wondering that she could even listen to him and have this not freak her out. “How do you mean.”

“This way.” Trevor reached out and grasped her arm gently. His hand was warm against her skin. “We’ll go home now.”

She gave a gurgle of laughter and said, “Well, I’m game.”

“Open your eyes.”

She frowned. “They are open.”

His grin widened. “Close your eyes then open them again.”

Obediently she shut her eyes and opened them again. “See.”

“See what?” he asked gently.

She twisted her head to look around. And realized they were back in the living room of the house they were staying at. She was lying in Trevor’s arms on the couch. The same place she’d been when the pain had hit. Pain? She gasped and slowly reached up her hand to touch her head. The pain was gone. There was a sense of peace on the outside, but a sense of disquiet inside. She didn’t know what to think. Her memories were calm. In fact, they were there but she had no wish to access any. It was like they were old and better stuffed away. She could drag one out and look at it now. There was no barrier except that of time saying it was over and done with. She let out her breath only now realizing she’d been holding it in. “Okay, this is beyond…” her words failed her.

“Science fiction? Fantasy?”

“I have no idea what or how but my head feels so much better. I’m tired, in a different way than physical,” she said. “It’s a peaceful tired like that good feeling you get after a workout. Yet at the same time I didn’t do anything.”

“Not on a physical level you didn’t, but on the etheric energy level you did a lot. It could take a bit of time to assimilate.”

“I hope not.” She smiled, then shifted so she could reach up and kiss his cheek. “Thank you for removing the blocks. I feel much better knowing I’m whole again. It felt foreign to think of those things in there.”

“In that case, I have bad news. Dr. Maddy removed only one block. And a small one at that. There are others in there.”

“Oh Lord.” Her skin moved from hot to ice. She stared up at him in shock. Others? Crap. “I have to go through that again?”

“You saw how hard it was for you to get through this adjustment. Pulling all the blocks at once might have sent you into a coma,” he said seriously. “We couldn’t risk it.”

She leaned against his shoulder, hating the idea of what was still ahead of her. But being in grayscale hadn’t been too bad. If they could repeat that trip, she’d be okay with it. “Maybe we could leave a little bit earlier for
your
grayscale world next time, so I’m not so overwhelmed.” She tilted her head back. “It will get easier, right.”

A muscle in his jaw twitched. “Not necessarily,” he said. “The other blocks are bigger. Possibly, more important, holding back some very painful memories and responses. So no, I doubt they will be any easier.”

“Ouch.” She sighed. “So when can I get rid of the others?”

“Just a minute and I’ll ask Dr. Maddy.”

When he didn’t make any move to grab up his cell phone and call, she figured he had changed his mind, or meant to do so later.

Then he said, “She recommends no more today, but if you want to try again in the morning, she can pull another one.”

Hannah lay there and thought about everything he’d said and didn’t say. Then she said in a very low voice, “You just talked to her, didn’t you? Without using a phone?”

His laughter rumbled up his chest and past her ear. It was such a joyous sound. So fun and free. “Absolutely I did. Like you noticed before. Stefan can do the same thing. We often speak that way. It saves time and effort and cell phones are not always convenient. Nor do we always want people to hear what we are saying.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone quite like you.”

“Oh I bet you have,” he said with a warm smile, dropping a kiss on her nose. “I suspect your mother was very talented too.”

“Too?”

“Too? As in, you are as well.” He reached up and placed a finger over her lips. “You are talented. You couldn’t walk in grayscale if you didn’t have these abilities. You’ve clearly been surrounded by energy people if they have placed these blocks into your mind all these years.” She felt the intensity of his gaze right to her toes. “Someone likely started out helping you deal with trauma then it changed. Either they didn’t know what they were doing and kept adding in more to help, or someone else came along and did the same thing but for a different reason.”

Her mind kept turning the issue over and over again. “I guess I can see the initial one. I was incredibly traumatized after my mother’s death.”

“And that might not have been the first time,” he cautioned her. “Maybe something happened earlier, and that led another to repeat the process after your mother’s death.”

“To think of one person having access to that part of my psyche is one thing, but to imagine that there could possibly be more than one digging around in my head – I can’t see it.”

“That’s the point,” he said dryly. “You can’t see it. You can’t feel it. But you need to understand that you allowed it to happen. In some way, you were okay with this happening. If you weren’t, you’d have fought it. Now the first time, was likely to help and you’d have been okay with that. The second time could have been the same and by the time more were placed in there, you probably couldn’t tell one block from the other.

“So I might have known but wouldn’t really have understood as by then it was common, comfortable.” She shook her head. “The things we do to people in the name of what’s good for them.”

“And it likely was good for you,” he said. “It’s just
no longer
good for you, and the process of removing them can get painful.”

“No can about it.” She stroked a finger along his jaw. “You helped me get through this time, so can’t you help me on the others?”

“Hopefully, but I don’t know what might be released each time, and the blocks could fall when I’m not here.”

She pursed her lips. “Another reason to do this right here and now so that you are here and I can find out whatever information someone was keeping from me. Maybe it’s what I need to know for my father – to get him to back off. Hell,” she added in disgust, “maybe he’s the one putting the blocks in.” She studied Trevor’s square jawline. He was a protector and a damn good one.

“Can’t Dr. Maddy find out who did this?”

“She said it was more than one person. Female and one male and there could be more. Beyond that you have to realize you are both male and female energy yourself. We all are,” he said simply. “Our energies blend with those of the people we live with. If we care about them we incorporate their energy into our systems, and if we don’t like them we don’t let it become quite as close. Over time it’s almost impossible to see who did this. Until you go in and look. And to do that you have to open up messy and very difficult memories.”

She winced. “As more and more blocks are removed, does it get easier?”

“It gets easier to remove them yes, but the memories being held behind them are likely more painful.”

“Right. That makes sense.” She pursed her lips. “Are these something I can remove?”

“Absolutely. As soon as you became aware that they are there, they became something you can deal with on your own. You just need to be ready.”

“Sounds horrible.”

“No. The stronger and older you get, the more the pain of whatever is behind the walls will be easier to bear. The blockages, at least originally, were never intended to be there forever. Only until you got old enough to deal with the trauma.”

“So likely the blockages were installed by someone who cared about me.”

“Exactly. And yet you were thinking that the first one was there to help you deal with your mother’s death. And in that case, who would have put it inside with her gone?”

“I don’t know,” she exclaimed. “I had a nanny when younger but I was always with my mother. And the guards.”

“The nanny might have done it. If she’d been with you for a long time, she’d have loved and cared for you.”

“True enough, but at the same time, I don’t remember her after my mother’s death.” She frowned, trying to dredge up a picture of her old nanny. “I can’t even see her face, remember her voice, except when I see a photo.”

“Those memories could be behind the blockages.”

“Those feel warm and cozy. Like I want them back.”

“Of course you can have them back. When you remove the blockages you’ll have access. The memories haven’t disappeared. They are there for when you are ready.”

“And if I said I’m ready now?”

He studied her face. “We can try another one but you’re already tired. You’re energy’s frayed.”

She nodded but couldn’t leave it alone. “Do we have any idea how many blocks there are?”

“I’m not exactly sure. Three bigger ones and a couple of smaller ones for sure.”

“Then let’s zap the smaller ones.”

Silence.

“How about
you
zap the smaller ones,” he said slowly.

She blinked. She got to her feet and walked to the window then turned to face him. “That’s the thing, isn’t it? If I’m ready, then I should do it myself.”

“Not necessarily. We all need help sometimes.”

Although she nodded, she felt like she’d opened up a can of worms she wasn’t ready for. And yet she’d brought it on herself. She just hadn’t realized this was going to be something
she’d
have to do. She couldn’t rely on everyone else all the time. Given the strangeness of her circumstances, she should only call for help when she really needed it.

“Okay. Let me try.” She turned to face him. “How do I do this?”

*

He was really
proud of her. He wished she wasn’t going down this pathway but success and a little bit of freedom made everyone want more of both. In her case she’d been caged mentally for a long time. He couldn’t stand the thought of such a thing himself, so he could just imagine how she was feeling right now.

“It’s a fairly easy process, but as you’ve never done it before, I can’t tell you which method will work the best for you.” He stood up and motioned to the couch. “All I can say is that you need to lie down and visualize the blocks and find a way to mentally zap them out. If you’d played video games any time over the years, I’d say do a mental seek and destroy process. As you haven’t…”

“So.” She walked slowly toward the couch and sat down. “What you’re saying is finding them is likely to be the bigger problem. Destroying them not so much.”

“Exactly.” He smiled and walked over so he could stand in front of her. “You can mentally zap away a block, and it will disintegrate under your own positive energy.”

“And finding them?”

“Yeah, you have to look for something that feels normal but isn’t actually yours. That’s more difficult.”

“Nice. Not.” She sat back and closed her eyes. But thoughts just kept tracking through her mind. She opened her eyes and stared at him. “I can’t even see into my memories, how am I supposed to find anything in there when it’s not accessible?”

He sat down and reached over to grasp her hand. “That’s the thing. You have to think yourself there. You can’t sit in this space and try to access the thoughts. Because the effort to do that is going to come to you as thoughts. You have to think your way into your memory banks. Visualize that space in your head and see what kind of image you get.” He laughed. “And if you don’t mind, I’ll follow along and see what you see.” She shot him a look of disbelief then shrugged, “Why not? Maybe you can help.”