Shattered Dreams (25 page)

“Only to me. Way to go, CeeGee!”

In a flash, Claire’s smile diminished and pain shot out from some hidden spot buried deep within her at the use of the old nickname, another past game they used to play, referring to each other by their initials, mainly to confuse those around them.

“What happened to us?” she whispered, meeting her twin’s laughing eyes . . . eyes identical to hers.

Crystal sighed and her hand covered Claire’s, squeezing. “Growing pains?” She broke eye connection and stared silently at her drink before looking up. Their stares locked again. “I don’t know. All I know is that I’ve missed you.”

“You have?” Warmth spread from Crystal’s hand that still covered hers.

“Yes. At least once I got over being so angry with you. Unfortunately that took two years too many.” She hesitated. “I never came on to Carl.”

Claire knew her sister spoke the truth. The honesty in that gaze wouldn’t let her believe anything else.

“I swear it,” Crystal insisted. “I would die before doing something to hurt you like that. How could I hurt my perfect half?”

“Really?”

Tears welled up. Claire felt far from perfect right then, and couldn’t keep meeting Crystal’s earnest gaze. Not when the part she owned in their separation dawned on her so clearly.

“I should’ve known you couldn’t. I’m sorry.” Claire swallowed the lump in her throat. “Jealousy’s so ugly, isn’t it?” she said, realizing once she voiced the thought out loud, that was exactly what she’d been. “Can you ever forgive me?”

“What for?”

“For hurting you.”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Crystal said. “I can’t say it didn’t hurt when you took his word over mine. I spent too long pretending it didn’t matter, but I was only kidding myself. It did. Still, I shouldn’t have let it keep me from trying to explain or trying to make you see. Because of that, he almost won.”

“Yes, but he didn’t. We’re here.”

“Hard to believe, isn’t it?”

Claire nodded. It also dawned on her just then that her sister’s wild, bold, and unpredictable behavior held some merit. Jason hadn’t been expecting her. Maybe he would have tracked her down. But then their lovemaking, not to mention their relationship, might have taken on a different form. As it was, she owned part of the decision, and she savored the feeling of power it gave her.

Another flash of intuition struck. “So that’s why you do it,” she murmured.

“Do what?”

“Nothing.” Claire smiled warmly and placed her other hand over Crystal’s, which was still on top of hers. “Let’s promise never to let things come between us again, okay?”

“Okay. Let’s drink on it.”

They clinked glasses, and Claire lifted her wine to her lips. “Jason told me about your scheme,” she said after taking a sip. “I guess I owe you. I also owe you for that clause.” She placed the wine on the table and sighed. “I never thanked you properly.”

“You would’ve done the same.”

Crystal swirled her bourbon and eyed her speculatively. She tossed down the rest of the drink. Then, turning to the waiter who had approached with their meal, she nodded to her empty glass. “Can you bring me an iced tea?”

Glancing back at her, Crystal explained. “I have a deposition this afternoon, and I need at least one drink or I won’t be able to endure it. Two and I can’t work.” Then she asked, “What’s with you and Jason?”

Claire waited until the waiter placed their lunches on the table and left, and then said, “I don’t know. It’s still kind of new.”

“I envy you. He’s a great guy.”

“You like him, don’t you?”

“Um-hmm. He’s what I call prime beef.”

“I have to agree,” Claire replied, laughing. “When I first met him, I thought you two were an item.”

“I tried. I could tell he was attracted, but he wasn’t interested in me. I’m a little too garish for his sensibilities.” She chuckled. “But I have to tell you, I got a real kick out of trying.”

The idea of Crystal shocking Jason bounced around inside her mind’s eye. Laughter sprang free at the thought of his reaction.

“Since we’re being honest here, I’ll confess, I was a bit jealous,” she admitted once her laughter died. “So now that I’ve filled you in on Jason, care to tell me about your mystery guy? He sounded sexy over the phone. Also sounded like more than just a casual night of lovemaking to me.”

“No! That’s all it was. A great night with a great lover.” Crystal accepted the iced tea from the waiter.

Something in her sister’s tone alerted her.

“Why’d you call?” After taking a bite, Claire looked up. She chewed thoughtfully, keeping her attention on her twin.

“To talk.”

“Like when we were younger?” Yep, there was something in Crystal’s expression.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I felt the urge to talk, so I called. Nothing else to it.”

“You used to only want to talk when you were upset.”

“Stop doing that! I’m not upset.”

“What’s his name?” Unconvinced, Claire reached for her water, still eyeing her sister.

Crystal reached out to wipe at the moisture dripping from her glass with a napkin. “You don’t know him,” she finally said, and expelled a long breath. “I should’ve never let him in. Now he’s inside my head again, driving me nuts. I should’ve known better.”

“Maybe you should talk. Get it all out.”

“Why? Won’t change anything.”

“Sounds like you care about him.”

“I used to.”

“Still do.” Claire held up her head, daring her sister to refute this.

“How do you do that? Even after three years?” Crystal laughed. “God, I hate it that you know me so well.”

“Ditto.” She grinned back and nodded. “So, spill.”

Crystal’s attention returned to her iced tea. She fingered the glass, studying it intently for a long while before she spoke again. “You know half the things I used to pull, I did for attention, the other half simply to keep you off-balance.”

“Why would you want to keep me off-balance? I’ve always wondered.” Claire’s expression sobered. “Doesn’t make sense.”

“I never could. You were always so accepting,” Crystal murmured, lost in thought. “Until the incident with Carl.” Her attention then moved to her plate. She stirred food around, took a bite of chicken salad, and chewed while contemplating.

Finally, Crystal blurted, “I was so stupid. God! This is all his fault. I never should have slept with him.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t. How could you? You know, Jimbo’s the only other person—besides you—that I couldn’t rattle. But unlike you, he saw through my bullshit. Didn’t let me get away with it.”

“Crystal, you aren’t making sense. Who’s Jimbo?” Then comprehension set in and she grinned. “You don’t mean Jim O’Malley, do you? Is he the guy you slept with?”

“You know him?”

“Of him.” Claire nodded. “That answers one question. Now, answer this. What’s he got to do with us?”

“Everything.” Crystal sighed. “You remember when we were sixteen and you were in that car accident?”

Nodding slowly, Claire struggled to figure out where Crystal was going. Yes, she remembered, though she spent years pushing the memories of the most horrible time in her life away.

Claire had broken her back and had lain in traction for months. Everyone treated her differently after that, even her twin. Like fragile Dresden china that would break again if not handled properly. That was also the point where she and Crystal started fighting more—the beginning of the end, as she’d coined it. Why would she bring it all up again?

“I still don’t understand? What has the past got to do with us right now, or this guy?”

“You got so much attention. I tried not to care. I mean, how selfish could I get?” Crystal asked, as if she hadn’t heard her question. “You were in intensive care for two weeks. You were part of me and you almost died. That alone scared the hell out of me. But you didn’t die. Instead, you came home. And suddenly I didn’t exist anymore for Mom and Dad. Everything went to you. One day we’re together, getting all the attention, and the next, I’m left all alone with nothing. At least, that’s how it felt.”

Claire’s eyes narrowed as she absorbed Crystal’s confession. The pain she glimpsed etched into her twin’s features hit her with force.

She’d been the selfish one, only thinking of the accident in terms of how it had affected her. Never once had she thought of how it had affected her sister. She closed her eyes, trying to hold back her tears as Crystal continued speaking.

“I remember the night my course changed. Same night I got drunk with Billy Perkins and came home late. Dad went ballistic and Mom cried. All of a sudden, I was back in their sights.”

Crystal took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The haunted expression left her face, turning to one of indulgent amusement.

“I never did anything with Billy. And I quickly grew tired of his macho, bad-boy moves, but I loved the attention I got when people thought I’d been with him. From that point on, I got off on shocking people. You were the only person I couldn’t shock. The more I tried, the nicer you got.”

“Seems you’ve figured a few things out in your old age,” Claire murmured as regret made itself at home.

Crystal snorted. “It’s amazing what a few sessions in a shrink’s office will do to help straighten out some of those curved roads we take in life.”

“I’m sorry.”

What else could she say? Maybe if she’d found her backbone and stood up to everyone, including her twin, things might have ended with a different outcome. As it played out, she’d passively stayed married to a jerk, while Crystal kept people at a distance with her shocking behavior. So much wasted time.

“I’m the one who’s sorry,” Crystal said sadly. “I’m not proud of the way I handled everything.”

“You were only sixteen, reacting to emotion. How could you handle it any differently?”

“Maybe. Seems kind of futile to point fingers now, though. I can’t fault Mom and Dad. They were being parents, giving to the child who needed it most. Besides, I was just as worried as they were. Those nights we sat waiting when we didn’t know whether you’d wake up took their toll. Changed all of us.” Crystal sighed. “I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past year. I like who I’ve become, and I’ll probably always like shocking people.”

Claire’s lips curled wistfully at the statement. She’d learned a few things herself. “Where does Jimbo fit into all of this? I take it he hurt you.”

“That’s putting it mildly.”

“Tell me. Maybe I can help.”

“He accepted the real me. Just like you did.” A regretful smile crossed Crystal’s face. “I always got this feeling that I amused the hell out of him, which made me try harder to shock him. He waded past all my bullshit, fielded my barbs, and just plumb wore me down. I fell hard for him. I’m pretty sure he felt the same way. Then he found the stuff I’d collected on Carl for you.”

“And?” Claire prodded when she stopped talking and continued eating.

“And he confronted me. He was livid, threw it all in my face, believing everything.”

“Crystal, those photos were pretty incriminating, as was the rest of your evidence. I’m your sister, and I believed it.”

“It needed to be incriminating for Carl to go down.”

“Did you talk to Jimbo? Try to explain?”

Crystal nodded. “We had this horrible fight. I couldn’t make him listen, and I couldn’t take his accusing stare. It was you all over again. I thought he knew me, really knew me. He should’ve, but he didn’t believe in me. It hurt. I don’t ever want to feel like that again.”

Her sister broke off and took a drink. Staring straight ahead, she murmured, “I don’t think I’m cut out for love. It’s a little too painful for my taste.”

“Wow.” The word seemed so trite, but Claire had no other.

She’d always thought of Crystal as being hard as stone. Looking at her now, realization sank in. It was all an act. The hardness protected a soft inner core that seemed more fragile than hers.

“Think of all you miss out on if you don’t love.”

“Like a man who doesn’t believe in you,” Crystal said harshly, “or a cheating bastard of a husband?”

“Okay,” she conceded, and then added, wanting nothing more than to take away the pain in Crystal’s voice, “Carl’s actions hurt, but Jason’s not like that. If I cut off all feelings, it means Carl’s won. I won’t let him affect me any longer.”

“You were always better than me. Softer. I can’t be like that. I wish I could.” Crystal remained silent. Then she planted a smile on her face. “I think we’ve cleared the air enough to breathe easier with each other, so let’s talk about something else.”

Claire nodded and they finished their meal, staying off the subject of men.

Chapter 32

Later that afternoon, Claire breezed into her office while thoughts of Crystal and their conversation played over and over in her brain.

“You’re back!” Gwen popped her head in. “Got a minute?”

“Sure.” She offered a warm smile. “What’s up?”

“Just wondered where you’d disappeared to.” Gwen moved to sit on the edge of the desk. “Thought we were going to take a leisurely lunch like we always do once everything’s finally put to bed.”

“Had lunch with Crystal. Then did some shopping,” she replied. “You weren’t in your office when I left, otherwise I’d have invited you. Sorry.”

“No biggie. I grabbed something quick.” Gwen broke off, glancing away with a shrug. “Besides, Crystal and I don’t mix well. You know that.”

“She’s not so bad, once you wade through all the muck. I’m sorry about lunch,” Claire said, eyeing Gwen thoughtfully and noticing the subdued expression. A trickle of guilt washed over her. “Why don’t we do it tomorrow?”

“That’d be great.” Gwen picked up a paperweight. Tossing it back and forth, she remained quiet, her focus on the heavy object. “You and Crystal must be getting along better if you’re doing lunch. Didn’t you have lunch with her last week?”

“We did and we are.” Claire sighed and leaned back against the chair. “It feels good to be able to talk to her again. I’ve really missed her.”

“I don’t trust her.”

“Oh? I didn’t realize you had such a strong opinion.”

Gwen shrugged. “I don’t think you should trust her either.”