Shattered Dreams (Moonchild) (6 page)

Motorcycle, leather jacket, then and now. Conflicted emotions steered her toward a repeat of those days. Not only had they been in the same classes but their July birthdays had been just a year and a few days apart.

Why did he have to be so appealing? She’d met men more handsome but none had tempted her the way Rafe had and did. Dark wavy hair with that tousled look made her want to run her fingers through the thick mass. Blue eyes, promised passion she had to refuse. Every minute in his company brought recollections of sweet, potent kisses stolen in times and places she wanted to forget.

They had woven fantasies of a happy-ever-after. Those dreams had turned into nightmares.

Manon caught her lower lip between her teeth. She needed no more fantasies. Twelve years ago, the dreams had shattered. How could a thousand shards fuse again?

She drew a deep breath scented with Rafe’s spicy aftershave and an aroma belonging to him alone. Her hands tightened on the strap of her medical bag. Spending too much time in his company could erode her control. Her desire to flee rose like a geyser. She halted.

Rafe turned. “Are you coming?”

“No.”

He scowled. Manon tensed waiting for an angry response.

“Why not?”

She couldn’t muster an answer she could express. Was she afraid of him?
Possibly.
Was she afraid he would burrow beneath the ice over her emotions?
Probably.

“I can’t stay long.” Would that answer work? She really didn’t have time for a long lunch hour,

“Fine. I’ll take what I can get.”

Was that a threat or a promise? Her face heated. Control, control, control. She had grieved for him only to find the grief had no basis. Most days, sadness had been stronger than anger and disappointment. She braced her shoulders and forced those thoughts away. She wouldn’t walk that road again.

Though she usually took the stairs, the idea of being alone with Rafe in the dimly lit stairwell didn’t suit her. She halted at the elevator and pressed the button.

“The stairs are quicker,” Rafe said.

The door opened in time to prevent her from answering. She stepped inside the crowded car. Rafe followed and stood too close. Manon saw the way the women, some young and others old enough to be his mother, stared. Their appraisal bothered her and she didn’t like the feeling.

Don’t touch, he’s mine.

She couldn’t afford possessive thoughts. That dream was in the past and must remain there or she was doomed to make the same choice.

Rafe had always charmed women and even some men. Her shoulders braced. The random thought froze front and center. She nearly blurted the words. She tried to dislodge the desire to warn everyone and to stake her claim. She had no desire to trust Rafe not to hurt her again.

The moment the elevator doors opened, she bolted past Rafe. She had to escape. She couldn’t do lunch. She needed air. She needed space.

Rafe touched her arm. “Cafeteria’s this way.”

The panic lessened. “I need fresh air.”

“You’re running away.”

She knew she was. She glanced around and saw people staring. “I’d rather leave.”

“We could go to the diner.”

She couldn’t. The diner had been where their study group had met. And after the sessions had ended, she and Rafe had found somewhere to be alone. With an abrupt move, she changed direction. “Here is fine.”

At the cafeteria, Rafe held the door for her. Her stomach knotted. She took a try and moved ahead of him and chose a light healthy lunch. Rafe’s choice of cheese fries made her think cholesterol. Someone should teach him about healthy eating.

At the register, she paid for her meal.

Rafe walked beside her. “You didn’t have to pay. My invite means my treat.”

She shrugged. “Dutch is my way these days.”

“I see."

She looked away. How could she let him pay for her meal? That would mean the connection she wanted to deny existed. He had taken money from her father and left town. Even thinking about that event made her gut churn. Speaking about that bribe hovered on her tongue. She couldn’t speak, not here in this room where others could hear.

Manon followed him to a table for two near the windows looking into the garden. She wished she had escaped. Instead, she was trapped. The interested glances of her colleagues and the sly looks of the nurses added to her uneasiness. Janice Stone glared. Manon was tempted to deny any interest in Rafe, but that would be a lie.

The clatter of dishes and the rise and fall of voices provided a cover for their conversation. Manon ate her soup and waited for Rafe to begin. She didn’t want to be the first to break the sullen silence.

He popped the last cheese fry in his mouth and swallowed. “How is Jay?”

“Rude as ever. Composing music for a Broadway show. You know how he is when he’s creating.”

“Doesn’t talk. Leave me be.” Rafe met her gaze. “Is he living in NYC?”

Manon laughed. “Too noisy. Too busy. He’s here and practically a hermit. Only emerges between creative bursts and runs amok socializing. Lives in the family house. Mom left the place to him. Really angered our father.”

“I’ll give Jay a call.”

She put her spoon down. “He’ll be surprised but he won’t faint.”

“More like slug me. What about the Gerner twins?”

“Vanished. Heard they joined the FBI or maybe the CIA.”

“Helen Sloan?”

“She married someone she met in college and divorced him three months later. Never heard why.”

“Greg Paloni?”

“Had his first book published a few months ago.”

“Good for him. What’s the title?”

Manon shrugged. “Something about murder. I seldom read for pleasure but the local bookstore will know.”

Rafe put his half eaten roast beef sandwich on the plate. “What about Tom? You said he’s in town. Is he a teacher?”

She nearly laughed. “Tom would never work with children. He’s an attorney with a local firm. Was practicing elsewhere but returned in January.”

“Wonder why he came back.”

Her spoon clattered on the table. “He said because I’m here.”

“So he’s still interested.”

“What do you think? No matter how often I say no, he returns to plague me with invitations and reminders.” She pushed her chair back. The remains of her lunch held no appeal. A different hunger rose. Desire, just like she’d felt in the past. Her gaze met his bringing urges she couldn’t admit. Letting Rafe into her life would drag past hurts into the present.

“There should be a way to rid yourself of his harassing.”

“There’s none when he won’t listen.”

Rafe’s grin sent ripples of heat along her skin. “I can think of a way.”

She didn’t want to hear. She couldn’t think of anyone else to speak about. Why wouldn’t one of her colleagues approach with a question that ended her panic?

Her pager buzzed. Saved, she thought and checked the number. “I have to take this.” She dialed the lab. “Dr. Lockley, here. Good. Send Mr. Marshall’s to Employee Health and the others to my office.” She looked up. “Your lab results are normal. You’re cleared to work.”

He chuckled. “Bit late. Though sitting in meetings is hardly work.”

“Maybe being waylaid by Janice was.”

Rafe’s laughter caused people to stare. “Hardly. I’m not interested in her idea of a welcome.”

What Manon saw in his eyes raised questions she wouldn’t ask. He’d captured her interest again.

Not good.

Why did he have to be so damned sexy? A thought crept forward and begged for examination. Surely he hadn’t been alone for all those years. How many women had he charmed and dropped the way he had her? Another question she refused to ask.

He finished his sandwich. “We need to talk.”

The demand in his voice jolted her into the present. “There’s no reason I can see. You heard what I said yesterday. Strictly professional.”

“Have dinner with me.”

Manon hesitated and hated herself for the momentary lapse. Talk solved nothing. If they were alone, one kiss and they’d be off doing other things. Shattered dreams were beyond repair.

“Dinner is out.”

“Why?”

“I have no desire to talk.” She drew a deep breath. “You’re new in town. Give yourself a chance to see what or who Fern Lake offers.”

“I’m not looking for options. I want a chance to clear misunderstandings about the past. I won’t ask for more if you will listen.”

But he was. She saw the way his blue eyes caressed her face. “I’ve no desire to look at what was a painful time.”

With a finger he stroked circles on the back of her hand. Spirals of heat flowed from the touch, lighting feelings best forgotten.

“There’s every reason to face the lies of the past. They shaped our present. I want to move forward. Don’t you?”

“I have.” She looked around. Were people staring?”

“Who told you I was dead?”

“Probably my father.”

“How did he learn?”

“I haven’t the slightest idea. I haven’t dwelled on that time.” She stared at the table. Desire lapped at her determination to keep him at a distance. If they could forget the years of silence and just have a no strings affair, she would enjoy. All this talk about what had happened would stir anger and grief. She refused to live with those emotions again.

She stood and lifted the tray. “Have to go. I’ve a full afternoon to make up for yesterday’s cancellations.”

“Dinner tonight. You can choose the restaurant.”

“You are persistent.”

He nodded. “You’ve got that. What time?”

She walked away. If she didn’t answer, he might get the idea. She’d lost him once and wasn’t about to face a second time when he decided to ride away.

* * *

Rafe watched Manon walk away. The sway of her hips and her tightly packed ass made him consider leaping to his feet, tossing her over his shoulders and carrying her to his apartment. Once there, they would make love and solve the mysteries of the past. When she knew the truth, how would she react?

He half rose. His thought of abducting her formed an impossible fantasy. He sat down.
Not a smart move.
If he attempted such a tactic here, he would embarrass himself, especially when Manon hit him where it hurt.

The major problem was the way she revved his engine. All he thought about was stroking her silky skin until she begged for completion. He drew a deep breath. Until they sorted truth from lies he couldn’t tell her he’d never stopped loving her or how he’d believed she’d vanished into a life he’d been unable to find. Today, she wouldn’t believe him. Perhaps she never would. That thought sent his spirits plunging into an abyss.

With a groan he took his tray to the conveyer belt to the kitchen and rode the elevator to the fifth floor. In his office he spent some time studying floor plans. Then he pulled the policy and procedure book from the bookshelf. He looked through the pages, astonished by some policies that were more than twenty years old. The most recent one he found dated two years ago. He jotted a note on a pad on his desk.  Committee needed.

A tap on the door sounded. “Come in.”

The gray-haired secretary appeared. “I have some work for you.”

“Gran has mentioned how you kept her days organized. Good to see you’ll do the same for me.”

She deposited a stack of paper on the desk. “July’s schedule for you to review. You’ll need to initial each one so I can make copies. Also a decision needs to be made regarding how to fill the uncovered shifts.”

“How is this usually handled? I don’t want to bother Gran, ah, Mrs. Patton.”

The older woman pressed her hands on the desk. “I’m sure this is one of the reasons she took sick. Happens every summer. Nurses threatening to quit unless they have the time they’ve requested for vacation.”

Rafe drew a deep breath. “So how are those shifts usually covered?”

“By posting an offer for those nurses who want extra shifts. There are always some who want overtime. Also by using the float pool.”

Rafe studied the first page. “Threats aside, why were so many weeks of vacation permitted at the same time? He rubbed his forehead. “I’ll bring these to you later. Can you find copies of the requests for vacations?” He reached for the policy manual, searched the tabs and found the policy for vacations. Ten years old but the terms were clear and this schedule on his desk didn’t follow the rules. A change was due for August. He would have to deny requests. Sure wouldn’t help his popularity.

The secretary returned with a stack of notebooks. Rafe studied the requests entered for July. Most mentioned the difficulty of finding child care. He nodded. Having some kind of day care would help. That was a Board decision. He wondered if other departments had the same problem with summer staffing.

At four thirty, he left the office and went to the step-down unit. He dropped into the chair beside his step-grandmother’s bed. “How are you?”