Shattered (the Spellbound Series Book 2) (11 page)

              “That won’t happen. I promise.” Nick doesn’t respond, so I take a deep breath, and prepare for the news I’ve been wrestling with breaking to him for nearly a week. “If it makes you feel any better, I think you might be stuck with me.”

              Nick finally looks over at me. “What do you mean?”

              “I’m… I’m late.”

              “For what?”

              “The 10:47 to Katonah, what the hell do you think?”

              “Umm…”

              “Period. Late. Didn’t come.”

I thought I’d been clear enough, but Nick’s still staring at me like I have three heads. It might be out of shock, but I’m not sure he actually got the message, so I spell it out for him in the easiest terms I can.

“I think I might be pregnant.”

Part Two: The Seed

11

             
“How could this have happened?,” Nick asks aloud for what feels like the twelfth time since I broke the news.

              I wrap my arms around my knees, and lean my head back on the wall behind me. Nick’s taken to pacing around my room, but I feel like I can’t move. “I don’t know, Nick. You were there for it, you tell me.”

              “I mean, I wasn’t even human when we started-“

              “Apparently human enough when you finished.”

              Nick finally stops pacing, and looks in my direction, fighting back a smile. “How can you be taking this so lightly?,” he asks.

              I shrug. “I’ve just had longer to freak out on my own.” The alarm I set on my phone goes off, and I reach over to turn it off. Twenty minutes have passed. It’s time to see whether or not I’m right.

              “Are you ready for this?,” Nick asks.

              “As I’ll ever be.” Nick pulls me onto my feet, and together, we walk over to the bookshelf, where I placed the pregnancy test when I was done with it. I would have preferred one with clearer instructions, but since I was too scared to buy one for myself, I’m stuck with Lily’s choice. I try to steady my hand as I pick up the test, and read the results. “Little pink plus sign,” I announce with a sinking heart. “It’s official. I’m a little late to the party, but I’m gonna be a teen mom.”

              Compared to his nervous pacing, Nick’s reaction seems downright nonexistent. A serene expression crosses his face, and he looks away from the results of the test. He buries his face in my tangle of curls, and asks, “What happens now?”

              “I don’t know,” I answer with a sigh. “I’ve got so many other things to deal with, I don’t think I have the energy to figure out a solution right now.”

              “What do you mean?”

              I look at Nick like he’s insane for a split second before realizing it’s a legitimate question. He doesn’t know about most of what’s been going on in my life. I quickly explain every scrap of information I’ve gathered from Michael and Lucifer, their plans for me and the other Nephilim, everything. Nick listens patiently until I’m done, and then asks, “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”

              “You had a lot going on. I didn’t want to add to it.”

              “You didn’t think I’d want to know that my girlfriend was half angel? Or that she was part of a divine pissing match?”

              “Okay, I didn’t find out about that last part until just now-“

              “Heather. We’re supposed to be a team. That involves actually telling each other what’s going on.”

              “I know.” I groan, and flop down on my bed with my hands over my eyes. “I don’t think I can do this.”

              “Do what?”

              “Sift through all this biblical shit
and
deal with an unborn child. It’s too much.”

              “So… what are you saying?”

              I hadn’t been sure of the path ahead before telling Nick, but now that I’ve listed all the problems in my life aloud, the right decision suddenly seems clear. “I’m saying I might nip it in the bud.”

              Nick shoves his hands in his pockets, and lets out a long breath, but he won’t look me in the eye. “Alright,” he says. “Your body, your rules. Do you want me to be there for it?”

              “You don’t have to. I might ask Jenna and Rachel to come, and help with the paperwork and such. Hopefully they’ll take pity on me and clear their schedules.”

              “Fair enough.” Nick looks awkwardly around the room, until his eyes finally meet mine, and I can see how conflicted he feels. “So that’s it, then? We’re just going to zap the zygote and act like nothing happened?”

              “That’s a harsh way to put it, but essentially, yeah.”

              Something in Nick seems to break, and before he can hide his feelings behind a blank mask, I notice he looks incredibly disappointed. He turns toward the door, and mutters, “Okay. I think I’m going to go.”

              “Don’t…” I’m surprised by pleading in my own voice, and the panic setting in at the thought of being abandoned. Normally I’d be kicking myself for that one vulnerable outburst, but at the moment, I don’t care. He might not think I need him, but I know better. “Please don’t leave. I need you here.”

              Nick seems torn between me and the door, but it’s ultimately towards me that he moves. He turns off the light and climbs into bed, I lay on my side, and he wraps his arms around me from behind. A few minutes later, his breathing deepens, and his grip on me loosens slightly. And that’s when the floodgates open. All the bitterness over Michael’s sick game, the strain of tiptoeing around both Nick’s and Alyssa’s emotions, the shock of Navarro’s betrayal, everything I’ve been holding back for so long pours out as I start to crack.

              I haven’t cried in a long time, and I might have avoided it even tonight, but the positive pregnancy test tipped the scales. Tears roll down my face sideways, dripping from my cheek onto my pillow. I try my best not to shake any, but still the shivers come, and I bite into my lower lip to keep from properly sobbing. I may be falling to pieces, but I’m not about to wake up anyone else. I don’t want their pity, or their advice. I just want everything to be the way it was.

Eventually, I manage to pull myself together enough to wipe my face dry and stare silently ahead of me into the darkness. I try to see if I can feel the life stirring within me, but I feel nothing. Without all the pent up emotion, I’m just… empty. And even with the supportive warmth of Nick’s arms around me, in this moment, I can’t help but feel overwhelmingly alone.

***

I don’t remember falling asleep, but I must have. My body feels heavy as I blink away the early morning haze, and it has nothing to do with the fact that Nick’s arm is still draped around me. The weight of all my burdens must be catching up to me.

I roll over so that I’m facing Nick, and he grumbles, but doesn’t wake up. My fingers glide over his face, and this time, I’m not surprised by his warmth. For the first year of our relationship, Nick’s skin was cool as polished stone, and part of me still expects him to feel the same as he used to every time we touch. It’s taken a while, but I think I’m finally accustomed to my normal, breathing, human boyfriend. He may be selfish every once in a while, even a little scatterbrained, and make me crave my own space, but I’m glad he’s here right now.

I groan inwardly when my ringtone starts playing; I’d been hoping for a few more moments of peace. I go to roll over and answer the call, but Nick pulls me in closer, and brushes his lips against mine. I wasn’t expecting him to wake up so quickly, but I kiss him back all the same, reaching behind me for my phone at the same time. When we break apart, I place the phone by my ear, press the answer key, and grumble, “Hello?”

It’s Krystal’s voice that comes out of the speaker half a second later. “Rise and shine, Heather. I need you here.”

“Where? And what for?”

“Emergency meeting with the rest of the clan. You know the place. Get here as soon as you can. We’re starting with or without you.”

The line goes dead, and I drop my phone onto the bed with a sigh. Nick rubs the sleep out of his eyes, and asks, “Who was that?”

“Krystal. Apparently, I have a meeting to attend.”

“Oh… do you need me to go?”

“Not yet. Stick around while I take a quick shower, and I’ll walk you home.”

I grab a towel and some clean clothes, and step into the shower, breathing a sigh of relief as the warm water trickles down my back. I spend a few minutes just standing under the deluge, reflecting on everything that’s happened in the past month or so. Half of me expects Nick to join me and snap me out of my reverie, like he’s been known to do on occasion. But he never does. Instead, I find him waiting patiently on my bed when I return to my room fully dressed. He seems to get the sense that today, I need my space. Nick puts on his shoes as I sit down to do the same, and says, “Ready to go when you are.”

The walk between my apartment and Nick’s condo seems far longer than usual. I try to get a conversation started a couple of times, but Nick doesn’t give me any responses more than a couple of words long. I don’t get why he’s being so distant;
I’m
the one who’s pregnant, he couldn’t possibly understand the panic, or the fear pumping through my veins like shrapnel. Or maybe he does? Maybe it’s not that he sees I need space. He might just need some of his own.

When we say our goodbyes in front of the condo, Nick pulls me into a tight hug, and reminds me to pick up my flowers from the front desk later. I promise to do so, he kisses my forehead, I kiss his cheek, and he turns and steps into the empty lobby.

I walk a few blocks down looking for an empty street, and as soon as I can, I teleport to the Caelestia clan’s meeting place. The bright, tranquil streets of the Upper East Side dissolve around me, and are immediately replaced by a cavernous abandoned subway station that’s fallen into disrepair. No train has actually stopped here in years, but the 6 train still uses the loop to get their downtown trains heading back uptown without a hassle. I’ve been here for a few meetings, but it’s still eerie to see people crowding the crumbling platform, marveling at the old architecture, inhabiting a place that’s usually off-limits.

I spot Krystal standing at the top of the stairs leading towards the old exit, and start pushing towards her before realizing she’s still conducting the meeting. Apparently, I’ve missed the important part; what I’m hearing now is just general announcements about training schedule changes, welcoming statements directed towards new members, and a warning to stay out of the public eye as much as possible. Krystal makes a few closing remarks, and then dismisses us, before vanishing on the spot.

I frown, and look around for someone I know well enough to strike up a conversation with. I catch a glimpse of Alyssa’s rectangular-rimmed glasses, and start pushing through the thinning crowd of fellow clan members to reach her. Over the past year, I’ve learned to ignore the curious stares they cast my way as I pass. I’ve become something of a celebrity in our little underground world since word started spreading that I was what they still call a Conduit. (I’ve grown accustomed to using the term Nephilim more often in my head; it seems far more appropriate now that I know what it means, and accept that it’s who I am.) Ever since, all the spellcasters who know either give me a wide berth, or watch me like they expect me to perform a miracle at any second. As if I would; I tend to keep my powers reigned in until they’re needed.

As soon as I’m close enough to Alyssa, I half-shout, “What did I miss?”

She turns to me, seemingly unsurprised that I missed most of the meeting. “Krystal said the Lost are becoming a problem. They attacked a couple of Caelestia members last night, and they’re in the hospital covered in bruises and burns. They’re in stable condition, but the ambulances got to them before we could, and they can’t exactly explain how they wound up in such bad condition. If people start digging around… that could be bad. For all of us.”

I nod in agreement, my last encounter with the Lost still fresh in my mind. They were no match for me, but I could see how a couple of average spellcasters would struggle with a seven-on-one situation. “So, what’s the plan for dealing with them?,” I ask.

“Avoid them as best we can. Never travel alone, especially at night. Try not to get into a confrontation in public. And let Krystal do the investigating.” Alyssa pauses and adds, “A lot of people seemed to think it would also be a good idea to kick me out of the clan.”

“What?! Why?”

“They think I might be a spy for the Lost, just because I used to be Selene’s favorite.”

I can’t say I’m surprised people would think along those lines. Even without knowing how Selene took her in from the streets and kept her clothed and fed, the rest of Alyssa’s old clan would have seen her getting preferential treatment. “That’s stupid of them,” I assure her, “you’re clearly on our side.”

“Glad someone gets that.”

“While we’re on the subject though… there’s something I’ve always wondered.”

              “What’s that?”

              “Why
didn’t
you leave with the rest of the loyalists? I thought Selene was good to you.”

              Alyssa shrugs, and her eyes lock on to mine as she answers. “She was, but the second she became a threat to you, I knew I couldn’t afford to be on the same side as her. You’re my first choice. Always have been, always will be.”

              My face flushes, and I drop my gaze to the ground. I get the feeling we’re no longer talking about loyalty. Normally, I’d change the subject or retreat, but somewhere in me, I find the courage to ask, “Then why are you dating someone else?”

              There’s a brief pause, and I look up in time to see the conflicted look on Alyssa’s face, before she adopts a blank expression. “Last time I checked, you were dating someone else too. I may choose you first, but I refuse to wait for you, or make you my only option.”

              Her words hit me like a dull blow to the stomach. Even so, I know it would be stupid of me to expect her to wait, just as much as it would be stupid of her to expect there to be anything to wait
for
. Especially now that mine and Nick’s genes are combining and replicating within me as we speak.