Shaxoa's Gift (5 page)

“Well whatever it is, I’m definitely glad
he’s leaving me alone for now.”

Talon echoed my sentiments.

Spotting the sign directing me onto highway
two-sixty-four, I signaled for a right turn and headed for the
Arizona border. A few stray manufactured homes and adobe brick
houses still dotted the landscape, but soon even those would
disappear. Now that we were away from the city, Talon came in
closer to the highway. Falling back into his scouting pattern, the
cougar darted from tree to tree.

Instead of the two and a half hours I had
predicted, we rolled off the highway towards Hano just before
midnight. The old road was in desperate need of a few repairs. I
rode in darkness, the single headlight of my bike cutting a swift
path. Slowly the dark outline of a town started to grow ahead of
me. Easing off the accelerator, I pulled to the side of the road.
Talon was next to me in an instant.

“This is it?” he asked.

“This is Hano.”

“It is smaller than I expected,” Talon
said.

“San Juan used to be this small, before the
casino,” I said. Looking at the town I guessed that it held a few
hundred families, definitely less than a thousand people. I missed
how simple life used to be. Once, I had known almost every person
in my home town. Back then, all I had to worry about was feeding
the sheep. I feared that simplicity would never return.

“Well,” I said, “I guess we better find
somewhere to sleep. Did you see anything coming in?”

“The others have already found a defensible
spot,” Talon said.

“Let’s hope we don’t need the defensible
part,” I said. “I really need some sleep tonight.”

4: Reassurance

My mother had urged to me go to sleep, but
after being trapped by the Shaxoa's potion, sleep was the last
thing I wanted. What I really wanted, and needed, were answers. My
mother patiently answered every question I asked for the second
time, except the ones about my father. All she would say about him
was that he would be dealt with, and that I shouldn’t worry about
it.

Finally, my exhausted mother excused herself.
She held back her regret at leaving me behind, but I knew she
understood why I needed to stay. Sophia had left soon after our
talk in the kitchen to check on little Josiah Black, who had been
down with a respiratory infection for the past few days. I sat at
the kitchen table, unsure of what to do with myself. The soft thud
of Lina Crowe’s crutches pulled me from my chair.

“Mrs. Crowe,” I exclaimed, “what are you
doing? You’re not supposed to be walking around.” I hurried to her
side. She took my arm with a smile and I helped her to the
table.

“Contrary to what Sophia may think, she is
not my mother,” Lina said. “I’m fine walking around a little bit.”
Her smile was warm, but her eyes were still red and swollen from
crying. She was worried about her son, too.

“You really don’t mind if I stay here for a
little while?” I asked.

“Of course not. I’ll be glad for the company,
actually.” Smiling, she said, “Sophia can get a little bossy.”

“Really, I’ve never noticed,” I said with a
laugh. It felt good to smile, even if it was at a joke said only to
make me laugh.

“It will be good to have you here,” Lina said
seriously. “I know he’ll be back.” Her eyes darted away, and I
wondered how sure she really was.

“Do you?”

Lina’s eyes fell back on me, her lip
quivering. “I wasn’t at first,” she admitted. “When I spoke to him
in his room, I had the feeling he was about to do something very
dangerous. When he said he couldn’t live without you, he really
meant it. I think he was going to…I don’t know what exactly, but I
knew it wasn’t good.”

Her hand slipped gently into mine as a
dread-filled numbness spread through me. She thought Uriah was
going to…Taking a deep breath, Lina squeezed my fingers tightly. “I
tried to say something to him that would change his mind. I tried
to tell him that no matter what happened, he was strong enough to
make it through this, but he just looked at me and said ‘I don’t
know if I believe that.’ I know it was wrong of Quaile to lie to
Uriah, but whatever she said to him before he left, she kept him
from doing whatever he’d been planning. I just want him to come
home safe.”

“So do I,” I said. I was shocked, listening
to her words. Would Uriah really try to hurt himself? He had always
been so strong. What had he been through in the past few days to
drive him to such a desperate point? Quaile undoubtedly had the
answers I wanted, but she had said I had to do this on my own. Even
still…I had tried calling her after dinner. It rang and rang with
no answer. The only other person who really knew what had happened
was Cole, and he wouldn’t be back until tomorrow night at the
earliest. Frustration welled inside me once again. The unanswered
questions were almost as bad as being trapped.

Brushing her tears away, Lina attempted to
smile through her worries. “It will be good to have you here. We
can remind each other of Uriah and help one another through this.
Uriah thinks I’m stronger than he is, but I’m not strong enough to
go through this again. I’m glad you’re staying with me, because I
need someone to help me while he’s gone. I can’t bear to lose him
too.”

Pulled from my seat, I rushed to her side. I
kneeled next to her. Lina wrapped me in her arms. We sat there,
crying for all the pain and confusion we could do nothing to solve.
Eventually the tears ran out. We sat together for a few more
minutes, neither of us wanting to be alone.

The soft creak of the front door opening
pulled me out of Lina’s embrace. Rubbing my eyes, I stood, ignoring
the pain in my legs from kneeling so long. Uriah’s mother dried her
eyes as well. Her quiet smile was a little stronger now. “Thank
you,” she whispered. I could only nod. I needed her support even
more than she needed mine.

“Lina Crowe, I told you to stay in bed,”
Sophia said. Her mouth turned down at the sight of us. “How is your
leg ever going to heal if you don’t sit down and rest once in a
while?”

I couldn’t help but smile. Sophia could
always be counted on to offer her opinion. The problem was, she was
almost always right. “I’ll help you back to your bed, Mrs. Crowe,”
I said.

“Claire, please don’t call me Mrs. Crowe.
I’ve told you a dozen times it makes me sound like an old lady,”
she complained.

Uriah’s mother had been asking me to call her
Lina for the past year and a half. I felt strange talking to her
like a friend from school, but a friend was exactly what I needed.
What I really wanted to call her was “Mom,” and I held fast to the
hope that one day I would be part of her family. “I’ll try not to,”
I said.

She was still sleeping in the living room.
She had stayed on the couch after she was injured so she could be
near the fire, and have easier access to the kitchen and bathroom.
Plus, I had the suspicion it made it easier for Sophia to keep an
eye on her. Lina’s walk was slow and shuffling, but she seemed
determined to make it back to the couch with as little help as
possible.

“What are you two even doing up? It’s after
midnight,” Sophia said.

I glanced at the clock on the fireplace
mantel and was surprised to see that she was right. I didn’t
realize how quickly time had passed. Suddenly, I did feel tired. I
wondered where Uriah was. Was he already asleep? Was he as scared
as I was? Even though I wanted him near me, I hoped he was safe,
and that whatever he was doing would bring him back to me.

“Now where are you going to sleep? Sophia
asked me.

“Oh, um, I don’t know,” I said. I knew where
I wanted to sleep, Uriah’s bed, but I was afraid to ask. Normally,
I wasn’t allowed to spend much time in Uriah’s room. I knew his
room, his bed, would hold his familiar scent, and I was aching to
be surrounded by it.

“Why don’t you take Uriah’s room?” Lina said.
“I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

“Thank you,” I said with tears in my eyes.
Slipping into a pair of pajamas and crawling into Uriah’s bed was
exactly what I needed. I stepped away, eager to wrap myself in
Uriah’s scent. A sudden thought made me pause. “I don’t even have
any clothes or a toothbrush.”

“I have a few extra toothbrushes in the
bathroom,” Lina said. “Sophia, would you mind getting her one?”
With a quick nod, Sophia left the room. “Sophia can take you by
your house tomorrow so you can get whatever you need.”

“Thank you,” I said again.

Sophia was back quickly, a brand new
toothbrush in her hand. “Now both of you had better get to bed,”
Sophia said.

Hugging both women appreciatively, I walked
slowly back to Uriah’s bedroom. Getting some of my questions
answered had proven an effective distraction, but that reprieve
couldn’t last forever. Finally left alone with my unbearable
thoughts and feelings, I hesitated. Ever since Daniel had been
ushered away, I had been fighting the strange compulsion to run
after him. Intent on finding answers, the feelings had been pushed
to the back of my mind, a dull throbbing.

Standing in the hallway with no other
distractions, the pull of the bond came rushing back full force.
The shock nearly forced me to my knees. Gripping the door frame, I
closed my eyes, taking deep steadying breaths. For a few seconds
that seemed to help, but out of the darkness came Daniel’s
familiar, smiling face.

His expression watched me, smiling with such
pure devotion. But it can’t possibly be real, I thought to myself.
There was no reason behind our love. Even though I had dreamed
about him for years, not knowing who he was, they were only dreams.
They weren’t real. “I can’t fall in love with a dream,” I said
defiantly. The darkness, of course, had no reply. A sob broke out
of me and I fell against the doorframe for support. I tried to
force Daniel away, to bring Uriah to me instead, but I just
couldn’t seem to push him out of my mind.

Snapping my eyes open, desperate to get rid
of his image, I was finally free of Daniel’s face, but the desire
to flee Uriah’s quiet home threatened to break me. Gritting my
teeth so hard my jaw began to ache, I forced myself to release the
doorframe. Taking a single step forward, I felt my resolve
strengthen, even if only by the smallest degree.

It was only a few more steps to reach Uriah’s
room, but the struggle to get there was exhausting. Every second, I
was forced to battle feelings for Daniel and my desire to reach the
shelter of Uriah’s bed. Sweat beaded on my forehead and tears ran
down my cheeks. When I finally stepped into the room, I felt like I
had truly triumphed over the Twin Soul bond.

Surrounded by Uriah’s belongings, I felt
Daniel slip away enough to allow me to think clearly again. With as
much time as Uriah and I had spent together, I had actually spent
very little time in his bedroom. While his parents loved me, they
were strict about us staying in the common areas of the house.
Standing among Uriah’s favorite books and possessions made me feel
closer to him.

Sitting at his desk, I drank in the details
of the room, even the scents and sounds that surrounded me. My
brother’s room was never anything short of a disaster area, but
while Uriah’s was not exactly spotless, it was neat and ordered.
CD’s were arranged on a shelf above his desk, ranging from his most
to least favorite. Five of the first eight cases held albums I had
given him over the past year and a half.

I smiled thinking of my own CD collection. My
top favorites were gifts from Uriah as well. I considered slipping
his Coldplay CD into the stereo, but my chest tightened at the
thought. The music I truly wanted to hear was not on any CD, but in
Uriah’s voice. The simple song was a lullaby he sang to me when
life seemed too overwhelming for me to face. He didn’t actually
write the lullaby, but it seemed to capture his love for me as if
it had come straight from his heart.

Once I had asked him what the name of the
lullaby was, but he didn’t know. It was a song his maternal
grandmother had sung to him as a child. The lyrics spoke of love
and devotion so pure and right that they always calmed any fear or
anger I had. The song was meant to be sung by a parent, to a child,
but with a few simple alterations, Uriah had changed it into a love
song meant only for me.

I wondered if Uriah knew how badly I needed
that reassurance as I sat in his room. I had faith that wherever he
had gone and whatever he was doing, he was doing it for me, for us,
but I needed him so badly. I felt so divided, and I was terrified
that I was not strong enough to hold myself together without
Uriah’s strong arms around me.

Reluctantly, I pushed the lullaby to the back
of my thoughts and glanced around for something else to occupy my
mind. Searching the desk, I realized that his laptop computer was
still sitting there. Being responsible for running the ranch now
that his father was gone, Uriah had decided to enroll in online
courses instead of leaving San Juan Pueblo for college. As a
graduation gift, my mother, Cole, and I had gotten him the computer
so he could keep up with his classes more easily.

A subtle pulse of fear ran through me. What
did it mean that he left it behind? Had he given up on any kind of
future for himself like his mother suggested, or did it mean he
planned on coming back and taking classes. Did he believe he would
succeed at whatever he was doing? Would we ever be together again?
Maybe it didn’t mean anything. He ran off so quickly, planning to
leave me behind and then promising he would be back. Maybe he
didn’t even think about the laptop. I was just so desperate for any
kind of hint or reassurance that I was probably searching for clues
where there weren’t any to be found. I wished Uriah was here to
explain everything. I felt lost without him.