Shhh...Mack's Side (17 page)

Normally he would have come to my mouth with his cock. He didn’t do that. He slid out of his clothes and caressed my body with his. He felt amazing, he belonged there in so many wrong ways. Kyle made slow
, passionate love to me, prolonging it for as long as he could. We kissed the entire time and grinded into one another, matching the tempo with our hips.

Kyle was also the only one who I could do this with
, too. I curled my naked body close to his and we ate chips and dip, watching black and white romance movies. AJ hated them. I tried to have one of these nights with him. He turned it to basketball and I read.

Kyl
e and I watched the old movie,
A Patch of Blue
about a blind girl who fell in love with a black man. It was one of my favorite old movies.

“I haven’t watched one of these things in forever,” I explained, loving the feel of being in his arms again, just like it had been when I was younger and couldn’t sleep. I think Kyle listened for me to get up when I was staying with Gia. We would snuggle just like this in his own house, right under Melanie’s nose.

Kyle made love to me again once the movie was over and then again before we parted ways. Just like we had before I left for college, Kyle and I promised we would never see each other again after that night. That was the last time we were going to allow ourselves to be around one another. We couldn’t. It was another one of those things that was best left in the past. As long as we could get away with it, it would never be a past. 

I never told
AJ what I did, and I did what I could do to pretend it never happened, that Kyle didn’t exist. We were happy. I might have even mentioned AJ to my mother a time or two. She was ecstatic, even when I tried to tell her it wasn’t serious.

Morning sickness doesn’t always hit the first trimester. I was three months pregnant before I found out. I was in the office, trying to pay attention to a slide show one of the reporters was showing me. I felt the weakness travel from my toes to my stomach. Covering my mouth I darted to the bathroom where I deposited the first sign of little Cara growing inside me. 
                            AJ was so happy. He was on the phone telling his mother before we ever left the doctor’s office. This wasn’t in my plans. I didn’t want to be pregnant. I couldn’t be pregnant. Things weren’t right. Not yet. I needed more time. I went home and drank wine that day. A lot of wine. AJ had to do the coverage for the local hockey game. He reluctantly left me sick on the sofa. I was over the pregnancy sickness. This was a sickness I couldn’t stop, and maybe the wine counteracting with my meds. This sickness started years ago.

The weeks passed, turning into months, and I had a tiny person growing in my belly. I could feel her move. Pregna
ncy for me wasn’t like most women. I had to be carefully monitored and the low doses of medication to keep me stable and my baby safe wasn’t enough. I missed a lot of work during those months, something I never did. I didn’t miss because I was sick. I missed because I was crazy and over the moon hypersexual. I guess the hormones mixed with my condition intensified my cravings.

Poor AJ didn’t get a break. If he wasn’t inside my pants my fingers were. I couldn’t help it. It was an urge that I couldn’t control. I had more orgasms in those few months than I did my entire life I think. AJ was great. He tried to keep me satisfied, he just couldn’t keep up. His male p
arts didn’t recuperate as fast as I needed them to.

I still hadn’t told my mother. AJ was getting upset that
I hadn’t told my parents, but he didn’t understand. I didn’t have parents like his. My parents would never be the grandparents every little baby deserved. This baby would hardly know them, just like me. I saw my grandparents once every couple years. I didn’t know them from Adam.

“I’m afraid to leave you,” AJ said after our routine baby doctor visit
that had just turned into a nightmare.

“I’m okay. I’m just going to rest for a little bit. Go cover your basketball game. I’m fine. There’s nothing we can do tonight.”

“She’s going to be okay, McKenzie. I promise you. Our baby girl will be perfectly fine.”

I didn’t reply. I smiled up at him, willing the tears to stay put, at least until he was gone.

“Will you call your parents?”

“Yes,” I lied. I couldn’t. Not now.

I got drunk that night. A whole bottle of wine. I was planning on telling my mother, but it was too late, and little Cara was sick. I was scared. I was scared for so many reasons. What had I done now?

She needed more time
, she wasn’t ready yet and I was going to be on bed rest for the next three months. A team of doctors would be there waiting to take her the moment she took her first breath. I had never in my life stayed in bed for that long. Unfortunately, I wasn’t one of those teens that could sleep half the day away. That was Gia. That girl could break records for how many consecutive hours of sleep she could sleep. I needed to let my mom be here. She would never forgive me. I planned on it. I really did. I was going to call her the next day. She was going to be devastated that I was six months pregnant and hadn’t told her yet.

“You scare me when you call me,”
AJ answered his phone on the first ring.

“
AJ, something’s wrong,” I cried, doubled over. I couldn’t go to the hospital yet. I was drunk. They would know. I was going to quit right after this bottle. Could you be arrested for child endangerment while you were accommodating a child? This was all my fault. She was sick because of me, and now she was being forced into a world three months early.

I
barely got to see her. She was born vaginally thirty minutes after we arrived at the hospital. She was so tiny, and, and, she was a tiny, Gia. There wasn’t a trace of AJ in her sweet little cheeks. She was an Edwards if I ever saw one. AJ was such a trooper. He never left my side, not until she was in my arms. He looked at me with a hurt look, and then down to my very white baby. He knew.

I didn’t even realize I’d been screaming. They took her away. I barely got to see her.

“Bring her back! She’s mine. She’s mine!”

I’m not sure what woke me, the shr
ill cry from my own voice or Mr. Nichols shaking me. What the hell was I doing under the bed? How did I get here? Why was I screaming?

“Get the fuck out. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

My stomach scraped along ages of grime and grunge while Mr. Nichols slid me out by my ankles. I was crying, clutching little Cara in my arms.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Nichols. I’m so sorry,” I cried over and over.
“I’m sorry you lost your little Cara because of me. I’m sorry I did that to you.”

“Did what, McKenzie? Do you even know who the fuck you are anymore?”

Mr. Nichols tried to take Cara from my arms. I screamed the bloodiest, ear piercing, most penetrating scream I could muster. It scared the hell out of me. He wasn’t taking her. I’d lost her once. Nobody was taking her from me again.

“Jesus, okay, okay,” he said, backing up with opened hands. “This is so fucked up. This is not what we’re supposed to be doing. I didn’t bring your stupid ass here to watch you go whacko.”

“You can do what you want. You want to do stuff to me? You can,” I offered, spreading my legs to my open sex. “Look. Look at me, Mr. Nichols.” He didn’t look, he stood and turned away from me. I closed my legs right away. He wasn’t interested. It was at that moment I thought about why I did that. I always made guys look at me down there before sex. Every time. Why?

“Yeah, that’s what I planned. That’s exactly what I was going to do. I was going to ruin your life the way you ruined mine, keep you here for seven years, fuck you in unimaginable ways, and bring you down from your successful city job, your high rise apartment, and your cute little boyfriend. Colton.”

Mr. Nichols had been doing some homework. I stood, realizing I was holding the creepy doll again. I left her on the floor and then moved her to the bed. I shouldn’t take my frustrations out on her. None of this was her fault. “I’ll have the number two with coke.”

“What?!
” Mr. Nichols asked with frowned eyebrows.

“Nothing, you were saying?” What the hell was that? Who the hell even said it? Jesus, Mack. Are you trying to get put back in the hospital?
Stop. Just don’t think. Stop thinking. You’re making no sense. Just stop. I pep talked myself, trying really hard to hear what Mr. Nichols was saying.

“You both made it so fucking easy. Guess what, Mack? Nobody is fucking looking for you. Nobody cares about you or your fucked up friend.”

“What do you mean? What’s wrong with Gia?” I asked, concerned.

He snorted and ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know who’s in the worse shape, her or you.”

“Did you hurt her?” I asked defensively.

He shook his head with a sigh. “Nothing that she didn’t beg for. She’s into the pain shit, who would have guessed?” he asked himself more than me. “Why, Mack?”

“It got out of hand. We didn’t know all this was going to happen. We would have never taken it that far. There’s not a day gone by that I haven’t regretted that decision. It just spread too much, and when the news picked up the story, and the pickets and riots started, and Gia and I were all over every newspaper and news channel on television. We couldn’t say we lied. We didn’t know what to do.”

“You lied. You sent me to prison for seven years. My daughter is
almost thirteen years old. She doesn’t know me. She calls another man daddy, Mack. Do you have any idea what that does to me? You and Gia planned this, you set me up, for what? Grades, your future with Gia? A state championship? Was it worth it, Mack?”

“No,” I said, dropping my head.

“Why?”

His voice held so much desperation. I wanted to make it better for him. I wanted him to have his years back, to erase time and get a replay. He deserved a replay.

“I don’t know, we were young, stupid, we didn’t know what to do after it took off like it did. I’d change it if I could. I promise I would.”

“Yeah, well
, it’s a little late for that. Come on, let’s go to the creek.”

I looked back to Cara, wondering if she’d sleep long enough for me to shower. I shook it off, seeing the old doll, plastic arms and legs straight out. Mr. Nichols helped me stay stable. He made Cara not real. I didn’t want to be alone anymore.

Just like I’d always presumed, Mr. Nichols was what I needed to hold me together. Wait. What does that mean? Never mind. I walked around the dingy, spirit infested room in a daze most of the time. My time with Mr. Nichols was the only thing I looked forward to. I don’t know if I would say I was bored, I wasn’t, I don’t think. Cara was enough to keep anyone busy. I was just, lonely I guess. I loved Cara, I just couldn’t handle much more of the Barney song, or the Itzy Bitzy Spider. I was going to go insane soon. Wait. Scratch that last sentence.

I sat Cara down when I heard the door being unlocked. I didn’t like the way Mr. Nichols looked at me when I held her. Men. They could be so jealous sometimes. He was sporting a pretty nice shadow of a beard. It was just past the five o’clock kind, maybe like nine o’clock. Carrying a paper sack
, he set it on my bed and stared at me. Silence fell between us and we stood, staring.

Mr. Nichols did look different. He looked lost, hollow, like he’d had enough. He was tired. I imagine that’s why he did what he did. That’s why Gia and I were there. He didn’t care if he got caught. He’d go down with a fight.

“Tell me about Cara,” I spoke, leaning against the windowsill. I saw a hint of twinkle. His eyes lit up a bit. Sitting on the bed with only the springy thing, he ran his fingers through his hair.

“I saw her a couple weeks before we came here. She’s so big,” he smiled, tapping one foot, nervously. Tap. Tap. Tap. “She looks so much like her mom. I hope they have her in basketball. She’s so tall. I played basketball. I was pretty good at it. I’d teach her if I was around.”

“Where did you see her?”

“I went to her. They live in Boston now. Sarah married a Chiropractor there. She’s pregnant, probably pretty close to nine months. I followed them around the entire day at some sort of ice-cream festival. He’s really good with her, you know.” I didn’t respond. He wasn’t really talking to me. Staring down at his fingers, he clicked his thumb nail to the beat of his shoe.

“I’m glad she loves him. I’d hate it if Sarah married somebody that couldn’t love my little girl as much as I do.”

“Can’t you see her? I mean, like face to face. Why did you have to hide?”

“I’m a registered sex offender. I’m not allowed to go near her. I’m not allowed around my own little girl. Do you know how that feels, Mack?”

“Sort of. Did Sarah believe you?”

“At first,” he said, standing. We were talking like two old friends that hadn’t seen each other for a while, close friends, friends that had a history.

It’s just a doll.

It’s just a doll.

It’s just a doll.

I chanted over and over in my head, watching Mr. Nichols pick her up. She didn’t really like men. I think their deep voices scared her. Noticing the dampness form in my palms, I wished he’d put her down.

“It wasn’t until the evidence started being disclosed that she started to doubt me. How’d you do it, Mack? How long did you have it all planned?”

“It wasn’t planned. Can you put her down?” I blurted. I had to. The urge was too strong to stop it.

Phew.

“There is no way this wasn’t premeditated. Nobody could think up all that you two did in a few hours.”

“We did. I swear. I wish it was premeditated. Maybe if it was, we would have had time to rationalize how stupid it was.”

“You were right there at the prefrontal cortex development age. You should have stayed focused on you and not Gia.”

“What?” I asked, wondering what the hell he’d just said.
Full frontal development age? I had breasts long before then. What did he know?

“Nothing,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s just the part of your brain that rationalizes, like senses and danger. It’s no excuse. I tried to justify every possible reason you could have to want to ruin my life like you did. Gia I could understand a little more, you, not so much.”

“What do you mean?”

“You had so much potential. You were so bright and talented. You didn’t belong to that clique.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. The snobby, rich kid bitch.”

I snorted. “That’s exactly what I was.” It was.

“No. That’s what you struggled to be. It was hard for you, wasn’t it, Mack?” Mr. Nichols, accused. “Come to me,” he ordered with narrowed eyes.

I stood just before him, obediently dropping my eyes to the floor. He lifted my chin and kissed my lips. “You did what you had to do to keep a status quo standard. You were never the friend Gia thought you were. Were you, McKenzie?”

“I was
, too,” I defensively replied. 

He laughed some sort of evil laugh. And I was the crazy one. Yeah. Okay. “No. You weren’t. You see, not only did you betray her trust and keep secrets from her, she did it to you
, too. That’s why you didn’t stay friends. That’s why it was so easy to just toss her away when it was all over. Isn’t that right, Mack?”

Mr. Nichols circled me, speaking through that wild voice. The one that made me question his sanity more than mine. “That’s not true. I love Gi
anna. I’ve always loved her. I would do anything in the world for her. Anyone that knows me knows this. Why did you even have to move there? If you would have just stayed away none of this would have ever happened.” Yeah, that was stupid. I was blaming him for what I had done because he took a teaching job at my school.

Mr. Nichols laughed at my silly synopsis. “You think I don’t know. You think teachers don’t hear things? All the kids knew you weren’t putting out
, but don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. I won’t tell.”

“You don’t know who I slept with in High school.”

“I remember this one time in the boys’ locker room. A few of the boys were talking about you and your sidekick, how sweet your little pussies were. One of the guys, Brant, something–you know who I’m talking about, right?” I did, but didn’t reply. “You see, Brant, explained to all the guys that you didn’t really put out. You wouldn’t even let a guy get a finger in. You did, however, give them the bragging rights. You couldn’t even be a real slut, you had to pretend, or were they really not your type. Maybe they weren’t old enough for you,” he taunted.

I didn’t speak. I stood there, half covered in my tattered gown. “I saw you, Mack. I know your secret. Do you know
why Gia doesn’t know? Because of me. Prison gives you time, lots of time, to sit around and think about scenarios.” I had no idea what he was talking about. I still didn’t respond. I let him continue, looking to Cara sound asleep on my bed, wondering what was in the paper sack?

“I’m talking to you, Mack. Do you hear me talking to you?”
Mr. Nichols asked, knocking on my head like I was stupid. I had a quick vision of someone else doing that to me. I was little. Very little.

“Gia doesn’t know what?” I asked
, trying to forget about the wind chimes and the knocking on my little head.

“She doesn’t know about you and her daddy because of me. If I would have let her walk around that corner that night, you would have gone down. Do you know what night I am speaking of, Mack?”

I shook my head. I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. How could he know? We were super careful. Most of the time.

“It was at the Paradise Parade,” he continued and then I knew. I knew exactly what he was talking about. It was
a big deal at Monte Academy. Our private school did it every year. Tickets were sold for a local literacy charity.

The event was big around Shayla Harbor. Tickets sold out the first day. The shows consisted of the pep band doing some crazy routine in the middle of the field. Our squad preformed a standing ovation routine. It was the routine we were going to use at state. It was also the last dance routine Gia and I ever preformed together. It was hot out that day for April, nearly eighty. That was a heat wave, considering two days before I was in a winter coat
and hooker boots.

We were walking off the field, proud of the way our hard work paid off. We were awesome if I do say so myself. My mom and Melanie were selling t-shirts, donated by our fathers’ company in one of the many booths lined around the track.

“Hey, D
ad. Can I get five bucks? I’m thirsty,” I asked, seeing him standing in a circle of guys I knew from his office. Kyle and I glanced at each other and I quickly looked away, worried that Gia had noticed. She didn’t.

“Come on, Mack, there’s Jake and Brandon.”

“I’ll catch up. I’ve got to get something to drink.” Gia bounced off, skipping to Jake.

“You’ll have to go find your mom. I only have a fifty.”

“That’ll work,” I tried with an open hand.

“Ha
ha, go find your mom.”

“Dad, did you just see what we did out there? I should be rewarded,” I whined.

“I did see. I’ve been seeing it with ten other girls in my basement for weeks now. I’ve got the song perfectly carved in my brain. See. See. There it is. Thanks a lot,” he teased. He was right, though. We practiced and practiced some more. When we got tired. We practiced some more. I didn’t complain too much. My meds had just been changed again and these new ones made me more hyper rather than lethargic like the last ones. I had plenty of energy.

“You suck,” I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Come on, kiddo. I’ll get you something. I was getting ready to go find something, too.”

“I’m good. Don’t
worry about me, Dad,” I teased, taking Kyle’s arm. “I have a new dad. I won’t be needing you anymore.” His comrades laughed.

“Great. Can I have my car keys
and credit card back?”

He won. I needed him
to be my dad.

“Go inside the school,” Kyle beckoned, stepping away, creating space between us.

“You’ve lost your mind. No way.”

“Five minutes. Either you go in the school for five minutes and let me touch you, or I’m going to crack and slide my fingers up that tiny little skirt in front of everyone.”

Bam! There it was. That sensation that caused the panties beneath the tiny skirt to instantly moisten. That was another thing about these pills. They made me super horny, or in laymen’s terms, hypersexual. 

“No, Kyle,” I half tried c
onvincing myself more than him.

“Just walk
, go to the cafeteria. It’s dark in there.”

“You still have to buy me something to drink,” I said, walking away from him and right into the school. The hall was empty except for a couple freshmen boys, swappi
ng punches to the arm. Boys were so immature.

Standing just inside the double doors, I waited, looking around for a
ny sign of life. Looking toward the closed gated window by the kitchen, I made sure it was empty, too. Kyle backed me to the nearest corner and crushed my mouth with his. His hands wasted no time, sliding my panties to the side below my skirt.

“You’re always so fucking wet,” he rasped to my lips, grinding his steel rod up my front. I was wet. The sound of his voice made me wet, and the feel of his fingers gliding that wetness up my slit made me even wetter. I cocked my leg, wrapping it around him. Kyle accepted my invitation and moved two fingers in me as far as he could. In and out, pressing on my throbbing clit with his thumb.

“Put your hand over my mouth,” I panted. I was going to scream. Soon. That was another thing with being in this condition. It was simple for me to orgasm, barely took any effort at all. I had done it myself in a matter of a couple minutes more times than I could even count, just to stop the thoughts about it. Two minutes in a bathroom stall while Gia applied eyeliner was all I needed to quiet the urges.

Kyle placed his hand over my mouth and stared with so much depth. I wanted to protest when I felt him fumbling with his jeans. He was going to fuck me right there.
SHIT! Lifting me around his waist with one hand, he slid into me. I moaned, and felt his hand tighten over my mouth, feeling him fill me with every inch. Oh god.

“I watched you,” Mr. Nichols confessed, pulling me from my memories of Kyle. “I watched every fucking second of it. Let’s go,” he ordered, shoving me toward the door. I looked back at Cara and the paper sack. What was in the bag?