Shira (11 page)

“Father hardly spoke to me. By day he was busy at the bank, and in the evening he was with the widow. I was on my own. I invited friends. They didn’t come. When I went to meetings, they avoided me, and those who didn’t avoid me spoke with feigned respect and addressed me as Madame So-and-so, wife of that man. When I was first betrothed, my friends began to keep some distance. Now they treated me as a stranger. I went home humiliated and swore I would never go back, nor would I forgive them. I stayed at home, without father or friends, without joy, without anything.

“One day the old woman appeared. She came in and said, ‘You don’t come to us, so I am coming to you.’ She sat with me, singing the praises of her master, my husband, who had always been a good man but, since I ran away, had become evil. ‘You must, therefore, go back to him, if not for my sake, then for the sake of others. Considering how little goodness there is, every good soul should promote goodness with his own body, all the more so women, who were created solely for the pleasure and benefit of men.’ This is how the old woman spoke. She mentioned the Son of God, who died for mankind and doesn’t harm even those who sin against him. He is generous even with the sinful duchess, so much so that her children, who were assumed to have been killed by the Bolsheviks, were, in fact, alive. Then the old woman praised my husband again and said, ‘What a pity to see this powerful man declining, all because my mistress, his wife, has left him.’

“A little later, that man came himself and talked to me like a merchant discussing business. He said roughly this: ‘Come back to me and stay; I won’t ask anything of you. I want only to be able to see you.’ He sent relatives, men and women, to urge me to go back to him. All this occurred again and again. Sometimes the old woman came, sometimes he came, sometimes all sorts of relatives came. In all this time, Father showed no sympathy. I’m not angry, I’m not complaining. He, of course, had my good in mind, as would any father with an only daughter. Scorning his efforts, I not only caused him pain and torment but prevented him from pursuing his own interests, for, as long as I was at home, the woman was unwilling to move in. And living with her would have been difficult for both of them, because of her son.

“Once Father brought a man home, took him into his room, and closed the door. When they emerged, Father’s face was dark. Father turned to me and said, ‘A splendid turn of events. If he runs off to America, you’ll be lost forever. Do you know what it is to be an abandoned wife? You don’t know, so I’ll tell you. If your husband goes to America, you will never be free as long as you live.’ I wasn’t very familiar with religious law, so I answered Father calmly, ‘What do I care? Let him go wherever he likes, as long as I don’t have to see him.’ Father began pulling at his beard and shouting, ‘God in heaven, isn’t it enough that You plagued me with such a daughter, did You have to impair her intelligence too?’

“The guest calmed Father down and said, ‘Why all the excitement? He’s not running off empty-handed, and if his wife goes with him, she won’t lack for anything either.’ Father repeated this to me: ‘Listen, he’s not empty-handed. Come to terms with him and go along.’

“After the guest left, Father sat for about an hour, in a state of shock. Then he said, ‘Come, let me tell you what made your husband decide to go to America. He was managing the property of the duchess as if it were his own, assuming that her sons were killed by the Bolsheviks. They are actually alive and are on their way here. When they come, they will demand an accounting, which he cannot and does not wish to provide. For him, escape is the best solution. If you don’t go with him, you will be an abandoned wife.’ As I said, I was not familiar with religious law, and I didn’t know that, until my husband handed me a piece of paper called a
get
, I was, by religious law, his wife. When Father realized I was firm in my decision and determined not to go with that man, he didn’t rest until he had prevailed upon him to give me a
get
. I was finally rid of him by Jewish law, having already rid myself of him on my own.

“What happened next? Did the professor want to ask me something? No? I’m surprised. I thought I was about to be interrupted. About six months after the
get
, I decided to come to this country. I didn’t come with my father, who was too deeply involved in his work and various other activities. I didn’t come with my friends from the youth movement, as we were no longer in touch with each other. But my mother’s mother lived in Jerusalem, so I went to stay with her.

“I’ll make a brief digression to explain some things that had happened several years earlier. A Russian boy was arrested for revolutionary activities and escaped to Galicia. He came to a town where he began teaching Hebrew. He set his heart on a student of his, who was the only daughter of a well-to-do family, and married her despite her parents’ objections. That man was my father and the woman was my mother. After a while, Father heard that conditions had improved in Russia. He took me and my mother back to Russia. Mother was homesick. She missed her parents, as well as her town. They sent her money for the fare. She went to visit them. One day, Mother was sitting in the park. A cavalry officer saw her, and, in the course of events, she went off with him. Not long afterward, she died. Her father and mother, wishing to atone for her sin, went up to Jerusalem.

“When I came to Jerusalem, my grandfather was already dead and my grandmother was living in an old-age home. I couldn’t stay with her, since she was in the home, nor could I find myself a room, as I had very little money. I decided to go to a kibbutz. My grandmother began to weep and begged me not to do anything so shameful.

“A rich woman from Hamburg lived next door. She took sick and was planning to leave the country. I looked after her in exchange for room and board. When she left, she took me along as a companion. I went with her to Hamburg. In Hamburg, once again I didn’t know what to do. The woman’s daughters-in-law advised me to study nursing. They helped me out while I was in school. When I completed the course, I was sent to Jerusalem to work in the hospital where Dr. Herbst made my acquaintance.”

Chapter thirteen

W
hile she was telling her story, Herbst was haunted by this question: What sort of people did Shira know between the time she ran away from her husband and the present? Since she was silent, Herbst asked in a whisper, “After you were rid of your husband, you must have known other men?” Shira bit her lip and said, “I’m not someone who answers unwelcome questions. Not that I mean to cover up my past, but an unwelcome question makes me tight-lipped. Will the eminent professor please say if he grasps my meaning.” Herbst was silent, and Shira too was silent.

Finally she laughed and said, “I’ve upset you, now I’m ready to make up. What were you asking? If I knew other men. Is that it? You should say so without embarrassment.” Herbst nodded and said, “That’s roughly what I asked.” Shira said, “Yes, I did know some men.” Herbst asked in a whisper, “And you didn’t run away from them?” She laughed and said, “A big question. In the interim, Shira grew up. I beg of you, dear professor, a mature woman of ample years – and you ask such a question? Now, on a more appropriate subject: Wasn’t it a good idea to walk here? It’s restful, quiet, with a fresh breeze. The moon has even come up. Too bad we didn’t see it rise. How delightful it is here. The moon and stars are in the sky, and we’re alone on the earth.” Herbst peered at her and saw her face inundated with moonlight and smiling, like someone who smiles at himself for wanting what he can never have. He took her hand and was about to kiss her on the mouth. Shira said, “When I said we’re alone here, I didn’t mean to suggest that sort of nonsense.” Herbst was offended and responded with a growl, “Good, good.” Shira said, “What’s good?” Herbst said, “Shira’s mouth, for example.” Shira said, “If so, you should be good too and not do anything that displeases Shira. If there is no man here, then you should try to act like a man, not a boy. If it weren’t so far away, I would find myself a room in this neighborhood.”

“So she wants to move?” Herbst asked. Shira said, “Whether I want to or not, I won’t change my place. And any night, whenever I’m not working, you can find me in my room.” “And tonight?” “Tonight, as you can see, I am walking with Dr. Herbst in this new neighborhood.” “And then?” “Then we’ll go to a restaurant, where you will eat your fill, as Mrs. Herbst requested.” “And after we eat, what then?” “After we eat, the eminent professor will return home, climb into bed, and have good dreams about his good wife.” Herbst asked Shira, “Why did you mention my wife?” Shira said, “Why shouldn’t I? I might as well tell you that I am fond of Mrs. Herbst, and I don’t intend to cause her grief. Now let’s get back to town, go to a restaurant, and eat.” “Good, good,” Herbst answered, irritated. Shira said, “After a good meal, you’ll cheer up, and when you say, ‘Good, good,’ it will be from the goodness of your heart. Why so silent?” Herbst said, “Not at all.” Shira said, “But, you’re not talking.” Herbst said, “You talk like a logic teacher.” Shira asked, “What is logic?” Herbst said, “You did go to school, and you studied logic.” Shira said, “Since the day I left school, I’ve managed to forget everything they taught me. You want to know how many years I’ve been out of school. That I won’t tell. If I did, you’d know my age.” Herbst said, “Even if you don’t tell me, I can figure it out.” “How?” “You were about seventeen when you married, after which, you didn’t return to school. But I don’t know how long it was between the divorce and your second arrival in this country.” Shira laughed and said, “So – despite all your calculations, you aren’t sure.” Herbst said, “You are dear to me even if you’re forty.” Shira said, “I’m not yet forty.” Herbst said, “I didn’t mean to provoke you.” Shira said, “What do you gain by provoking me?” Herbst said, “Forgive me, Shira, far be it from me to provoke you.”

From here on, whenever the two of them were alone, Herbst and Shira addressed each other in the familiar second person.

Shira said, “We’re already at Jaffa Road. Where would you like to eat?” Herbst said, “As long as it’s not where I ate this afternoon.” “Why? Didn’t you like the food?” Herbst said, “Not only did I find good food, but I also found a lovely waitress.” Shira said, “Then let’s go there.” Herbst said, “Aren’t you jealous?” Shira said, “It’s not time for jealousy yet.” Herbst took her hand in his and said, “Forgive me, Shira. Forgive me.” Shira slipped her hand away and took out some powder, which she sprinkled on the tip of her nose. When she returned the powder to her purse, she straightened her eyeglasses and held on to her necklace with her left hand. The moon was bright, and Shira’s face was melancholy.

Chapter fourteen

H
enrietta came home from the hospital, bringing an additional daughter. The little one occupied minimal space, but her presence filled the house. Herbst tried to get back to work and to prepare lectures for the winter term.

He was busy preparing his lectures, and his wife was busy with her child and with the wetnurse. The Fashioner of All Things creates many needy souls with a symmetry that maintains life, giving this one a daughter and that one a daughter. One has no milk for her child; the other has no way to support her family. He brings them together. One nurses the other’s child and is paid for the service, so that each one lives off the other’s flaw. One is from Kurdistan, the other from Germany. Kurdistan and Germany being far from each other, what does He do? He brings them both to Jerusalem, for a Jew’s eyes look to Jerusalem.

Sarini, the Kurdish wetnurse, is a handsome, healthy woman. Her face is dark brown, her hair dark gray. Her shiny eyes are green, her teeth like peeled garlic cloves and harder than rock. She is always laughing, and every year she gives birth. She has already produced eight male children, apart from the daughter we mentioned, all of them alive and healthy. They are no trouble during pregnancy or birth, being aware that none of them is an only child, that, should she wish to, she can produce many more. They don’t trouble her for another reason: it is she who supports them. Their father – which is to say, their mother’s husband – has many trades, none of which provides much income. There are times when he is a scholar in the yeshiva, times when he ties a rope around his waist to be a porter, times when he sells books, times when he does magic. He can look into a glass of clear water and tell if a particular woman was a virgin when she married. And, whispering gently over a pinch of salt and a sugar cube, he can cause you to forget to say the prayer for the new moon. He has many other accomplishments, foremost among them the fact that he is the husband of this prolific, powerful, shrewd woman who supports a houseful of children, besides two sets of parents, and is at war with the Mandate government for obstructing immigration. And, of course, she does her bit at home, so that the seed of our father Abraham will not vanish from the earth. Although Sarini has intelligence and good deeds to her credit, Henrietta has to exert considerable effort to get her to bathe and wear clean clothes, and to provide her with a wholesome diet, since she comes from a neighborhood of tin huts and lives in a dingy room with straw mats for bedding, coarse food, and foul water.

Henrietta is busy with other matters, apart from the wetnurse and the kitchen, such as driving away the goats the Arab shepherds send into the garden. While in the garden, she picks three or four flowers to put in a vase. If they are especially nice, she brings them to Manfred and sets them on his desk. She tiptoes in and tiptoes out again, going back to her pots and her stove until lunch is ready. After lunch, she has a short nap and tends to the remaining tasks, such as mending, ironing, and collecting milk so the baby won’t be hungry when the wetnurse is gone. Since Sarini can’t support her family on what Herbst can pay she has to supplement her income elsewhere. When Henrietta has an extra bit of energy, she goes into town on other business, such as obtaining certificates for her relatives in Germany, and making bank payments. On the way, she stops at the doctor to consult about the baby, at the dentist to have her teeth checked, at the tinsmith to have the kettle repaired, and at Krautmeir, the gynecologist. With all this business to attend to, Henrietta has no time for her husband. Similarly, he, with all his business, has no time for Henrietta. New students from Germany cannot be offered the usual fare; you have to be well prepared, for they come from German schools, where scholarship is serious. They each go their own way: Manfred doesn’t intrude on Henrietta’s domain, and Henrietta doesn’t intrude on Manfred’s.