Shiver the Whole Night Through (19 page)

‘Why didn't he just go with her? Instead of all this eejiting around with rings and pledges, crappy poetry.'

‘Maybe he thought the trek over the mountains was doomed, so it was better at least one of them survived, stayed behind to  …  '

‘To do what he did. Conjure up a demon.'

‘No. That's the part you got wrong. William John
tried
to do that – but failed. Too weak, probably. Starvation, exhaustion, the man would've been half-dead by the time he went to Shook Woods. He left it too late. Should have done it weeks before – probably wanted Eleanor out of the way first.' She smiled wanly. ‘Trying to protect her, I suppose. That's something.'

‘Yeah,' I rasped. ‘A pretty small goddamn something. Go on. McAuley failed. Whereas  …  '

‘Whereas this guy – our villain, let's call him – did a little better. For him, the ceremony worked.'

It was all becoming too real. Mad imaginings and theories were one thing. Even though I knew deep in my gut that they were essentially true, I didn't
know
. I had no hard evidence. Now, though, Sláine was handing me that evidence on a platter. I felt dizzy. I was afraid I'd fall off that bloody cliff edge.

Block out reality. You're still a kid. None of this is happening.

‘He wanted me to know all this,' Sláine said. ‘Not at the beginning, not until now. That's why the ring wouldn't shift before. He's happy for me to know now, which suggests one thing: whatever his plan is, we're coming near to the end.'

A hellish blast of wind whipped up around us. I separated from her and stepped further back into the cave, as far as I could go, which wasn't far. I could still see the cliff, and imagined the terrifying drop off that edge. Definitely not a jump you want to make, Aidan. They'd be scraping you off the rocks with a trowel. I sat, my bum bumping hard on the glassy floor with the groovy subterranean crystal lights.

I said quietly, ‘But how d'you know this stuff? That McAuley messed up, and now someone else is driving the bus.'

‘He came to me.'

I snapped to attention.

‘Last night, after I left the lodge. I went to our other place – the Greek amphitheatre, as you call it. Waiting, not waiting, I don't know. I might have had a sixth sense he would show up  …  '

‘So who is he?'

‘That's the problem,' Sláine said regretfully. ‘I don't know. I'm certain it wasn't William John, but who this guy is  …  ? He didn't tell me. I mean, he didn't exactly walk in there either. More  …  drifted over to me. His spirit, his thoughts, something.'

‘You felt a presence.'

‘Yes, but different to when I died. I told you I felt this great wash of coldness that night, joining me to it. But something organic, as if it possessed a mind. That time, the
thing
– the demon – was more to the forefront, if you know what I mean? It accosted me, with someone, a living man, directing it from the distance. Whereas last night  …  '

‘Our boy was riding the horse.'

She nodded. ‘Pretty much. The demon's spirit was there too, somewhere. Hanging in the air like a bad smell. But the man felt much more
obvious
to me. As though he was out front, and the demon tailing behind him.'

I tutted in fear and disgust. ‘Like a goddamn dog on a lead. Lovely image. So what'd this asshole say? Say, communicate, beam out brainwaves, whatever.'

‘He told me everything except who he was. He's using this supernatural being to kill people, you got that right.'

Realising my ass was in danger of sticking to the ground, I stood. ‘I knew it. Didn't I say I knew it?'

‘Our villain came across William John's writings,' Sláine said. ‘I'm not sure where – it doesn't really matter. My ancestor had kept extensive diaries all his life, written hundreds of letters, even several books although they were never published. Wrote them for himself, I'd imagine. A lot is harmless nonsense, the ravings of a borderline lunatic really. But in the midst of all this
ráiméis
 …  '

‘Granddad left instructions.'

‘He did. Precise directions on how to conjure up demonic forces. This other man found McAuley's work, studied him  …  followed the path until it led to Shook Woods. The forest is the key. It's beautiful – but there's something menacing about it at the same time. Something truly dangerous. Its heart is dark in more ways than one.'

I didn't want to believe that; I'd got quite used to hanging out in Shook, my eerie home from home. I said, ‘So now this creep controls the demon's power.'

‘Or maybe it controls him to some extent. Or they're in some symbiotic relationship, where each needs the other equally. I'm not clear on the specifics.' Sláine frowned. ‘I guess, in a way, he has
become
this devil. It's become him. They're bound together in cold and death. Whichever – that's what he's done.'

Something clicked on in my mind, some dread I didn't want to recognise. ‘Oh my God. Uh  …  Are you  …  one too? Now. Are you  …  ?' My voice had receded to a hoarse croak: ‘A demon.'

‘No.'

‘You're not  … 
involved
in any way? With all this death.' I laughed nervously. The timeline of these cold killings, it struck me, dovetailed to some degree with Sláine's disappearance.

‘Of course not. None of those attacks had anything to do with me.'

I didn't think much of this at that moment, the words just flowing in my ear and out again. In hindsight, though, I should have clocked it, the significance of that word  … 

Anyway, the thought didn't have time to lodge itself in my mind because Sláine was still speaking: she said dryly, ‘You know, most people would have asked
that
question first. About me being a demon?'

‘Yeah, well  …  ' I shrugged. ‘I'm not most people.'

‘No. You're one of a kind, Aidan Flood.'

I bowed. ‘I thank you. So are there others? People who've risen from the dead.'

‘You met one tonight.'

‘Nah, you know what I mean. People who're – the way you are. Thinking, feeling. Powerful.
Improved
.'

‘Like me? I don't think so.'

‘You haven't met any, then? Weren't tearing around with a big gang of beautiful angels all week?'

This time Sláine bowed. ‘No. I told you – I was alone.'

‘Until last night. When our mystery man shows up, still wearing his mask though cos that makes it more exciting I guess, and gives you the full skinny on his evil doings.'

‘Essentially.'

‘Go on, then. Might as well have the whole of it. Before I run shrieking from this mountain top.'

‘He told me what he does, and why he does it.'

‘Do I want to know why?'

‘Why else? Immortality.'

Sláine ghosted over and placed her arm around me. I fixed my vision on that ring on her finger, its long oval shape, the raised image suggesting some type of crystal.

She said, ‘He extends his life by consuming the lives of others. It's as simple and horrible as that. This man is deranged, driven crazy by lust for power and an absolute refusal to admit that death is  …  Natural. Necessary. Life has no meaning without death at the end. Everything must end, that's how it has to be. But he can't see that, or won't. He wants to live forever, and he's prepared to kill for that.'

‘So he drew people out of their homes and took their lives. Like he did with you.'

‘Yes. Some form of telepathy. Thought transference. He kind of  …  squirms in there, you know? Into people's minds. Hypnotises them to leave the sanctuary of their homes. I don't think he has the power to enter buildings any more than me.'

‘What happens to them? Afterwards.'

‘Most of the victims perish,' Sláine said. ‘Just gone forever. Whatever was in them, their soul or spirit, it's devoured by him. The body is left behind, a husk.'

‘What about that yoke who attacked me tonight? She looked pretty full of bloody spirit.'

‘I'm not sure. He seems to be keeping a few  …  animated. But only partly. They're like zombies, unthinking, half-dead. His slaves. I guess everyone in power needs someone to hold it over.'

I nodded slowly. ‘Okay, so again: where do you fit in? You're still here, your soul I mean. And you're definitely nobody's slave.'

‘He obviously has other plans for me. Don't know exactly what yet. Although I'm thinking, why
me
? Why did I turn out like this, but not the others?'

‘That's what I was gonna say  …  ask. What makes you different?'

‘I don't know. All we can be sure of is that this man, and his demonic ally, will keep killing unless they're stopped.'

‘Yeah,' I drawled. ‘Stopping them. That's the part I don't like the sound of.'

She stepped to the edge of the cliff. For an instant I feared she was about to leap off it, swan-dive to some romantic and absurd doom. Then I realised that wouldn't kill her, not in a million years. And Sláine wasn't the romantic-doom type anyway.

I called over, ‘How'd this conversation end? Your little chat with Demon Boy.' I checked myself: ‘little chat'? What was that supposed to mean? I was acting like a jealous idiot boyfriend, and I wasn't even sure if I
was
her boyfriend. I moaned softly. Oh, Aidan Flood, what a life this is you've got.

Sláine grimaced, her teeth bared a fraction, and I could have sworn the ‘lights' inside those crystals underneath my feet pulsed to a brighter shine. She said with a tight voice, ‘He told me to be ready – he'd be coming back for me soon.'

I squeezed my eyes shut, the old child's trick: if you can't see it, it's not really happening. I squeaked, ‘Great,' my words the echo of an echo from some distant part of my heart, unknown, it seemed, even to myself.

I thought the worst of it might be over, for now at least. The howling winds tore strips off my skin and the sky seemed to slide into ever-deeper shades of black and I was tired and shivering and, I belatedly realised, very hungry – when had I last eaten? But still, I can handle it, I told myself. We'll talk it through and get some rest and Sláine will work out a brilliant plan to defeat the bastard and we'll be okay. If that's as bad as this night is going to get, I can deal with it.
We will be okay
.

Unfortunately, that wasn't as bad as it was going to get.

I rolled another smoke and said, to occupy my mind and blot out the horror of all I'd learned, ‘Man. This is  …  just
beyond
the beyond, you know? I wish it wasn't true. I
really
wish you'd've told me I was dreaming. But I'm not, am I? It's all real.'

‘It's all real.'

‘Don't know why I'm surprised. I mean it's inexplicable, people dying of the cold. Nobody could understand it, the Guards, no one. But I knew it had to be connected to you, what happened to you.' I laughed wryly. ‘If only we could figure out those other attacks we'd be on the pig's back. Solve two mysteries at once, then off for a celebratory garlic chips. Bing-bang, job done, thank you and good
night
.'

‘Yeah,' Sláine said hazily. ‘That  …  '

‘Me and Podsy reckoned most of 'em were just some wild animal. It was awful, but I guess things like that are sort of
normal
, you know?' I laughed again. ‘At least it wasn't anything to do with you. God, that'd be too much to take in! What a head-wreck!'

I chuckled some more, then stopped because I noticed that Sláine wasn't laughing along. Something made my throat tighten and my stomach start to wobble. I told them, stop doing that, there's no reason to do that because I'm only talking about wild animals and attacks and Sláine and  … 

And the fact that they all came back to you, Aidan, remember? There was a link that you couldn't make sense of, and other incidents too – freaky ones which couldn't be explained by science or logic – that Podsy didn't know also connected to me but
I
knew. A beautiful angel hovering four flights up. A girl driven mad by whispers inside her head.

And then my world sort of crashed in on itself as Sláine gave a lopsided smile and said, ‘
Actually
 …  it kind of is.'

Time slowed, not quite to a stop but near enough and time didn't matter anyway because I was dissolving into molecules. I was drifting apart into long strings of nothingness under the gargantuan, unpreventable force of this
thing
I was about to find out but deep down knew that I already knew.

Chills along my spine, dryness in my mouth, pressure mounting behind my eyeballs like a tsunami rushing in to break on land. I knew what was coming but didn't want to hear the words. I didn't want to admit it to myself. I
couldn't
. Still the dreaded moment hurtled towards us, it didn't care how I felt. This was almost worse than discovering the truth about that bloody demon and the lunatic who'd raised it. This was like watching a lorry spin out of control, you knew what was about to happen, you'd already
seen
it, and you wanted to stop it but the sick feeling in the depths of your stomach told you there was zero chance of that.

Too late. No escape.

I forced myself to say it: ‘What exactly do you mean by that, Sláine?'

‘I think you know what I mean.'

‘You  …  you did it,' I whispered. ‘You attacked all those kids.'

She nodded. Her expression was impossible to read.

‘The ones who'd bullied me. It wasn't animals at all.'

She shook her head.

‘It was you.'

Sláine nodded again.

‘None of
those
attacks  …  That's what you said, about folks being taken by the cold. None of
those
were down to you, meaning maybe others  … 
were
.'

Another nod.

‘For Christ's sake can't you speak to me?' I spat. ‘Stop nodding like a bloody toy dog. Use words, like a normal goddamn  …  '

I stopped talking. She placed her hand over mine. It was freezing, like an ice pack placed against my skin, yet the touch was oddly comforting. So, I realised, this may not have changed anything. This terrible revelation, and yet it appeared I still loved Sláine. I wondered what that said about me. I wondered if I believed in the soul – and whether or not mine was damned.

I pulled my hand away and fell to the ground, quivering like a newborn calf. I thought I'd throw up if this tension wasn't released soon. Better to know it all now, I thought. Better to know the worst than imagine it.

I said, ‘Tell me.'

Sláine said flatly, ‘I assaulted those boys and girls who'd bullied you. One at a time, quickly, violently, without remorse then or since. And I did it for you.'

For
me
. Oh Jesus, don't say that. Don't tell me this at all. Say I'm imagining it, I'm hallucinating, we're stuck in a nightmare together but don't worry, we'll wake soon and this will have never happened.

Except it did. And you know it, Aidan. No more squeezing your eyes shut. No more kids' tricks. It's time, as they say, to put away childish things.

I mumbled, ‘Go on.'

This time, I swear, the lights at the heart of those underfoot crystals really did flare up, glowing like the three mouths of Cerberus the devil-dog, as Sláine said vehemently, ‘Revenge. Pure and simple. Mankind's basest instinct in some ways, yet one of our most sublime pleasures too  …  I did it so you could have revenge.'

‘Pleasure?' I said weakly.

‘All right, pleasure is too strong. I won't deny it gave me some satisfaction, though, getting payback. But please believe me, I did it with the best intentions.'

‘The road to hell,' I recited in a monotone, ‘is paved with good intentions.'

Sláine ignored this. Instead she said, ‘I knew how far to go. I didn't cross that final line.'

‘Tch.
How
did you know?'

‘I just did. Nobody died, did they? And nobody will.' She added playfully, ‘Al
though
 …  ' and clicked her tongue in a way that annoyed me intensely. How could she be so flippant about this?

I growled, ‘Although what?'

‘I'd gone through them all, one by one, until there was just one more on my list. Your old sweetheart Caitlin. With her silly name and pretty green eyes. I was leaving her until last. She hurt you the worst, so it was appropriate to finish with her. And I think – yes, I'm almost sure – I intended to kill her. Her death would make the perfect ending. Of course, I didn't. I left before that could happen, and Caitlin escaped.'

I glared at her. ‘Man, the way you said that. Just recited it off, like you were reading the ingredients on a soup carton.'

‘I nearly
did
kill John Rattigan. I tore him asunder and at that moment, honestly? I didn't care whether he survived or not. I didn't care.'

A warm look came to Sláine's eyes, and I remembered again who she was. I remembered that girl I'd fallen in love with.

‘Aidan, don't you get it? That's why I left. I was afraid I couldn't control it any more. Especially with Rattigan, it was almost a taste in my mouth, but the attacks were all getting increasingly violent, I felt more rage, it was becoming uncontrollable  …  I needed to be on my own, because being around
you
made this fury rise in me, again and again.'

‘Don't blame me for this.'

‘I'm not. I'm trying to explain. You're the source of my power, but I guess everything has a flip side. So you're the source of my rage too. I was afraid to make contact for the last week. I wanted to, so
badly
. It physically hurt me to be away from you. But  …  it was necessary.'

‘Yet here you stand.'

‘I
had
to come back – to you.'

I shook my head, rose and started stomping about the cave. I'm sure I looked like a Neanderthal but didn't care. Just as, it appeared, Sláine didn't care about these awful things she'd done.

‘Don't you feel bad about it at all?' I muttered over my shoulder.

‘Of
course
I feel bad,' she said. ‘I'm not a monster. But I don't regret doing it, my love. I won't ever regret it. They deserved what happened. They did you a terrible wrong. Don't worry, I made it quick. Nothing sadistic about it. I just – hurt them. Like they hurt you. I mean it might have
been
a wild animal, for all they knew. And if an escaped lion attacked those kids, would you be making moral judgments? You'd say it was awful but there you go, these things happen. Well, this happened. Look, I didn't get a big kick out of doing it – but I'm glad I did. It was
right
, Aidan. Natural justice demanded it, every bit as much as nature demands the lion kills its prey.'

‘It wasn't a lion, though. That's the whole point. It was you. The girl who  …  the one I love.'

‘Love? Not past tense, then?'

I lied: ‘I don't know.'

‘Can you accept this? You had the right to know. Can you accept it? And me?'

‘I said I don't
know
.' Another lie.

Oh, Sláine, oh, sweetheart. My dream, my ghost, my guardian angel and personal demon. What have you done?

What have
we
done?

‘How did you know who the bullies were?' I said. ‘I don't think I mentioned any names besides Caitlin and Rattigan.'

She shrugged. ‘Just did. I'm not sure how, exactly. Maybe I read your mind. And saw your deepest desire. Something you wanted so badly but couldn't admit to yourself.'

I flapped my hands wildly, like that stupid raven waving its wings. ‘Whoa, whoa. I didn't want anyone badly
hurt
, Sláine. I might have hated them, but holy shit. Not hospitalised, for God's sake.'

‘Didn't you? All right, then. I'll take you at your word. And I'll stop.'

‘Yes. Stop, please.'

‘You want Caitlin to go unharmed? Definitely, no doubt in your mind.'

‘Yes.
Yes
.'

She laughed, as sparkling and beautiful as the first time I heard it. ‘To sail on through life, and enjoy the happiness she stole from you? The
life
she almost stole. Do you remember the bridge, how you felt standing there?'

I recalled the few conversations I'd had with Caitlin in recent months, when she'd tried to reach me and I'd blown her off. I suppose she was attempting to make amends. But goddamn it, I thought now, she didn't need to. None of them did. That was all in the past, there was nothing to atone for any more, no revenge had to be taken. I just wanted the whole sorry saga to  …  die.

I said, ‘I don't think she is that happy. Caitlin, I think she's wracked with guilt about what she  …  what happened between us. But I don't feel good about that. I don't
want
her unhappy. It doesn't matter to me now. And I don't want her hurt. She can carry on with life, let her off. That's what we should have done with all of them. Just let them off to Jaysus.'

‘You're saying “we” now.'

I snapped, ‘Just a figure of speech.'

Was I as much to blame as Sláine? I didn't think so. But that didn't stop me feeling awful about what had gone down – and the fact that hearing all this hadn't changed my love for her. I don't think anything could have by this stage. I hated what she'd done, I feared what she was capable of  …  and I loved her just as much and would go on loving her. I guess the heart doesn't get to choose these things.

I laughed bitterly. ‘Had you any plans to tell me about this? Like, drop it into conversation at some stage: “By the way, I've been on a rampage of vengeance against a bunch of kids, so, uh, just thought you'd like to know.”'

‘I'm telling you now.'

‘What about the Guards? What might happen to me? They had me down for it, you know. Brought me in the other day and fired a pile of questions at me. I could have been flung in jail.'

‘You weren't.'

‘I
could
have. I was a good suspect. All these kids turn up cut to bits, kids I'd a reason to hold a grudge against  …  Hell,
I
would have suspected me.'

‘No,' Sláine said firmly. ‘What evidence did they have linking you to any of it? None, because you hadn't done anything. But you're right, I should have thought of that. It caused a problem for you, and I'm sorry about that.'

‘But not about actually doing the deed, right?'

‘Afraid not.'

I sighed loudly, feeling beaten and beat. Maybe what she'd said held a splinter of truth. Maybe an evil part of me wanted something awful to befall them.

‘Probably some bit of me was glad when those bastards got what was coming,' I confessed. ‘I don't know any more. But  …  I do want you to stop. Please.'

I looked at her, imploring. Sláine said gently, ‘You don't have to plead. You've said it, so that's how it'll be. I'll do whatever makes you happy.'

‘Yeah. Okay. Can we go now? I mean  …  Ugh. I don't even know where we're gonna go. Or what we're supposed to do. But I don't want to stay here any longer, if that's all right.'

‘In one minute. Listen, I have to say this: I still have a sense of right and wrong. I need you to know that. But it's  …  changed now. I'm more harsh, I suppose, in my feelings towards others. Less forgiving. I used to be a real softie, always quick to forgive. Now I see things in black and white. Literally, but in the emotional sense too.' She thought for a moment. ‘When you die as a person, I guess a lot of that hesitation and ambiguity dies with you. Heh. You might say I take a
colder
view now. But absolutely, I still have a – moral code. I'm not evil, Aidan. I wouldn't hurt just anyone; I
didn't
. Only those who deserved it  …  Well. Got what they deserved.'