Silas (17 page)

“
You did,” she
said.

“
Never touched you
neither.”

“
You were a perfect
gentleman,” she said. But her voice was strained.

“
Christa,” I said. “It’s
like Emmett says. Things are never black and white.”

She made a disbelieving
little noise. “Easy for you to say. You’re an assassin. So I guess
you killed people too.”

“
Yeah,” I said. “I did. But,
you know, so did Griffin. And so has Leigh. And Sloane. Basically
everyone I know.”

“
What?” Her voice grew
high-pitched. “Griffin?”

“
You didn’t actually think
he was in a coma all that time, did you?”

“
Yes,” she said. “I
did.”

“
Well, he wasn’t. He was
working for Op Wraith, just like I was. But because of him, the
whole operation has been completely destroyed. He went in, up
against the whole place, and he dismantled it. He’s a good guy,
your brother.”

“
Who killed
people.”

“
He didn’t want to,” I said.
“He doesn’t like doing it, you know. He’s not like—” I broke off,
realizing it probably wasn’t wise to finish that
sentence.

“
Like who?” she
said.

I sighed. My voice was
quiet. “Like me.”

“
Fuck this,” she said. “I’m
not listening to this anymore.” I felt her move next to me. And
then her body was silhouetted against the opening of the cave as
she ran from us.

Emmett was on his feet,
lightning fast. He stopped her. “You can’t go out
there.”

“
Let me go,” she
said.

“
No,” he said. “It’s not
safe. We need to stick together.”

“
I can’t stay here with you
people. I’m not like you. I’ve never killed anyone.” She tugged at
her wrist, trying to get free of him. “You’ve killed someone,
haven’t you, Emmett?”

“
Lots of somebodies,” he
said. “I told you that I was in the military.”

“
That’s not what I meant,”
she said. “That’s not the same.”

“
Sure, it’s the same,” he
said. “Dead’s dead.”

“
Being in the military
doesn’t get you the death penalty.”

“
No,” he agreed.

“
So, what did you
do?”

“
Come back in the cave, and
I’ll tell you.”

She hesitated, but then I
saw her silhouette nod. “Okay.”

“
Good,” said Emmett. He let
go over her.

She came back into the cave,
but she didn’t sit next to me again.

Emmett’s voice was softer.
“I guess maybe I should be able to identify with Rolf and what he
did to Silas. Because I found my wife in bed with another man, and
I shot them both. Didn’t really think, you know. Just did it. By
the time I realized what I was doing—really realized it—it was too
late.”

“
Do you wish you hadn’t?”
said Christa in a small voice.

“
Would that make it easier
for you?” Emmett asked her.

“
I don’t know,” she said.
“Maybe.”

I spoke up. “Wait a second.
That’s a crime of passion, man. They don’t give people the death
penalty for crimes of passion.”

“
Well, I’d bought the gun I
used a week before, and I’d made a few offhand comments that she
was acting different. The prosecution made the case that I knew it
was going on, and that I planned it out. They said it was
premeditated. They made me look guilty. Didn’t help that my wife
was a cop. She was one of their own, you know. They weren’t going
to give me an inch.”

That made sense. “Oh,” I
said.

It was quiet.

“
I can’t imagine killing
anyone,” said Christa. “I couldn’t do it. No matter
what.”

“
Sometimes the things that
you can do surprise you,” said Emmett.

* * *

Christa
didn
’t want to sleep near me, like she had
the night we’d been in the prison together. I understood that she
was upset, but it still worried me. I wanted to make sure that she
was okay.

Of course, after her really
weird attempt at seducing me earlier, maybe it was better that we
didn’t sleep close.

But I didn’t end up sleeping
very well. I needed to keep my eye on her, so I only slept very
shallowly, waking every hour or so to make sure that she was all
right.

I knew that she had every
right to be angry and confused. And maybe I’d dropped too much of a
bombshell on her by telling her about Griffin. She had an image of
her older brother, and I’d shattered it. That couldn’t be easy for
her to deal with.

I wondered if I should have
kept it all to myself. Maybe there was no reason her for to know
it. But she needed to know why I wasn’t dying when they shot me.
She would have asked more questions, and she would have found out
eventually. If I hadn’t told her now, I would have had to tell her
at some point. She would have been angrier if I’d kept it from her
even longer.

I wasn’t sure what the
others thought. Maybe they thought we were squabbling. That her
anger with me was just a lover’s quarrel.

I thought it would have been
better if she’d been close to me, though. I worried about
her.

This was my fault. All of
it. She didn’t deserve any of this. I had to keep her
safe.

So when I opened my eyes to
look for her, and she wasn’t there, I panicked.

I sat straight
up.

And then I saw her at the edge of the
cave, sitting just inside the opening. She was curled up, hugging
her legs to her chest.

I got up and began to walk towards
her.

As I got closer, I realized she was
crying.

I stopped. Maybe I should
leave her alone. She was pissed at me, and she obviously thought
that no one was watching or hearing her.

“
Silas, is that you?” Her
voice had a note of fear in it.

“
It’s me,” I
said.

“
Oh,” she said.
“Okay.”

I started to walk towards
her again. I sat down next to her at the opening to the cave, but I
didn’t touch her.

I stared out into the night.
It was dark outside, but in the light of the moon—heavy in the
sky—I could see the foliage outside. The leaves all had a blue-ish
tint. They were still and quiet and peaceful. Right now, it all
looked beautiful. It was hard to believe that this was the place
we’d been taken to die. It didn’t seem to fit. This beauty couldn’t
be the sight of so much danger.

“
You okay?” I
whispered.

“
No,” she said.

Right. Stupid question. Of
course she wasn’t okay. There was no reason she would be.
Everything was really fucked right now. I rested my chin on my
knee. “I’m sorry, Christa. I’m sorry about everything.”

She snorted.

I guessed I deserved that.
“You, uh, you want me to go?”

“
You wouldn’t really go,
though, would you?” she said. “You’d go back and hide in the
darkness and watch me.”

“
Well, I don’t want anything
to happen to you.”

“
Why don’t you? Why do you
care?”

I floundered. I wasn’t
entirely sure of that myself. “Because you’re right that it’s my
fault that you’re here. Because I have to get you out of this.
Because you don’t deserve any of this. Because Griffin would kill
me if I didn’t protect you.”

She snorted again. “Griffin?
Does he even care about me?”

“
Of course he does,” I said.
“You’re his sister.”

“
He lied to me,” she
said.

“
He had to,” I
said.

“
He didn’t, though. He
didn’t have to tell my mother and me that crazy story. He could
have told us the truth.”

Maybe she was right. I
shrugged, even though I knew she couldn’t see my movement in the
scant light. “I don’t think he wanted you to know. He’s not proud
of the things he had to do. And besides, like I said, he never
wanted to do that. He never wanted to have to kill
people.”

“
But he did,” she said. “He
killed people. My big brother killed people.” Her voice was full of
fresh tears.

I didn’t know what to say.
“That really bothers you, huh?”

“
Of course it does,” she
said. “Wouldn’t it bother anyone?”

I hesitated, unsure of how
to answer. “I guess I don’t spend a lot of time with normal people.
Pretty much everyone I’m close to has had to kill. It doesn’t
really phase me anymore.”

Her voice was soft. “That’s
horrible.”

It was quiet and still
around us, like we were wrapped in a cold, blue blanket.

“
Is it? It doesn’t seem like
that to me anymore,” I said. “You know, honestly, I don’t spend too
much time trying to determine what’s good and bad. I try to keep
moving. I don’t like to think about all the stuff I’ve had to do.
So, maybe I’m a jerk. Maybe I’m a really bad person. But if I think
about that too much, it’ll paralyze me.”

“
You
are
a jerk,” she
said.

I felt a twinge. That had
actually sort of hurt my feelings. I didn’t say
anything.

“
Sorry,” she muttered. “I
didn’t mean that.”

“
Sure you did.” I peered out
into the night. A light breeze fluttered into the cave, chill and
surprising. I shivered.

Christa turned to me. “You
cold?”

“
I’m fine,” I
said.

“
I’m a little cold.” She
hugged her knees tighter against her chest. “Maybe it would be
warmer if we slept closer together. I mean, it’s not like they
don’t think we’re together as it is.”

I hadn’t expected her to say
that. “But you think I’m a jerk.”

“
A warm jerk.” She got to
her feet.

I followed her further into the cave.
When she lay down, I lay down behind her, wrapping my body around
hers, spooning with her.

She snuggled close to me.
“Silas?”

I wrapped my arms around
her. “What?”

“
Do you really think we’re
going to get out of this?”

“
I do,” I said. But she
seemed so delicate when she was this close to me. So likely to
shatter.

“
I hope so,” she
murmured.

I shut my eyes. I’d keep her
safe. I had to.

I started to relax, to feel myself
floating off to sleep.

But then I felt her hand. She had
reached back to touch me, sliding searching fingers over my thigh.
She was inching closer and closer to my dick.

I recoiled from her. “What
the hell?” I whispered.

She turned to look at me,
fixing me with huge, innocent eyes. “You don’t want me to touch
you?”

“
No,” I said.

She smirked.
“Liar.”

But she kept her hands to herself for
the rest of the night.

* * *

Milo groaned. The makeshift
bandage on his arm was soaked through with blood. It was wet and
dripping. His wound had been bleeding all night.

“
I’m going to die,” he
whispered, looking down at the sopping, red bit of
fabric.

Emmett knelt over him, peeling away at
the bandage, looking at the wound.

“
It’s infected, isn’t it?”
said Milo.

“
It’s not,” said Emmett.
“It’s still bleeding pretty good. It’s clean.”

“
I’m going to die,” said
Milo.

“
We’re all going to die,”
said Emmett. “It’s only a question of when.” He turned to look up
at me. “What did you do with the fish bones?”

I’d managed to spear two
more fish which we’d eaten for breakfast. Emmett was too afraid to
chance a fire, since it had led them right to us before, so we’d
had to eat it raw.

“
Uh… they’re over
here.”

“
Try to find one that might
work as a needle,” said Emmett.

“
A needle?” said Milo. “What
the fuck?”

“
The wound’s not closing,”
said Emmett. “If I can get some of the threads out of my shirt, I
can give you a couple of stitches.” He gestured to his flannel
shirt, which was folded up on the ground. Emmett had used it for a
pillow the night before.

Milo shook his head. “No
way. You’re going to use fish bones? That means it’s going to get
infected for sure.”

Emmett shrugged. He got to
his feet. “Fine. You don’t want me to do it, I won’t. It’s a big
pain in the ass for me, frankly. I’ll just rip up some of this
shirt and give you a fresh bandage.” He picked up his
flannel.

Milo dragged his bottom
teeth over his top lip. “You think I should let him do it?” he
asked me.

“
I don’t know,” I
said.

“
I guess it doesn’t matter,
does it?” said Milo. “I mean, if I got saved, if they found me out
here, they’d just give me a lethal injection anyway. No matter what
happens, I’m going to die.”