Silent (11 page)

“And there’s a rule that says you can’t do that here?”

There was, actually. Ms. Loretta only allowed birthday parties, and mine wasn’t for another few months.

“Oh, guess you’d need friends for that,” she added, her face straight but her eyes mocking.

I cringed. Maybe she hadn’t liked me at all. Maybe the whole reason she’d talked to me at lunch was for her own amusement.

Either way, it was seriously time to make my exit from this train-wreck of a conversation.

“I’m gonna go home now,” I mumbled. No reason to wait around for Dwayne and Brandon, since they liked to loiter in the hallways after class. I didn’t really see the appeal in that, but then again, I didn’t see the appeal in going back to the house, either.

“I’ll walk with you,” Laloni said, and without hesitation fell into step beside me.

Now I was
really
confused. She was going to follow me home? I didn’t even know Ms. Loretta’s rules about having girls over. Didn’t sound like something she’d go for.

“Uh, sure,” I stammered, as if she needed my permission. We were already on our way, anyhow. “You don’t got nothing better to do?”

She lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. “Not today.”

We crossed several squares of sidewalk before I could come up with something else to say. “So…you know of any parties happening around here?”

“If there are any, I’ll be sure to let you know about ’em.”

Finally, a fucking inkling of a chance with her. Though when I thought of having to go to a party, my guts rolled around in protest. I wished there was a way to be cool without having to plaster on a fake smile and act like you enjoyed drunken morons. Which reminded me…

“You guys drink and stuff?”

She shrugged again. “Depends on the party, I guess. But I don’t do that shit.”

I might’ve stopped walking for a second.

“What, that surprises you?” she asked, crossing her arms as her head darted from side to side.

“Sort of. Usually the girls that stay clear of that stuff are…losers…and you don’t seem like that.”

“Huh. That’s funny. Because you
do
seem like a loser, and I’m gonna take a wild guess and say you don’t stay clear of
that stuff
.”

I stuck my hands out defensively. “Whoa. What the hell. I wasn’t trying to insult you.”

She smiled brightly, braids bobbing. “Neither was I.”

We’d almost reached the house, and I was torn between an overwhelming urge to be rid of her, and a desire to know just what it was she’d seen in me that had caused her to approach me in the first place.

“Look, I don’t really get you,” I said—one of the most honest things I’d told anyone in ages. “Why exactly are you hanging around me right now? Do you, uh…”

My question was cut off when caramel-colored arms suddenly encircled her from behind, then whirled her around to sweep her into a kiss.

“Heya, baby.” When he was through sucking on her mouth, Brandon draped his arm over her shoulder. “I see you met the new kid.”

And that would’ve been the perfect moment for an earthquake. Not a really horrific one, of course…but just enough to knock Brandon flat on his ass and give me a chance to get the fuck away from my total humiliation.

“Uh huh.” Laloni’s laughter cut sharply into my wounded pride. “He’s been really shy so I thought I’d talk to him today.”

“I ain’t shy, bitch,” I snapped.

Brandon stepped in front of her. “You better watch how you fucking talk to my girl.”

She slapped his shoulder. “I told you not to call me that. I ain’t no one’s girl.”

But Brandon kept glaring, and for once I actually felt like I needed to back down. Not ’cause I was scared of him, or anything…but I had a sister. I knew you weren’t supposed to treat girls like that.

“Sorry, Laloni. I just didn’t realize you…you knew about me already.”

“You mean that you a foster kid?” she asked.

I gritted my teeth.

“It’s okay. Obviously I don’t have a problem with it. I put up with this asshole.”

Brandon made a hurt face. Laloni laughed and kissed it off him.

I was getting sick to my stomach.

“All right, so maybe I shoulda told you I knew who you was…but then I woulda missed your really sad attempts to flirt with me,” she finished with a giggle.

Pretty sure the wanting-to-kill-someone look was back, I decided to cut my losses and leave. Maybe I could curl up in a cocoon of blankets and spend the rest of the day in bed, like Seb. It definitely would’ve been an improvement.

“No, wait, Alex.” Laloni’s hand came down on my shoulder as I stepped away. “I’m only teasing. I just like to get to know Brandon’s foster brothers…see if they gonna be a good influence or a bad influence on him.”

“I don’t have no brothers,” I growled.

Her eyes fluttered up dramatically. “Whatever. You know what I mean.”

I tried to keep walking, but Brandon’s hand came down on my other shoulder. “You know, you don’t always have to be such a dick to us. We really ain’t as bad as you like to think.”

He ended by giving me a little pat, and I glanced back at him. His dimples were showing again, and the smile seemed pretty genuine.

Why did he have to look so freaking good?

I let my own expression melt into something reflecting grudging acceptance, and he grinned even wider.

“So, Laloni…” I turned to face her again. “What’d you decide…’bout my
influence?”

She smirked and intertwined her fingers with Brandon’s. “Not sure yet. I’ll let you know.” Then she looked up at him and batted her lashes. “Walk me home?”

Her eyes got all soft when she asked, and his responded the same way. “Sure thing, babe.”

“See ya tomorrow, Alex.” She waved as they walked off.

I watched them leave, hands still locked together, and besides being thankful the encounter was over, another sensation hit me. That way Brandon was looking at her…puppy-dog love mixed with regular teenage lust…shit, what I wouldn’t have given for him to look at
me
like that.

But I squashed the thought as soon as it popped up. Jealousy didn’t suit me.

Oh well. At least I still had the shed, the cigarettes, and Seb.

~*~

“You coulda told me Brandon had a girlfriend,” I said to Seb that evening.

Today he was refilling the little holes he’d previously made in the ground, smoothing out the dirt so it was nice and even again. He used the blank canvas to draw squiggles with his finger.

“Not that I really mind, or anything…it’s just…well, for a minute I thought she was interested in me.”

Seb’s hand made little
pat-pat
noises as he flattened another lump of soil.

“She’s all right, I guess. You ever met her? Probably not, huh. I bet Ms. Loretta don’t let you guys have girls over.”

I pulled a cigarette out of the pack, but didn’t light it up.

“You ever had a girlfriend, Seb?”

He was ignoring me more than usual today. Just more of the same turn-for-shit my life had taken…I couldn’t even keep a retard interested.

I leaned back all the way to the ground, cushioning my head with my arms so I could stare up at the hazy-pink full moon. “Well, I have. Had a few. Was probably about to have another one right before I left…this girl named Blanca.”

A shudder ran through me. She’d been so grabby and forceful. Probably one of those clingy girls…

“Kinda glad I avoided that one.” I snickered.

Seb looked over at me for some reason, and I automatically stumbled into an explanation. “Uh…’cause she was annoying.”

He seemed to have just noticed I was lying down, and decided to do the same, scooting his body close to mine.

“Do you want to have a girlfriend?” I asked, glancing over and catching the reflection of the moon in his dark eyes.

He stared back, but of course, didn’t say anything.

Such a shame he was retarded. Those wide almond eyes of his were actually pretty fucking amazing.

“I don’t.”

Had I just said that out loud? Jesus Christ.

“I mean, ’cause, uh, it’s much better to be a free man, ya know?”

Seb turned away again, the corner of his lip twitching.

What the fuck was wrong with me? I was getting way too close to saying things that shouldn’t be said. Even though Seb couldn’t understand, it was a bad habit to get into.

Would I have screwed up like this back home, too?

An uncomfortable thought struck me. I tried not to let it take root in my mind, but the more I fought to push it away, the stronger it became.

I didn’t have a social life here. I didn’t have a reputation. I didn’t have to be the same Alex I’d been before. It might be easier to keep my secret.

And that notion filled me with an overwhelming sense of…
relief.

Chapter 9: Smarter

“I have your in-class essays graded.”

Mr. Salazar, my new English teacher, swept through the rows and dropped the stupid things on desks as he went. I’d decided I hated him in the first five minutes I’d known him. He was one of those
educated
Latinos who wasn’t gonna cut anyone any slack, ’cause if
he
could rise above, then all of us could.

Fucking prick.

English was always my worst class, and while some things in my new life had changed out of necessity, English was not one of them. So I knew what was coming before the paper landed in front of me.

Lots and lots of red circles and scribbles, with a nice big F at the top of the paper. And, oh, fuck. What was that he’d written in the margins?
See me after class.

Not even a month in and I was already being ordered to see the teacher after class. Maybe new me wasn’t so different from old me after all.

I waited until the room was empty to approach his desk.

“Ah, Alejandro.” Mr. Salazar looked up. At least he could pronounce my name right. “I wanted to speak to you about the essay you wrote.”

I frowned. “Yeah, well, I just got here. I wasn’t ready to write it, teacher.”

“It’s Mr. Salazar, and I’m aware of that.” He met my eyes in a way that told me he was aware of more than
just
that.

Did everyone at this school have to know I was a freaking foster kid?

“That’s why I’d like to offer you the opportunity to do a make-up assignment.”

Just what I wanted.
More
work.

“I’m kind of busy.”

He didn’t seem impressed with my excuse, and handed over a piece of paper with a prompt. “Due Tuesday.”

When he turned back to his computer, I stomped out, crumpling my failed assignment and the make-up prompt into tight balls. I was so pissed I rounded a corner at full speed and wound up smacking straight into Laloni.

The papers scattered on the floor, and she bent to pick them up first. “Nice,” she remarked, unfolding one enough to catch sight of the flaming red F.

“Man, shut up.”

“You gonna do this make-up?”

I snatched both papers back. God, she was nosy. There were way too many women in my life right now. Even my mom and Mimi had seemed like overkill, once upon a time.

“Fuck no.”

“I could help you with it, you know. English is my best subject. I help Brandon with his stuff, and he’s a year ahead of me.”

“Look, no offense, but school isn’t really my thing.”

She rolled her eyes. “’Course it’s not.”

“Hey.” Brandon emerged from the crowd behind her, slipping a hand on her butt, which she immediately pushed off. “Second time I catch you two together…should I be worried?”

She huffed, but opened her mouth obediently for him to stick his tongue into it.

“I’m gonna go to class.” Suddenly queasy, I left them making out, and doubted they even saw me go.

~*~

Suzie was sitting in the living room when I got home that afternoon. I didn’t bother greeting her.

“Did you find my mom?”

When her eyes got sad, I had my answer. “No, Alex. Not yet.”

I nodded. “All right, then. I’m gonna go up and do my homework.”

She swiveled around to watch me walk down the hallway. “I was hoping we could chat for a little while. I’d like to see how things are going for you here.”

I paused with one foot on the steps. “If you have something to tell me, you can go ahead and talk…but I have nothing to say to you.”

When there was no response—other than a sigh—I continued up to the room.

I knew I was being a dick, but Suzie was really the only adult I could talk back to and get away with it. Had to take my wins where I could.

Seb was already upstairs, in bed. I sat across from him and watched him sleep for a little while, noting that his lashes were much darker than his hair. They matched the undertone in his complexion better, and those black-brown irises.

“Got my first F today…well, not my first ever, but my first here,” I said quietly.

He didn’t stir. I closed my eyes for a second, trying to reason with myself. Why was I talking to him when he was asleep? Then again, wasn’t it just about the same as talking to him when he was awake?

The
thud-thud-thud
of the basketball on the uneven pavement of the patio punctuated my thoughts. I should’ve been out there, hanging with Dwayne and Brandon, not upstairs discussing my continuing progress toward becoming a high school dropout.

“Brandon’s girlfriend offered to help me with this make-up assignment…but I dunno.”

The front door swung open downstairs. Ms. Cecily was home from work, and the boys were back as well. “Ms. Suzie!” they cried, footsteps scampering into the living room.

I bet she loved that. Two sweet little boys, showing her affection and appreciation for what she did, instead of sulky teenagers giving her lip. And she probably deserved the thanks in their case. But in mine…

“Do…do you think if I were smarter, I wouldn’t have ended up in this place? I mean, if I could learn to write stupid essays, I could probably talk better with adults…maybe lie better.”