Silent (23 page)

When there was no activity at the front desk—and no sign of Seb or Mimi—my heart leapt. I didn’t stop and instead plowed right past toward the door, almost at a run.

“Excuse me.” A voice froze me in my tracks. “Didn’t you already leave with your sister?”

I only turned around halfway. “Forgot my hat,” I said, touching the cap.

“Oh,” the lady responded. She blinked a few times, then seemed to shrug off whatever concern she’d had.

I forced my ready-to-explode body to go three more normal steps, open the front door, and slowly close it behind me.

Then I took off.

I ran down that hill so fast my shoes skidded across the ground, spewing bits of rock and dirt in all directions. About twelve feet from the bottom, I slipped on some wet grass, but decided to use the momentum to my advantage, tumbling over headfirst as I tightened myself into a ball.

It got me down there faster, anyhow.

The Camaro was waiting for me by the roadside, and Mimi and Seb burst out before I could gather my scrambled brains enough to stand.

“Alejandro! Jesus, are you okay?” Mimi cried.

“I’m okay.” I laughed, struggling to my feet. “I’m okay.” Then I grabbed Seb, lifting him off the ground with a crushing hug. “We’re okay!”

Seb smiled—his
real
smile—and his hands tightened around my shoulders. I could just feel the happiness coursing through his fingertips and straight into my body.

“We made it, Seb! We made it!”

Mimi opened the car door, looking at us like we were both insane. “Will you two
idiotas
please get your asses inside so we can leave?”

“Oh, right.” I grinned at Seb, and he grinned back. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

Chapter 16: Vermin

Mimi and I sat at the kitchen table, waiting for Seb to emerge from the shower. I could tell he hadn’t liked the feel of makeup on his skin because he’d been smudging it all over my sweater during the ride back.

“I don’t get it.” Mimi swirled a spoon around in some black coffee. “How do you even know he’s all there?”

I sighed. “I just know, okay? Just because he can’t talk don’t mean he’s retarded.”

“But what all did he do for you that you felt you owed him this much?”

Shit. I’d never be able to explain that one.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

Mimi snorted. “That I believe.”

To cover my annoyance, I took a sip of my coffee, then grimaced. Mimi had run out of sugar.

“So now what’re you gonna do? What’re your plans?”

“Well…” I gulped down more coffee and instantly regretted it. “I was hoping we could stay here. Find some work, help you out. That kinda stuff.”

“Stay here, huh.” Mimi pursed her lips. “Well, I dunno. I’d have to talk to Angel. And what kinda work is it you think you’re gonna get?”

“I dunno. Anything. I could help look after Star, too, if you want. Like, I could help her with her homework, or pick her up from school or something.”

“Star don’t go to school yet.”

“Really?” I squinted, double-checking dates in my head. “Isn’t she five? That’s when you go to kindergarten, right?”

“I’m waiting till next year,” Mimi responded. “Saving up more money so I can buy her nice clothes and stuff. You know how the kids at school can be.”

“Oh.”

I put another mental check in the disadvantage column for Star.

The bathroom door opened, and Seb appeared in a cloud of steam. I was really disappointed to see he’d put back on his dirty clothes.

“Hello,” Mimi said, her voice too loud and her face too animated. “Do you want coffee? Coffee?” She proceeded to point to her mug in an exaggerated fashion. “You want?”

“He’s mute, Mimi, not deaf.”

“Shit.” She slumped against the chair, her shoulders sagging and her legs spilling open. “How’m I supposed to know?”

“And I don’t think he’d like this coffee. It’s fucking awful.”

Mimi glared. “Thanks, Alex. Thanks for coming by to tell me what’s wrong with my coffee.”

“Mommy!” Star pranced in a moment later. “I’m scared to play Barbies on my bed because the bugs’ll get me!” Stopping short in front of Seb, she stared up at him curiously. “Who is he?”

Mimi slouched down even further. “I don’t know. Ask your tío.”

I pushed back my chair and stood to take Star by the hand. “I know what job I can do right now, Mi.”

“What’s that,” she mumbled.

“I’ll take care of Star’s room and her bed while you go to sleep.”

She glanced up. “Really? ’Cause I’m so fucking tired.”

“I know you are. So go to sleep. There were little boys in that group home so I kinda know how to look after kids now…you can trust me with Star.”

That was stretching the truth, but it seemed like a harmless enough lie.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” She smiled at me—a soft, familiar smile. I was grateful to see it again. “Thanks.” Then she repeated it louder for Seb. “Thanks.”

Trudging footsteps took her to her room. I stared at the closed door for a few seconds, that invisible hand pressing down on my chest, but Star soon jolted me back to reality.

“Tío, who
is
he?” She yanked on my arm.

“This is Seb. Seb, this is Star.”

Seb blinked at her, and she blinked back.

“He’s not my tío,” she declared. “He’s not the same color.”

“No, he’s not.” I laughed, patting her head. “He’s my friend.”

“Oh.” She waved her tiny hand in front of him. “Hi, Tío’s friend!”

Seb blinked again.

Star frowned. “Why don’t he say hi?”

I crouched down to talk to her. “He can’t, because…his throat don’t work right. But he can still hear you, okay?”

“
Ohh.
” Star’s eyes widened with understanding, her long, full lashes almost reaching her brow bone. “Oh. Maybe he needs medicine.”

“Maybe.” I looked up at Seb, who remained expressionless, and my heart pounded unsteadily.
If only it were that easy.

Since arriving at Mimi’s apartment, he’d been pretty withdrawn. I hadn’t caught so much as a smirk, but I really thought it was because all the changes were so overwhelming. Once everything calmed down again, I was sure my Seb would reappear.

Or I hoped to God he would.

“So we’re gonna take care of your room now,” I said to Star. “Get all those nasty bugs out of it, okay?”

“Yay!” She clapped her hands, twirling around in her tutu. “Let’s kill the bugs!”

I got a trash bag and instructed Seb to pick up all the clothes he could find in Star’s room. I remembered Brandon had said he was good at simple tasks, and he didn’t let me down. In no time he had the bag full—well, half full—with all of Star’s clothing.

I scanned the room for any other bug hiding-places. Most of her toys were scattered in the living room, but she had a few Barbies in a nightstand under the window, and I examined them carefully. When I didn’t see any signs of insect life, I tossed them aside and went to tackle the bed.

“Pull off all the blankets,” I told Star, who’d been hanging back. “We gotta throw out the mattress.”

“Throw out my bed?” she protested, voice rising to a squeak. “But where will I sleep? You can’t throw out my bed!”

I sighed. “We have to. It’s got bugs living inside it. You don’t want them making you all itchy anymore, do you?”

“My bed.” Her eyes watered. “I want my bed.”

I found myself stupidly wishing Seb could jump in and handle this for me. But he stood motionless, like a tree trunk, bag of clothing in hand as he waited for his next direction.

“Um…” I stared up at the cracked ceiling. Maybe I
should’ve
spent more time with the little boys so I’d have a better idea of how to deal with situations like this. “Well…we’re…we’re gonna sleep on the floor in the blankets, like…like they were sleeping bags. We’re gonna pretend we’re camping.”

Star sniffed. “Camping?”

“Yeah, you know. When you go camping, you sleep in sleeping bags on the ground. That’s what we’re gonna do. Me and you and Seb. We’ll have a campout.”

“And you eat marshmallows,” Star added, rubbing her eyes. “I saw it on a movie.”

“Yeah. Yeah, we’ll get some of those next time we go to the store, okay?”

The marshmallows clearly won her over. I’d have to remember that for next time. “Okay! I’ll get my blankets so you don’t throw those out.”

She went to retrieve her comforter and sheets, and I took the clothing from Seb. “Help me carry this out.” I set the bag aside and pointed to the mattress.

He grabbed one end, and we turned it on its side so we could walk it out of the house. We threw it on the curb, because there was nowhere else I could think of to put it. I knew some other poor fool would probably end up taking it home, but I couldn’t be concerned with the whole world right now. Just my own.

A lump of blankets with Star underneath walked through the hallway and met us in the living room when we returned. “Now what, Tío?”

“Now we wash everything to make sure the bugs are all gone.”

“At the laundromat?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah!” The blankets exploded into the air and landed at my feet. “Lemme get my
tacones
and my Barbies!”

That seemed like an odd list of requirements for a laundromat, but maybe that was what she brought when she went with Mimi.

I picked up the covers and stuck them in another plastic bag, then handed it to Seb for him to carry. When I went to get the one with the clothing from Star’s room, I found her stuffing Barbie dolls into a plastic purse, white heels on her feet, a purple scarf around her neck and bright pink gloss on her lips.

“Ready!” She swung her purse over her shoulder and placed her hands on her hips, making a pose like a miniature runway model.

Who knew going to the laundromat could be such a glamorous event.

~*~

I watched the laundry flop around and around in the dryer, mesmerized by the movement and by the steady hum. Seb and Star were on the hard blue plastic chairs by the glass storefront, where the Barbies were chatting up a storm.

“No!” Star whined, her glossed lip sticking out and reflecting the sunlight as it streamed in the window. “That’s not how she goes. Don’t you know?”

Seb had one of the Barbies in his hand, but he was holding it upside down.

“Like this.” Star snatched it away and gave it back with the feet pointing down. “So she can walk.”

Panic tried to chip away at confidence that was already wearing thin.
He’s just playing with her. He’s not really retarded.

Right?

“Do you want to make a cake?” Star’s Barbie asked Seb’s.

“Yes, I want to make a cake. Yummy!” she replied for him. “Now we make a cake. So stick the arms out…”

She continued to direct him, but I couldn’t watch anymore.

What was wrong with me? I was still supposed to be celebrating our successful escape, not feeling crushed by doubt. I had Seb back again. Seb who made butterflies dance in my stomach, Seb who held my hand when I was hurting and hugged me when I was lonely and let me see his gorgeous body when I…

I stopped myself there. It was too much, too fast. He’d been taken away before I’d even had the chance to figure out my feelings properly. Or to figure him out properly. I couldn’t just leap ahead to happily ever after.

Maybe he was as
special
as everyone thought. And maybe he couldn’t be what I wanted.

But—and I almost shouted this out loud to keep myself from spiraling into a pit of depression—that didn’t matter. It didn’t matter if he were special because he still deserved to be happy, and I knew I could give him that, just by being his friend. Even Suzie had admitted he’d been happier since I’d come into his life. He’d be better off with me than alone at that facility any day.

Star’s giggle caught my attention, and I glanced back over at them. Now Seb was in the sunlight, his hair shining like a halo, his skin lost in the glare. He caught me observing him and turned his almond-eyed gaze on me with its full intensity.

And then he smiled.

God, he couldn’t have been more beautiful than he was at that moment. An angel in a laundromat. I wasn’t able to look back for too long, because it was—literally—staring directly into the sun.

I just needed to get him alone.

Yeah, that was it. I just needed to get him alone.

Bzzzzt!

The ringer went off on the dryer.

Fighting back my arousal, I opened the machine door and started emptying out the clothes. “All right, you two. Time to fold. Put the Barbies away…unless they want to help.”

“Tío!” Star laughed, scrambling to my side. “You’re silly!”

“Yeah.” I grinned as Seb sat on the bench and started folding pairs of really tiny pants. “I am.”

We placed all the clean clothing in fresh plastic bags, because I was afraid the old ones might have bugs. I tried to remember what else my mother had done when we’d gotten bedbugs, but really the best solution she’d come up with had been to move out.

Except then we’d moved in with Hector, who was vermin on a whole other level.

Star skipped alongside Seb and me as we walked the couple blocks back to Mimi’s apartment. Seb wasn’t smiling anymore, but he seemed more at ease than he had earlier in the day. Hopefully spending time with Star would be good for him—it was hard to be scared when a five-year-old was dancing around you without a care in the world.

“I wanna do something nice for Mimi,” I said to him, and realized it’d been ages since we’d talked like we used to. He probably needed that back, too, so he’d be more comfortable.

I knew I did.

“She really helped me out, y’know. I kinda want to make her dinner or something, but all she has is bread and cheese and a tomato. I guess maybe I could make sandwiches? But that’s kinda lame, huh.”

Seb tilted his head slightly. I took that as a yes.

“I have ten dollars from this morning, from when Star wanted milk. But I dunno if I should spend it. I know she’s trying to save money.”