Silent Cry (16 page)

Our driveway was in plain sight of a busy street. People stopped and looked, but
no one called the police or attempted to intervene. I was terrified. I backed out
of the driveway, shaking, glass shattered on the seat and in my lap and Tré crying
loudly.
Where should I go?

I drove to a nearby park and sat there in shock.
Who should I call? Who would believe
that Nate could do such a thing?
I had met a lot of Nate's teammates and their families,
but I didn't really know any of them.

I thought about calling Lynn Martin. She had spent enough time with us to know Nate
didn't always treat me well. In fact, we'd been at their house one night when Nate
dropped a bomb on all of us. K-Mart had turned to Nate and said, “Hey, Time [
Big
Time
was K-Mart's nickname for Nate], you got you a son!”

“Yeah,” Nate replied, “that's my baby boy alright, but I got me another son too.”

Lynn, K-Mart, and I just looked at each other stunned, but none of us said anything
to Nate. Later on, I questioned Nate and learned he had a son he had never seen but
was paying child support for. It was on his mind that night because the woman wanted
her new husband to adopt the boy, and Nate had to sign papers so the adoption could
proceed.

I felt like Lynn would understand how afraid I was that Nate had gotten angry enough
to damage property. But I also knew that Lynn had little tolerance for sadness or
excuses of any kind. If I told her a problem, she would speak praises over me, remind
me of my destiny, and tell me who I needed to be. I imagined that if I shared with
her, she would look at me
with concern, but her response would likely be, “You're
a strong woman. You can get through this.”

Nevertheless, I put the car in gear and started to drive to her house. Then I realized
that telling Lynn was definitely not going to work. I was afraid of what she would
tell her husband — and I couldn't imagine what would happen if Nate found out I had
exposed his violent temper to Lynn and K-Mart.

I called Sheila, my former roommate. When she cheerfully answered the phone, I wavered.
She was with her new husband and sounded so happy. I knew if I told her what had
happened, she would drop everything and come to my rescue, but I just couldn't spoil
her happiness. I hung up the phone and stared through my broken windshield.
What
now?

I had rushed out of the house quickly and had nothing with me but Tré and my purse.
I decided I would spend the night in a hotel and go back to the house the next day
to get some things before leaving for good. Then reality set in. I had no place to
stay and no job. My mother's face flashed before my eyes, and I shuddered.
How had
I let this happen to me?
I had no choice but to go back to Nate. Then I could begin
looking for a job so I could prepare to leave.

I went back to the little house the next day, preparing for the worst, but Nate came
home like a flipped coin. He was a completely different person. He apologized and
said he was so ashamed of himself. He begged me not to leave. I told him I would
stay, but I was going to get a job. He pleaded with me to think of our son and not
go back to work.
Stick with the plan
, I thought. But he brought up God and said all
the right things. I told him I wanted him to take me home to Louisiana so I could
see my mom. I planned to tell her what was going on so we could figure out what to
do. And maybe I would just stay there with her and not even come back.

Nate felt so bad about what had happened that he agreed to take me to Louisiana,
but he made sure I was never out of his sight. As usual, he painted himself to be
the good guy, treating everyone to dinner and handing out money until they were all
under his spell. For the three days we were there, it was like I was wearing a leash
attached to Nate. He never left me alone for one minute. I quickly gave up all hope
of talking to someone. I knew it wasn't going to happen, and no one in my family
had even the faintest clue that he was mistreating me. To them Nate was a hero and
a gentleman, and I was his lucky celebrity wife, someone to be envied, not pitied.

When we left Louisiana, instead of heading west back to Dallas, Nate started driving
south. We ended up in Orlando to visit his family and friends. I did my best to fake
good spirits, but I was miserable. Like a broken record, I couldn't stop replaying
the mistakes of the last year. One bad choice (to go on the pill) led to another
bad choice (to have sex), which led to a bad situation (being pregnant and not married),
which led to another bad choice (live with Nate, leave my job, etc.).
If only I could
go back in time and fix the first mistake!
One decision had led me down a detour
of winding, bumpy, difficult roads — away from my dreams, away from my destiny. I
felt trapped.

We spent three weeks on the road traveling from place to place and visiting people.
Along the way, we talked about what had happened, and Nate assured me that things
would be different when we got home. He promised to get control of his drinking
and his temper. He grew attentive again. He was kind when he spoke to me, and once
again things improved between us. I let my guard down and started to think that maybe
we had turned a corner.

Everywhere I went, people were starstruck with Nate Newton. The moment they knew
I was his “wife” (at least they
all believed I was his wife), out came the special
treatment. Even at church, people often brought me items and asked me to take them
home for Nate or other Cowboys players to autograph. It was frustrating. Instead
of being interested in me, it seemed like belonging to Nate was the most interesting
thing about me. I was losing who I was. My whole world was wrapped up in Nate.

CHAPTER 17

Settling

The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat one's self. All sin is easy after that.

Pearl Bailey

L
ies have a way of compounding, like interest on credit card debt. Before long, you
are
totally
engulfed, and it is hard to distinguish the truth from falsehood. I knew Nate was
cheating on me, and it was increasingly difficult for me to be intimate with him.
He always denied it, but he stayed out late all the time and sometimes didn't come
home until the next day. Sometimes when he had too much to drink, he emptied his
pockets and a scrap of paper would fall out with a woman's phone number or address
scrawled on it. I scooped them up, determined to learn who he had been with.

A friend of mine and her husband had come into town and came over for a visit. She
wanted to know all about the lifestyle of being married to a professional athlete
(even my friends thought we were married because Nate always referred to me as his
wife in the media). I looked her straight in the eyes and told her Nate was cheating
on me and that I wanted to leave him.

“Do you know for sure?” she asked.

“No. I don't have proof, if that's what you mean, but I
know
he is cheating. I have
something I want to check out. Will you go with me?” I asked.

She was reluctant, but I didn't want to go alone, and I persuaded her to tag along.
We went to an address on a piece of paper that fell out of Nate's pocket one drunken
night. Jackpot! Nate was actually there! Not only was he there; he was sitting outside,
snuggling up with the woman in plain sight. I had suspected this all along, but seeing
it with my own eyes was still a shock.

Reality set in, and I saw red. I made a scene so he would know I was there and then
took my friend back to her husband. Afterward, I felt terrible. Not only was I disgusted
with Nate, but I was upset for dragging my friend through the ordeal. I didn't know
what else to do but apologize to her. I was truly sorry I had involved her.

When I got back home, Nate was waiting for me. He begged for my forgiveness, but
I was too angry to give it to him. I pleaded with him to give me enough money for
an apartment and day care — just until I could get on my feet, and then I would never
bother him again. I just wanted to leave. He obviously didn't want me, so why should
I stay?

Out came Nate's broken record, playing the same old tune, but this time he added
a new note: “Everyone has always abandoned me, Dot. I need you. You are the only
person in my life I can count on — the only one who has never let me down, has never
left me. I need your help. You
can't
leave me.”

My heart was hardened. In the moment, I might have told him he was forgiven, but
I certainly didn't mean it. Instead, I started planning. I had received payment for
some of my work scheduling Nate's appearances and endorsements and I was expecting
an income tax refund of $1,400. It wasn't much, but I was going to use the money
to get out. I knew it would be four to six weeks before the check came, which was
enough time to find a cheap and decent day care for Tré while I found a job.

For weeks, I kept an eye out for that tax refund. It was time to escape. When I went
to the mailbox and finally saw an envelope from the IRS, my heart skipped a beat.
I ran back into the house and tore it open, but there was no check inside. Instead,
there was a notice saying the refund I was expecting had gone to pay property taxes
in my name — and I owed an additional $700! I felt crushed by disappointment. Stuck
again!

I had no knowledge about the property. When I called my mother to ask about it, she
said she did have property in my name, but she had definitely paid the taxes. There
was no way to clear it up quickly; it was going to take some time to sort out. I
had no choice but to tell Nate and ask for his help. He graciously paid the remaining
balance, and I thanked God that Nate was willing to help, but I was still unhappy
that I was financially dependent on him. I decided it was time to position myself
for independence. It was time to get a job.

While Nate was in training camp, I secured a job at First Coppell Bank. Time went
by, and Nate and I came to terms with things. We found a place of happiness. I was
more at ease because I was earning an income, so I didn't feel trapped anymore.
I could stay, or I could leave. But I couldn't shake my guilt about living together
and not being married, so I started praying about our relationship. I looked back
over the past ten months and realized that things had been calm and even. In fact,
things were good. I enjoyed being with Nate. He was a good father to Tré. I had no
more excuses not to marry him.

I approached Nate about getting married, and he was open to it. I told him I had
been spending a lot of time in prayer and that I could no longer continue living
together with him in sin. I told him that if the way things were between us now was
the real deal, then I would be happy to become his wife.

My objection to marrying Nate had been because he wasn't saved. Nate reminded me
that he still wasn't a Christian. I knew this, but he always encouraged my walk with
the Lord, and I attributed Nate's lack of devotion to his hectic football schedule.
I told myself that when football was over for him, he would accept Christ once and
for all. The new year was fast approaching, and I wanted to start if off right.

PART 4

A Troubled Marriage

CHAPTER 18

I Do . . .

Between a man and his wife nothing ought to rule but love.

William Penn

D
o you, Nathaniel Newton Jr., take this woman, Dorothy Johnson, to be your lawfully
wedded
wife?”
asked the justice of the peace.

“I do,” Nate answered.

“Do you, Dorothy Johnson, take this man, Nathaniel Newton Jr., to be your lawfully
wedded husband?”

“I do.”

After a couple of years spent living together, we were married in a simple courthouse
ceremony. T. Hayes stood up with Nate, and Sheila stood up with me. We sent announcements
to all of our friends, and everyone was shocked — they thought we had been married
since Tré was born.