Silent Scars (Surviving #4) (5 page)

“It’s wild garlic. Not everyone can stomach it.”

“It’s fresh.”

I bobbed my head. “Would you like to see the rest of the house? You haven’t seen the best yet,” I said hopefully, bouncing on the balls of my feet.

“Close the door, and let’s go.” He stood watching the glass slide into place before checking it was secure. I motioned for him to follow me through the kitchen to the door in the centre of the far wall.

“This is my library.” I beamed. It wasn’t a huge room by any means, but the height allowed for a mezzanine balcony. In the far corner was a spiral staircase giving access to the shelves around the balcony, and on this lower floor was a small cubby sitting area. I also had on the outer wall a real wood burning stove fire place, so on cold nights I could sit in here instead of the lounge, and lose myself in a good book.

I glanced at Ryan. He looked over his shoulder at the kitchen-lounge area and then back. “What a complete difference.”

I grinned wildly, because yeah, in here was a total contrast to the pastels next door. Dark mahogany wood shelving, black wrought iron staircase, and the single chair was brown leather with matching stool. A few throw blankets over the chair back for when it became chilly. The large windows sat low, so the sills were at sitting height. I had a few cushions on one, but they hadn’t been used.

He stepped further in the room and tilted his head to check out the balcony. All four walls were lined with book cases, completely full.

“It’s cooler in here too,” he mused, glancing around at all the books.

“It’s temperature controlled. I have some books up there that are first editions. Dad insisted if I removed them from his library, the temp control needed to be installed. Mum wasn’t impressed I was allowed to remove them,” I rambled, feeling suddenly nervous.

“Have you read all of these?”

“That shelf on the back wall contains my unread books.” I tracked his line of vision and tried to see it from his point of view. “Would you...” I paused, suddenly self-conscious.

“What?”

“I haven’t shown you my
favourite
room yet.” My voice trembled with excitement.

“Lead the way.” He faced me and motioned to walk ahead of him.

I closed the door quietly behind me and watched as she practically skipped across the floor. Her hair was still precariously holding in that bun type knot, but with each giddy step, more hair worked its way loose. She had the blackest hair I had ever seen. It was more prominent because her skin was so pale. She clapped her hands in front of her, face with the brightest smile. She walked back through the lounge and into the kitchen to a door nestled into the wall I mistook it for wooden cladding.

“I never noticed this here.” I was a little annoyed I hadn’t. I yanked my cap down when she regarded me too long. I wasn’t sure if the thing rose up. Didn’t want to freak her out.

“It was designed that way. From the front entrance you don’t realise this part of the house exists. Because it bends in an ‘L’ shape to the back, when you walk in you just see this.” She motioned to the long gallery of a room. “But in here is my special little annex. It isn’t as fancy as Dad’s but still.”

She opened the door and flicked on a light. Bouncing on the balls of her feet, she held her hands in front of her. My lips twitched, and I fought against the smile wanting to break out. She had an innocence about her that both terrified me and intrigued me. I forced my eyes away and glanced around the room. It was simple, three white walls and one running the entire length was windows. There was a black piano in the corner and behind that a bookshelf with rows upon rows of CD cases. In each corner of the room was a small speaker. It was a rather large room to house one piano.

“It’s a music room.”

“Yeah,” she said, glancing around like she just uncovered the lost city of Atlantis. “It isn’t sound proofed like Dad’s, but I won’t play too late.”

“Your house, sweetheart, I’m a ghost remember.” I snorted.

“Please, stop saying that. It’s like you’re saying you don’t exist in the world.”

“Sometimes I don’t believe I do.”
What the fuck?
I straightened my spine, pulled my shoulders back, and prepared for the barrage of questions. Women liked that mushy shit, delving into your inner thoughts, playing with your emotions.

“Hmm.”She huffed and turned away, heading to her piano, and  slowly caressed the keys. It was an oddly intimate moment.

I stopped myself from asking what that little noise meant, but that would invite more questions I would refuse to answer. “I don’t want anyone inside my head, Aloura. Ever” I stepped towards her. She held my gaze, silently probing me. I could see curiosity fighting her. But her lips remained tightly shut. She bobbed her head, those doe eyes reflected a little sadness. But she blinked, and in an instant it was gone.

“Are you,” I said, lifting my hand and pointed at her piano. “Are you any good?”

Her dainty shoulders lifted shyly. “It’s more for show.”

“Would you play something?” Seemed like the gentlemanly thing to ask I guess.

Her fingers snapped away from the keys as if she’d been electrocuted. She blinked at me and fisted her hands beside her.

“I don’t play well...it’s for personal...” Her tiny hands balled into fists. “I never play for people.”

I stared at her for a moment, her pale cheeks coloured with a rosy hue of embarrassment. I shrugged my shoulders and turned to leave the room. It didn’t matter to me if she played or not. I was nothing more than an employee.

***

“How do you think it went?” Will asked from beside me. I heard the nervous twitch in his voice over the rumble of the truck engine.

“Pretty well, I’d say.”

“So you’re happy with it?”

“Will, I signed the man’s contract. Yes I am happy to take the job. After hearing everything, I really do think she needs someone watching her back.”

“She seemed nice.”
Oh Jesus!
My brother truly had turned into a girl since I’d been gone. I heard the hidden meaning behind his words. But he could forget it. That shit wasn’t happening.

“She was,” I said, and then switched topics quickly. “Am I okay to get Izzy from school and you spend some time with my sis-in-law? I can take her to Jo’s for a few hours, give you two sometime alone and then bring her home before I head to Aloura’s. The tech guys should be finished by then.”

“Yeah, all sounds good.”

“I also note, little brother, you didn’t dispute me calling her my sister-in-law,” I joked, glancing at him from the corner of my eyes.

“I think we both know I want to marry her.”

“So?” At his silence I turned and faced him. “Why not ask her already?”

His hands strangled the steering wheel, gripping it so tightly the leather creaked. “Because I need to think of the perfect –”

“She isn’t Marissa. Emily she doesn’t need all that shit. What’s this really about?”

“I don’t think my heart could take it if she said no,” he mumbled. His first wife was a total bitch who demanded the most ridiculously corny proposal known to man. Three times I believed the guy proposed before she agreed, and then she cheated on him.

“She isn’t going to say no. Where’s the ring?”

“What?”

“I know you man. You’ve had it for weeks if not months until you grow some balls to ask her.”

“I haven’t had it that long,” he huffed. His ears turned pink, and I wanted to howl with laughter.

“How long?”

He blew out a harassed breath but stayed silent. His jawed ticked. I was pissing him off.

“How long Willy boy?” I chuckled.

“Fuck off,” he spat. I waited, staring at his profile.

“I spoke to Mom’s jeweller when Jo and I were over there after seeing you in the hospital.”

His words stabbed straight into my gut at the reminder my family had to see my fucked up body.

“A year. You’ve had an engagement ring for a
year.
Christ, Will.”

“It needs to be perfect, damn it.”

“Where is it?”

“In the safe at the office.”

“You are showing me, and then we are talking about your lack of fucking balls, my man.”

Less than twenty minutes later, I was letting out a whistle when I opened the black velvet box. Will watched me, his hands in his pockets, tension in his jaw.

“It’s platinum.” He pointed at the band.

“It’s unusual,” I stated. It wasn’t at all what I expected. He picked a solitaire clear diamond for Marissa. Jo had gone with diamonds too for Lou.

“What does that mean? Have I fucked up?” His hands went into his hair, and he looked utterly broken. I stared down at the ring in awe. In the centre was a heart-shaped brown diamond, with three tiny jewels encasing it. On the band on both sides were small emeralds and sapphires. This ring cost him thousands. I glanced up at my brother, a little shocked.

“She always says my eyes remind her of emeralds.” He pointed to the tiny emeralds. “Hers are blue; that’s the sapphires. And Izzy’s are brown. She’s our heart so that’s why the brown diamond is front and centre and cut into a heart. I know it isn’t your typical engagement ring. Do you think it’s dumb? The colours are wrong aren’t they? I should have just gotten her the usual diamond. She’s going to think this is tacky.”

“Will, bro, calm down. I think you have your perfect setting. This ring is all she needs. Apart from the fact she may kick you in the ass for the colossal amount you’ve spent. You have included her baby girl in a ring. Tell her what you told me, and I swear after she stops bawling, she’ll say yes.” I cleared my throat. “Even I can feel ovaries growing I'm so emotional.”

I threw my head back and guffawed when he reached out and snatched the box from my hands. He muttered a curse I’m sure was some insult to my balls.

“I can’t wait for the roles to be reversed, dickhead. You wait until your time comes,” he joked, but it landed like a lead balloon.

“Never happen.” I grinned.

“You say that.”

“The main rule in a relationship is honesty.” I laughed, but even to my ears it sounded bitter. “Can you really see a woman wanting me? I'm not too bad on the eyes, but in here.” I tapped my temple. “It’s fucking ugly. No one wants that.  When I bleed, I expect my veins to ooze black shit, not red. There is no redemption for people like me.”

“You talk like
you
committed the foul, Ry.”

“I
chose
the fucked up shit I did. I wasn’t forced. I volunteered.” I lifted my hands to my face and pushed the heels into my eyes, trying to force the images away. I hadn’t admitted that to anyone before. I jerked away when a larger hand tugged on my arm. I glared at Will as he held his hands up in surrender.

“I ain’t going to hurt you. But what you believe, and what is reality, is seriously warped. You chose nothing. You were a kid.”

“I can’t do this.” I was bleeding words, exposing my darkness. I glanced around the room, searching for something to help me. “I’m going to pick Izzy up, take her to Jo’s. I’ll give you and Em a couple of hours before I bring her back.”

“Ry –”

“I appreciate you trying, Will, I really do. But sometimes a lost cause needs to be acknowledged.”

“And when I find one, I’ll let it go. But my brother is worth saving, damn it.”

“What does it tell you when even God rejects me?” I offered him a weak smile and turned to leave.

“What?”

I left without answering because it was obvious. I wanted to die, and I wasn’t even granted that peace.

***

I scanned the playground, watching the other parents waiting for their kids to explode out of the doors. The chattering moms and bored looking dads. Izzy recently moved schools. She was now attending a mainstream school, which up until recently she loved because her best friend, Ellie, came here, and Jo’s soon to be wife was a teacher.

The doors opened, and the ankle biters flooded the playground. I spotted Izzy and waved. Her teacher beckoned me over while she held onto Izzy’s hand. The kid was so excited she was bouncing on her feet.

“Ryan!” she gasped. I cradled her against my chest as she pulled the edges of my cap down and cupped her little hands on my cheeks. “You surprised me.”

“Mr...”

“Dermont.” I frowned at the teacher.

“Could you tell her mum and dad that we have added Izzy to the school summer festival programme? The choir was formed before Izzy came to this school, but we have discovered she is quite the talented little singer.” She beamed at Izzy, who was smiling so wide my heart squeezed with joy.

“Will do.”

“Thank you. See you tomorrow, little miss.”

Izzy waved at the teacher and turned to me. “I’m in the festival.”

“I heard.” I widened my eyes in mock surprise.

“All my friends were in it, but not me. But now I am,” she boasted. It finally dawned on me why she had been so unhappy. Poor kid. I hugged her against my chest.

“I missed you, kiddo.”

“Missed you more,” she said, rubbing my nose with hers. “Did you bring me sweets?” The kid was obsessed with candy.

“I thought maybe we could go for something to eat. Let your mom and Will have some time.”

“Kissy time.” She giggled. I tickled her sides making her squeal.

“Yes, kissy time. Where do you want to go? We could grab a salad and go to the park?”

Her button nose scrunched in distaste like I knew it would. “We could go to the cinema,
Frozen
is still on for Movies for Juniors.”

I rolled my eyes and groaned.

“They have your favourite popcorn,” she argued holding my face to look at her. I hated popcorn, but she always got so excited at the concession stands.

“We eat first, then cinema and popcorn. Your mom will kick my ass.”

“Oh, you said a bad word.”

“Sorry.”

“I won’t tell if you get sweets too.” She curled her lips in a hopeful grin.

“Unbelievable.” I pulled her to me and hugged the little squirt. My brother’s negotiation skills were rubbing off on the kid.

A few hours later, with bleeding ears after hearing that God forsaken song for the billionth time, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.