Silent Truths (25 page)

But she wasn’t going to go through it all again, not today. Today belonged to Ava and God knew how desperately Beth needed her, for emptying or stopping her mind, no matter how hard she tried, simply wasn’t possible, whereas filling it with something, even somebody else, might provide at least some small respite from the hell.

Stepping into a buttercup-yellow shift dress with its elegant boat neck and slinky cut felt good. The expensive fabric was cool on her skin, and the way it touched her slim hips and settled closely, but not cloyingly against her breasts made her look stylish and sensuous, rather than obviously sexy. The vibrant colour, with its subtle frosting, seemed to turn her honey-tone tan a shade darker. Her legs were exposed only from the knee down, but their length and slenderness were subtly accentuated by the expert styling of the sheath dress. She looked in the mirror and tilted her head to one side in order
to get a better view of the chic French pleat Georgie’s mother had created. It was incredible how just the hair and the dress were already making her feel stronger. And all the time she was slipping her feet into the silver Magli sandals with their two-inch heels and sparkly straps, touching her cheeks with blusher and frosting her lips a delicate shade of peach, she could sense Beth’s wretchedness withdrawing further and further into the shadows. She knew it was only temporary, but the gradual release was like taking in the first few gasps of air after being buried alive. It was as though her blood was starting to flow freely again, and her limbs were unravelling themselves from unbearable tension. It was true that flashes of panic were still snatching at her confidence, trying to trap it and smother it, but for the moment at least she was encouraged by the pleasing image she was presenting.

By the time she stepped off the train at Paddington, she found herself able to walk with a jaunty spring in her step as she tossed her bag carelessly over one shoulder and regarded her fellow travellers from behind dark glasses. Heads turned as she passed, not because they recognized her, she was sure, but because she was so fresh and lovely to look at. In fact, she doubted even her own parents would recognize this tall, graceful woman with her exotic tan and mysterious smile, so there was really no need to feel shy or afraid as she entered the familiar fray of London.

From the back of a taxi she watched the world outside. The weather was so glorious that Hyde Park was full of families, students, office workers
and tourists, either strolling, boating, picnicking or bronzing in the dazzling afternoon sun. For a few daydreamy moments she pictured herself as Ava lying with a lover in the shade of a tree, teasing and laughing, kissing and caressing. Who would he be, she wondered, as a frisson of anticipation passed tantalizingly through her. Then darkness suddenly descended as somewhere deep inside Beth struggled to reach Colin. Ava’s eyes immediately stung with tears, as her heart became so heavy with despair that she almost told the driver to turn back. But she’d sworn not to let Beth do this. Ava was stronger, more capable and courageous, so she mustn’t allow the confusion of Beth’s past to spoil the heady prospects of this brand-new future.

Nevertheless, this had been a lot easier at Robin Lindsay’s office on Monday, before Leonora had brought the news about Heather. She’d really had the feel of Ava then, whereas now, she was like a light flickering in the darkness, apt to go out at any moment. But once she’d arrived and they were calling her Ava, the light would start to burn brighter and steadier, and their praise and attention would keep her confidence secure.

By the time the taxi came to a halt in Mayfair, she was breathing easily again, and the enigmatic smile was curving her lips. She kept her mind in the moment, thinking no further than the act of stretching her long legs out on to the street and of how pleasurable it was to hold her willowy body back for a moment, like a hidden promise. She was the kind of woman who would enslave Colin virtually on sight with her graceful movements and discreet promiscuity, so why had she never let him
see her like this before? It surprised her then to realize that this time, instead of being weakened by thoughts of Colin, she felt almost empowered by the fact that there was a part of herself she could hold back, knowing he would want it, as he had so often held back from her.

Aware of how precarious her hold was on this small surge of power she took out her purse and paid the driver. She felt strangely vulnerable when the taxi pulled away, as though she’d been abandoned to a whim she no longer had the courage to fulfil. She turned to look up at the tall, glass-fronted building where Stacey Greene had her office, and Robin Lindsay was waiting with others to meet her. A throb of excitement strengthened her heart, and stepping forward she felt herself warming inside to the joy of being there. No one, especially not Beth, must be allowed to spoil this, for it wasn’t only a dream come true, or an achievement to be proud of, it was proof that there was a God, for he was showing her that despite the current devastation of her marriage, she was someone who mattered, who had talent and a future.

The steps up to the revolving front doors were wide and shallow. A few people were coming and going, but none seemed especially to notice her. Standing aside as a motorcycle messenger exited, she was on the point of stepping into the revolving door when it suddenly spun round fast and someone rushed out clutching a heavy bag and a large brown package.

‘Oh gosh! I’m sorry!’ the young girl gasped, as she banged right into Ava. ‘I was trying to catch the messenger. He left this …’ She stopped suddenly
and her head went curiously to one side.

Beth’s heart was pounding for she’d recognized the girl immediately. It was the reporter who’d barged her way in the day Colin had been arrested.

‘Mrs Ashby?’ Laurie said. ‘It is Mrs Ashby, isn’t it?’

Beth, Ava, was so flustered she didn’t know what to say. She wanted desperately to get away from this girl, but she wasn’t sure how to do it.

‘How are you?’ Laurie asked, her pretty face appearing genuinely concerned. ‘You look great.’

Beth’s smile was shaky. ‘Thank you. I’m, uh … You’ll miss the messenger,’ she said.

‘Oh no,’ Laurie groaned, as the motorcycle roared away. ‘Well, I have the name of the company, I can always get in touch.’

‘Yes,’ Beth said. ‘Well, I’m afraid I have to go.’ Did she want to go inside with this journalist watching? Would she wonder why she was here, and start asking questions? Come to think of it, why was
she
here? Understanding suddenly hit her like a slap in the face. Oh God, what a fool she was. What a stupid, stupid fool. How many years had she been married to a journalist? And it had taken her this long to see through the ruse of the motorcycle messenger.

‘I was just wondering,’ Laurie was saying, ‘how your husband is.’

Beth’s confusion was now compounded by anger. ‘If you’ll excuse me …’ she said tightly, but as she tried to push past Laurie held on to her arm.

‘I’m sorry,’ Laurie said, ‘I didn’t mean to –’

‘Let go of me,’ Beth seethed.

‘I just wanted to let you know …’ Laurie said,
removing her hand. ‘Well, what I’m trying to say is, I’d really like to help you.’ Even as the words left her lips her face flooded with colour. It wasn’t supposed to have come out like that.

‘What are you talking about?’ Beth cried scathingly. ‘I don’t need any help from you. All I need from you is to be left alone.’

‘I understand that. But … Well, I just wanted to tell you that I’m not convinced your husband’s guilty, so maybe –’

Beth suddenly rounded on her. ‘I don’t know what gives you the right to say things like that –’

‘Please,’ Laurie cried. ‘This is coming out all wrong. I had it all prepared …’ She stopped as Beth’s eyes suddenly widened and her nostrils flared with fury. A beat later she realized what she’d just said. ‘I mean, if I ever got to speak to you,’ she added quickly. ‘I had it all worked out, what I was going to say …’

‘Don’t you think you did enough damage after you pushed your way into my house and printed what I said the next day?’ Beth snarled. ‘Did it occur to you, even for a minute, that I might have been distressed, or shocked?’

‘Of course it did,’ Laurie jumped in. ‘And I know you were. It was just … well, you said it, and –’

‘And you printed it. Yes, we know. Now just get out of here, will you? Go wherever you need to go that’s no longer a part of our lives, and for God’s sake stop calling our lawyers.’

She turned away, daring to hope that was an end to it, but her entire body stiffened as Laurie said, ‘Mrs Ashby, are you standing by your husband?’

Beth pushed against the door.

‘You’ve only been to see him once,’ Laurie called after her. ‘Did you know about Heather Dance before it was in the paper?’

Beth kept on going.

‘Mrs Ashby, do
you
think your husband did it?’

Why was the girl doing this? Why couldn’t she just let go?

‘I spoke to the Longs yesterday –’ Laurie began.

Beth swung round again. ‘Stop it!’ she hissed. ‘Just stop. Don’t you realize how difficult this is, without having to deal with you too? My whole life is a shambles. I’m already living in terror of what the next day will bring, so I don’t need you making it worse. Now just get away from me. Get away, and don’t come near me again.’ She pushed on through the door, trembling, furious and so agitated she couldn’t think straight. The girl had ruined it,
ruined it
, damn her! How could she be Ava now, with those words ringing in her ears, those emotions making her head spin? Oh God, she just wanted to die. She had to get away from here before she broke down and disgraced herself.

Keeping her sunglasses on she walked over to the reception desk, announced her name and asked to be directed to the ladies. It would be all right. She could get herself together again. She just needed to take some deep breaths, repsych herself into being Ava, who could and would handle all this, if Beth would just let her.

Five minutes later she returned to the lobby, calmer, though still anxious that she’d run into the girl again. But there was no sign of her. Instead, to her unutterable relief, Robin Lindsay was coming towards, his friendly face beaming.

‘Ava!’ he cried. ‘There you are. How lovely you look. That’s quite a tan you’ve got going.’

‘Robin,’ she murmured, stepping into his welcoming embrace. ‘Thank you.’

‘Everyone’s waiting to meet you. We’re just up on the second floor, in one of the conference rooms.’

‘How many people are there?’ she asked.

‘Only seven, including you. So how are you holding up in this heat?’ he said chattily, escorting her towards the stairs.

‘OK,’ she answered. ‘Yes fine. But I’m concerned about something that just happened. There was a journalist here. Outside. She recognized me and the scene wasn’t pleasant. I want to know who told her I’d be here.’

‘Of course,’ he assured her. ‘We’ll talk to Stacey about it as soon as we get upstairs. But I should tell you that journalists are coming in and out of this building all the time. Dare I say it,’ he chuckled, ‘there are other authors who are published by Buchmanns –’

‘I understand that,’ she snapped. ‘But this girl – she knew I’d be here. She tried to cover it up, but she knew.’

‘I did try to warn you,’ he said gently, ‘that it would be very hard to keep your identity a secret.’

‘I made it abundantly clear,’ she declared hotly, ‘that I don’t want people to know. Now we either get this sorted out, or they can keep their money and I’ll go somewhere else.’ She was feeling much more like Ava now – imperious, demanding, unshakeably in charge.

‘Oh, now I’m sure we won’t need to do that,’
Robin responded soothingly. ‘And it wouldn’t help anyway, because there really wouldn’t be any reason for anyone here to keep your identity to themselves if you’re no longer one of their authors.’

The fact that he was right didn’t quell the fury she felt at having been betrayed before she’d even set foot in the building. However, to vent it any further wasn’t going to help, and there was always the outside chance that the doorway collision really had been an unfortunate coincidence.

‘I’m sure that’s all it was,’ he responded, when she voiced this hope as an attempt to convince herself. ‘But I’ll certainly mention it to Stacey before we leave here today.’

However, when the time came for her small welcome party to end, despite the three glasses of champagne she’d drunk and all the fawning admiration and praise she’d so graciously absorbed, she was still uneasy about leaving for fear that Laurie Forbes might yet be lurking.

‘Then young Jeremy here shall go downstairs and check the coast is clear,’ Stacey declared, putting a hand on the handsome young designer’s arm.

‘Of course,’ he responded, clearly eager to do anything to gain himself the favour of the gorgeous creature he’d hardly stopped ogling since she’d arrived.

Ava treated him to a slow, grateful smile that brought a splash of colour to his cheeks. She had no idea if it was the champagne, the way she was dressed or his youthful fascination that was stirring the erotic thoughts in her mind, though she guessed it was probably all three.

Chuckling as Jeremy left, Stacey turned back to Ava saying, ‘I really am sorry about that dreadful experience, my dear. Reporters can be such a bane sometimes, but we need them, I’m afraid.’

‘Of course,’ Ava responded.

‘Just as long as you’re satisfied that it really was an accident,’ Stacey continued.

‘Totally,’ Ava assured her. Enquiries had been made, and it seemed Laurie Forbes had been in the building talking to one of the publicists about a celebrity kiss-and-tell that was currently causing a stir.

‘So now, when are you off to Spain, did you say?’

‘Next Tuesday,’ Ava answered. ‘I should be gone for a week.’

‘Marvellous. I’m sure you could do with a little break. Then perhaps we can get down to a spot of editing on your return.’

The warmth drained from Ava’s smile, but she made no comment.
Carlotta’s Symphony
was all her own work, something she’d achieved herself, and Ava was not a woman who fell into the role of intellectual inferior as Beth had so often been made to do.