Silent Whisper (20 page)

It was mid-March and I had just one more month to go until my baby arrived. Lana and I had pretty much made up weeks ago. She had been worried sick when I’d sequestered myself in my room, fretting about the baby and me. Walter had finally intervened using his judicial persona to talk to me logically and realistically. I mean it wasn’t as if I’d gone on a hunger strike, I was eating and taking care of myself, I was just doing it from my bed.

Walter pointed out that he was worried about Lana because she was worried about me, and that he understood the stress that I was under, but that it wasn’t good for the baby for me to carry on like I had been, and it was wearing Lana out. I could tell he’d reached his limit and I didn’t blame him. I needed to snap out of this funk for all concerned.

“I’m sorry, Walter,” I said. “I really am. I know I had no right to put either of you through this. This is a result of all of my choices, and you’ve both done more for me than I could ever re-pay, so it’s time I take responsibility for everything.”

He smiled. “That’s the spirit,” he said. “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you like, Karlie. Having you here has been good for Lana. Once that baby gets here, I know she’ll be fussing over it like there’s no tomorrow. It does my heart good to see my wife so happy these days. You just need to put all that mob stuff behind you. No looking back—from now on, you need to look ahead because this child is your priority.”

“You’re right,” I sighed, “I need to carve a life out for the both of us. Thanks for the shot of reality, Walter.”

“We’re your family now, Karlie. Don’t you forget that. And when that baby gets here, he or she will be another member of this family. You will always have our love and support.”

I smiled as he left my room, feeling secure that I truly was part of a family once again.

I was blessed.

“Push, Lana, c’mon! You can do it!”

“Arrghhhh…. shit!”

“You’re doing great, babe.”

“Oh God! Oh God!—here comes another one, shit!”

“Blow three times, then push, girl!”

“Grrraarggghhhh!”

“Got your catcher’s mitt ready down there, Doc?”

Yeah, Lana, add a little levity to the situation; that helps - NOT!

“I’m so proud of you, Lana!”

Yeah, I was being called
Lana
because that’s the name I’d been using throughout my pregnancy with the doctor and his staff. I was so looking forward to not having to watch myself so that I didn’t call the
real
Lana by her name. Luckily, with the pain shooting like a mother-fucker throughout my body, I was hard-pressed at the moment to use anyone’s name, other than God’s, and I was doing my very best not to use it in vain.

“Oh I can see the head now. The baby has lots and lots of black hair,” Lana called out from somewhere on the other side of my tented knees.

Lots of black hair - like Dominic’s.

“One more push, Lana,” Dr. Mead said, “And I think you can welcome your son or daughter.”

I mustered every bit of energy that I could muster having been at this now for over ten hours, took a deep breath in, and then exhaled, bearing down and giving it one last push. I focused on my white knuckles that were wrapped tightly around the steel rails on either side of my torso.

“Uhhhrrrrrrrwww!” I screeched, feeling my body take over from below my waist. Yep, no anesthesia for this gal. I was a real trooper.

“Oh my God!” Lana screeched; her eyes lit up with joy and surprise. “We have a girl, Lana. A beautiful baby girl.”

“A girl?” I choked as if I hadn’t heard correctly. “Is she okay?”

“She’s more than okay,” Lana cooed, “She’s perfect.”

Lana asked Doctor Mead if she could cut the umbilical cord, and he watched over her as she did so. A nurse was right there, with a green hospital blanket, taking the baby to suction and wipe off, before wrapping her and handing her over to me.

She was red, wrinkly with a head full of black hair and she was mine. I cradled her to me, loving the smell of her and she hadn’t even been bathed yet. She was making all kinds of cute little faces and baby noises that were like music to my ears. My eyes welled up as I lowered my lips to her head, kissing it softly, and then her forehead over and over again.

My finger traced the delicate arch of her eyebrow, and her little hand came up and wrapped around my finger tightly.

“She’s so strong,” I said, tears now cascading down my cheeks. “And she’s so beautiful. Thanks, Doctor Mead.”

He chuckled good-naturedly, his snowy white moustache expanding with his smile. “Don’t thank me, Mrs. Locke; thank that husband of yours.”

I quickly felt my face flush and I looked over at Lana who was standing behind him as he stitched me up. She gave me an ‘I don’t know what he’s talking about’ shrug and a sheepish look. I’d agreed to use Lana’s name as a precaution in case anyone was looking for me, but Walter as a husband had
not
been part of the deal.

“Where is my
husband?
” I asked tersely.

“Oh, he said he’d wait outside so I could come in. You know men and their weak stomachs, huh?”

“Uh huh,” I replied, giving her a look.

Several minutes later the doctor had finished up. One of the nurses whisked the baby from me in order to do all the stuff they do to newborn babies, promising me she’d be back by the time I was wheeled up to my room. Lana stayed with me the whole time.

Once they brought her back to me, weighed, measured, bathed and wearing a cute little pink knit cap, I opened my arms wanting nothing more than to feel her warm little body against mine. She weighed 6 lbs, 12 ozs and was 19” long. She was born on April 11, 1987. The very best day of my life so far, I thought.

“Oh look at her eyelashes,” I commented. “They’re so thick and long, just like—”

“Walter’s,” Lana provided, giving a nod toward the nurse that was still in the room, marking things on my chart.

“Oh for Pete’s sake,” I mumbled. “You’re taking this a bit far, aren’t you?” I was getting prickly with the whole charade that by now, I felt wasn’t really necessary. It had been
months
after all.

Lana leaned in and whispered. “It’s to make sure you and the baby aren’t put at risk, Karlie. It’s just for a couple of more days, so just relax.”

“Are you planning to breast feed Mrs. Locke?” the nurse asked from the foot of my bed.

“Well, I’d like to give it a try,” I responded.

“Okay, I’ll send a lactation aid down to work with you in a few minutes.”

She left my room and I finally felt like I didn’t have to continue the charade at least for now. I studied my baby girl’s face. “So, I guess I need to name this little girl,” I sighed.

“You sure do,” Lana said with a smile and a giggle. “You were so certain you were having a boy, you didn’t even have any girl names picked out.”

“What do you think of Dominique?” I asked.

“You can’t be serious?”

I immediately chaffed at her reaction. “It is
his
baby, too,” I snapped, feeling the tears well up in my eyes once again.

“Oh hun,” she said, coming over and sitting on the edge of the bed. “You’ve got the ‘baby blues’ it’s a perfectly normal thing. Your hormones are a mess and you’re feeling kind of lethargic, right?”

“I just feel empty…and sad,” I said, wiping my face with the palm of my hand. “This is my baby girl and I’m gonna name her something that reminds me of Dominic,” I said testily.

“But sweetie, don’t you kind of want to put all of that behind you? I mean I know you loved him, but naming her the female version of his own name is gonna be a constant reminder.”

“Constant reminder?” I said with a huff. “Jesus Christ, Lana, she looks like his female clone!”

Lana smiled and gave a soft giggle. “I agree,” she said. “So let
that
be your reminder if you need one.”

I contemplated what she said, and it made sense to a degree. Besides, Dominique Masterson was kind of a mouthful for this tiny little angel.

“I’ve got it,” I said triumphantly. “Parrish.”

“Parrish? Isn’t that the fake last name you gave us for Nick?” she asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Yep,” I said smiling. “I like it because it’s different and…it’s classy. She’s gonna turn out to be something great, I just know it.”

“That she will,” Lana admitted. “You know what? I really like that name. “Parrish Locke. It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”

Parrish and I had been safely ensconced back home—well, Walter and Lana’s home, but they insisted it was our home too, for a month now. My twenty-second birthday was coming up in a few days, and I couldn’t help but reflect upon my twenty-first birthday a year before.

I couldn’t believe it was only a year that had passed because it seemed like decades ago when all of that happened.

I was nursing the baby in the rocking chair that Walter and Lana had purchased for me, taking my index finger and gently running it through a strand of her dark hair. She was watching me intently with her dark blue eyes. Her pediatrician said that he was fairly certain her eyes would change to brown, being how dark they were. I was sure of it.

Parrish Elizabeth Locke. It was official. I thought back to that afternoon in the hospital—the day after she’d been born. Walter had come in and he was holding her, acting every bit like the proud papa. It had set me off for some reason, and I felt guilty that it had. All they had
ever
been was good to me. Taking me in, sheltering me, protecting me, and giving me a warm and safe haven. Now doing the same thing for my baby girl.

All I kept thinking about was that it should’ve been Dominic holding his precious daughter in
his
arms, talking and cooing to her; her little hand should’ve been wrapped tightly around Dominic’s long index finger—not Walter’s.

When it had come time for me to sign her birth certificate I had balked that her last name was “Locke” and of course I knew the birth mother’s name was going to be Lana’s since I’d used her identity from the start, but when I saw ‘Walter Locke’ listed as the father, I’d gotten a bit—well, nasty.

“Listen Karlie,” Walter had said patiently and calmly, “You can have this legally changed at some point. There’s DNA testing these days and I assure you, I’m not going to object to having my name removed from her birth certificate. But you’re the one that told both Lana and me that Castellano’s wife came to visit you the night before you left, and revealed she knew about the pregnancy.”

“She’s not going to tell him. She promised.”

“That’s all well and good, but things have changed. You have no idea what the dynamics are like with mafia families. They will kill each other if they feel a substantial breach of trust has occurred. If she has somehow put the family at risk, she could use this as a bargaining chip. So let’s play devil’s advocate for a moment here, shall we?”

I nodded.

“Castellano has been indicted but not imprisoned. He still has all the power and financial resources of the family. If, for whatever reason, his wife has come clean with your secret,
now
is the perfect time for him to dig into this and locate you and the baby. After all, he would know your approximate due date. I’ve sat on the bench in many of these cases throughout my career, Karlie. I can tell you first-hand that the long-arm of the LCN far out measures the long arm of the law. And it pains me to admit that to you, but it
is
the reality, I’m afraid.”

“I understand, Walter. I trust that you know what’s best here. I guess I’m still caught up in the romanticism of it all, you know? Thinking Dominic is still my white knight, but knowing that it’s just a fantasy.”

“You’re a very brave girl,” he said, patting my arm. You’ve shown a lot of courage and I know that going forward, you’ll be able to tough it out. You and Lana have had a rough way to go, for sure, but you’ve both got the guts and tenacity to go the long haul. I’m very proud of you both.”

On my twenty-second birthday, Walter watched the baby while Lana and I had a spa day complete with massage, body wrap, facial, manicure and pedicure, while we sipped champagne. Then we shopped and ate dinner. It was the first time that I’d been out non-pregnant for so long.

When we returned home, Parrish was tucked into her bassinet sleeping soundly.

“You managed all afternoon and early evening?” Lana asked, totally amazed.

“Hey,” he said with a smile. “Don’t sell me short. It was worth changing those pooey diapers to see you two mother hens get out and enjoy yourselves. Just don’t do it too often,” he warned, wrapping his arm around Lana.

“Thanks, Walter,” I said, “It was really nice getting out into the world again.”

“No problem,” he replied, “Karlie, it’s time you did just that. Lana and I are here to support you like I said. You need to take your life back over again.”

And he was right.