Silver Clouds (33 page)

‘Ah, maybe! See you soon, darlin'.' Harrison headed out the door, stopping only to pull on his boots.

After he'd gone, Tessa sat on the floor with a silly smile on her face, thinking about all that had happened. The she shook herself. ‘Come on, girl,' she chastised. ‘Pull yourself together.'

She turned back to the letters.

September 1947

Dear Grace,

Today it's been sixteen years since you left.
When it first happened, I kept thinking you'd walk back in the door, pick up Tom and laugh at my tears. But you haven't and I know you won't. He's such a strapping lad now. And he loves the land with his whole being.

V

. . .

January 1948

Dear Grace,

Tom has been working so hard over the last few months, I decided it was time for him to have a holiday. I took him to Esperance. He
loved the sea, although he has been there before.
The last time we went, I had William with me. He adored taking Tom swimming near the jetty and he fixed up a fishing rod for him to use.

This time I took him fishing, but I can't abide swimming. There is always seaweed tugging at my ankles and I'm frightened something will grab me and pull me under.
Now you must promise never to tell anyone that! I have never once admitted to being scared and I never will – except to you!

Love,

V

. . .

February 1948

Dear Grace,

The fires have started – our first dry thunderstorm was three days ago. Uncle Sam has ridden out to see how far away the fire is, but I can smell the smoke. Len isn't here – he's off on one of his excursions but the other brothers are all fine. Aunty Margaret is looking much older.
I don't think the sun agrees with her.

Love,

V

Tessa put down the letter. ‘Aunty Violet,' she spoke out loud. ‘This is boring. What are you trying to tell me?' Frustrated, she got up and walked around the room. She stopped and looked out of the window. Dozer was sleeping in the sun and there was a gentle breeze blowing. The blue skies beckoned her so she pulled on her boots and went out into the sunshine.

Her feet took her to the cemetery where she stopped at the foot of Aunty Spider's grave. The clouds scurried across the sky, carried by the brisk southerly winds. As Tessa looked up, she realised the light wasn't as harsh as it had been when she'd first arrived. The seasons were definitely changing.

As was she.

‘I know you can't hear me, but I wish you could. I found the letters and I haven't finished reading them yet. I still can't work out what you're trying to tell me.'

She sat down. Dozer, who had finally caught up with her, nosed in under her arm. ‘And I've got some other news, Spider. Harrison and I, well, we're sort of together.' Tessa looked up as a magpie burst into song. It was loud and melodic, and she sat as still as she could so as not to frighten the bird away. Finally it stopped singing and Tessa watched as it flew down from the tree and hopped over towards her. Its brown eyes watched curiously then, without warning, it spread its wings and flew away.

Tessa sat peacefully, enjoying the sun on her skin, then she turned back to the grave. ‘If I didn't know better, Spider, I would have thought you'd just given your blessing.'

She stayed there a moment or two longer, then got up, dusted off the seat of her shorts and headed home again.

November, 1957

Dear Grace,

They're all gone. All the brothers and Uncle Sam. All killed before their time. All accidents on the station. Aunty Margaret has gone to live in Perth, now – she didn't want to be out here anymore. She wanted to go to Adelaide at first, but with a little persuasion, she decided on Perth. It's a much better place for her. Elsie goes to visit and Aunty's letters, although still full of sadness, contain hints that she will be all right. If you can believe this, she's joined a bowling club! And Dad is there too. He visits Aunty Margaret often, as he should, since she's his sister!

Grace, do you ever get angry with what happened to you? And Mum. After all, her death was the whole reason we came out here in the first place. It was the start of our lives out here.
If she hadn't become pregnant, hadn't died, we'd probably all still be in Adelaide, still be alive.

Have you ever asked, why me? Because I'm finding myself doing that more and more, in the early hours of the morning when there
is no one awake except me and the howling dingoes.

Why was William slain, fighting a war we didn't start? Why were our brothers killed by the land they loved and worked so hard for?

Tom never seems to question anything. He is accepting and takes everything that happens with a shrug of his shoulders. He asks about you, though. He always has, especially when he was younger – nine or ten. And I tell him as much as I dare.

Love,

V

. . .

February, 1960

Dear Grace,

Tom has been on holidays to Kalgoorlie. Oh how happy I was when I finally saw his Vanguard ute trundling down the driveway, for I missed him. But it wasn't only him who came back. He has brought a wife! Her name is Lucy and she's a dear thing. Her family have stations much further north than we've ever been, so she is used to the lifestyle and work. She has dark hair and the prettiest smile. Hopefully before long there will be another baby in our midst.

I wish I had known Tom had these plans.
I can't say I'm not slightly hurt he married without me there to see it, but I must be
practical. If I wasn't here, who would have looked after the waters? As you know, the summer is unrelenting and if a trough went dry, well, it doesn't bear thinking about.

I guess the main reason I was so sad not to have known was because I had always intended to give the rings to him when he wanted to marry. They are his.

But then it opens a whole new can of worms. How much should I tell him? I can't decide, and you're not here to guide me. So, for the moment, I'll be quiet, until I see a different way. Of course that means the rings will still stay with me.

Love,

V

Tessa found herself breathing hard. The rings! Finally there was a link. Frantically she turned over the page.

December, 1960

Dear Grace,

Right in the middle of shearing, baby Paul arrived. Oh, he looks so much like Tom did when he was born.

But there is much to do. I must shed up and take the shorn ewes away. And, of course, get the shearers their tea. I never did like anyone else in the kitchen.

But I just had to tell you, darling sister, you are a grandmother.

Whoa. What?

‘Hi, darlin'. I'm back!' Harrison walked through the door, a smile on his dirty face. ‘What's wrong?' He rushed over to her.

Tessa's face was pale.

‘Grace,' she managed. ‘Grace.' She shook the letters at him. ‘I don't know it all, but it's got something to do with Grace. Look here.' Her hands trembled as she turned back through the letters, desperate to find the pages she was looking for. ‘See here, a mention of the rings. And here, she can't work out how much to tell Tom and down here, oh Lordy, down here, Harrison, read this! Read it.' She thrust the page at him.

Taking it with one hand, he kept the other firm on her shoulder, and read the letter.

‘Okay, so Grace was Tom's mother,' he said finally. ‘I don't get it, Tessa. What's the problem with that?'

‘It means we
are
who we thought we were. I was so frightened we weren't! I'd imagined that Tom had just been raised with the Mathisons but wasn't their child. Which would have meant we weren't who we thought we were. But we
are
!'

Harrison stayed quiet. Waiting for her to go on.

‘I knew Tom wasn't one of the brothers. I think I told you, in all the diaries she always said “the brothers and Tom”. So I worked that bit out. Then I realised he was darker than the rest of them and this Ali, the cameleer, started to come into it. So I'm putting two and two together here. If Grace was Tom's mum, I'm betting everything that Ali was his dad. So it still means Dad, Ryan and I are who we thought we were, sort of. I mean, we're not completely Mathisons because of the Afghan link, but we're still Mathisons! Am I making any sense?' She looked up at him.

‘I think I've got you,' Harrison said, grinning at her excitement and shock.

‘And I reckon I've worked out why it would have been such a big secret. This was in the days of the White Australia policy. If people found out Grace was having a relationship with a man who wasn't white, she may well have been made an outcast.'

‘Yeah, that would have caused a big kerfuffle,' Harrison agreed. ‘I remember Violet saying once it upset her how anyone who wasn't white was so badly treated. She obviously had actual experience of it.'

‘Have I shown you the rings?'

‘No.'

Tessa raced into the bedroom to get them. When she came back, Harrison was holding another letter.

‘See?' she said, opening the box to show him. ‘Aren't they beautiful? And look at the engraving inside.' She took out one of the rings and held it up to the light. It sparkled like new. ‘What a history behind them! What a love there must have been!'

‘So what happened to Grace, though, Tessa? She hasn't been around for a long time.'

‘I don't know. I'll have to keep looking, but this must have been what Aunty Spider had wanted me to find. I wish she could confirm it, though. I'm still only guessing, really.'

‘I think this probably does,' said Harrison, handing her another letter he'd been reading.

Dearest Grace,

I will be returning in six weeks. Until then, keep these safe, for we will become husband and wife when I return.

Never forget: forever mine, forever yours,

Ali

Chapter 33

Tessa watched until the Cessna was just a tiny speck in the air. Loneliness hit her as she turned to go back to the house.

She hoped above all that Cally wouldn't be upset about this new relationship, especially because Tessa knew it was the best thing that had happened in her whole life. If Harrison broke it off because Cally wasn't happy, she wasn't sure she could bear it. And there was no doubt he would do so – his daughter meant everything to him.

Instead of driving straight back to Aunty Spider's in the ute her parents had lent her, she veered down the overgrown track to the resting place of the early Mathisons. The lonely graves needed tending and Tessa needed distracting. Especially now she knew the inscription on the rings was also on the fence. She wanted to sit and think about what she'd learned.

Tessa had talked to Harrison before he left, about whether she should tell Paul what she had found. He saw no reason not to, whereas she was nervous about her father's reaction. It was one thing to find out you weren't who you thought you were but another entirely to find out before the mystery was completely solved.

Tessa still didn't know who was in the bush grave. She suspected it was Grace, but how she died, Tessa had no idea.

She pulled up and sat there for a while, watching the birds flit from tree to tree and pick at the grass. She noticed a movement to her right and turned her head just in time to see a huge kangaroo flop down in the shade of the mallee tree. His paws scratched at his tummy and Tessa thought how long and fierce-looking they were.

Not wanting to disturb him, Tessa slipped out of the ute and walked slowly over to the plots. As she sat, the 'roo's ears flicked around and he watched her. She sat down at the two unmarked graves and surveyed them. A hundred questions ran through her mind. Grabbing a handful of dirt and letting it drift through her fingers, she tried to piece together what she knew. An idea was forming, but it just wasn't clear enough, yet. She would have to check some things when she got back.

Impatient, she jumped up and climbed over the fence. She wanted to clear some of the grasses away, make the plots seem as if they were loved and cared for. Even if she hadn't known Grace, Violet had undoubtedly loved her.

As she came within sight of Spider's house, Tessa noticed a white Toyota LandCruiser parked out the front. Even though she knew it couldn't be Harrison, her heart leapt with anticipation.

It wasn't him.

She weighed up her options, then squared her shoulders and drove on.

Brendan was sitting at the outside table, his arms crossed and a fierce look on his face. When he saw her, he broke into a huge smile, got up and held out his arms. Tessa remained in the ute with the engine still running. Her hand was on the CB radio mike, just in case.

‘Babe! I'm sorry,' he said. ‘Got a huge apology to make to you.'

‘Is that right?'

‘That day at the Muster, I was a bit overwrought. Dad had given me a hard time and I took it out on you. I'm really sorry.'

‘Took you a while to come and say that.'

‘I know. I had some stuff I had to take care of for Dad.'

‘I'm not interested, Brendan. I won't be with someone who behaves like that. I don't need to be.'

Brendan's smile faded. ‘What do you mean? We're good together. I'm apologising.' He shrugged his shoulders and threw her a puzzled look as if to say,
What more do you want
?

‘Don't bother with the charm.' Tessa held up her hand. ‘It won't work. You might as well leave, because nothing you say will make me change my mind.'

Brendan's face hardened. ‘You'll regret it,' he warned.

‘I don't think so.'

‘Violet said she'd leave me something,' he said.