Silver Lake (26 page)

He cut the engine, turned off the lights, and leaned toward her, rubbing his thumb over the hand he was still holding. “No. I want you to listen to me. You are awesome. You’re funny, and smart, and sexy.”

She closed her eyes and shook her head, unleashing a wave of dizziness. She was vaguely aware that she had ingested nothing but beer in the last six or seven hours. Her thoughts were swimming.

Rick continued, “Yes, you are. And you’re sweet for helping me.” He pulled her into an embrace and released her hand, wrapping his arms around her back. She returned the hug and shivered with pleasure when he nuzzled her neck.

And when he brought his lips to hers, she kissed him willingly. The next thing she knew, they were in the backseat, in various states of undress. He was kissing her and touching her and murmuring things like, “You’re so gorgeous” and “I’ve always wanted you.” That was all she needed to hear.

Afterward, they got dressed awkwardly, making nervous jokes. Rick helped her get back into the front seat and noted the time. “Shit, you’re going to be a little late. I’d better get you home quickly.”

They drove in silence, and the enormity of what they’d done began sinking into Allie’s foggy brain. Her stomach churned and her head began to throb. It was a dream, she told herself. Of course I didn’t just have sex with Rain’s boyfriend. It was just a crazy dream.

But when they pulled up in front of her house, a half hour past her curfew, Rick took her hand again and finally spoke. “Allie, what we just shared was really special. But Rain can never, ever find out. She would never forgive either one of us.”

It was real. She nodded in understanding and gave him what she hoped was a convincing smile. “It’s all good. Thanks for the ride.” She jumped out of the car and rushed up her walkway.

She was in her bathroom vomiting when her mother began tapping on the door, demanding to know why she was late.

****

“Wow,” Rain said in a detached voice. It was all she could manage. She struggled with the surreal feeling that this whole conversation was happening to someone else. The myriad events of the past 24 hours were paralyzing her ability to think straight. Her mind was numb.

“I am so, so sorry Rain,” Allie said in a half whisper, half sob. “Please don’t hate me.”

Rain shook her head slowly. “I don’t hate you. It was a long time ago. I’m just…trying to process everything.”

“I know there’s no excuse for what I did. All I can say is that I was hurt and jealous over all the attention you were giving Brandy. And then you had Jason fawning all over you as well, and I felt so alone. Rick was telling me the things I wanted to hear, and he was…hard to say ‘no’ to. God, I sound pathetic.”

“He
is
a master manipulator,” Rain agreed.

Allie’s words continued to tumble out. “I was drunk and stupid that night. Then I was sick with regret and guilt. It hurt just to be around you. There are so many reasons that I wish I had told you, but probably the biggest reason is that maybe if I’d come clean, you wouldn’t have married Rick, and you wouldn’t be going through what you are right now.” The tears were really flowing now, running fast down Allie’s cheeks.

Biting her bottom lip painfully, Rain shrugged. “Who knows? That man could talk his way out of anything. It took me years to figure that out.” Part of her wanted to reach out and comfort Allie, wipe away her tears. But she just couldn’t do it yet. So she searched for something else to say. “Well, I guess one good thing is that now I understand why you were so distant and withdrawn back then. Now that the truth is out, you’ll feel a lot better.”

Allie stopped walking abruptly and bent over, covering her face with her trembling hands. “That’s only part of the reason I couldn’t be around you,” she sobbed miserably. “There’s more.”

Chapter 26

How could there be more? Rain didn’t think either one of them could handle much more. They had experienced every emotion she could think of in just the last few hours. Her stomach clenched and she turned back toward the house, looking desperately for signs of the water-skiers returning home. She needed Jason, despite her misgivings about the previous night.

Rain bent over as well and put her hand tentatively on Allie’s heaving back. “Okay, it’s going to be okay,” she murmured, hoping that was true. “You’re doing great. Let’s head back and you can finish.” She cupped Allie’s elbow and guided her back up.

Allie gulped and wiped her face on her T-shirt. She nodded sorrowfully and they began trudging back toward the house. The clouds were starting to darken, heavy with the promise of more rain.

“It’s true that I was avoiding you at first because I felt so bad. Plus I was grounded for a few weekends for breaking curfew, and Brandy going missing really freaked my parents out as well. It was such an awful time.”

“I remember,” Rain responded dully. “All the police interrogations and the reporters’ questions. The accusations that we knew she was planning to run away.”

There was a heavy silence as they both remembered those difficult days. Rain tried to prepare herself for whatever was coming next.

Allie took a deep breath. “A few weeks after that, I realized...I realized my period was late.”

Oh, God. Rain fought the dizziness that threatened to take her down in a dead faint. This time it was she that stopped and bent her head down, willing the blood to stay in her brain. “What are you saying?” she asked stupidly. It was obvious what Allie was saying.

Allie rushed the words out, as if they were painful to hold inside. “I was pregnant. I am so, so sorry Rain. I really screwed up. I didn’t know who to turn to. I couldn’t tell you, and I certainly couldn’t tell my parents. I was devastated.”

With care, Rain lifted her head to look at Allie. Allie wouldn’t meet her gaze. “What happened?” Rain said softly. She had a feeling she knew where this was going, and despite the betrayal roiling inside her, sympathy for her friend was emerging as well.

Allie shuddered on a sob and continued looking at her feet. “I...I told Rick. And he told me not to tell another soul. And he helped me…I mean he took me to…” She choked back another sob, unable to finish.

Rain allowed her inherent kindness to come through, and she put her arm around Allie’s shaking shoulders. “You got an abortion?”

She nodded miserably.

“I’m really sorry you had to go through that alone,” Rain said gently, and she meant it.

“God will never forgive me. I’ll never forgive myself, either.”

Rain suddenly understood Allie’s earlier fears of a divine punishment. She shifted to pull her into a full embrace and squeezed her tight. “That’s not the way it works,” she said reassuringly. “God
will
forgive you. That’s what God does.”

Allie pushed her away and shook her head forcefully. “Not for this. Don’t you understand, Rain? I killed a baby!”

Poor Allie, Rain thought. To have carried this around for five years must have been torture. “Allie, you were 18 years old, living at home with very strict parents. You need to give yourself a break. I would be willing to bet that Rick wasn’t exactly offering to discuss any alternatives.”

They started walking again toward the house, and Rain prayed the guys would be back from Candlewood Lake soon. Despite her shame, Rain longed to be near Jason. She needed his strength. Battling against her exhaustion, she picked up her pace.

Allie kept up with her and sniffled. “He
was
pretty insistent about how it was going to be,” she acquiesced glumly. “But that doesn’t absolve me.”

The air was getting still; it felt heavy on Rain’s skin. She tried to think of what to say to help Allie that wouldn’t sound dismissive. Finally she suggested talking to a therapist or a priest. “I’ll even help you set it up, or go with you if you want,” she offered.

The answering silence made Rain think that she had, in fact, said the wrong thing. But when Allie finally spoke, it was in a tone of quiet astonishment. “You mean, you forgive me?”

Rain grabbed her hand and held on. “Of course I forgive you. I can’t be mad about something that happened five years ago. Besides, I just got you back as a friend. I’m not going to let that asshole Rick take one more thing away from me.”

Jason’s tall form appeared on the beach. Rain could tell he was looking for them, and her heart fluttered pleasantly. She waved with her free hand when she saw Jason’s hand go up in greeting. Control yourself, she reminded herself firmly. “I can’t wait to get home and relax. We’re going to pour two big glasses of wine and send the guys out to pick up Chinese food and a movie.”

“Home?” questioned Allie, frowning. “Oh, you mean the cottage. No, I need to go to my real home. I need to see my kids.”

Panic and dismay shot through Rain’s already overloaded system. “You can’t leave now!” she insisted. She pointed at the layers of ominous gray clouds that continued to creep closer. “It’s going to storm. Look how dark it is already. We need to eat something and get to bed early.”

“I can drive in the rain. It’s no big deal. After everything that’s happened today, I really need to see the boys.”

“Allie, honey, they’ll be asleep by the time you get home. Look, you got almost no sleep last night, thanks to me. Today you’ve been on an emotional roller coaster since the moment you got up. Your kids are safe and sound; I guarantee your mom won’t let them out of her sight for one second after today’s incident. But you are
not
driving all the way home tonight.”

Allie sighed. “I
am
exhausted. Physically and mentally. But Rain, this is it for me. I’m leaving in the morning. I don’t want to disappoint you, but I just want to go home. Please understand.”

They were back, loitering outside the house to finish the conversation. The outdoor shower was running, and Rain could see muscular male calves under the door. A little thrill ran through her despite herself. She fought to get her mind out of the gutter and back into the conversation.

“Maybe you’ll feel differently in the morning, after a good night’s sleep. But if you do decide to leave early, I’ll understand. I’ll even help you pack, okay?”

They embraced once more and headed into the porch. Rain glanced at the swing. It hung immobile in the still, heavy air.

****

The movie was a romantic comedy, but Rain didn’t find it funny. Instead, she felt like bawling. In all probability, the most romantic night of her life had come and gone. It was over, and what had it been, really? A few amazing stolen hours with another girl’s boyfriend. It took everything she had not to get up and drag herself to bed, but she had her arm around Allie and she wasn’t going to leave her friend’s side.

Rain had stuck close to Allie all evening, trying to surround her with comfort and forgiveness. Her less altruistic motive was attempting to make certain that Allie didn’t change her mind and try to bolt. Earlier in the kitchen, Jason had sidled up to Rain as she was putting the white cartons of food away and quietly asked if they could talk alone. She had shaken her head and whispered “Tomorrow.” He had looked surprised and a little hurt, but there was no way to explain the situation to him tonight. She’d had more than her fill of emotional conversations for the day anyway.

She stopped paying attention to the movie completely and let her mind drift, shutting thoughts of Jason and Allie out and instead focusing on Brandy. I’m sorry, she thought to her absent friend. This is it, though. If you can come to us tonight somehow, please try, she pleaded silently. She took a sip from the glass of red wine she was holding in her other hand and looked out the window to the porch. It was hard to tell through the screen, but it looked like it had started raining. The swing didn’t move.

Closing her eyes, she tried to open her mind. I believe you can do it, she thought. Just try to get through, one more time.

****

Once again, Jason awoke to a cold rush of air enveloping him, surrounding his body underneath the covers and even entering his lungs, wet and icy. As he sat up, a second blast seemed to actually push him, nudging him as if he were some sort of warm front that needed moving.

Something was wrong. He knew it instinctively. As he turned on the light and quickly scanned the room, he saw more water on the floor, leading toward the door. The rain tapped against the window, but he knew that wasn’t the source. Grabbing a sweatshirt, he skirted the long puddle and was out of the room and down the stairs within seconds.

Making his way through the darkened great room, he glanced at the empty porch before listening outside the girls’ door. The silence was only broken by the soft raindrops falling on the roof. He turned the doorknob quietly and eased Rain’s bedroom door open.

Cold air filtered out in a gentle swirl, and as Jason’s eyes adjusted to the even darker bedroom, he discerned only one sleeping body. Allie’s breathing came slow and even from the right side of the bed. The covers were pushed back on Rain’s side, sending a fresh surge of adrenaline through Jason’s veins. He quietly pulled the door shut and did a quick check of the bathroom and Allie’s room. Rain was missing, and every instinct he possessed told him that she was in danger. He ran for the beach, his usual inherent calm warring with the frantic terror threatening to take over his body.

The chilly rain was louder outside as it splashed on the lake and moved with the wind. Searching for Rain’s figure along the shoreline, his eyes detected something different, something important about his surroundings. It took a moment for his brain to catch up and process the fact that the small rowboat he and A.J. had pulled back up onto the beach the day before was gone.

The heavy, shifting clouds obscured the moonlight, and Jason was forced to jog toward the dock to verify that the boat hadn’t been tied up again. He knew it wouldn’t be there even before his feet pounded the length of the creaking boards.

He shook his damp hair and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his sweatshirt, then held his hand up to shield the rain as his gaze swept the agitated surface of the lake. He thought he saw something—the boat?—way out near where he had found it before. His already racing heartbeat became even more frenzied, burning his chest. And then a weak scream made his heart stop altogether for a terrifying moment.